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A CRITICAL GOSSIP WITH LADY M. W. MONTAGU.

lous house I ever saw, since it really is not habitable, from the excess sive damps ; so true it is, the things that we would do, those do we not, and the things we would not do, those do we daily. I feel in myself a proof of this assertion, being much against my will at Venice, though I own it is the only great town where I can properly reside, yet here I find so many vexations, that, in spite of all my philosophy, and (what is more powerful,) my phlegm, I am oftner out of humour than among my plants and poultry in the country. I cannot help being concerned at the success of iniquitous schemes, and grieve for oppressed merit. You, who see these things every day, think me as unreasonable, in making them matter of complaint, as if I seriously lamented the change of seasons. You should consider I have lived almost a herinit ten years, and the world is as new to me as to a country girl transported from Wales to Coventry. I know I ought to think my lot very good, that can boast of some sincere friends among strangers.'

But we must put an end to this agreeable conference,—though we think, that if we could for ever listen to such vivid gossip, we should never grow old. We had intended to have treated of the romantic intimacy, and subsequent determined hatred, that existed between Lady Mary and Pope ; but our limits warn us that we must not indulge in a lengthy discussion of the subject. She, it is clear, was flattered by his wit and his mental beauty. In him real passion took root. His advances she appears to have repulsed, and he was thus suddenly driven to the galling contemplation of his own person, and he at once from the adoring poet became the “Deformed Transformed ” into hate itself. Byron never forgave an allusion to his lameness. The separation of Mr. Wortley from his accomplished wife still remains unexplained; but it is clear that kindly and respectful feelings were preserved unblemished between them; and there is a delicate tenderness in each towards the other in the veriest trifles, which shows how feeble a thing is absence over sincere affections. We are rather surprised that no letters from Lady Mary to her grand-daughter Lady Jane, (one of the daughters of the Countess of Bute,) have not straggled into print. How beautifully must she have written to children, and particularly to such a child as Lady Jane appears to have been! The letters, however, we fear are lost.

If we might be permitted to adopt a new manner of life, and to pitch our tent in whatever part of his Majesty's dominions we pleased,

we have no hesitation in saying that we should lose no time in directing those people, however respectable they may be, who inhabit Strawberry Hill, to get out! We should then send down by the Twickenham carrier complete sets of the works of Pope, Swift, Johnny Gay, and the dear Arbuthnot,-of the Letters of Horace Walpole, of Lady Mary Wortley Montagu, Pepys' Memoirs, Evelyn's Memoirs, Shakspeare, and some other works of trifling interest, begging they may be placed in that little library with the stained glass. We should then Ourselves go down !-have a comfortable annuity from government, and a moderate handful of servants from the neighbourhood; and there we would pass away our life, “ from morn to noon,—from noon to dewy eve,--a summer's day!" This plan has something in it so modest and reasonable, that we cannot help thinking it will attract the attention of the existing ministry, and in the end be realized!

A LAMENT OVER THE BANNISTER.
And have we lost thee ! -has the monarch grim
To his dull court borne off the child of whim !
And art thou gone, Oldboy ?1 thou brave and good
Protector? of the Children in the Wood ?
Then has the World's great Echo3 died away ;
Out of his time th’Apprentice could not stay:
The Squib’ss gone off, extinguish'd ev'ry spark,
And Momus mourns his region left so dark.
How oft, exulting, have we view'd the Moo26
For Christian captives open Freedom's door;
We've stared to hear the Valet's? ready fib,
And shudder'd wheu the Cobblers strapp'd his rib.
How, when Barbadoes' merry bells did ring,
We've smiled to see thee Trudge and hear thee sing ;
Thy Bento and Doryll were of right true blue,
Thy Sheval? warm'd us to respect a Jew.
To Feign well13 thou indeed couldst make pretence,
Thy brilliant eye was all intelligence;
In thee we lost the flow'r of City youths,14
And now no Lenitivels our sorrow soothes.
We care not whether tithes be paid or left,
Since of our Acresl6 we have been bereft;
We dread Spring Rice's yearly fiscal bore,
But grieve Thy Bulget17 can be heard no more.
Great Garrick's pet,—an ancient fav’rite's son, -
Upon the stage thy public course was run,
Tho', in thy youth, a painter;

and, as man,
Thou didst draw houses in a Caravan18.
And well thou couldst support a Storm'', but Gout
Life's little furthing rushlight20 has blown out:
Thou 'rt gone, and from all further ills art screen'd,
For thou didst follow Conscience, not the Fienda.
Mourn'd in public and private, thou wouldst not come back ;
Be quiet! I know it'22—thou ’rt happier, Jack !

J. S. i Colonel Oldboy

in Lionel and Clarissa. 2 Walter

The Children in the Wood. 3 Echo

The World. 4 Dick

The Apprentice. 5 Sam Squib

Past Ten o'Clock. 6 Sadi

The Mountaineers.

The Lying Valet. 8 Jonson

The Devil to Pay. 9 Trudge

Inkle and Yarico. 10 Ben

Love for Love. 11 John Dory

Wild Oats, 12 Sheva.

The Jew. 13 Colonel Feignwell Bold Stroke for a Wife. 14 Young Philpot

The Citizen. 15 Lenitive

The Prize. 16 Acres .

The Rivals. 17 Bannister's Budget A Monodramatic Entertainment. 18 Blabbo

The Caravan. 19 Storm

Ella Rosenberg. 20 Little Farthing Rushlight A popular song sung by Bannister. 21 Lancelot Gobbo

The Merchant of Venice. 22 Sir David Dunder Ways and Means.

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7 Sharp

THEATRICAL ADVERTISEMENT, EXTRAORDINARY.

