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• obstinate female, who had for some time refused
admittance. I made a lodgement in an outer • parlour about twelve : The enemy retired to her • bed-chamber, yet I still pursued, and about two • o'clock this afternoon the thought fit to capicu.
late. Her demands are indeed fomewhat high,
in relation to the settlement of her fortune. • But being in poffeffion of the house, I in• tended to infift
upon Carte Blanche, and am in hopes, by keeping off all other pretenders for . the fpace of twenty-four hours, to ftarve her • into a compliance. I beg your speedy advice,
. and am,
• SIR, Yours,
• PETER Push."
From my camp in Red-Lion fquare, Saturday four in the afternoon.
No 567. WEDNESDAY, JULY 14.
Inceptus clanor frustratur hiantes,
VIRG. Æn. vi. v. 493. -The weak voice deceives their gasping throats,
Have received private advice from fome of my
correspondents, that if I would give my paper a general run, I should take care to season it with fcandal. I have indeed obferved of late that few writings fell which are not filled wäh great names and illuftrious titles. The reader generally cafts his eye upon a new book, and if he finds several letters separated from one another by a dash, he bnys it up, and peruses it with great fatisfaction. An M and an h, a T and an s, with a short line between them, has fold many infipid pamphlets.
Nay I have known a whole edition go off by virtue of two or three well written com 's.
A sprinkling of the words Faction, Frenchman, Papift, Plunderer, and the like fignificant terms, in an Italic character, have also a very good effect upon the eye of the purchaser; not to mention fcribbler, liar, rogue, rascal, knave, and villain, without which it is impossible to carry on a modern controversy.
Our party-writers are fo fenfible of the secret virtue of an innuendo to recommend their produce tions, that of late they never mention the or P-t at length, though they speak of them with honour, and with that deference which is due to them from every private person. It gives a secret fatisfaction to a peruser of those myfterious works, that he is able to decipher them without help, and, by the strength of his own natural parts, to fill up a blank-space, or make out a word that has only the firft or last letter to it.
Some of our authors indeed, when they would be more satirical than ordinary, omit only the vowels of a great man's name, and fall most unmercifully upon all the confonants. This way of writing was first of all introduced by T-m Br-wn, of facetious memory, who, after having gutted a proper name of all its intermediate vowels, ufçd to plant it in his works, and make as free with it as he pleased, without any danger of the ftatute.
That I may imitate these celebrated authors, and publish a paper which thall be more taking than ordinary, I have here drawn up a very curi. ous libel, in which a reader of peneration will find a great deal of concealed fatire, and, if he be acquainted with the present posture of affairs, will cafily discover the meaning of it. • If there are four persons in the nation who en.
• deavour to bring all things into confufion, and ru· in their native country, I think every honest Eng, l.fim-n ought to be upon his guard. That there are such, every one will agree
me, who hears *** with his first friend and favou, ! rite***, not to mention *** nor ***. These peo,
ple may cry ch-rch, ch-rch, as long as they please, .but, to make use of a homely proverb, the proof • of the puòdd-ing is in the eating. This I am sure (of, that if a certain Prince should concur with a • certain prelate, and we have Monsieur Z-n's • word for it) our posterity would be in a sweet Spkle. Must the British nation suffer for, • Tooth, because my Lady Q:p-t-s has been diso•bliged? Or is it reasonable for our English fleet, o which used to be the terror of the ocean, should 6. lie wind-bound for the sake of a I love to • speak out and declare my mind clearly, when a I am talking for the good of my country. I will not ' make my court to an ill man, though he were a " B -yor a 1-y. Nay, I would not stick to I call such a politician, a traitor, an enemy to his country, and a Bl-nd-rb-fs, &c.&c.'
The remaining part of this political treatise, which is written after the manner of the most celebrated authors in Great Britain, I may communicate to the publick at a more convenient season. In the mean while I shall leave this with my curious reader, as some ingenious wrkers do their enigmas, and if any sagacious person can fairly unriddle it, I : will print his explanation, and, if he pleases, ac, quaint the world with his name.
I hope this short essay will convince my readers, it is not for want of abilities that I avoid state-tracts, and that if I would apply my mind to it, I might in a little time be as great a master of the political scratch as any the most eminent writer of the age. I shall only add, that in order to outshine all this modern race of Syncopists, and thoroughly content my
English reader, I intend shortly to publisha SPECTATOR, that shall not have a single vowel
FRIDAY, JULY 16.
Dum recitas, incipit effe tuus.
MART. Ep. xxxix. lib. 1. Reciting makes it thine. I Was yesterday in a coffee-house not far from
the Royal Exchange, where I observed three perfons in close conference over a pipe of tobacco ; upon which, having filled for my own use, I light: ed it at the little wax.candle that stood before them; and after having thrown in two or three whiffs amongst them, fat down and made one of the company. I need not tell my reader, that lighting a man's pipe at the same candle, is looked upon among brother-smoakers as an overture to conversation and friendship. As we here laid our heads together in a very amicable manner, being entrenched under a cloud of our own raising, I took up the last SpectaTOR, and cafting my eye over it, The SPECTATOR, fays I, is very witty today ; upon which a lusty lethargic old gentleman, who fat at the upper end of the table, having gra. dually blown out of his mouth a great deal of smoke, which he had been collecting for some time before, Ay, says he, more witty than wife, I am afraid. His neighbour, who fat at his right hand, immediately coloured, and being an angry politician, laid down his pipe with so much wrath, that he broke it in the middle, and by that means furnished me with a tobacco-stopper. I took it up very sedately, and looking him full in the face, made use of it from time to time, all the while he
was speaking : This fellow, says he, can't for his life keep out of politicks. Do you see how he abuses four great men here? I fixed my eye very attentively on the paper, and asked him if he meant those who were meant by asterisks. Afterisks, says he, do you call them? they are all of them stars. He might as well have put garters to 'em. Then pray * do but mind the two or three next lines : Cb-rch and podd-ng in the fame sentence! Our clergy are very much beholden to him. Upon this the third gentleman, who was of a mild difpofition, and as I found a whig in his heart, desired him not to be too fevere upon the SPECTATOR, neither; For, says he, you find he is very cautious of giving offence, and has therefore put two dasbes in his pudding. A fig for his dab, says the angry politician. In his next fentence
, be gives a plain innuendo, that our pofterity will be in a sweet pickle. What does the fool mean by his pickle? Why does he not write it at length, if he means henestly? I have read over the whole sentence, says I'; but I look upon the parenthesis in the belly of it to be the most dangerous part, and as full of infinuations. as it can hold. But who, fays I, is my Lady Q-p-t-s? Ay, answer that if you can, Sir, says the furious. statesman to the poor whig that fat over-against him. But without giving him time to reply, I do affure you, says he, were I my Lady Q:p-t-s, I would fue him for scandalum magnatum. What is the world come to? Must every body be allowed to ? : He had by this time filled a new pipe, and applying it to his lips, when we expected the last word of his fentence, put us off with a whiff of tobacco; which, he redoubled with so much rage and trepidation, that he almost stifled the whole company. After a short pause, I owned that I thought the SPECTATor had gone too far in writing so many letters of my Lady 2-p-t-s's. name ; but however, says I, he has made a little amends for it in his next sentence, where he leaves a blank space without so much as a