The family Shakespeare [expurgated by T. Bowdler]. in which those words are omitted which cannot with propriety be read aloud in a family, by T. Bowdler

Tra. Mistress Bianca, bless you with such grace As 'longeth to a lover's blessed case! Nay, I have ta'en you napping, gentle love; And have forsworn you, with Hortensio.

Bian. Tranio, you jest: But have you both for

sworn me?

Tra. Mistress we have. Luc.

Enter a Pedant.

Ped. God save you, sir! Tra. And you, sir! you are welcome. Travel you far on, or are you at the furthest? Ped. Sir, at the furthest for a week or two: But then up further; and as far as Rome; And so to Tripoly, if heaven lend me life. Tra. What countryman, I pray? Ped.

goes

hard.

Of Mantua.
Tra. Of Mantua, sir? marry, heaven forbid!
And come to Padua, careless of your life?
Ped. My life, sir! how, I pray? for that
Tra. 'Tis death for any one in Mantua
To come to Padua; Know you not the cause?
Your ships are staid at Venice; and the duke
(For private quarrel 'twixt your duke and him)
Hath publish'd and proclaim'd it openly:
'Tis marvel; but that you're but newly come,
You might have heard it else proclaim'd about.
Ped. Alas, sir, it is worse for me than so;
For I have bills for money by exchange
From Florence, and must here deliver them.

Tra. Well, sir, to do you courtesy,
This will I do, and this will I advise you ; —
First, tell me, have you ever been at Pisa?

Ped. Ay, sir, in Pisa have I often been;
Pisa, renowned for grave citizens.

Tra. Among them, know you one Vincentio? Ped. I know him not, but I have heard of him; A merchant of incomparable wealth.

Tra. He is my father, sir; and, sooth to say, In countenance somewhat doth resemble you. Bian. As much as an apple doth an oyster, and [Aside.

all one.

Tra. To save your life in this extremity,
This favour will I do you for his sake;
And think it not the worst of all your fortunes,
That you are like to sir Vincentio.

His name and credit shall you undertake,
And in my house you shall be friendly lodg'd ;-

Then we are rid of Licio. Look, that you take upon you as you should;

Tra. He'll have a widow now,

That shall be woo'd and wedded in a day.

Bian. Heaven give him joy!
Tra. Ay, and he'll tame her.
Bian.
He says so, Tranio.
Tra. 'Faith, he is gone unto the taming-school.
Bian. The taming-school! what, is there such a
place?

Tra. Ay, mistress, and Petruchio is the master; That teacheth tricks eleven and twenty long, — To tame a shrew, and charm her chattering tongue. Enter BIONDELLO, running.

Bion. O master, master, I have watch'd so long That I'm dog-weary; but at last I spied An ancient angel 7 coming down the hill, Will serve the turn.

Tra.

What is he, Biondello?

Bion. Master, a mercatantè, or a pedant 8,
I know not what; but formal in apparel,
In gait and countenance surely like a father.
Luc. And what of him, Tranio?

Tra. If he be credulous, and trust my tale,
I'll make him glad to seem Vincentio ;
And give assurance to Baptista Minola,
As if he were the right Vincentio.
Take in your love, and then let me alone.
[Exeunt LUCENTIO and BIANCA.
Messenger.

6 Despicable fellow.
A merchant or a schoolmaster.

You understand me, sir; - so shall you stay
Till you have done your business in the city :
If this be courtesy, sir, accept of it.

Ped. O, sir, I do; and will repute you ever
The patron of my life and liberty.

Tra. Then go with me, to make the matter good This, by the way, I let you understand; To pass assurance of a dower in marriage My father is here look'd for every day, In all these circumstances I'll instruct you: 'Twixt me and one Baptista's daughter here : Go with me, sir, to clothe you as becomes you. [Exeun

He does it under name of perfect love;
As who should say, If I should sleep, or eat,
'Twere deadly sickness, or else present death.
I pr'ythee go, and get me some repast;

I care not what, so it be wholesome food.