[As we might reasonably be expected to account for the possession of the following document, we beg to state that it was put into our hands by an unknown gentleman, who slipped unseen into our sanctum, clothed in a whity-brown suit, half-boots, and blue cotton stockings. The gentleman apologized for the negligence of his attire, by stating that he was in “ reduced ” circumstances. His employers, he said, had hit upon an ingenious mode of reimbursing themselves for the losses they sustained by trading under the market price,—which was simply paying their workmen one half of their wages, and owing them the other. On our inquiring with great sympathy, whether he was not desirous to get the last-mentioned moiety, he replied with real feeling, that he wished he might. He then begged the loan of a small pinch of snuff, sighed deeply, and withdrew.-Ep. B. M.]

Messrs. Four, Two, and One, many years resident on the Surrey side of the river Thames, beg most respectfully to announce to the play-going public, that in consequence of the increasing demand for all sorts of low-priced theatrical articles, they have at length succeeded in securing and entering upon those large, commodious, and formerly well-known high-priced premises situate in Drury-lane and Covent-garden; and having by this arrangement prevented the possibility of competition, they are determined to do business in future upon the Surrey-side system only. To prove the sincerity of their intentions, Four, Two, and One take this opportunity of making known to the directors of theatrical establishments, that they have a number of hints ready cut and dried, upon the necessity of a general reduction of the salaries of the principal English artistes, which will be found singularly useful to managers taking a Continental trip for the purpose of securing Foreign talent for the London market.

F. T. and O. also recommend their celebrated elastic, self-acting, portable, Anglo-Parisian pen, skilfully contrived to fit all hands, and which enables the writer, after six lessons upon the Hamiltonian system, to translate any French piece into Surrey-side English; thereby superseding the necessity of employing and paying any author or adapter who thinks it worth his while to embarrass himself with the study of reading, writing, or any other abstruse or outlandish knowledge whatsoever.

F. T. and 0. cannot conclude without returning their most sincere and heartfelt thanks to the nobility, gentry, and friends of the drama generally, by whom their endeavours have been so eminently patronized. In particular, they should consider themselves guilty of the grossest ingratitude, did they omit this occasion of acknowledging their infinite obligations to the proprietors of the Patent establishments, who (by their active zeal, and indefatigable industry in the great cause of general reduction) have placed Four, Two, and One, in their present premises, and have thereby enforced and illustrated this incontrovertible fact,—that Sheridan, Harris, and Colman were mere humbugs and imposters compared with F. T. and O.; and, that during their long and high-priced professional career, they did nothing to obtain or preserve the protection of a candid and enlightened public.

THE ABBESS AND THE DUCHESS.

BY THOMAS HAYNES BAYLY.

Abbess.
Who is knocking for admission

At the convent's outer gate?
Is it possible a lady

Can be wandering so late ?
Let me see her through the lattice,

And her story let me hear;
-Oh! your most obedient, madam ;
May I ask what brings you here !

Duchess.
You will very much applaud me,
When

you

hear what I have done ; I've been naughty,-I'm a peni

-tent, and want to be a nun.
I've been treated most unfairly,

Though 'tis said I am most fair;
I am rich, ma'am, and a duchess,
And my name 's La Vallière.

Abbess.
Get along, you naughty woman,

You 'll contaminate us all ;
When you touch'd the gate, I wonder

That the convent did not fall !
Stop! I think you mention’d money,

That is-penitence, I mean :
Let her in,- I'm too indulgent;-
Pray how are the king and queen?

Duchess.
Lady Abbess, you delight me,-

Oh! had Louis been as kind !
But he used me ungenteely,

To my fondness deaf and blind.
Oh! methinks that now I view him,

With his feathers in his hat k
Hem !-beg pardon—I'm aware, ma'am,
That I mustn't speak of that.

Abbess.
Not by no means, madam, never ;
No-you mustn't even think ;

the fender,
And here's something warm to drink :
Is it strong enough?-pray stir it :)

What on earth could make you go
From a palace to a convent?
Come, -I 'm curious to know?

Duchess.
Can you wonder, Lady Abbess?“

At the change I should rejoice,--
I of vanities was weary,

And a convent was my choice.

(Put your

feet upon

M

I have had a troubled conscience,

And court manners did condemn,
Ever since I saw King Louis
Making eyes at Madame M.

Abbess.
Oh! I think I comprehend you :

But take care what you 're about;
Though 'tis easy to get in here,

"Tan't so easy to get out : You 'll for beads resign your jewels,

And your robes for garments plain; Ere you cut the world, remember 'Tis not cut and come again!

Duchess. I am willing in a cloister

That my days and nights should pass; (This is very nice indeed, ma'am;

If you please, another glass)-
As for courtiers, I 'll hereafter

Lay the odious topic by ;
Oh! their crooked ways enough are
For to turn a nun awry!

Abbess.
Very proper: to the sisters

'T'would be wrong to chatter thus; Now and then, when snug and cosey,

"I will do very well for us. It is strange how tittle-tattle

All about the convent spreads,
When the barber from the village
Comes to shave the sisters' heads.

Duchess.
Do you really mean to tell me

I must lose my raven locks?
Then I'll tie 'em up with ribbon,

And I'll keep 'em in my box :
Oh! how Louis used to praise 'em !

Hem !-I think I'll go to bed.-
Not another drop, I thank you,-
It would get into my head.

Abbess.
Benedicite ! my daughter,

You 'll be soon used to the place; Though at meals our only duchess,

You will have to say your grace : And when none can interrupt us,

You of courtly scenes shall tell, When I bring a drop of comfort

From my cellar to my cell !

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