Enter Mistress ANNE PAGE with wine; Mistress FORD and Mistress PAGE following. Irink within. Page. Nay, daughter, carry the wine in; we'll [Exit ANNE PAGE. Slen. O heaven! this is mistress Anne Page. Page. How now, mistress Ford? Fal. Mistress Ford, by my troth, you are very well met: by your leave, good mistress. [Kissing her. Page. Wife, bid these gentlemen welcome:Come, we have a hot venison pasty to dinner; come, gentlemen, I hope we shall drink down all unkindness. [Exeunt all but SHAL., SLENDER, and EVANS. Slen. I had rather than forty shillings, I had my book of Songs and Sonnets here: Enter SIMPle. How now, Simple! where have you been? I must wait on myself, must I? You have not The Book of Riddles about you, have you? Sim. Book of Riddles! why, did you not lend it to Alice Shortcake upon Allhallowmas last, a fortnight afore Michaelmas ? Shal. Come, coz; come, coz; we stay for you. A word with you, coz; marry, this, coz; There is, as 'twere a tender, a kind of tender, made afar off by sir Hugh here;-Do you understand me? Slen. Ay, sir, you shall find me reasonable; if it be so, I shall do that that is reason. Shal. Nay, but understand me. Slen..So I do, sir. Era. Give ear to his motions, master Slender: I will description the matter to you, if you be capacity of it. Slen. Nay I will do as my cousin Shallow says: I pray you, pardon me; he's a justice of peace in his country, simple though I stand here. Era. But this is not the question; the question is concerning your marriage. Shal. Ay, there's the point, sir. Era. Marry, is it; the very point of it; to mistress Anne Page. Slen. Why, if it be so, I will marry her, upón any reasonable demands. Era. But can you affection the 'oman? Let us command to know that of your mouth, or of your lips; for divers philosophers hold, that the lips is parcel of the mouth;-Therefore, precisely, can you carry your good will to the maid? Shal. Cousin Abraham Slender, can you love her? Slen. I hope, sir,-I will do, as it shall become one that would do reason. Era. Nay, Got's lords and his ladies! you must speak possitable, if you can carry her your desires towards her. Shal. That you must: Will you, upon good dowry, marry her? Slen. I will do a greater thing than that, upon your request, cousin, in any reason. Shal. Nay, conceive me, conceive me, sweet roz; what I do, is to pleasure you, coz: Can you love the maid? Slen. I will marry her, sir, at your request; but if there be no great love in the beginning, yet heaven may decrease it upon better acquaintance, when we are married, and have more occasion to know one another: I hope, upon familiarity will grow more contempt; but if you say, marry her, An intended blunder. I will marry her, that I am freely dissolved, and dissolutely. faul' is in the 'ort dissolutely: the 'ort is, according Eva. It is a fery discretion answer; save, the to our meaning, resolutely;—his meaning is good. Shal. Ay, I think my cousin meant well. Slen. Ay, or else I would I might be hanged, la. Re-enter ANNE PAGE. Shal. Here comes fair mistress Anne:-Would I were young, for your sake, mistress Anne! Anne. The dinner is on the table; my father desires your worship's company. Shal. I will wait on him, fair mistress Anne. Eva. Od's plessed will! I will not be absence at the grace. [Exeunt SHALLOW and Sir H. EVANS. Anne. Will't please your worship to come in, sir? Slen. No, I thank you, forsooth, heartily; I am very well. Anne. The dinner attends you, sir. Slen. I am not a-hungry, I thank you, forsooth: Go, sirrah, for all you are my man, go, wait upon my cousin Shallow: [Exit SIMPLE.] A justice of peace sometime may be beholden to his friend for a man:-I keep but three men and a boy yet, till my mother be dead: But what though? yet I live like a poor gentleman born. Anne. I may not go in without your worship: they will not sit till you come. Slen. I' faith, I'll eat nothing; I thank you as much as though I did. Anne. I pray you, sir, walk in. Slen. I had rather walk here, I thank you: I bruised my shin the other day with playing at sword and dagger with a master of fence, three veneys for a dish of stewed