Gru. What say you to a neat's foot?

Kath. I'll have no bigger; this doth fit the time,
And gentlewomen wear such caps as these.
Pet. When you are gentle, you shall have one too,
And not till then.

Hor.
That will not be in haste. [Aside.
Kath. Why, sir, I trust, I may have leave to speak;

Kath. 'Tis passing good; I pr'ythee let me have it. And speak I will; I am no child, no babe;
Gru. I fear it is too cholerick a meat: -
How say you to a fat tripe, finely broil'd?

Kath. I like it well; good Grumio, fetch it me.
Gru. I cannot tell; I fear 'tis cholerick.
What say you to a piece of beef, and mustard?
Kath. A dish that I do love to feed upon.
Gru. Ay, but the mustard is too hot a little.
Kath. Why, then the beef, and let the mustard rest.
Gru. Nay, then I will not; you shall have the
mustard,

Or else you get no beef of Grumio.

Kath. Then both, or one, or any thing thou wilt.
Gru. Why then the mustard without the beef.
Kath. Go, get thee gone, thou false deluding
slave,
[Beats him.
That feed'st me with the very name of meat:
Sorrow on thee, and all the pack of you,
That triumph thus upon my misery!
Go, get thee gone, I say.

Enter PETRUCHIO with a dish of meat; and
HORTENSIO.

Pet. How fares my Kate? What, sweeting, all

amort ? 9

Hor. Mistress, what cheer?
Kath.

'Faith, as cold as can be.
Pet. Pluck up thy spirits, look cheerfully upon me.
Here, love; thou seest how diligent I am,
To dress thy meat myself, and bring it thee;
[Sets the dish on a table.
I am sure, sweet Kate, this kindness merits thanks.
What, not a word? Nay then, thou lov'st it not;
And all my pains is sorted to no proof.—
Here, take away this dish.

Kath.
'Pray you, let it stand.
Pet. The poorest service is repaid with thanks;
And so shall mine before you touch the meat.
Kath. I thank you, sir.

Hor. Signior Petruchio, fye! you are to blame!
Come, mistress Kate, I'll bear you company.
Pet. Eat it up all, Hortensio, if thou lov'st me.-
[Aside.

Much good do it unto thy gentle heart!
Kate, eat apace: And now, my honey love,
Will we return unto thy father's house;
And revel it as bravely as the best,
With silken coats, and caps, and golden rings,
With ruffs, and cuffs, and farthingales, and things;
With scarfs, and fans, and double change of bravery',
With amber bracelets, beads, and all this knavery.
What, hast thou din'd? The tailor stays thy leisure,
To deck thy body with his ruffling treasure.
Enter Tailor.

Come, tailor, let us see these ornaments;

Your betters have endur'd me say my mind;
And, if you cannot, best you stop your ears.
My tongue will tell the anger of my heart;
Or else my heart, concealing it, will break :
And rather than it shall, I will be free
Even to the uttermost, as I please, in words.
Pet. Why, thou say'st true; it is a paltry cap,
A custard-coffin 2, a bauble, a silken pie:
I love thee well, in that thou lik'st it not.

Kath. Love me, or love me not, I like the cap;
And it I will have, or I will have none.

Pet. Thy gown? why, ay :- Come, tailor, let us
see't.

O mercy, see what masking stuff is here?
What's this? a sleeve? 'tis like a demi-cannon:
What! up and down, carv'd like an apple-tart?
Here's snip, and nip, and cut, and slish, and slash,
Like to a censer 9 in a barber's shop:
Why, what, o'devil's name, tailor, call'st thou this?
Hor. I see, she's like to have neither cap nor
[Aside.
According to the fashion, and the time.
Tai. You bid me make it orderly and well,

gown.

Pet. Marry, and did; but if you be remember'd,
I did not bid you mar it to the time.
Go, hop me over every kennel home,
For you shall hop without my custom, sir:
I'll none of it; hence, make your best of it.

