Enter FORD, PISTOL, PAGE, and NYм. Ford. Well, I hope it be not so. Pist. Hope is a curtail 8 dog in some affairs: Sir John affects thy wife. Ford. Why, sir, my wife is not young. Ford. You heard what this knave told me; did you not? Page. Yes; and you heard what the other told me? Pist. He wooes both high and low, both rich and intent towards our wives, are a yoke of his discarded Away, sir corporal Nym. Believe it, Page; he speaks sense. [Exit PISTOL. Nym. And this is true. [To PAGE.] I like not Ford. I will seek out Falstaff. men; very rogues, now they be out of service. Ford. Were they his men? Page. Marry, were they. Shal. I follow, mine host, I follow.. and twenty, good master Page! Master Page, will you go with us? we have sport in hand. Host. Tell him, cavalero-justice; tell him, bully rook. Shal. Sir, there is a fray to be fought, between sir Hugh the Welsh priest, and Caius the French doctor. Ford. Good mine host of the Garter, a word with Page. I never heard such a drawling, affecting you. rogue. Ford. If I do find it, well. Page. I will not believe such a Cataian, tho' the Mrs. Page. Whither go you, George?-Hark you. Mrs. Ford. How now, sweet Frank? why art thou melancholy? Ford. I melancholy! I am not melancholy.. Get you home, go. Mrs. Ford. Thou hast some crotchets in thy head now. - Will you go, mistress Page? Mrs. Page. Have with you. You'll come to dinner, George? - Look, who comes yonder: she shall be our messenger to this paltry knight. [Aside to Mrs. FORD. Host. What say'st thou, bully-rook? [They go aside. Shal. Will you [to PAGE] go with us to behold it? my merry host hath had the measuring of their weapons; and, I think, he hath appointed them contrary places: for, believe me, I hear, the parson is no jester. Hark, I will tell you what our sport shall be. Host. Hast thou no suit against my knight, my guest-cavalier? Ford. None, I protest: but I'll give you a pottle of burnt sack to give me recourse to him, and tell him, my name is Brook; only for a jest. Host. My hand, bully: thou shalt have egress and regress; said I well? and thy name shall be Brook: It is a merry night. - Will you go on, hearts? Shal. Have with you, mine host. Page. I have heard the Frenchman hath good skill in his rapier. Shal. Tut, sir, I could have told you more! In stoccadoes, and I know not what: 'tis the heart, these times you stand on distance, your passes, time, with my long sword, I would have made you master Page; 'tis here, 'tis here. I have seen the four tall fellows skip like rats. Host. Here, boys, here, here! shall we wag? Page. Have with you: —I had rather hear thera scold than fight. [Exeunt HosT, SHALLOW, and PAGE. Ford. Though Page be a secure fool, and stands so firmly on his wife's frailty, yet I cannot put off my opinion so easily she was in his company at Page's house; and, what they made there, I know SCENE II. A Room in the Garter Inn. Fal. I will not lend thee a penny. I will retort the sum in equipage. 3 Fal. Not a penny. I have been content, sir, you should lay my countenance to pawn; I have grated upon my good friends for three reprieves for you and your coach-fellow Nym; or else you had looked through the grate like a geminy of baboons. I am disgraced for swearing to gentlemen my friends, you were good soldiers, and tall fellows: and when mistress Bridget lost the handle of her fan, I took't upon mine honour, thou hadst it not. Pist. Didst thou not share? hadst thou not fifteen pence? Fal. Reason, you rogue, reason: Think'st thou, Rob. Sir, here's a woman would speak with you. Enter Mrs. QUICKLY. Quick. Give your worship good-morrow. Quick. Not so, an't please your worship. Fal. Good maid, then, Quick. Why, sir, she's a good creature; but your worship's a wanton: Well, heaven forgive you, and all of us, I pray ! Fal. Mistress Ford; come, mistress Ford, Quick. Marry, this is the short and the long of it; you have brought her into such a canaries9, as 'tis wonderful. The best courtier of them all, when the court lay at Windsor, could never have brought her to such a canary. Yet there has been knights, and lords, and gentlemen, with their coaches; I warrant you, coach after coach, letter after letter, gift after gift; smelling so sweetly (all musk), and so rushling, I warrant you, in silk and gold; and in such alligant terms; and in such wine and sugar of the best and the fairest, that would have won any woman's heart; and, I warrant you, they could never get an eye-wink of her. — I had myself twenty angels given me this morning: but I defy all angels, (in any such sort, as they say,) but in the way of honesty : — and, I warrant you, they could never get her so much as sip on a cup been earls, nay, which is more, pensioners; but, I with the proudest of them all; and yet there has warrant you, all is one with her. Fal. But