prunes; and, by my troth, I cannot abide the smell of hot meat since. Why do your dogs bark so? be there bears i' the town? Anne. I think there are, sir; I heard them talked of. Sten. I love the sport well; but I shall as soon quarrel at it as any man in England:-You are afraid, if you see the bear loose, are you not? Anne. Ay, indeed, sir. Sten. That's meat and drink to me now: I have seen Sackerson loose, twenty times: and have taken him by the chain: but, I warrant you, the women have so cried and shriek'd at it, that it pass'd:'-but women, indeed, cannot abide 'em; they are ill-favored, rough things. Re-enter PAGE. Page. Come, gentle master Slender, come; we stay for you. Slen. I'll eat nothing; I thank you, sir. Page. By cock and pye, you shall not choose, sir; come, come. Slen. Nay, pray you, lead the way. Slen. Mistress Anne, yourself shall go first. Slen. Truly, I will not go first; truly, la; I will not do you that wrong. Anne. I pray you, sit. Slen. I'll rather be unmannerly than trouble some; you do yourself wrong, indeed, la. [Exeunt Three set-tos, bouts, or hits. The name of a bear exhibited at Paris-Garden, South wark. Surpassed all expression. SCENE III-A Room in the Garter Inn. Pist. As many devils entertain; and, To her, boy, say I. Nym. The humor rises; it is good: humor me the angels. Fal. I have writ me here a letter to her: and here another to Page's wife; who even now gave me good eyes too; examined my parts with most judi cious eyliads:5 sometimes the beam of her view gilded my foot, sometimes my portly belly. Pist. Then did the sun on dunghill shine. Nym. I thank thee for that humor. Fal. O, she did so course o'er my exteriors with such a greedy intention, that the appetite of her eye did seem to scorch me up like a burning-glass! Here's another letter to her: she hears the purse too; she is a region in Guiana, all gold and bounty. I will be cheater to them both, and they shall be exchequers to me; they shall be my East and West Enter FALSTAFF, HOST, BARDOLPH, NYM, PISTOL, Indies, and I will trade to them both. Go, bear and ROBIN. Fal. Mine host of the Garter, Host. What says my bully-rook? Speak scholarly, and wisely. Fal. Truly, mine host, I must turn away some of my followers. Host. Discard, bully Hercules; cashier : let them wag: trot, trot. Fal. I sit at ten pounds a week. Host. Thou art an emperor, Cæsar, Keisar, and Pheezar. I will entertain Bardolph; he shall draw, he shall tap: said I well, bully Hector? Fal. Do so, good mine host. Host. I have spoke; let him follow: Let me see thee froth, and lime: I am at a word; follow. [Exit Host. Fal. Bardolph, follow him; a tapster is a good trade; an old cloak makes a new jerkin; a withered servingman, a fresh tapster: Go, adieu. Bord. It is a life that I have desired; I will thrive. [Exit BARD. Pist. O base Gongarian2 wight! wilt thou the spigot wield? Nym. He was gotten in drink: is not the humor conceited? His mind is not heroic, and there's the humor of it. Fal. I am glad I am so acquit of this tinder-box; his thefts were too open: his filching was like an unskilful singer, he kept not time. Nym. The good humor is, to steal at a minute's rest. Pist. Convey, the wise it call: Steal! foh, a fico3 for the phrase! Fal. Well, sirs, I am almost out at heels. Fal. There is no remedy; I must coney-catch; I must shift. Pist. Young ravens must have food. Fal. Which of you know Ford of this town? Pist. I ken the wight; he is of substance good. Fal. My honest lads, I will tell you what I am about. Pist. Two yards and more. Fal. No quips now, Pistol; indeed I am in the waist two yards about; but I am now about no waste; I am about thrift. Briefly, I do mean to make love to Ford's wife; I spy entertainment in her; she discourses, she carves, she gives the leer of invitation; I can construe the action of her familiar style; and the hardest voice of her behavior, to be English'd rightly, is, I am Sir John Falstaff's. Pist. He hath studied her well, and translated her well; out of honesty into English. Nym. The anchor is deep: will that humor pass? Fal. Now, the report goes, she has all the rule of her husband's purse; she hath legions of angels. For Hungarian. • Gold coin. Fig. thou this letter to mistress Page; and thou this to mistress Ford: we will thrive, lads, we will thrive. Pist. Shall I sir Pandarus of Troy become, And by my side wear steel? then, Lucifer take all! Nym. I will run no base humor; here, take the humor letter; I will keep the 'havior of reputation. Fal. Hold, sirrah, [To ROB.] bear you these let ters tightly;7 Sail like my pinnace to these golden shores.