Kath. I never saw a better-fashion'd gown,
More quaint, more pleasing, nor more commendable;
Belike, you mean to make a puppet of me.

Pet. Why, true; he means to make a puppet of

thee.

Tai. She says, your worship means to make a puppet of her.

Pet. O monstrous arrogance! Thou liest, thou
thread,
Thou thimble,

Thou yard, three quarters, half-yard, quarter, nail,
Thou flea, thou nit, thou winter cricket thou: —
Brav'd in mine own house with a skein of thread!
A way thou rag, thou quantity, thou remnant :
Or I shall so be-mete 5 thee with thy yard,
As thou shalt think on prating whilst thou liv'st!
I tell thee, I, that thou hast marr'd her gown.
Tai. Your worship is deceiv'd; the gown is made
Grumio gave order how it should be done.
Just as my master had direction :

Gru. I gave him no order, I gave him the stuff.
Tai. But how did you desire it should be made?
Gru. Marry, sir, with needle and thread.
Tai. But did you not request to have it cut?
Gru. Thou hast faced many things.

Tai. I have.

Pet. Read it.

Gru. The note lies in his throat, if he says I said so. Tai. Imprimis, a loose-bodied gown:

Gru. Master, if ever I said loose-bodied gown, sew me in the skirts of it, and beat me to death with a bottom of brown thread: I said, a gown.

Pet. Proceed.

Tai. With a small compassed cape;

Gru. I confess the cape.

Tai. With a trunk sleeve;
Gru. I confess two sleeves.
Tai. The sleeves curiously cut.
Pet. Ay, there's the villainy.

Gru. Error i'the bill, sir; error i'the bill. I commanded the sleeves should be cut out, and sewed up again; and that I'll prove upon thee, though thy little finger be armed in a thimble.

Tai. This is true, that I say; an I had thee in place where, thou shouldst know it.

Gru. I am for thee straight: take thou the bill, give me thy mete-yard 6, and spare not me.

Hor. Gramercy, Grumio! then he shall have no odds.

Pet. Well, sir, in brief, the gown is not for me. Gru. You are i'the right, sir.

Pet. Hortensio, say thou wilt see the tailor paid:

[Aside. Go, take it hence; be gone, and say no more. Hor. Tailor, I'll pay thee for thy gown to-morrow. Take no unkindness of his hasty words: Away, I say; commend me to thy master.

[Exit Tailor.

Pet. Well, come, my Kate; we will unto your father's,

Even in these honest mean habiliments;
Our purses shall be proud, our garments poor :
For 'tis the mind that makes the body rich;
And as the sun breaks through the darkest clouds,
So honour peereth in the meanest habit.
What, is the jay more precious than the lark,
Because his feathers are more beautiful?
Or is the adder better than the eel,
Because his painted skin contents the eye?
O, no, good Kate; neither art thou the worse
For this poor furniture, and mean array.
If thou account'st it shame, lay it on me:
And therefore frolick; we will hence forthwith,
To feast and sport us at thy father's house.
Go, call my men, and let us straight to him;
And bring our horses unto Long-lane end,
There will we mount, and thither walk on foot.
Let's see; I think 'tis now some seven o'clock,
And well we may come there by dinner-time.

Kath. I dare assure you, sir, 'tis almost two;
And 'twill be supper time, ere you come there.
Pet. It shall be seven, ere I go to horse:
Look, what I speak, or do, or think to do,
You are still crossing it. Sirs, let 't alone :

I will not go to-day; and ere I do,
It shall be what o'clock I say it is.
Hor. Why, so! this gallant will command the
[Exeunt.

sun.

SCENE IV. - Padua. Before Baptista's House.

Enter TRANIO, and the Pedant dressed like
VINCENTIO.

Tra. Sir, this is the house: Please it you, that I call?

6 Measuring yard.

Ped. I warrant you: But, sir, here comes your boy; 'Twere good, he were school'd.

