280

If any come, Hector shall honour him;

If none, he 'll say in Troy when he retires,

The Grecian dames are sunburnt and not worth
The splinter of a lance.

Even so much.

Agam. This shall be told our lovers, Lord Æneas;

If none of them have soul in such a kind,

We left them all at home: but we are soldiers;
And may that soldier a mere recreant prove,
That means not, hath not, or is not in love!
If then one is, or hath, or means to be,
That one meets Hector; if none else, I am he.

Nest. Tell him of Nestor, one that was a man
When Hector's grandsire suck'd: he is old now;
But if there be not in our Grecian host
One noble man that hath one spark of fire,
To answer for his love, tell him from me
I'll hide my silver beard in a gold beaver
And in my vantbrace put this wither'd brawn,
And meeting him will tell him that my lady
Was fairer than his grandam and as chaste
As may be in the world: his youth in flood,
I'll prove this truth with my three drops of blood.
Ene. Now heavens forbid such scarcity of youth!
Ulyss. Amen.

290

300

Agam. Fair Lord Æneas, let me touch your

hand;

To our pavilion shall I lead you, sir.

Achilles shall have word of this intent;

So shall each lord of Greece, from tent to tent:

Yourself shall feast with us before you go

And find the welcome of a noble foe. [Exeunt all but Ulysses and Nestor.

Ulyss. Nestor!

Nest. What says Ulysses?

Ulyss. I have a young conception in my brain:

Be you my time to bring it to some shape.

Nest. What is 't?

Ulyss. This 't is :

Blunt wedges rive hard knots: the seeded pride

That hath to this maturity blown up

In rank Achilles must or now be cropp'd,

Or, shedding, breed a nursery of like evil,

To overbulk us all.

Nest.

310

Well, and how?

320

Ulyss. This challenge that the gallant Hector sends,

283 The splinter of a lance. It is almost needless to say that in this challenge S. carelessly transfers the language and the usages of chivalry back to the days of Greece. 296 beaver the movable frout of the helmet, frequently used for the whole helmet. Grecian helmets were without it.

207 vantbrace armor for the arm.

However it is spread in general name,
Relates in purpose only to Achilles.

Nest. The purpose is perspicuous even as substance,
Whose grossness little characters sum up:
And, in the publication, make no strain,

But that Achilles, were his brain as barren

As banks of Libya, though, Apollo knows,

'Tis dry enough,-will, with great speed of judgement, Ay, with celerity, find Hector's purpose

Pointing on him.

Ulyss. And wake him to the answer, think you?

Nest. Why, 't is most meet: whom may you else oppose, That can from Hector bring his honour off,

If not Achilles? Though 't be a sportful combat,

Yet in the trial much opinion dwells;

For here the Trojans taste our dear'st repute

With their fin'st palate and trust to me, Ulysses,
Our imputation shall be oddly pois'd

In this wild action; for the success,
Although particular, shall give a scantling
Of good or bad unto the general;

And in such indexes, although small pricks
To their subsequent volumes, there is seen
The baby figure of the giant mass

Of things to come at large. It is suppos'd
He that meets Hector issues from our choice;
And choice, being mutual act of all our souls,
Makes merit her election, and doth boil,

As 't were from forth us all, a man distill'd
Out of our virtues; who miscarrying,

330

340

350

What heart receives from hence the conquering part,
To steel a strong opinion to themselves?

Which entertain'd, limbs are his instruments,

In no less working than are swords and bows
Directive by the limbs.

Ulyss. Give pardon to my speech:

Therefore 't is meet Achilles meet not Hector.
Let us, like merchants, show our foulest wares,

And think, perchance, they 'll sell; if not,
The lustre of the better yet to show,
Shall show the better. Do not consent
That ever Hector and Achilles meet;

For both our honour and our shame in this

Are dogg'd with two strange followers.

360

43 indexes in S.'s day were usually placed before the body of the book; pricks were small points or dots, such as run in a line between an index word on one side of a page and a figure on the other.

Nest. I see them not with my old eyes: what are they?

Ulyss. What glory our Achilles shares from Hector,

Were he not proud, we all should share with him:

But he already is too insolent;

And we were better parch in Afric sun
Than in the pride and salt scorn of his eyes,
Should he 'scape Hector fair: if he were foil'd,
Why then, we did our main opinion crush
In taint of our best man. No, make a lott'ry;
And, by device, let blockish Ajax draw
The sort to fight with Hector: among ourselves
Give him allowance for the better man;
For that will physic the great Myrmidon
Who broils in loud applause, and make him fall
His crest that prouder than blue Iris bends.
If the dull brainless Ajax come safe off,
We'll dress him up in voices: if he fail,
Yet go we under our opinion still

That we have better men. But, hit or miss,
Our project's life this shape of sense assumes:
Ajax employ'd plucks down Achilles' plumes.
Nest. Ulysses,

Now I begin to relish thy advice;

And I will give a taste of it forthwith

To Agamemnon: go we to him straight.