- Pist. Let vultures gripe thy guts! for gourd and fullams hold, And high and low beguile the rich and poor: Tester I'll have in pouch," when thou shalt lack, Base Phrygian Turk! Nym. I have operations in my head, which be humors of revenge. Pist. Wilt thou revenge? Nym. By welkin, and her star! Pist. With wit, or steel? Nym. With both the humors, I: I will discuss the humor of this love to Page. How Falstaff, varlet vile, His dove will prove, his gold will hold, Nym. My humor shall not cool: I will incense Page to deal with poison; I will possess him with yellowness,2 for the revolt of mien is dangerous: that is my true humor. Pist. Thou art the Mars of malcontents: I second thee; troop on. [Exeunt. Caius. Vell. come in house withal; and, I warrant you, no tell- | the truth of it. He came of an errand to me from tale, nor no breed-bate:' his worst fault is, that he parson Hugh. is given to prayer: he is something peevish' that way: but nobody but has his fault; but let that pass. Peter Simple, you say your name is? Sim. Ay, for fault of a better. Quick. And master Slender's your master? Quick. Does he not wear a great round beard, like a glover's paring knife? Sim. No, forsooth: he hath but a little wee face, with a little yellow beard; a Cain-colored beard. Quick. A softly-sprighted man, is he not? Sim. Ay, forsooth: but he is as tall' a man of his hands, as any is between this and his head; he hath fought with a warrener. Quick. How say you?—O, I should remember nim; does he not hold up his head, as it were? and strut in his gait? Sim. Yes, indeed, does he. Quick. Well, heaven send Anne Page no worse fortune. Tell master parson Evans, I will do what I can for your master; Anne is a good girl, and I wish Re-enter RUGBY. Rug. Out, alas! here comes my master. Quick. We shall all be shent: Run in here, good young man; go into this closet. [Shuts SIMPLE in the closet.] He will not stay long.-What, John Rugby! John, what, John, I say!-Go, John, go enquire for my master; I doubt he be not well, that he comes not home:-and down, down, adown-a, &c. [Sings. Enter Doctor CAIUS. Caius. Vat is you sing? I do not like dese toys; Pray you, go and vetch me in my closet un boitier verd; a box, a green-a box; Do intend vat I speak? a green-a box. Quick. Ay forsooth, I'll fetch it you. I am glad he went not in himself; if he had found the young man, he would have been horn-mad. [Aside. Caius. Fe, fe, fe, fe! ma foi, il fait fort chaud. Je m'en vais à la cour,-la grande affaire. Quick. Is it this, sir? Caius. Ouy; mette le au mon pocket; Dépêche, quickly.-Vere is dat knave Rugby? Quick. What, John Rugby! John! Caius. You are John Rugby, and you are Jack Rugby: Come, take-a your rapier, and come after my heel to de court. Rug. 'Tis ready, sir, here in the porch. Caius. By my trot, I tarry too long:-Od's me! Qu'ay-j' oublié ? dere is some simples in my closet, dat I vill not for the varld I shall leave behind. Quick. Ah me! he'll find the young man there, and be mad. Sim. Ay, forsooth, to desire her to Caius. Peace-a your tongue:-Speak-a your tale. Sim. To desire this honest gentlewoman, your maid, to speak a good word to mistress Anne Page for my master, in the way of marrige. Quick. This is all, indeed, la; but I'll ne'er put my finger in the fire, and need not. Caius. Sir Hugh send-a you?