Sir To. Ay, Biddy, come with me. What, man! Mal. Go to: thou art made, if thou desirest to be 'tis not for gravity to play at cherry-pit 2 with Satan; Hang him, foul collier! Fab. If this were played upon a stage now, could condemn it as an improbable fiction. Sir To. His very genius hath taken the infection of the device, man. Mar. Nay, pursue him now; lest the device take air, and taint. Fab. Why, we shall make him mad, indeed. Enter Sir ANDREW AGUE CHEEK. Oli. I'll come to him. [Erit Servant.] Good Maria, let this fellow be looked to. Where's my cousin Toby? Let some of my people have a special care of him; I would not have him miscarry for the half of my dowry. [Exeunt OLIVIA and MARIA. Sir To. Come, we'll have him in a dark room, Mal. Oh, ho! do you come near me now? no and bound. My niece is already in the belief that worse man than sir Toby to look to me? This con- he is mad; we may carry it thus, for our pleasure, curs directly with the letter: she sends him on and his penance, till our very pastime, tired out of purpose, that I may appear stubborn to him; for breath, prompt us to have mercy on him: at which she incites me to that in the letter. Cast thy hum- time, we will bring the device to the bar, and crown ble slough, says she be opposite with a kinsman, thee for a finder of madmen. : But see, but see. surly with servants, -let thy tongue tang with arguments of state, •put thyself into the trick of singularity; - and, consequently, sets down the manner how; as, a sad face, a reverend carriage, a slow tongue, in the habit of some sir of note, and so forth. I have limed her; but it is Jove's doing, and Jove make me thankful! And, when she went away now, Let this fellow be looked to: Fellow ! 9 not Malvolio, nor after my degree, but fellow. Why, every thing adheres together; that no dram of a scruple, no scruple of a scruple, no obstacle, no incredulous or unsafe circumstance, What can be said? Nothing, that can be, can come between me and the full prospect of my hopes. Well, Jove, not I, is the doer of this, and he is to be thanked. Re-enter MARIA, with Sir TOBY BELCH, and Sir To. Which way is he, in the name of sanctity? Fab. Here he is, here he is:- How is't with you, sir? how is't with you, man? Mal. Go off; I discard you, let me enjoy my private; go off. Mar. Lo, how hollow the fiend speaks within him! did not I tell you? - Sir Toby, my lady prays you to have a care of him. Mal. Ah, ha! does she so? Sir To. Go to, go to; peace, peace, we must deal gently with him; let me alone. How do you, Malvolio? how is't with you? What, man! defy the devil consider he's an enemy to mankind. Mal. Do you know what you say? : Mar. La you, an you speak ill of the devil, how he takes it at heart! Pray heaven, he be not bewitched! My lady would not lose him for more than I'll say. Companion. Fab. More matter for a May morning. Sir And. Here's the challenge, read it; I warrant, there's vinegar and pepper in't. Fab. Is't so sawcy? Sir And. Ay, is it, I warrant him; do but read, Sir To. Wonder not, nor admire not in thy mind, why I do call thee so, for I will show thee no reason for't. Fab. A good note: that keeps you from the blow of the law. Sir To. Thou comest to the lady Olivia, and in my sight she uses thee kindly: but thou liest in thy throat, that is not the matter I challenge thee for. Fab. Very brief, and exceeding good sense-less. Sir To. I will way-lay thee going home; where if it be thy chance to kill me, Fab. Good. Sir To. Thou killest me like a rogue and a villain. Fab. Still you keep o'the windy side of the law: Good. Sir To. Fare thee well: And God have mercy upon one of our souls! He may have mercy upon mine; but my hope is better, and so look to thyself. Thy friend, as thou usest him, and thy sworn enemy. ANDREW AGUE-CHEEK. Sir To. If this letter move him not, his legs cannot: I'll giv't him. Mar. You may have very fit occasion for't; he is now in some commerce with my lady, and will by and by depart. Sir To. Go, sir Andrew; scout me for him at the corner of the orchard, like a bailiff; so soon as 1 Jolly cock, beau and coq. A play among boys. over thou seest him, draw; and, as thou drawest, swear horrible; for it comes to pass oft, that a terrible oath, with a swaggering accent sharply twanged off, gives manhood more approbation than ever proof itself would have earned him. Away. Sir And. Nay, let me alone for swearing. [Erit. Sir To. Now will not I deliver his letter: for the behaviour of the young gentleman gives him out to be of good capacity and breeding; his employment between his lord and my niece confirms no less; therefore this letter, being so excellently ignorant, will breed no terror in the youth; he will find it comes from a clodpole. But, sir, I will deliver his challenge by word of mouth; set upon Ague-cheek a notable report of valour; and