Time is the nurse and breeder of all good. Val. I pray thee, Launce, an if thou seest my boy, Bid him make haste, and meet me at the north gate. Pro. Go, sirrah, find him out. Come, Valentine. Val. O my dear Silvia! hapless Valentine! [Exeunt VALENTINE and PROTEUS. Laun. I am but a fool, look you; and yet I have the wit to think my master is a kind of a knave: but that's all one, if he be but one knave. He lives not now, that knows me to be in love: yet I am in love; but a team of horse shall not pluck that from me; nor who 'tis I love, and yet 'tis a woman; but what woman I will not tell myself; and yet 'tis a milk-maid yet 'tis not a maid, for she hath had gossips: yet 'tis a maid, for she is her master's maid, and serves for wages. She hath more qualities than a water spaniel,-which is much in a bare Christian. Here is the cat-log [pulling out a paper] of her conditions. Imprimis, She can fetch and carry. Why, a horse can do no more; nay, a horse cannot fetch, but only carry; therefore, is she better than a jade. Item, She can milk; look you, a sweet virtue in a maid with clean hands. Enter SPEED. Speed. How now, signior Launce? what news with your mastership? Laun. With my master's ship? why, it is at sea. Speed. Well, your old vice still; mistake the word: What news then in your paper? Laun. The blackest news, that ever thou Laun. Fie on thee, jolt-head; thou canst not thee? Speed. Marry, the son of my grandfather. Laun. O illiterate loiterer! it was the son of 'hy grandmother: this proves, that thou canst not read. Speed. Come, fool, come; try me in thy paper. Speed. Item, She brews good ale. Laun. And thereof comes the proverb,-blessing of your heart, you brew good ale. Speed. Item, She can sew. Laun. That's as much as to say, Can she so? Speed. Item, She can knit. Laun. What need a man care for a stock with awench, when she can knit him a stock? St. Nicholas presided over young scholars. Laun. A special virtue; for then she need not be washed and scoured. Speed. Item, She can spin. Laun. Then may I set the world on wheels when she can spin for her living. Speed. Item, She hath many nameless virtues. Laun. That's as much as to say, bastard virtues; that, indeed, know not their fathers, and therefore have no names. Speed. Here follow her vices. Laun. Close at the heels of her virtues. Speed. Item, She is not to be kissed fasting, in respect of her breath. Laun. Well, that fault may be mended with a breakfast: read on. Speed. Item, She hath a sweet mouth. Laun. That makes amends for her sour breath. Speed. Item, She doth talk in her sleep. Laun. It's no matter for that, so she sleeps not in her talk. Speed. Item, She is slow in words. Laun. O villain, that set this down among her vices! To be slow in words, is a woman's only virtue: I pray thee, out with 't; and place it for her chief virtue. Speed. Item, She is proud. Laun. Out with that too; it was Eve's legacy. and cannot be ta'en from her. Speed. Item, She hath no teeth. [crusts. Laun. I care not for that neither, because I love Speed. Item, She is curst. [bite. Laun. Well; the best is, she hath no teeth to Speed. Item, She will often praise her liquor. Laun. If her liquor be good, she shall: if she will not, I will; for good things should be praised. Speed. Item, She is too liberal? Laun. Of her tongue she cannot; for that's writ down she is slow of; of her purse she shall not; for that I'll keep shut: now, of another thing she may, and that I cannot help. Well, proceed. Speed. Item, She hath more hair than wit, ena more faults than hairs, and more wealth than faults. Laun. Stop there; I'll have her: she was mine, and not mine, twice or thrice in that last article: rehearse that once more. Speed. Item, She hath more hair than wit,— Laun. More hair than wit,-it may be; I'll prow it: the cover of the salt hides the salt, and therefore it is more than the salt; the hair that covers the wit, is more than the wit; for the greater hides the less. What's next? Speed. And has more faults than hairs,-Laun. That's monstrous: 0, that that were out! Speed. And more wealth than faults. Laun. Why, that word makes the faults gracious: Well, I'll have her; and if it be a match, as nothing is impossible,- Speed. What then? Laun. Why, then I will tell thee, that thy master stays for thee at the north gate. Speed. For me?! Laun. For thee? ay; who art thou? he hath staid for a better man than thee. Speed. And must I go to him? Laun. Thou must run to him, for thou hast staid so long, that going will scarce serve the turn. Speed. Why didst not tell me sooner? 