-Rugby, baillez me some paper:-Tarry you a little-a while. [Writes. Quick. I am glad he is so quict: if he had been thoroughly moved, you should have heard him so loud, and so melancholy:-But notwithstanding, man, I'll do your master what good I can: and the very yea and the no is, the French doctor, my master, I may call him my master, look you, for I keep his house; and I wash, wring, brew, bake, scour, dress meat and drink, make the beds, and do all myself; Sim. "Tis a great charge, to come under one body's hand. Quick. Are you avis'd o' that? you shall find it a great charge: and to be up early and down late: but notwithstanding, (to tell you in your ear; I would have no words of it,) my master himself is in love with mistress Anne Page; but notwithstanding that,-I know Anne's mind,-that's neither here nor there. Caius. You jack'nape; give-a dis letter to sir Hugh; by gar, it is a shallenge; I vill cut his troat in de park; and I will teach a scurvy jack-a-nape priest to meddle or make:-you may be gone; it is not good you tarry here:-by gar, I will cut all his two stones; by gar, he shall not have a stone to trow at his dog. [Exit SIMPLE. Quick. Alas, he speaks but for his friend. Caius. It is no matter-a for dat;-do not you tell-a me dat I shall have Anne Page for myself?by gar, I will kill de jack priest; and I have appointed mine host of de Jurterre to measure our weapon:-by gar, I vill myself have Anne Page. Quick. Sir, the maid loves you, and all shall be well: we must give folks leave to prate: What, the good-jer!" Caius. Rugby, come to the court vit me;- -By gar, if I have not Anne Page, I shall turn your head out of my door :-Follow my heels, Rugby. [Exeunt CAIUS and RUGBY. Quick. You shall have An fools-head of your own. No, I know Anne's mind for that; never a woman in Windsor knows more of Anne's mind than I do; nor can do more than I do with her, I thank heaven. Fent. [Within.] Who's within there, ho? Quick. Who's there, I trow? Come near the Caius. O diable, diable! vat is in my closet?-house, I pray you. Quick. Good master, be content. Enter FENTON. Fent. Now now, good woman: how dost thou ! Quick. The better, that it pleases your good worship to ask. [Anne? Fent. What news? how does pretty mistress Quick. In truth, sir, and she is pretty, and honest, and gentle and one that is your friend, I can tell you that by the way; I praise heaven for it. • The goujere, what the pox! Fent. Shall I do any good, thinkest thou? Shall I not lose my suit? Quick. Troth, sir, all is in his hands above; but notwithstanding, master Fenton, I'll be sworn on a book she loves you:-Have not your worship a wart above your eye? Fent. Yes, marry, have I; what of that? Quick. Well, thereby hangs a tale ;-good faith, it is such another Nan; but, I detest, an honest maid as ever broke bread:-We had an hour's talk of that wart;-I shall never laugh but in that maid's company!-But, indeed, she is given too much to allicholly and musing: But for you-Well, go to. SCENE I.-Before Page's House. Fent. Well, I shall see her to-day: Hold, there's money for thee; let me have thy voice in my behalf. if thou seest her before me, commend me Quick. Will I? i'faith, that we will: and I will tell your worship more of the wart, the next time we have confidence; and of other wooers. Fent. Well, farewell; I am in great haste now [Exit Quick. Farewell to your worship.-Truly, an honest gentleman; but Anne loves him not: for I know Anne's mind as well as another does :--Out [Exit. upon't! what have I forgot? ACT II. Enter Mistress PAGE, with a letter.. Mrs. Page. What! have I 'scaped love-letters in the holy-day time of my beauty, and am I now a subject for them? Let me see: [Reads. Ask me no reason why I love you; for though love use reason for his precisian,' he admits him not for his counsellor. You are not young, no more am 1: go to then, there's sympathy; you are merry, so am 1: Ha! ha! then there's more sympathy; you love sack, and so do I: Would you desire better sympathy? Let it suffice thee, mistress Page, (at the least, if the love of a soldier can suffice,) that I love thee. will not say, pity me, 'tis not a soldierlike phrase; but I say, love me. By me, Thine own true knight, For thee to fight, JOHN FALSTAFF. What a Herod of Jewry is this!-O wicked, wicked world!-one that is well nigh worn to pieces with age, to show himself a young gallant! What unweighed behavior hath this Flemish drunkard picked (with the devil's name) out of my conversation, that he dares in this manner assay me?Why, he hath not been thrice in my company!