drive the gentleman, (as, I know his youth will aptly receive it,) into a most hideous opinion of his rage, skill, fury, and impetuosity. This will so frighten them both, that they will kill one another by the look, like cockatrices. Enter OLIVIA and VIOLA. Fab. Here he comes with your niece: give them way, till he take leave, and presently after him. Sir To. I will meditate the while upon some horrid message for a challenge. [Exeunt Sir TOBY, FABIAN, and MARIA. Oli. I have said too much unto a heart of stone, And laid mine honour too unchary out: There's something in me, that reproves my fault; But such a headstrong potent fault it is, That it but mocks reproof. Vio. With the same 'haviour that your passion bears, Go on my master's griefs. Oli. Here, wear this jewel for me, 'tis my picture; Refuse it not, it hath no tongue to vex you: And, I beseech you, come again to-morrow. What shall you ask of me, that I'll deny; That honour, sav'd, may upon asking give? Vio. Nothing but this, your true love for my master. Oli. How with mine honour may I give him that Which I have given to you? Vio. I will acquit you. Oli. Well, come again to-morrow: Fare thee well. [Erit. Re-enter Sir TOBY BELCH, and FABIAN. Sir To. Gentleman, heaven save thee. 4 Sir To. That defence thou hast, betake thee to't: of what nature the wrongs are thou hast done him, I know not; but thy intercepter, full of despight, bloody as the hunter, attends thee at the orchard end: dismount thy tuck 3, be yare in thy preparation, for thy assailant is quick, skilful, and deadly. Vio. You mistake, sir; I am sure, no man hath any quarrel to me; my remembrance is very free and clear from any image of offence done to any man. Sir To. You'll find it otherwise, I assure you: therefore, if you hold your life at any price, betake you to your guard; for your opposite hath in him what youth, strength, skill and wrath, can furnish man withal. Vio. I pray you, sir, what he? Sir To. He is knight, dubbed with unhacked rapier, and on carpet consideration; but he is a devil in private brawl: souls and bodies hath he divorced three; and his incensement at this moment • Ready. 9 Rapier is so implacable, that satisfaction can be none but by pangs of death and sepulchre: hob, nob, is his word; give't or tak't. Vio. I will return again into the house, and desire some conduct of the lady. I am no fighter. I have heard of some kind of men, that put quarrels purposely on others, to taste their valour: belike, this is a man of that quirk. Sir To. Sir, no; his indignation derives itself out of a very competent injury; therefore get you on, and give him his desire. Back you shall not to the house, unless you undertake that with me, which with as much safety you might answer him: therefore, on, or strip your sword stark naked: for meddle you must, that's certain, or forswear to wear iron about you. Vio. This is as uncivil, as strange. I beseech you, do me this courteous office, as to know of the knight what my offence to him is: it is something of any negligence, nothing of my purpose. Sir To. I will do so. Signior Fabian, stay you by this gentleman till my return. [Exit Sir TOBY. Vio. Pray you, sir, do you know of this matter? Fab. I know the knight is incensed against you, even to a mortal arbitrement; but nothing of the circumstance more. Vio. I beseech you, what manner of man is he? Fab. Nothing of that wonderful promise, to read him by his form, as you are like to find him in the proof of his valour. He is, indeed, sir, the most skilful, bloody, and fatal opposite that you could possibly have found in any part of Illyria: Will you walk towards him? I will make your peace with him, if I can. Vio. I shall be much bound to you for't: I am one, that would rather go with sir priest, than sir knight I care not who knows so much of my mettle. [Exeunt. Re-enter Sir TOBY, with Sir ANDREW. Sir To. Why, man, he's a very devil; I have not seen such a virago. I had a pass with him, rapier, scabbard, and all, and he gives me the stuck-in 5, with such a mortal motion, that it is inevitable; and on the answer, he pays you as surely as your feet hit the ground they step on: They say he has been fencer to the Sophy. Sir And. I'll not meddle with him. Sir To. Ay, but he will not now be pacified: Fabian can scarce hold him yonder. Sir And. Plague on't; an I thought he had been valiant, and so cunning in fence, I'd have seen him hanged ere I'd have challenged him. Let him let the matter slip, and I'll give him my horse, grey Capilet. Sir To. I'll make the motion: Stand here, make a good show on't; this shall end without the perdition of souls. Marry, I'll ride your horse as well as I ride you. [Aside. Re-enter FABIAN and VIOLA. I have his horse [To FAB.] to take up the quarrel; I have persuaded him, the youth's a devil. Fab. He is as horribly conceited of