ethman is to perfonate king Porus upon an elephant, and is to be encountered by Powell, reprefenting Alexander the Great, upon a dromedary, which nevertheless Mr. Powell is defired to call by the name of Bucephalus. Upon the clofe of this great decifive battle, when the kings are thoroughly reconciled, to fhew the mutual friendship and good correfpondence that reigns between them, they both of them go together to a puppet-ihow, in which the ingenious Mr. Powell, junior, may have an opportunity of difplaying his whole art of machinery, for the diverfion of the two monarchs. Some at the table urged, the puppet-fhow was not a fuitable entertainment for Alexander the Great; and that it might be introduced more properly, if we fuppofe the conqueror touched upon that part of India which is faid to be inhabited by the pygmies. But this objection was looked upon as frivolous, and the propofal immediately over-ruled. Our projector further added, that after the reconciliation of thefe two kings they might invite one another to dinner, and either of them entertain his guest with the German artist, Mr. Pinkethman's heathen gods, or any of the like diverfions, which fhall then chance to be in vogue.

This project was received with very great applaufe by the whole table. Upon which the undertaker told us, that he had not yet communicated to us above half his design; for that Alexander being a Greek, it was his intention that the whole opera fhould be acted in that language, which was a tongue he was fure would wonderfully pleafe the ladies, efpecially when it was a little raifed and rounded by the Ionic dialect; and could not but be acceptable to the whole audience, becaufe there are fewer of them who understand Greek than Italian. The only difficulty that remained, was how to get performers, unless we could perfuade fome gentlemen of the Universities to learn to fing, in order to qualify themselves for the tage; but this objection foon vanished when the projector informed us that the Greeks were at prefent the only muficians in the Turkish empire, and that it would be very eafy for our factory at Smyrna

to furnish us every year with a colony of muficians, by the opportunity of the Turkey fleet; befides, fays he, if we we want any fingle voice for any lower part in the opera, Lawrence can learn to fpeak Greek, as well as he does Italian, in a fortnight's time.

The projector having thus fettled matters, to the good liking of all that heard him, he left his feat at the table and planted himself before the fire, where had unluckily taken my ftand for the convenience of overhearing what he faid. Whether he had obferved me to be more attentive than ordinary, I cannot tell, but he had not stood by me above a quarter of a minute, but he turned fhort upon me on a fudden, and catching me by a button of my coat, attacked me very abruptly after the following manner. Befides, Sir, I have heard of a very extraordinary genius for mufic that lives in Switzerland, who has so strong a spring in his fingers, that he can make the board of an organ found like a drum, and if I could but procure a fubfcription of about ten thousand pound every winter, I would udertake to fetch him over, and oblige him by articles to fet every thing that fhould be fung upon the English stage. After this he looked full in my face, expecting I would make an anfwer; when by good luck, a gentleman that had entered the coffee-houfe fince the projector applied himself to me, hearing him talk of his Swifs compofitions, cryed out with a kind of laugh, Is our music then to receive farther improvements from Switzerland This alarmed the projector, who immediately let go my button, and turned about to anfwer him. I took the opportunity of the diverfion which feemed to be made in favour of me, and laying down my penny upon the bar, retired with fome precipitation.

C.

No. XXXII.

TH

No. XXXII. FRIDAY, APRIL 6.

Nil illi larva aut tragicis opus effe Cothurnis.

He wants no tragic vizor to increase

His natural deformity of face.

HOR.

HE late difcourfe concerning the ftatutes of the Ugly Club, having been fo well received at Oxford, that contrary to the ftrict rules of the fociety, they have been fo partial as to take my own testimonial, and admit me into that felect body; I could not reftrain the vanity of publishing to the world the honour which is done me. It is not fall fatisfaction, that I have given occafion for the prefident's fhewing both his invention and reading to fuch advantage as my correfpondent reports he did: but it is not to be doubted there were many very proper hums and paufes in his harangue, which lofe their uglinefs in the narration, and which my correfpondent, begging his pardon, has no very good talent at reprefenting. I very much approve of the contempt the fociety has of beauty: nothing ought to be laudable in a man, in which his will is not concerned; therefore our fociety can follow nature, and where the has thought fit, as it were, to mock herself, we can do fo too, and be merry upon the occafion.