what says she to me? be brief, my good she-Mercury. Quick. Marry, she hath received your letter; for the which she thanks you a thousand times; and she gives you to notify, that her husband will be absence from his house between ten and eleven. Fal. Ten and eleven? Quick. Ay, forsooth; and then you may come and see the picture, she says that you wot of ; master Ford, her husband, will be from home. Alas! the sweet woman leads an ill life with him; he's a very jealousy man; she leads a very frampold 2 life with him, good heart. Fal. Ten and eleven: Woman, commend me to her; I will not fail her. Quick. Why, you say well: But I have another messenger to your worship: Mistress Page hath her hearty commendations to you too; - and let me tell you in your ear, she's as fartuous a civil modest wife, and one (I tell you) that will not miss your morning nor evening prayer, as any is in Windsor, whoe'er be the other: and she bade me tell your worship, that her husband is seldom from home; but, she hopes, there will come a time. I never knew a woman so dote upon a man; surely, I think Quick. I'll be sworn; as my mother was, the you have charms, la; yes, in truth. first hour I was born. Fal. I do believe the swearer: What with me? Quick. Shall I vouchsafe your worship a word or two? Fal. Two thousand, fair woman; and I'll vouchsafe thee the hearing. Quick. There is one mistress Ford, sir;-I pray, come a little nearer this ways; I myself dwell with master doctor Caius. Fal. Well, on: Mistress Ford you say, Quick. Your worship says very true: I pray your worship, come a little nearer this ways. Fal. I warrant thee, nobody hears; - mine own people, mine own people. Fal. Not I, I assure thee; setting the attraction of my good parts aside, I have no other charms. Quick. Blessing on your heart for't! Fal. But, I pray thee, tell me this: has Ford's wife, and Page's wife, acquainted each other how they love me? Quick. That were a jest, indeed! — they have not so little grace, I hope: -1 that were a trick, indeed! But mistress Page would desire you to send her your little Page, of all loves3; her husband has a marvellous infection to the little page: and, truly, master Page is an honest man. Never a wife in Windsor leads a better life than she does; do Quick. Are they so? Heaven bless thein, and what she will, say what she will, take all, pay all, make them his servants! all is as she will; and, truly, she deserves it: for if there be a kind woman in Windsor, she is one. You must send her your Page; no remedy. Fal. Why, I will. Quick. Nay, but do so, then: and, look you, he may come and go between you both; and, in any case, have a nay-word, that you may know one another's mind, and the boy never need to understand any thing; for 'tis not good that children should know any wickedness: old folks, you know, have discretion, as they say, and know the world. Fal. Fare thee well: commend me to them both: there's my purse; am yet thy debtor. Boy, go along with this woman. This news distracts me. [Exeunt QUICKLY and ROBIN. Such Fal. Call him in. [Erit BARDOLPH.] Brooks are welcome to me, that o'erflow such liquor. Ah! ha! mistress Ford and mistress Page, have I encompassed you? go to; via! 5 Re-enter BARDOLPH, with FORD disguised. Ford. Bless you, sir. Fal. And you, sir: Would you speak with me? Ford. I make bold, to press with so little prepar. ation upon you. Fal. You're welcome; What's your will? Give us leave, drawer. [Exit BARDOLPH. Ford. Sir, I am a gentleman that have spent much; my name is Brook. Fal. Good master Brook, I desire more acquaintance of you. Ford. Good sir John, I sue for yours: not to charge you; for I must let you understand, I think myself in better plight for a lender than you are: the which hath something embolden'd me to this unseason'd intrusion: for they say, if money go before, all ways do lie open. Fal. Money is a good soldier, sir, and will on. Ford. Troth, and I have a bag of money here troubles me: if you will help me to bear it, sir John, take all, or half, for easing me of the carriage. Fal. Sir, I know not how I may deserve to be your porter. Ford. I will tell you, sir, if you will give me the hearing. Fal. Speak, good master Brook; I shall be glad to be your servant. Fal. Well, sir. Ford. I have long loved her, and, I protest to you, bestowed much on her; followed her with a doting observance; engrossed opportunities to meet her; fee'd every slight occasion, that could but niggardly give me sight of her; not only bought many presents to give her, but have given largely to many, to know what she would have given : briefly, I have pursued her, as love hath pursued me; which hath been, on the wing of all occasions. But whatsoever I have merited, either in my mind, or in my means, meed, I am sure, I have received none; unless