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erhman is to personate king Porus upon an elephant, and is to be encountered by Powell, representing Alexander the Great, upon a dromedary, which nevertheless Mr. Powell is desired to call hy the name of Bucephalus. Upon the close of this great decisive battle, when the kings are thoroughly reconciled, to thew the mutual friendship and good correspondence that reigns between them, they both of them go together to a puppet-show, in which the ingenious Mr. Powell, junior, may have an opportunity of displaying his whole art of machipery, for the diversion of the two monarchs. Some at the table urged, the puppet-show was not a suitable entertainment for Alexander the Great; and that it might be introduced more properly, if we suppose the conqueror touched upon that part of India which is said to be inhabited by the pygmies. But this objection was looked upon as frivolous, and the proposal immediately over-ruled. Our projector further added, that after the recorrciilation of these two kings they might invite one another to dinner, and either of them entertain his guest with the German artist, Mr. Pinkethman's heathen gods, or any of the like diversions, which shall then chance to be in vogue.

This project was received with very great applause by the whole table. Upon which the undertaker told us, that he had not yet communicated to us above half his design; for that Alexander being a Greek, it was his intention that the whole opera should be acted in that language, which was a tongue he was sure would wonderfully please the ladies, especially when it was a little raised and rounded by the lonic dialect; and could not but be acceptable to the whole audience, because there are fewer of them who understand Greek than Italian. The only difficulty that remained, was how to get performers, unless we could persuade fome gentlemen of the Universities to learn to fing, in order to qualify themselves for the itage; but this objection soon vanished when the projector informed us that the Greeks were at present the only musicians in the Turkish empire, and that it would be very easy for our factory at Smyrna to furnish us every year with a colony of musicians, by the opportunity of the Turkey fleet; besides, says he, if we we want any single voice for any lower part in the opera, Lawrence can learn to speak Greek, as well as he does Italian, in a fortnight's time.

The projector having thus settled matters, to the good liking of all that heard him, he left his seat at the table and planted himself before the fire, where I had unluckily taken my stand for the convenience of overhearing what he said. Whether he had observed me to be more attentive than ordinary, I cannot tell, but he had not stood by me above a quarter of a minute, but he turned short upon me on a sudden, and catching me by a button of my coat, attacked me very abruptly after the following manner. Besides, Sir, I have heard of a very extraordinary genius for music that lives in Switzerland, who has so strong a spring in his fingers, that he can make the board of an organ sound like a drum, and if I could but procure a subscription of about ten thousand pound every winter, I would udertake to fetch him over, and oblige him by articles to set every thing that should be fung upon the English stage. After this he looked full in my face, expecting I would make an answer; when by good luck, a gentleman that had entered the coffee-house since the projector applied himself to me, hearing him talk of his Swiss compositions, cryed out with a kind of laugh, Is our music then to receive farther improvements from Switzerland > This alarmed the projector, who immediately let go my button, and turned about to answer him. I took the opportunity of the diversion which seemed to be made in favour of me, and laying down my penny upon the bar, retired with some precipitation.





Nil illi larvâ aut tragicis opus esse Cothurnis.
He wants no tragic vizor to increase
His natural deformity of face.

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THE late discourse concerning the statutes of the Ugly

Club, having been fo well received at Oxford, that contrary to the strict rules of the society, they have been fo partial as to take my own testimonial, and admit me into that select body; I could not restrain the vanity of publishing to the world the honour which is done me. It is not small fatisfaction, that I have given occasion for the president's fhewing both his invention and reading to such advantage as my correspondent reports he did: but it is not to be doubted there were many very proper huins and pauses in his harangue, which lose their ugliness in the narration, and which my correspondent, begging his pardon, has no very good talent at representing, I

very much approve of the contempt the society has of beauty: nothing ought to be laudable in a man, in which his will is not concerned; therefore our society can follow nature, and where the has thought fit, as it were, to mock herself, we can do fo too, and be merry upon the occasion.