• Mr. Spectator,

YOUR making public the late trouble I gave you, you will find to have been the occafion of this. Who fhould I meet at the coffee-houfe door t'other night, but my old friend Mr. Prefident? I faw fome'what had pleafed him; and as foon as he had caft his

eye upon me, "Oho, Doctor, rare news from Lon"don, fays he; the Spectator has made honourable "mention of the club (man) and published to the world "his fincere defire to be a member, with a recommendatory defcription of his phiz: and though our con"ftitution has made no particular provifion for fhort "faces, yet, his being an extraordinary cafe, I believe

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« we

"we fhall find an hole for him to creep in at; for I "affure you he is not against the canon; and if his "fides are as compact as his joles, he need not disguise "himself to make one of us." I prefently called for the paper, to fee how you looked in print; and after we had regaled ourfelves a while upon the pleasant image of our profelyte, Mr. Prefident told me I should be his ftranger at the next night's club: where_we were no fooner come, and pipes brought, but Mr. Prefident began an harangue upon your introduction to my epiftle, fetting forth with no lefs volubility of fpeech than ftrength of reafon, "That a fpeculation "of this nature was what had been long and much "wanted; and that he doubted not but it would be of "ineftimable value to the public, in reconciling even of "bodies and fouls; in compofing and quieting the minds "of men under all corporal redundancies, deficiencies, "and irregularities whatfoever; and making every one "fit down content in his own carcafe, though it were "not perhaps fo mathematically put together as he could "with." And again, "How that for want of a due "confideration of what you firft advance, viz. that our "faces are not of our own choofing, people had been "tranfported beyond all good-breeding, and hurried "themfelves into unaccountable and fatal extravagances:

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as, how many impartial looking-glaffes had been "cenfured and calumniated, nay, and fometimes shiver"ed into ten thousand fplinters, only for a fair repre"fentation of the truth? how many headftrings and

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garters had been made acceffary, and actually forfeit"ed, only becaufe folks muft, needs quarrel with their "own fhadows? And who, continues he, but is deeply "fenfible, that one great fource of the uneafinefs and

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mifery of human life, efpecially amongst those of dif"tinction, arises from nothing in the world else, but too "fevere a contemplation of an indefeasible contexture of our external parts, or certain natural and invincible difpofitions to be fat or lean? When a little more of "Mr. Spectator's philofophy would take off all this; and "in the mean time let them obferve, that there's not

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"one of their grievances of this fort, but perhaps, in "fome ages of the world, has been highly in vogue; and 66 may be fo again; nay, in fome country or other, ten "to one is fo at this day. My Lady Ample is the most "miferable woman in the world, purely of her own making; the even grudges herfelf meat and drink, for "fear the fhould thrive by them; and is conftantly cry❝ing out, In a quarter of an year more I fhall be quite out of all manner of shape! Now the lady's misfor"tune feems to be only this, that he is planted in a wrong foil; for, go but t'other fide of the water, it's a jeft at Harlem to talk of a fhape under eighteen "ftone. These wife traders regulate their beauties as "they do their butter, by the pound; and M's Cross, "when the first arrived in the Low-Countries, was not

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computed to be fo hand fome as Madam Van Driiket "by near half a tun. On the other hand, there's fquire "Lath, a proper gentleman of fifteen hundred pounds per annum, as well as of an unblameable life and con"verfation; yet would not I be the efquire for half his "eftate; for if it was as much more he'd freely part "with it all for a pair of legs to his mind: whereas in "the reign of our firft king Edward of glorious memory, "nothing more modifh than a brace of your fine taper "fupporters; and his majesty, without an inch of calf, "managed affairs in peace and war as laudably as the "bravett and moft politic of his ancettors; and was as "terrible to his neighbours under the royal name of "Long-fhanks, as Coeur de Lion to the Saracens before "him. If we look farther back into hiftory, we shall "find that Alexander the Great wore his head a little "over the left shoulder; and then not a foul firred out “'till he had adjusted his neckbone; the whole nobility "addreffed the prince and each other obliquely, and all "matters of importance were concerted and carried on "in the Macedonian court with their polls on one fide. "For about the first century nothing made more noife in "the world than Roman nofes, and then not a word of "them 'till they revived again in eighty-eight. Nor is "it fo very long fince Richard the third fet up half the

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