'pox of your love-letters! [Exit Licentious in language. [Exit. Laun. Now will he be swinged for reading my | She shall not long continue love to him. letter: An unmannerly slave, that will thrust him- But, say this weed her love from Valentine, self into secrets!-I'll after, to rejoice in the boy's It follows not that she will love sir Thurio. Thu. Therefore, as you unwind her love from Lest it should ravel, and be good to none, [him, You must provide to bottom it on me: Which must be done, by praising me as much As you in worth dispraise sir Valentine. correction. SCENE II.-The same. A room in the Duke's Palace. Enter DUKE and THURIO; PROTEUS behind. Duke. Sir Thurio, fear not, but that she will love you. Now Valentine 19 banish'd from her sight. Thu. This weak impress of love is as a figure Trenched' in ice; which with an hour's heat Dissolves to water and doth lose his form. A little time will melt her frozen thoughts, And worthless Valentine shall be forgot.How now, sir Proteus? Is your countryman, According to our proclamation, gone? Pro. Gone, my good lord. Duke. My daughter takes his going grievously. Pro. A little time, my lord, will kill that grief. Duke. So I believe; but Thurio thinks not so. Proteus, the good conceit I hold of thee (For thou hast shown some sign of good desert) Makes me the better to confer with thee. Pro. Longer than I prove loyal to your grace, Let me not live to look upon your grace. Duke. Thou know'st how willingly I would effect The match between Sir Thurio and my daughter. Pro. I do, my lord. Duke. And also, I think, thou art not ignorant How she opposes her against my will. Pro. She did, my lord, when Valentine was here. Duke. Ay, and perversely she persévers so. What might we do to make the girl forget The love of Valentine, and love sir Thurio? Pro. The best way is to slander Valentine With falsehood, cowardice, and poor descent: Three things that women highly hold in hate. Duke. Ay, but she'll think that it is spoke in hate. Pro. Ay, if his enemy deliver it: Therefore, it must, with circumstance, be spoken By one, whom she esteemeth as his friend." Duke. Then you must undertake to slander him. Pro. And that, my lord, I shall be loth to do: "Tis an ill office for a gentleman; Especially, against his very friend. Duke. And, Proteus, we dare trust you in this Because we know, on Valentine's report, And cannot soon revolt and change your mind. Pro. As much as I can do, I will effect:- Duke. Ay, much the force of heaven-bred poesy. Visit by night your lady's chamber-window ance. This, or else nothing, will inherit her. Duke. This discipline shows thou hast been in love. Thu. And thy advice this night I'll put in practice Therefore, sweet Proteus, my direction-giver, Let us into the city presently To sort some gentlemen well skill'd in music: Duke. Where your good word cannot advan- I have a sonnet, that will serve the turn, tage him, Your slander never can endamage him; Being entreated to it by your friend. Pro. You have prevail'd, my lord: if I can do it, By aught that I can speak in his dispraise, To give the onset to thy good advice. Duke. About it, gentlemen. Pro. We'll wait upon your grace till after supper And afterward determine our proceedings. Duke. Even now about it: I will pardon you. [Exeunt If crooked fortune had not thwarted me. 1 Out. What, were you banish'd thence? Val. I was. 2 Out. For what offence? Val. For that which now torments me to rehearse : I kill'd a man, whose death I much repent; 1 Out. Why, ne'er repent it, if it were done so: But were you banish'd for so small a fault? Val. I was, and held me glad of such a doom. 1 Out. Have you the tongues?" Val. My youthful travel therein made me happy; Or else I often had been miserable. 3 Out. By the hare scalp of Robin Hood's fat friar, This fellow were a king for our wild faction. It is an honorable kind of thievery. 2 Out. Tell us this: Have you any thing to take to? Val. Nothing, but my fortune. 3 Out. Know then, that some of us are gentlemen, Such as the fury of ungoverned youth Thrust from the company of awful' men. Myself was from Verona banish'd, For practising to steal away a lady, An heir, and near allied unto the duke. 2 Out. And I from Mantua, for a gentleman, Whom, in my mood,' I stabb'd unto the heart. 1 Out. And I, for such like petty crimes as these. But to the purpose,-(for we cite our faults, That they may hold excus'd our lawless lives,) And, partly, seeing you are beautified With goodly shape; and by your own report A linguist; and a man of such perfection, As we do in our quality much want ; 2 Out. Indeed, because you are a banish'd man, Therefore, above the rest, we parley to you: Are you content to be our general? To make a virtue of necessity, And live, as we do, in this wilderness? 