Two curs shall tame each other: pride alone

Must tarre the mastiffs on, as 't were their bone.

370

380

390

[Exeunt.

ACT II.

SCENE I. A part of the Grecian camp.

Ajax. Thersites!

Enter AJAX and THERSITES.

Ther. Agamemnon, how if he had boils? full, all over, generally?

Ajax. Thersites !

Ther. And those boils did run? say so: did not the general run then? were not that a botchy corps?

Ajax. Dog!

Ther. Then would come some matter from him; I see none

now.

Ajax. Thou bitch-wolf's son, canst thou not hear? [Beating him.] Feel, then.

II

Ther. The plague of Greece upon thee, thou mongrel beefwitted lord!

Ajax. Speak then, thou vinew'dst leaven, speak: I will beat

thee into handsomeness.

Ther. I shall sooner rail thee into wit and holiness: but, I think, thy horse will sooner con an oration than thou learn a prayer without book. Thou canst strike, canst thou? a red murrain o' thy jade's tricks!

Ajax. Toadstool, learn me the proclamation.

20

Ther. Dost thou think I have no sense, thou strik'st me thus? Ajax. The proclamation!

Ther. Thou art proclaim'd a fool, I think.

Ajax. Do not, porpentine, do not: my fingers itch.

Ther. I would thou didst itch from head to foot and I had the scratching of thee; I would make thee the loathsom'st scab in Greece. When thou art forth in the incursions, thou strik'st as slow as another.

Ajax. I say, the proclamation!

29

Ther. Thou grumblest and railest every hour on Achilles, and thou art as full of envy at his greatness as Cerberus is at Proserpina's beauty, ay, that thou bark'st at him.

Ajax. Mistress Thersites!

Ther. Thou shouldst strike him.

Ajax. Cobloaf!

Ther. He would pun thee into shivers with his fist, as a sailor breaks a biscuit.

Ajax. [Beating him.] You whoreson cur!

Ther. Do, do.

Ajax. Thou stool for a witch!

40

Ther. Ay, do, do; thou sodden-witted lord! thou hast no more brain than I have in mine elbows; an assinego may tutor thee: thou scurvy-valiant ass! thou art here but to thrash Trojans; and thou art bought and sold among those of any wit, like a barbarian slave. If thou use to beat me, I will begin at thy heel, and tell what thou art by inches, thou thing of no bowels, thou!

Ajax. You dog!

Ther. You scurvy lord!

Ajax. [Beating him.] You cur!

Ther. Mars his idiot! do, rudeness; do, camel; do, do.

Enter ACHILLES and PATROCLUS.

50

Achil. Why, how now, Ajax! wherefore do you thus? How now, Thersites! what's the matter, man?

Ther. But yet you look not well upon him; for, whosoever you take him to be, he is Ajax.

Achil. I know that, fool.

Ther. Ay, but that fool knows not himself.

Ajax. Therefore I beat thee.

Ther. Lo, lo, lo, lo, what modicums of wit he utters! his evasions have ears thus long. I have bobb'd his brain more than he has beat my bones: I will buy nine sparrows for a penny, and his pia mater is not worth the ninth part of a sparrow. This lord, Achilles, Ajax, who wears his wit in his belly and his guts in his head, I'll tell you what I say of him.

Ther. Has not so much wit
Achil. Nay, I must hold you.

70

[Ajax offers to beat him.

Ther. As will stop the eye of Helen's needle, for whom he comes to fight.

Achil. Peace, fool!

Ther. I would have peace and quietness, but the fool will not he there: that he: look you there.

Ajax. O thou damn'd cur! I shall

Achil. Will you set your wit to a fool's?

Ther. No, I warrant you; for a fool's will shame it.

Patr. Good words, Thersites.

Achil. What's the quarrel?

80

Ajax. I bade the vile owl go learn me the tenour of the proclamation, and he rails upon me.

Ther. I serve thee not.

Ajax. Well, go to, go to.

Ther. I serve here voluntary.

90

Achil. Your last service was sufferance, 't was not voluntary: no man is beaten voluntary: Ajax was here the voluntary, and you as under an impress.

Ther. E'en so; a great deal of your wit, too, lies in your sinews, or else there be liars. Hector shall have a great catch, if he knock out either of your brains: a' were as good crack a fusty nut with no kernel.

Achil. What, with me too, Thersites ?

ce bobb'd deluded.