Tra. Fear you not him. Sirrah, Biondello,
Now do your duty throughly, I advise you;
Imagine 'twere the right Vincentio.
Bion. Tut! fear not me.

Tra. But hast thou done thy errand to Baptista? Bion. I told him, that your father was at Venice; And that you look'd for him this day in Padua. Tra. Thou'rt a tall 7 fellow; hold thee that to drink.

Here comes Baptista:-set your countenance, sir.

Enter BAPTISTA and LUCENTIO. Signior Baptista, you are happily met: — Sir, [To the Pedant.]

This is the gentleman I told you of;

pray you, stand good father to me now, Give me Bianca for my patrimony.

Ped. Soft, son!

Sir, by your leave; having come to Padua
To gather in some debts, my son Lucentio
Made me acquainted with a weighty cause
Of love between your daughter and himself:
And,- for the good report I hear of you;
And for the love he beareth to your daughter
And she to him, to stay him not too long,
I am content, in a good father's care,
To have him match'd; and, - if you please to like
No worse than I, sir, upon some agreement,
Me shall you find most ready and most willing
With one consent to have her so bestowed;
For curious 8 I cannot be with you,
Signior Baptista, of whom I hear so well.

Bap. Sir, pardon me in what I have to say;
Your plainness, and your shortness, please me well.
Right true it is, your son, Lucentio here,
Doth love my daughter, and she loveth him,
Or both dissemble deeply their affections:
And therefore, if you say no more than this,
That like a father you will deal with him,
And pass 9 my daughter a sufficient dower,
The match is fully made, and all is done :
Your son shall have my daughter with consent.
Tra. I thank you, sir. Where then do you know

best,

We be affied; and such assurance ta'en,
As shall with either part's agreement stand?

Bap. Not in my house, Lucentio; for, you know,
Pitchers have ears, and I have many servants :
Besides, old Gremio is heark'ning still;
And, happily 2, we might be interrupted.

Tra. Then at my lodging, an it like you, sir: There doth my father lie; and there, this night, We'll pass the business privately and well: Send for your daughter by your servant here, My boy shall fetch the scrivener presently. The worst is this, that, at so slender warning, You're like to have a thin and slender pittance. & Scrupulous.

7 Brave. 1 Betrothed,

9 Assure or convey 2 Haply, perhaps,

Henceforth I vow it shall be so for me.

Bap. It likes me well ; — Cambio, hie you home, | And if you please to call it a rush candle,
And bid Bianca make her ready straight;
And, if you will, tell what hath happened:
Lucentio's father is arriv'd in Padua,
And how she's like to be Lucentio's wife.

Luc. I pray the gods she may with all my heart!
Tra. Dally not with the gods, but get thee gone.
Signior Baptista, shall I lead the way?
Welcome! one mess is like to be your cheer :
Come, sir; we'll better it in Pisa.

Bap.
I follow you.
[Exeunt TRANIO, Pedant, and BAPTISTA.
Bion. Cambio.
Luc.

What say'st thou, Biondello? Bion. You saw my master wink and laugh upon you?

Luc. Biondello, what of that?

Bion. 'Faith nothing; but he has left me here behind, to expound the meaning or moral of his signs and tokens.

Luc. I pray thee moralize them.

Pet. I say, it is the moon.
Kath.
I know it is.
Pet. Nay, then you lie; it is the blessed sun.
Kath. Then, God be blessed, it is the blessed sun:-
But sun it is not, when you say it is not;
And the moon changes, even as your mind.
What you will have it nam'd, even that it is;
And so it shall be so, for Katharine.

Hor. Petruchio, go thy ways; the field is won.
Pet. Well, forward, forward: thus the bowl
should run,

And not unluckily against the bias —
But soft; what company is coming here?

Enter VINCENTIO, in a travelling dress.
Good morrow, gentle mistress: Where away? -
[To VINCENTIO.
Tell me, sweet Kate, and tell me truly too,
Hast thou beheld a fresher gentlewoman?

Bion. Then thus. Baptista is safe, talking with Such war of white and red within her cheeks! the deceiving father of a deceitful son.