him; and pants, and looks pale, as if a bear were at his heels. Sir To. There's no remedy, sir; he will fight with you for his oath's sake: marry, he hath better bethought him of his quarrel, and he finds that now scarce to be worth talking of: therefore draw, for 5 Stoccato, an Italian term in fencing. the supportance of his vow; he protests, he will | Is't possible, that my deserts to you not hurt you. Vio. Pray heaven defend me! A little thing would make me tell them how much I lack of a [Aside. man. Fab. Give ground, if you see him furious. Sir To. Come, sir Andrew, there's no remedy; the gentleman will, for his honour's sake, have one bout with you: he cannot by the duello 6 avoid it: but he has promised me, as he is a gentleman and a soldier, he will not hurt you. Come on; to't. Sir And. Pray heaven, he keep his oath! [Draws. Enter ANTONIO. Vio. I do assure you, 'tis against my will. [Draws. Ant. Put up your sword;-if this young gentleman Have done offence, I take the fault on me; If you offend him, I for him defy you. [Drawing. Sir To. You, sir? why, what are you? Ant. One, sir, that for his love dares yet do more Than you have heard him brag to you he will. Sir To. Nay, if you be an undertaker, I am for [Draws. you. Enter two Officers. 1 Off. No, sir, no jot; I know your favour well, Though now you have no sea-cap on your head. Take him away; he knows, I know him well. Ant. I must obey.—This comes with seeking you; Makes me to ask you for my purse: It grieves me Can lack persuasion? Do not tempt my misery, Vio. Nor know I you by voice, or any feature: 2 Off. Come, sir, I pray you, go. I snatch'd one half out of the jaws of death; 1 Off. What's that to us? The time goes by; away. Ant. Lead me on. [Exeunt Officers, with ANTONIO. Vio. Methinks, his words do from such passions fly, That he believes himself; so do not I. Prove true, imagination, O, prove true, That I, dear brother, be now ta'en for you! Sir To. Come hither, knight; come hither, Fabian; we'll whisper o'er a couplet or two of most sage saws. Vio. He nam'd Sebastian; I my brother know Yet living in my glass; even such, and so, In favour was my brother; and he went Still in this fashion, colour, ornament, For him I imitate: O, if it prove, Tempests are kind, and salt waves fresh in love! [Exit. Sir To. A very dishonest paltry boy, and more a coward than a hare: his dishonesty appears in leaving his friend here in necessity, and denying him; and for his cowardship, ask Fabian. Fab. A coward, a most devout coward, religious in it. Sir And. 'Slid, I'll after him again, and beat him. Sir To. Do, cuff him soundly, but never draw thy sword. Sir And. An I do not, — yet. [Exit. Sir To. I dare lay any money, 'twill be nothing [Exeunt. whilst. some great man, and now applies it to a fool. Vent | curate; do it quickly: I'll call sir Toby the my folly! I am afraid this great lubber, the world, [Erit MARIA. will prove a cockney. — I pr'ythee now ungird thy Clo. Well, I'll put it on, and I will dissemble strangeness, and tell me what I shall vent to my myself in't; I am not tall enough to become the lady: Shall I vent to her, that thou art coming? function well: nor lean enough to be thought a Seb. I pr'ythee, foolish Greek, depart from me; good student: but to be said, an honest man, and There's money for thee; if you tarry longer, a good housekeeper, goes as fairly, as to say, a I shall give worse payment. careful man, and a great scholar. The competitors 9 Clo. By my troth, thou hast an open hand: These wise men, that give fools money, get themselves a good report after fourteen years' purchase. Enter Sir ANDREW, Sir TOBY, and FABIAN. Sir And. Now, sir, have I met you again? there's for you. [Striking SEBASTIAN. Seb. Why, there's for thee, and there, and there: Are all the people mad? [Beating Sir ANDREW. Sir To. Hold, sir, or I'll throw your dagger o'er the house. Clo. This will I tell my lady straight: I would not be in some of your coats for two-pence. [Exit Clown. Sir To. Come on, sir; hold. [Holding SEBASTIAN. Sir And. Nay, let him alone, I'll go another way to work with him; I'll have an action of battery against him, if there be any law in Illyria: though I struck him first, yet it's no matter for that. Seb. Let go thy hand. Sir To. Come, sir, I will not let you go. Come, my young soldier, put up your iron: you are well fleshed; come on. Seb. I will be free from thee. What wouldst thou know? If thou dar'st tempt me further, draw thy sword. [Draws. Sir To. What, what? Nay, then I must have an ounce or two of this malapert blood from you. [Draws. Enter OLIVIA. enter. Enter Sir TOBY BELCH and MARIA. Sir To. Jove bless thee, master parson. Clo. Bonos dies, sir Toby: for as the old hermit of Prague, that never saw pen and ink, very wittily said to a niece of king Gorboduc, That, that is, is ; so I, being