3 Out. What say'st thou wilt thou be of our consort? Say, ay, and be the captain of us all : 1 Out. But if thou scorn our courtesy, thou diest. 2 Out. Thou shalt not live to brag what we have offer'd. Val. I take your offer, and will live with you; Provided that you do no outrages On silly women, or poor passengers. 3 Out. No, we detest such vile base practices. Come, go with us, we'll bring thee to our crews, And show thee all the treasures we have got; Which, with ourselves, all rest at thy dispose. Languages. [Exeunt. Lawful. SCENE II-Milan. Court of the Palace. Pro. Already have I been false to Valentine, I have access my own love to prefer: But Silvia is too fair, too true, too holy, She twits me with my falsehood to my friend: Enter THURIO and Musicians. Thu. How now, sir Proteus, are you crept before us? Pro. Ay, gentle Thurio; for you know, that love Will creep in service where it cannot go. Thu. Ay, but I hope, sir, that you love not here. Pro. Ay, Silvia,-for your sake. Thu. I thank you for your own. Now, gentlemen, Let's tune, and to it lustily a while. Enter Host, at a distance; and Julia in boy's clothes. Host. Now, my young guest! methinks you're allycholly; I pray you, why is it? Jul. Marry, mine host, because I cannot be merry. Host. Come, we'll have you merry: I'll bring you where you shall hear music, and see the gentleman that you ask'd for. [Music plays. Jul. But shall I hear him speak? Who is Silvia? What is she? That all our swains commend her? The heavens such grace did lend her, Is she kind, as she is fair? For beauty lives with kindness: That Silvia is excelling; Upon the dull earth dwelling; Host. How now? are you sadder than you were before? How do you, man? the music likes you not. a Passionate reproaches. Host. How out of tune on the strings? To that I'll speak, to that I'll sigh and weep: Jul. Not so; but yet so false that he grieves my For, since the substance of your perfect self very heart-strings. Host. You have a quick ear. Jul. Ay, I would I were deaf! it makes me have a slow heart. Host. I perceive you delight not in music. Host. Hark, what fine change is in the music! Host. You would have them always play but one thing? Jul. I would always have one play but one thing. But, host, doth this sir Proteus, that we talk on, often resort unto this gentlewoman? Host. I tell you what Launce, his man, told me, he loved her out of all nick." Jul. Where is Launce? Host. Gone to seek his dog; which, to-morrow, by his master's command, he must carry for a present to his lady. Jul. Peace! stand aside! the company parts. Pro. At saint Gregory's well. [Exeunt THURIO and Musicians. [truth, Pro. One, lady, if you knew his pure heart's Pro. Sir Proteus, gentle lady, and your servant. That I may compass yours. That hast deceiv'd so many with thy vows? Sil. Say that she be; yet Valentine, thy friend, Pro. I likewise hear, that Valentine is dead. Sil. And so, suppose, am I; for in his grave Assure thyself my love is buried. Pro. Sweet lady, let me rake it from the earth. Sil. Go to thy lady's grave, and call her's thence; Or, at the least, in her's sepulchre thine. Jul. He heard not that. [Aside. Pro. Madam, if your heart be so obdúrate, Vouchsafe me yet your picture for my love, The picture that is hanging in your chamber; • Beyond all reckoning. Is else devoted, I am but a shadow; And make it but a shadow, as I am. [Aside Sil. I am very loth to be your idol, sir; But, since your falsehood shall become you well To worship shadows, and adore false shapes, Send to me in the morning, and I'll send it: And so good rest. Pro. As wretches have o'er night That wait for execution in the morn. [Exeunt PROTEUS, and SILVIA from above Jul. Host, will you go? Host. By my halidom," I was fast asleep. Jul. Pray you, where lies sir Proteus? Host. Marry, at my house: Trust me, I think tis almost day. Jul. Not so; but it hath been the longest night That e'er I watch'd, and the most heaviest. [Exeunt. SCENE III.-The same. Enter Eglamour. Egl. This is the hour that madam Silvia Entreated me to call and know her mind; There's some great matter she'd employ me in.Madam, madam! Sil. SILVIA appears above, at her window. Egl. Sil. Sir Eglamour, a thousand times good-morEgl. As many, worthy lady, to yourself. [row. According to your ladyship's impose,* I am thus early come, to know what service Sil. O Eglamour, thou art a gentleman, Egl. Madam, I pity much your grievances: Which since I know they virtuously are plac'd, I give consent to go along with you; Recking as little what betideth me, As much I wish all good befortune you. When will you go? Sil. This evening coming. Egl. Where shall I meet you? Pro. What, didst thou offer her this from me? Laun. Ay, sir; the other squirrel was stolen from me by the hangman's boys in the market-place: and then I offered her mine own; who is a dog as At friar Patrick's cell, big as ten of yours, and therefore the gift the greater. Where I intend holy confession. Away, I say: stay'st thou to vex me here? Sil. Good-morrow, kind sir Eglamour. [Exeunt. A slave, that, still an end, turns me to shame. SCENE IV.