experience be a jewel: that I have purchas'd at an infinite rate; and that hath taught me to say this: Love like a shadow flies, when substance love pursues ; Pursuing that that flies, and flying what pursues. tion at her hands? Fal. Have you received no promise of satisfac Ford. Never. Fal. Have you importun'd her to such a purpose? Ford. Never. Fal. Of what quality was your love then? man's ground; so that I have lost my edifice, by mistaking the place where I erected it. Ford. Like a fair house, built upon another Fal. To what purpose have you unfolded this to me? Ford. When I have told you that, I have told you all. Some say, that, though she appear honest to me, yet, in other places, she enlargeth her mirth so far, that there is shrewd construction made of her. Now, sir John, here is the heart of my purpose: You are a gentleman of excellent breeding, admirable discourse, of great admittance 7, authentic in your place and person, generally allowed $ for your many warlike, courtlike, and learned preparations. Fal. O, sir! Fal. Would it apply well to the vehemency of your affection, that I should win what you would enjoy? Methinks you prescribe to yourself very preposterously. Ford. O, understand my drift! she dwells so securely on the excellency of her honour, that the folly of my soul dares not present itself; she is too bright to be looked against. Now, could I come to her with any detection in my hand, my desires had instance and argument to commend themselves; I could drive her then from the ward of her purity, her reputation, her marriage-vow, and a thousand other her defences, which now are too strongly embattled against me: What say you to't, sir John? Fal. Master Brook, I will first make bold with your money; next, give me your hand; and last, as I am a gentleman, you shall, if you will, have Ford's wife. 6 Since. Fal. Want no mistress Ford, master Brook, you shall want none. I shall be with her (I may tell you) by her own appointment; even as you came in to me, her assistant, or go-between, parted from me: I say, I shall be with her between ten and eleven; for at that time the jealous rascally knave, her husband, will be forth. Come you to me at night; you shall know how I speed. Ford. I am blest in your acquaintance. know Ford, sir? Do you Fal. Hang him, poor knave! I know him not: - yet I wrong him to call him poor; they say, the jealous knave hath masses of money; for the which his wife seems to me well-favoured. I will use her as the key of the rogue's coffer; and there's my harvest-home. Ford. I would you knew Ford, sir; that you might avoid him, if you saw him. Fal. Hang him, mechanical salt-butter rogue! I will stare him out of his wits; I will awe him with my cudgel: it shall hang like a meteor o'er his horns: master Brook, thou shalt know, I will predominate o'er the peasant, and thou shalt have his wife. Come to me soon at night: Ford's a knave, and I will aggravate his stile 9; thou, master Brook, shalt know him for a knave and cuckold: - come to me soon at night. [Exit. Ford. What an Epicurean rascal is this! My heart is ready to crack with impatience. Who says this is improvident jealousy? My wife hath sent to him, the hour is fixed, the match is made. Would any man have thought this? See the curse of having a false woman! my bed shall be abused, my coffers ransacked, my reputation gnawn at; and I shall not only receive this villainous wrong, but stand under the adoption of abominable terms, and by him that does me this wrong. Page is an ass, a secure ass; he will trust his wife, he will not be jealous: I will rather trust a Fleming with my butter, parson Hugh the Welshman with my cheese, an Irishman with my aqua-vitæ bottle, or a thief to walk my ambling gelding, than my wife with herself: then she plots, then she ruminates, then she devises: and what they think in their hearts they may effect, they will break their hearts but they will effect. Heaven be praised for my jealousy! - Eleven o'clock the hour;-I will prevent this, detect my wife, be revenged on Falstaff, and laugh at Page. I will about it; better three hours too soon, than a minute too late. Fie, fie, fie! cuckold! cuckold! cuckold! [Exit. Rug. He is wise, sir; he knew, your worship would kill him, if he came. Caius. By gar, de herring is no dead, so as I vill kill him. Take your rapier, Jack; I vill tell you how I vill kill him. Rug. Alas, sir, I cannot fence. Enter HOST, Shallow, Slender, and Page. Caius. Vat be all you, one, two, tree, four, come for. Host. To see thee fight, to see thee foin', to see thee traverse, to see thee here, to see thee there; to see thee pass thy punto, thy stock, thy reverse, thy distance, thy montánt.? Is he dead, my Ethiopian? is he dead, my Francisco? ha, bully! What says my Esculapius? my Galen? my heart of elder? ha! is