master parson, am master parson; For what is that, but that? and is, but is? Sir To. To him, sir Topas. Clo. What, hoa, I say, Peace in this prison ! Sir To. The knave counterfeits well; a good knave. Mal. [In an inner chamber.] Who calls there? Clo. Sir Topas, the curate, who comes to visit Malvolio the lunatick. Mal. Sir Topas, sir Topas, good sir Topas, go to my lady. Clo. Out, hyperbolical fiend! how vexest thou this man? talkest thou nothing but of ladies? Sir To. Well said, master parson. Mal. Sir Topas, never was a man thus wronged: good sir Topas, do not think I am mad; they have laid me here in hideous darkness. Clo. Fie, thou dishonest Sathan! I call thee by the most modest terms; for I am one of those gentle ones, that will use the devil himself with courtesy: Say'st thou, that house is dark? Mal. As hell, sir Topas. Clo. Why, it hath bay-windows transparent as barricadoes, and the clear stones towards the southnorth are as lustrous as ebony; and yet complainest Oli. Hold, Toby; on thy life, I charge thee hold. thou of obstruction? Oli. Will it be ever thus? Ungracious wretch, Rudesby 7, be gone! I pr'ythee, gentle friend, Against thy peace. Go with me to my house; Seb. What relish is in this? how runs the stream? Oli. Nay, come, I pr'ythee: 'Would thou'dst be rul'd by me! Mal. I am not mad, sir Topas; I say to you, this house is dark. Clo. Madman, thou errest: I say, there is no darkness, but ignorance; in which thou art more puzzled than the Egyptians in their fog. Mal. I say, this house is as dark as ignorance, though ignorance were as dark as hell; and I say, there was never man thus abused: I am no more mad than you are; make the trial of it in any constant question. Clo. What is the opinion of Pythagoras, concerning wild-fowl? Mal. That the soul of our grandam might haply inhabit a bird. Clo. What thinkest thou of his opinion? Mal. I think nobly of the soul, and no way approve his opinion? Clo. Fare thee well: Remain thou still in darkness thou shalt hold the opinion of Pythagoras, ere I will allow of thy wits; and fear to kill a woodcock, lest thou dispossess the soul of thy grandam. Fare thee well. Mal. Sir Topas, sir Topas, Sir To. My most exquisite sir Topas ! Mar. Thou might'st have done this without thy beard, and gown; he sees thee not. Sir To. To him in thine own voice, and bring me 1 Regular conversation, 2 Any other Gem as well as a Topaz. 9 Confederates. Mal. Fool, fool, fool, I say, Clo. Alas, sir, be patient. What say you, sir? I am shent 3 for speaking to you. Mal. Good fool, help me to some light, and some paper; I tell thee, I am as well in my wits, as any man in Illyria. Clo. Well-a-day, that you were, sir! Mal. By this hand I am: Good fool, some ink, paper, and light, and convey what I will set down to my lady; it shall advantage thee more than ever the bearing of letter did. Clo. I will help you to't. But tell me true, are you not mad indeed? or do you but counterfeit ? Mal. Believe me, I am not; I tell thee true. Clo. Nay, I'll ne'er believe a madman, till I see his brains. I will fetch you light, and paper, and ink. Mal. Fool, I'll requite it in the highest degree: I pr'ythee, be gone. Clo. I am gone, sir, And anon, sir, [Erit. Seb. This is the air; that is the glorious sun; This pearl she gave me, I do feel't and see't: And though 'tis wonder that enwraps me thus, Yet 'tis not madness. Where's Antonio then? I could not find him at the Elephant: Yet there he was; and there I found this credit", That he did range the town to seek me out. His counsel now might do me golden service: For though my soul disputes well with my sense, That this may be some error, but no madness, Yet doth this accident and flood of fortune So far exceed all instance, all discourse, That I am ready to distrust mine eyes, And wrangle with my reason, that persuades me To any other trust, but that I am mad, Or else the lady's mad; yet, if 'twere so, She could not sway her house, command her followers, Take, and give back, affairs and their despatch, With such a smooth, discreet, and stable bearing, As, I perceive, she does: there's something in't, That is deceivable. But here comes the lady. Enter OLIVIA and a Priest. Oli. Blame not this haste of mine: If you mean well, Now go with me, and with this holy man, That they may fairly note this act of mine! ? And [Exeunt. ACT V. SCENE I.—The Street before Olivia's House. Enter Clown and FABIAN. Fab. Now, as thou lovest me, let me see his letter. Clo. Good master Fabian, grant me another request. Fab. Any thing. 3 Scolded, reprimanded, Clo. Do not desire to see this letter. Fab. That is, to give a dog, and, in recompense, desire my dog again. Enter DUKE, VIOLA, and Attendants. Duke. Belong you to the lady Olivia, friends? 4 A buffoon character in the old plays, and father of the 6 Until, modern harlequin. 5 Account. |