-The same. Enter LAUNCE, with his dog. When a man's servant shall play the cur with him, 100k you, it goes hard: one that I brought up of a puppy; one that I saved from drowning when three or four of his blind brothers and sisters went to it! I have taught him-even as one would say precisely, Thus I would teach a dog. I was sent to deliver him, as a present to mistress Silvia, from my master; and I came no sooner into the diningchamber, but he steps me to her trencher, and steals her capon's leg. O, 'tis a foul thing when a cur cannot keep himself in all companies! I would have, as one should say, one that takes upon him to be a dog indeed, to be, as it were, a dog at all things. If I had not had more wit than he, to take a fault upon me that he did, I think verily he had. been hanged for't; sure as I live, he had suffered for't: you shall judge. He thrusts me himself into the company of three or four gentlemen-like dogs, under the duke's table: he had not been there (bless the mark!) a pissing while; but all the chamber smelt him. Out with the dog, says one; What cur is that? says another; Whip him out, says the third; Hang him up, says the duke. I, having been acquainted with the smell before, knew it was Crab; and goes me to the fellow that whips the dogs: Friend, quoth I, you mean to whip the dog? Ay, marry, do I, quoth he. You do him the more wrong, quoth I; 'twas I did the thing you wot of. He makes me no more ado, but whips me out of the chamber. How many masters would do this for their servant? Nay, I'll be sworn, I have sat in the stocks for puddings he hath stolen, otherwise he had been executed: I have stood on the pillory for geese he hath killed; otherwise he had suffered for't: thou think'st not of this now!Nay, I remember the trick you served me, when I took my leave of madam Silvia; did not I bid thee still mark me, and do as I do? When didst thou see me heave up my leg, and make water against a gentlewoman's farthingale? didst thou ever see me do such a trick? Enter PROTEUS and JULIA. Pro. Sebastian is thy name? I like thee well, And will employ thee in some service presently. Jul. In what you please; I will do what I can. Pro. I hope thou wilt.-How now, you whoreson peasant? [TO LAUNCE. Where have you been these two days loitering? Laun. Marry, sir, I carried mistress Silvia the dog you bade me. Pro. And what says she to my little jewel? Laun. Marry, she says, your dog was a cur: and tells you, currish thanks is good enough for such a present. Pro. But she received my dog? Laun. No, indeed, she did not: here have I brought him back again. • Restrain. [Exit LAUNCE. She loved me well, deliver'd it to me. Jul. Alas! Not so; I think, she lives. Pro. Why dost thou cry, alas? Jul. I cannot choose but pity her. Pro. Wherefore shouldst thou pity her? Jul. Because, methinks, that she lov'd you as well As you do love your lady Silvia: She dreams on him, that has forgot her love; You dote on her, that cares not for your love. "Tis pity, love should be so contrary; And thinking on it makes me cry, alas! Pro. Well, give her that ring, and therewithal This letter;-That's her chamber.--Tell my lady I claim the promise for her heavenly picture. Your message done, hie home unto my chamber, Where thou shalt find me sad and solitary. [Exit PROTEUS. Jul. How many women would do such a message' Alas, poor Proteus! thou hast entertain'd A fox to be the shepherd of thy lambs: Alas, poor fool! why do I pity him That with his very heart despiseth me? Because he loves her, he despiseth me; Because I love him, I must pity him. This ring I gave him, when he parted from me To bind him to remember my good will: And now am I (unhappy messenger) To plead for that which I would not obtain; To carry that which I would have refus'd; To praise his faith, which I would have disprais'd I am my master's true confirmed love; But cannot be true servant to my master, Unless I prove false traitor to myself. Yet I will woo for him; but yet so coldly, As, heaven it knows, I would not have him speed. Enter SILVIA attended. Gentlewoman, good day! I pray you, be my mean To bring me where to speak with madam Silvia. Sil. What would you with her, if that I be she' Jul. From my master, sir Proteus, madam. In the end. |