he dead, bully Stale? is he dead? Caius. By gar, he is de coward Jack priest of the vorld; he is not show his face. Host. Thou art a Castilian king! a Hector of Greece, my boy! Caius. I pray you, bear vitness that me have stay six or seven, two, tree hours for him, and he is no come. Shal. He is the wiser man, master doctor: he is a curer of souls, and you a curer of bodies; if you should fight, you go against the hair of your pro fessions: is it not true, master Page? Page. Master Shallow, you have yourself been a great fighter, though now a man of peace. Shal. Bodykins, master Page, though I now be old, and of the peace, if I see a sword out, my finger itches to make one: though we are justices, and doctors, and churchmen, master Page, we have some salt of our youth in us; we are the sons of women, master Page. Page. 'Tis true, master Shallow. Shal. It will be found so, master Page. Master doctor Caius, I am come to fetch you home. I am sworn of the peace; you have showed yourself a wise physician, and sir Hugh hath shown himself a wise and patient churchman: you must go with me, master doctor. Host. Pardon, guest justice: - A word, monsieur. Caius. Scurvy Jack-dog priest! by gar, me vill cut his ears. Host. He will clapper-claw thee tightly, bully. Caius. Clapper-de-claw! vat is dat ? Host. That is, he will make thee amends. Caius. By gar, me do look, he shall clapper-declaw me; for by gar, me vill have it. Host. And I will provoke him to't, or let him wag. Caius. Me tank you for dat. Host. And moreover, bully, - But first, master guest, and master Page, and eke cavalero Slender, go you through the town to Frogmore. [Aside to them. Page. Sir Hugh is there, is he? Host. He is there: see what humour he is in; and I will bring the doctor about by the fields: will it do well? Caius. By gar, me vill kill de priest; for he speak | love you; and I shall procure-a you de good guest, for a jack-an-ape to Anne Page. de earl, de knight, de lords, de gentlemen, my patients. Host. Let him die: but, first, sheath thy impatience; throw cold water on thy choler: go about the fields with me through Frogmore: I will bring thee where Mrs. Anne Page is, at a farm-house, a feasting; and thou shalt woo her: said I well? Catus. By gar, me tank you for dat: by gar, I Host. For the which, I will be thy adversary to wards Anne Page; said I well? Caius. By gar, 'tis good; vell said. Caius. Come at my heels, Jack Rugby. [Exeunt. SCENE I. A Field near Frogmore. ACT III. Heaven prosper Eva. Pray you, give me my gown; or else keep it in your arms. Enter PAGE, SHALLOW, and SLENDER. Shal. How now, master parson? Good morrow, good sir Hugh. Keep a gamester from the dice, and a good student from his book, and it is wonderful. Slen. Ah, sweet Anne Page! Page. Save you, good sir Hugh! Eva. 'Pless you from his mercy sake, all of you! Shal. What! the sword and the word! do you study them both, master parson? Caius, the renowned French physician. Eva. I had as lief you would tell me of a mess and Galen, Slen. O, sweet Anne Page! Shal. It appears so, by his weapons: them asunder; - here comes doctor Caius. Keep Enter Host, CAIUS, and RUGBY. weapon. Shal. So do you, good master doctor. Host. Disarm them, and let them question : let them keep their limbs whole, and hack our English. Caius. I pray you, let-a me speak a word vit your ear: Verefore vill you not meet a-me? Eva. Pray you, use your patience: In good time. Caius. By gar, you are de coward, de Jack dog, John ape. Eva. Pray you, let us not be laughing-stogs to other men's humours; I desire you in friendship, and I will one way or other make you amends: and I will knog your knave's cogscomb, for missing your meetings and appointments. Caius. Diable! -Jack Rugby, mine Host de Jarterre, have I not stay for him, to kill him? have I not, at de place I did appoint? Eva. As I am a christians soul, now, look you, this is the place appointed; I'll be judgment by mine host of the Garter. Host. Peace, I say, Guallia, and Gaul, French and Welsh; soul-curer and body-curer. Caius. Ay, dat is very good! excellent! Host. Peace, I say; hear mine host of the Garter. Am I politick? am I subtle? am I a Machiavel? Shall I lose my doctor? no; he gives me the potions. Shall I lose my parson? my priest? my sir Hugh? no; he gives me the proverbs and the no Page. We are come to you, to do a good office, verbs. Give me thy hand, terrestrial; so: — Page. And youthful still, in your doublet and hose, this raw rheumatic day? Eva. There is reasons and causes for it. master parson. Give me thy hand, celestial; so. Boys of art, 1 have deceived you both; I have directed you to wrong Page. Yonder is a most reverend gentleman, places: your hearts are mighty, your skins are Eva. Fery well: What is it? Head whole, and let burnt sack be the issue. - Come |