Luc. And what of him?

What stars do spangle heaven with such beauty,
As those two eyes become that heavenly face?

Bion. His daughter is to be brought by you to Fair lovely maid, once more good day to thee: the supper.

Luc. And then?

Sweet Kate, embrace her for her beauty's sake.
Hor. 'A will make the man mad, to make a

Bion. The old priest at Saint Luke's church is woman of him. at your command at all hours.

Enter PETRUCHIO, KATHARINA, and HORTENSIO. Pet. Come on; once more toward our father's house.

Good Lord, how bright and goodly shines the moon!
Kath. The moon! the sun; it is not moonlight
now,

Pet. I say, it is the moon that shines so bright.
Kath. I know, it is the sun that shines so bright.
Pet. Now, by my mother's son, and that's my-
self,

It shall be moon, or star, or what I list,
Or ere I journey to your father's house :
Go on, and fetch our horses back again.
Evermore cross'd, and cross'd; nothing but cross'd!

Hor. Say as he says, or we shall never go.
Kath. Forward, I pray, since we have come so far,
And be it moon, or sun, or what you please:

Kath. Young budding virgin, fair, and fresh,
and sweet,

Whither away; or where is thy abode?
Happy the parents of so fair a child;
Happier the man, whom favourable stars
Allot thee for his lovely bed-fellow!

Pet. Why, how now, Kate! I hope thou art not
mad:

This is a man, old, wrinkled, faded, wither'd;
And not a maiden, as thou say'st he is.

Kath. Pardon, old father, my mistaking eyes,
That have been so bedazzled with the sun,
That every thing I look on seemeth green :
Now I perceive, thou art a reverend father;
Pardon, I pray thee, for my mad mistaking.
Pet. Do, good old grandsire; and, withal, make
known

Which way thou travellest: if along with us,
We shall be joyful of thy company.

Vin. Fair sir, and you my merry mistress,
That with your strange encounter much amaz'd me;
My name is call'd-Vincentio; my dwelling-Pisa;
And bound I am to Padua; there to visit
A son of mine, which long I have not seen.
Pet. What is his name?
Vin.

Lucentio, gentle sir.
Pet. Happily met; the happier for thy son.
And now by law, as well as reverend age,
I may entitle thee- my loving father;
The sister to my wife, this gentlewoman,
Thy son by this hath married: Wonder not,
Nor be not griev'd; she is of good esteem,
Her dowry wealthy, and of worthy birth;
Beside, so qualified as may beseem
The spouse of any noble gentleman.
Let me embrace with old Vincentio :
And wander we to see thy honest son,
Who will of thy arrival be full joyous.

Vin. But is this true? or is it else your pleasure,
Like pleasant travellers, to break a jest
Upon the company you overtake?

Hor. I do assure thee, father, so it is.

Pet. Come, go along, and see the truth hereof; For our first merriment hath made thee jealous. [Exeunt PETRUCHIO, KATHARINA, and VINCENTIO.

Hor. Well, Petruchio, this hath put me in heart. Have to my widow; and if she be froward, Then hast thou taught Hortensio to be untoward.

[Erit.

ACT V.

SCENE 1.

- Padua. Before Lucentio's House.

Enter on one side BIONDELLO, LUCENTIO, and BIANCA; GREMIO walking on the other side. Bion. Softly and swiftly, sir; for the priest is ready. Luc. I fly, Biondello: but they may chance to need thee at home, therefore leave us.

Bion. Nay, I'll see the church o' your back; and then come back to my master as soon as I can.

[Exeunt LUCENTIO, BIANCA, and BIONDELLO. Gre. I marvel Cambio comes not all this while.

Enter PETRUCHIO, KATHARINA, VINCENTIO, and Attendants.

Pet. Sir, here's the door, this is Lucentio's house, My father's bears more toward the market-place; Thither must I, and here I leave you, sir.