"Mr. Spectator, | YOUR making public the late trouble, I gave you,

you will find to have been the occasion of this. . Who should I meet at the coffee-house door t'other night, but


oid friend Mr. President? I saw fomewhat had plcased him; and as foon as he had cast his eye upon me, Oho, Doctor, rare news from Lon

don, says he; the Spectator has made honourable “ mcntion of the club (man) and published to the world “ his sincere desire to be a member, with a recommen

datory description of his phiz: and though our con“ ftitution has made no particular provision for short faces, yet, his being an extraordinary cafe, I believe

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we shall find an hole for him to creep in at; for I “ assure you he is not against the canon; and if his “ fides are as compact as his joles, he need not disguise " himself to make one of us. 'I presently called for " the paper, to see how you looked in print; and after

we had regaled ourselves a while upon the pleasant ' image of our profelyte, Mr. President told me I should • be his stranger at the next night's club: where we ' were no sooner come, and pipes brought, but Mr. Pre• fident began an harangue upon your introduction to

my epiftle, setting forth with no less volubility of • speech than strength of reason, “ That a speculation bi of this nature was what had been long and much 66 wanted; and that he doubted not but it would be of " inestimable value to the public, in reconciling even of “ bodies and souls; in composing and quieting the minds “ of men under all corporal redundancies, deficiencies, « and irregularities whatsoever; and making every one “ sit down content in his own carcafe, though it were “ not perhaps fo mathematically put together as he could " with."

And again, “ How that for want of a due “ consideration of what you first advance, viz. that our “ faces are not of our own choosing, people had been “ transported beyond all good-breeding, and hurried 6 theinfelves into unaccountable and fatal extravagances: as, how many impartial looking-glasses had been “ censured and calumniated, nay, and sometimes shiver« ed into ten thousand splinters, only for a fair repre“ sentation of the truth? how many headftrings and

garters had been made accessary, and actually forfeit“ ed, only because folks must needs quarrel with their

own shadows? And who, continues he, but is deeply “ fenfible, that one great source of the uneasiness and

misery of human life, especially amongst those of dif“ tinction, arises from nothing in the world else, but too « fevere a contemplation of an indefeasible contexture of

our external parts, or certain natural and invincible " dispositions to be fat or lean? When a little more of “ Mr. Spectator's philofophy would take off all this; and " in the mean time let ihem observe, that there's not

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of their grievances of this fort, but perhaps, in “ some ages of the world, has been highly in vogue; and

may be so again; nay, in some country or other, ten a to one is fo at this day. My Lady Ample is the most « miserable woman in the world, purely of her own “ making; the even grudges herself ineat and drink, for s fear ihe should thrive by them; and is constantly cry“ ing out, In a quarter of an year more I shall be quite

our of all manner of shape! Now the lady's misfortune seems to be only this, that she is planted in a wrong fuil; for, go but t'other fide of the water, it's

a jeft at Harlem to talk of a shape under eighteen “ stone. These wise traders regulate their beauties as “ they do their butter, by the pound; and Miss Cross, 6 when the first arrived in the Low-Countries, was not “ computed to be so handsome as Madam Van Briket 66 by near half a tun. On the other hand, there's squire “ Lath, a proper gentleman of fifteen hundred pounds

per annum, as well as of an unblameable life and con“ versation ; yet would not I be the elyu're for half his 66 estate; for if it was as much more he'd freely part “ with it all for a pair of legs to his mind: whereas in “ the reign of our first king Edward of glorious memory,

nothing more modifh than a brace of your fine taper

supporters; and his majesty, without an inch of calf, “ managed affairs in peace and war as laudabiy as the “ braveit and most politic of his anccttors; and was as “ terrible to his neighbours under the royal name of “ Long-thanks, as Caur de Lion to the Saracens before “ him. If we look farther back into history, we shall « find that Alexander the Great wore his head a litile

over the left shoulder; and then not a soul ftirred out “ 'till he had adjusted his neckbone; the whole nobility " addressed the prince and each other obliquely, and all " matters of importance were concerted and carried on 6 in the Macedonian court with their polis on one fide. " For about the first century nothing made more noise in " the world than Rornan poies, and then pot a word of " then 'till they revived again in cighty-cight. Nor is so it lo very long tince Richiard the third set up


half the 61 backs


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