-What should I say to him?—I was then frugal of my mirth-heaven forgive me!-Why, I'll exhibit a bill in the parliament for the putting down of men. How shall I be revenged on him? for revenged I will be, as sure as his guts are made of puddings. Enter Mistress FORD. Mrs. Ford. Mrs. Page! trust me, I was going to your house. Mrs. Page. And trust me, I was coming to you. You look very ill. Mrs. Ford. Nay, I'll ne'er believe that; I have to show to the contrary. Mrs. Page. 'Faith, but you do, in my mind. Mrs. Ford. Well, I do then; yet, I say, I could show you to the contrary: O, mistress Page, give me some counsel ! Mrs. Page. What's the matter, woman? Mrs. Ford. O woman, if it were not for one trifling respect, I could come to such honor! Mrs.Page. Hang the trifle, woman:-take the honor: What is it?-dispense with trifles;-what is it? Mrs. Ford. If I would but go to hell for an eternal moment, I could be knighted. Mrs. Page. What!-thou liest!-Sir Alice Ford!These knights will hack; and so thou shouldst not alter the article of thy gentry. Mrs. Ford. We burn daylight-here, read, She means, I protest. 9 Melancholy. 1 Most probably Shakspeare wrote physician. read;-perceive how I might be knighted,-I shall think the worse of fat men, as long as I have an eye to make difference of men's liking: And yet he would not swear; praised women's modesty; and gave such orderly and well-behaved reproof to all uncomeliness, that I would have sworn his disposition would have gone to the truth of his words: but they do no more adhere and keep place together, than the hundredth psalm to the tune of Green sleeves. What tempest, I trow, threw this whale, with so many tons of oil in his belly, ashore at Windsor? How shall I be revenged on him? I think, the best way were to entertain him with hope, till the wicked fire of lust have melted him in his own grease. Did you ever hear the like? Mrs. Page. Letter for letter; but that the name of Page and Ford differs!-To thy great comfort in this mystery of ill opinions, here's the twinbrother of thy letter: but let thine inherit first; for, I protest, mine never shall. I warrant he hath a thousand of these letters writ with blank space for different names, (sure more,) and these are of the second edition: he will print them out of doubt: for he cares not what he puts into the press, when he would put us two. I had rather be a giantess, and lie under mount Pelion. Well, I will find you twenty lascivious turtles, ere one chaste man. Mrs. Ford. Why this is the very same; the very hand, the very words: What doth he think of us? Mrs. Page. Nay, I know not: it makes me almost ready to wrangle with mine own honesty. I'll entertain myself like one that I am not acquainted withal; for, sure, unless he know some strain in me, that I know not myself, he would never have boarded me in this fury. Mrs. Ford. Boarding, call you it? I'll be sure to keep him above deck. Mrs. Page. So will I; if he come under my hatches, I'll never to sea again. Let's be revenged on him; let's appoint him a meeting; give him a show of comfort in his suit and lead him on with a fine-baited delay, till he hath pawn'd his horses to mine host of the Garter. Mrs. Ford. Nay, I will consent to act any villany against him, that may not sully the chariness of our honesty. O, that my husband saw this letter! it would give eternal food to his jealousy. Mrs. Page. Why, look, where he comes; and my good man too: he's as far from jealousy, as I am from giving him cause; and that, I hope, is an unmeasurable distance. Mrs. Ford. You are the happier woman. Mrs. Page. Let's consult together against this [They retire. greasy knight: Come hither. 