Vin. You shall not choose but drink before you go; I think, I shall command your welcome here, And by all likelihood, some cheer is toward.

[Knocks. Gre. They're busy within, you were best knock louder.

Enter Pedant above, at a window.

Vin. What, you notorious villain, didst thou never see thy master's father, Vincentio ? Bion. What, my old, worshipful old master? yes, marry, sir; see where he looks out of the window. Vin. Is't so, indeed? [Beats BIONDEllo. Bion. Help, help, help! here's a madman will murder me.

[Erit. Ped. Help, son! help, signior Baptista! [Exit, from the window. Pet. Pr'ythee, Kate, let's stand aside, and see the end of this controversy. [They retire.

Re-enter Pedant below; BAPTISTA, TRANIO, and

Servants.

Tra. Sir, what are you, that offer to beat my servant?

Vin. What am I, sir? nay what are you, sir?— O immortal gods! O fine villain! A silken doublet! a velvet hose! a scarlet cloak! and a copatain hat! 3

- O, I am undone! I am undone! while I play the good husband at home, my son and my servant spend all at the university.

Tra. How now! what's the matter?
Bap. What, is the man lunatick?

Tra. Sir, you seem a sober ancient gentleman

Ped. What's he, that knocks as he would beat by your habit, but your words show you a madman: down the gate?

Vin. Is signior Lucentio within, sir?

Ped. He's within, sir, but not to be spoken withal. Vin. What if a man bring him a hundred pound or two, to make merry withal?

Ped. Keep your hundred pounds to yourself; he shall need none, so long as I live.

Pet. Nay, I told you, your son was beloved in Padua. Do you hear, sir? -to leave frivolous circumstances, I pray you, tell signior Lucentio, that his father is come from Pisa, and is here at the door to speak with him.

Why, sir, what concerns it you, if I wear pearl and gold? I thank my good father, I am able to maintain it.

Vin. Thy father? O, villain! he is a sail-maker in Bergamo,

Bap. You mistake, sir; you mistake, sir: Pray, what do you think is his name?

Vin. His name? as if I knew not his name: I have brought him up ever since he was three years Tranio. old, and his name is

Ped. Away, away, mad ass! his name is Lucentio? and he is mine only son, and heir to the lands

Ped. Thou liest; his father is come from Pisa, of me, signior Vincentio. and here looking out at the window.

Vin. Art thou his father?

Ped. Ay, sir; so his mother says, if I may believe her.

Pet. Why, how now, gentlemen! [To VINCEN.] why, this is flat knavery, to take upon you another

man's name.

Ped. Lay hands on the villain; I believe 'a means to cozen somebody in this city under my countenance.

Re-enter BIONDELLO.

Bion. I have seen them in the church together: But who is here? mine old master, Vincentio? now we are undone, and brought to nothing.

Vin. Come hither, crack-hemp.

[Seeing BIONDello. Bion. I hope, I may choose, sir. Vin. Come hither, you rogue: What, have you forgot me?

Bion. Forgot you? no, sir: I could not forget you, for I never saw you before in all my life.

Vin. Lucentio! O, he hath murdered his master! -Lay hold on him, I charge you, in the duke's O, my son, my son!-tell me, thou villain, where is my son Lucentio?

name:

Tra. Call forth an officer: -[Enter one with an Officer.] Carry this mad knave to the gaol:- Father Baptista, I charge you see, that he be forthcoming. Vin. Carry me to the gaol!

Gre. Stay, officer; he shall not go to prison. Bap. Talk not, signior Gremio; I say he shall go to prison.

Gre. Take heed, signior Baptista, lest you be cheated in this busines; I dare swear, this is the right Vincentio.

Ped. Swear, if thou darest.

Gre. Nay, I dare not swear it.

Tra. Then thou wert best say, that I am not Lucentio.

Gre. Yes, I know thee to be signior Lucentio. Bap. Away with the dotard; to the gaol with him.

3 A hat with a conical crown.

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The family Shakespeare [expurgated by T. Bowdler]. in which those words are ...