2 Caution. Enter FORD, PISTOL, PAGE, and Nгм. Ford. Well, I hope it be not so. Pist. Hope is a curtail dog in some affairs: Sir John affects thy wife. Ford. Why, sir, my wife is not young. Page. Yes; and you heard what the other told me? Ford. Do you think there is truth in them? Page. Hang 'em, slaves! I do not think the knight would offer it: but these that accuse him in his intent towards our wives, are a yoke of his dis Pist. He woos both high and low, both rich carded men; very rogues, now they be out of ser and poor, Both young and old, one with another, Ford; He loves thy gally-mawfry;' Ford, perpend.1 Ford. Love my wife? Pist. With liver burning hot: Prevent, or go thou Like sir Acteon he, with Ring-wood at thy heels: O, odious is the name!' Ford. What name, sir? Pist. The horn, I say: Farewell. Take heed; have open eye; for thieves do foot by night: Take heed, ere summer comes, or cuckoo-birds do sing. Away, sir corporal Nym.Believe it, Page; he speaks sense. [Exit PISTOL. Ford. I will be patient; I will find out this. Nym. And this is true. [To PAGE.] I like not the humor of lying. He hath wronged me in some humors; I should have borne the humored letter to her: but I have a sword, and it shall bite upon my necessity. He loves your wife; there's the short and the long. My name is corporal Nym; I speak, and I avouch. "Tis true:-my name is Nym, and Falstaff loves your wife.-Adieu! I love not the humor of bread and cheese; and there's the humor of it. Adieu. [Exit NYM. Page. The humor of it, quoth 'a! here's a fellow frights humor out of his wits. Ford. I will seek out Falstaff. Page. I never heard such a drawling, affecting rogue. Ford. If I do, find it, well. Page. I will not believe such a Cataian,' tho' the priest o' the town commended him for a true man. Ford. 'Twas a good sensible fellow: Well. Page. How now, Meg? Mrs. Page. Whither go you, George?-Hark you. Mrs. Ford. How now, sweet Frank? why art thou melancholy? Ford. I melancholy! I am not melancholy.— Get you home, go. Mrs. Ford. 'Faith thou hast some crotchets in thy head now.-Will you go, mistress Page? Mrs. Page. Have with you.-You'll come to dinner, George?-Look, who comes yonder: she shall be our messenger to this paltry knight. [Aside to Mrs. FORD. Enter Mistress QUICKLY. Mrs. Ford. Trust me, I thought on her: she'll fit it. Mrs. Page. You are come to see my daughter Anne? Quick. Ay, forsooth; and, I pray, how does good mistress Anne? vice. Ford. Were they his men? Page. Marry, were they. Ford. I like it never the better for that.-Does he lie at the Garter? Page. Ay, marry, does he. If he should intend this voyage towards my wife, I would turn her loose to him; and what he gets more of her than sharp words, let it lie on my head. Ford. I do not misdoubt my wife; but I would be loth to turn them together: A man may be too confident: I would have nothing lie on my head: I cannot be thus satisfied. Page. Look where my ranting host of the Garter comes: there is either liquor in his pate, or money in his purse, when he looks so merrily.-How now, mine host? Enter Host and SHALLOW. Host. How now, bully-rook? thou'rt a gentleman: cavalero-justice, I say. Shal. I follow, mine host, I follow.-Good even and twenty, good master Page! Master Page, will you go with us? we have sport in hand. Host. Tell him, cavalero-justice; tell him, bully rook. Shal. Sir, there is a fray to be fought, between sir Hugh the Welsh priest, and Caius the French doctor. Ford. Good mine host of the Garter, a word with you. Host. What say'st thou, bully-rook? [They go aside Shal. Will you [to PAGE] go with us to behold it? my merry host hath had the measuring of their weapons; and, I think, he hath appointed them contrary places: for, believe me, I hear, the parson is no jester. Hark, I will tell you what our sport shall be. Shal. Have with you, mine host. Page. I have heard the Frenchman hath good skill in his rapier. Shal. Tut, sir, I could have told you more! In these times you stand on distance, your passes, stoccadoes, and I know not what: 'tis the heart, master Page; 'tis here, 'tis here. I have seen the time, with my long sword, I would have made you four tall fellows skip like rats. Host. Here, boys, here, here! shall we wag? Page. Have with you:-I had rather hear them scold than fight. [Exeunt HosT, SHALLOW, and PAGE. Ford. Though Page be a secure fool, and stands so firmly on his wife's frailty, yet I cannot put off my opinion so easily: she was in his company at |