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he rifing of the curtain, the broke out into a loud foliloquy,“ When will the dear witches enter?" and immediately upon their first appearance, asked a lady that fat three boxes from her, on her right hand, if thofe witches were not charming creatures. A little after, as Betterton was in one of the fineft fpeeches of the play, the shook her fan at another lady, who fat as far on her left hand, and told her in a whifper that might be heard all over the pit, We must not expect to fee Balloon to-night.' Not long after, calling out to a young baronet by his name, who fat three leats before me, the afked him whether Macbeth's wife was ftill alive; and before he could give an answer, fell a talking of the ghost of Banquo. She had by this time formed a little audience to herself, and fixed the attention of all about her. But as I had a mind to hear the play, I got out of the fphere of her impertinence, and planted myfelf in one of the remoteft corners of the pit.

This pretty childishness of behaviour is one of the most refined parts of coquetry, and is not to be attained in perfection by ladies that do not travel for their improvement. A natural and unconstrained behaviour has fomething in it fo agreeable, that it is no wonder to fee people endeavouring after it. But at the fame time, it is so very hard to hit when it is not born with us, that people often make themselves ridiculous in attempting it.

A very ingenious French author tells us, that the ladies of the court of France, in his time, thought it ill-breeding, and a kind of female pedantry, to pronounce an hard word right; for which reafon they took frequent occasion to ufe hard words, that they might fhew a politeness in murdering them. He further adds, that a lady of fome quality at court, having accidentally made ufe of an hard word in a proper place, and pronounced it right, the whole affembly was out of countenance for her.

I muft however be fo juft as to own, that there are many ladies who have travelled feveral thousands of miles without being the worfe for it, and have brought home with them all the modefty, difcretion, and good sense that they went abroad with: As, on the contrary, there are R 2

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great numbers of travelled ladies, who have lived all their days wi hin the fmoke of London. I have known a woman that never was out of the parish of St. James's betray as many foreign fopperies in her carriage as the could have gleaned up in half the countries of Europe.

No. XLVI. MONDAY, APRIL 23.
Non bene junctarum difcordia femina rerum. OVID.

The jarring feeds of ill-conforted things.

WHEN I want materials for this paper, it is my cuftom to go abroad in queft of game; and when I meet any proper fubject, I take the firft opportunity of fetting down any hint of it upon paper. At the fame time I look into the letters of my correfpondents; and if I find any thing fuggefted in them that may afford matter of fpeculation, I likewife enter a minute of it in my collection of materials. By this means I frequently carry about me a whole fheet-full of hints, that would look like a rhapsody of nonfenfe to any body but myfelf: there is nothing in them but obfcurity and confufion, raving and inconfiftency. In fhort, they are my fpeculations in the firft principles, that, like the world in its chaos, are void of all light, diftinction, and order.

About a week fince there happened to me a very odd accident, by reason of one of these my papers of minutes which I had accidentally dropped at Lloyd's coffee-house, where the auctions are ufually kept. Before I miffed it, there was a cluster of people who had found it, and were diverting themfelves with it at one end of the coffeehouse it had raised fo much laughter among them before I had obferved what they were about, that I had not the courage to own it. The boy of the coffee-house, when they had done with it, carried it about in his hand, afking every body if they had dropped a written paper; but nobody challenging it, he was ordered by thofe merry gentlemen

gentlemen who had before perufed it, to get up into the auction-pulpit, and read it to the whole room, that if any one would own it, they might. The boy accordingly mounted the pulpit, and with a very audible voice read as follows:

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MINUTES.

Sir Roger de Coverley's Country Seat-Yes, for I hate long fpeeches-Query, if a good Chriftian may be Conjurer-Childermas-day, Saltfeller, Houfe-Dog, Screech-Owl, Cricket-Mr. Thomas Inkle of London, in the good ship called the Achilles. Yarico-Egrefcitque medendo-Ghosts-The Lady's Library—Lion, by trade a Tailor-Dromedary called Bucephalus-Equipage the Lady's fummum bonum-Charles Lillie to be taken notice of-Short Face a relief to envy-Redundancies in the three profeffions-King Latinus a recruit— Jew devouring an ham of Bacon--Weftminfter-Abbey -Grand Cairo--Procraftination---April Fools-Blue Boars, Red Lions, Hogs in Armour-Enter a King and two Fidlers folus-Admiffion into the Ugly Club-Beauty, how improveable-Families of true and falfe Humour-The Parrot's School-Miftrefs-Face half Pict half British-No man to be an Hero of a Tragedy under fix feet-Club of Sighers-Letters from Flower-pots, Elbow-chairs, Tapeftry-figures, Lion, Thunder-The Bell rings to the Puppet-show--Old Woman with a beard married to a fmock-faced Boy-My next Coat to be turned up with Blue-Fable of Tongs and Gridiron-Flower Dyers-The Soldier's Prayer-Thank ye for nothing, fays the Gally-pot-Pactolus in Stockings, with golden clocks to them-Bamboos, Cudgels, Drumfticks-Slip of my Landlady's eldest Daughter-The Black Mare, with a ftar in her forehead-The Barber's Pole-Will Honeycomb's Coat-pocket-Cæfar's behaviour and my own in parallel circumftances-Poern in Patch-work--Nulli gravis eft percuffus Achilles-The Female Conventicler-The Ogle-Master.

The reading of this paper made the whole coffee-houfe

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very merry; fome concluded it was written by a madman, and others by fomebody that had been taking notes out of the Spectator. One who had the appearance of a very substantial citizen, told us, with several politic winks and nods, that he wished there was no more in the paper than what was expreffed in it: that for his part, he looked upon the dromedary, the gridiron, and barber's pole, to fignify fomething more than what was usually meant by those words; and that he thought the coffeeman could not do better than to carry the paper to one of the fecretaries of ftate. He further added, that he did not like the name of the outlandish man with the golden clock in his ftockings. A young Oxford scholar, who chanced to be with his uncle at the coffee-house, difcovered to us who this Pactolus was; and by that means turned the whole scheme of this worthy citizen into ridicule. While they were making their several conjectures upon this innocent paper, I reached out my arm to the boy, as he was coming out of the pulpit, to give it me, which he did accordingly: this drew the eyes of the whole company upon me; but after having caft a curfory glance over it, and fhook my head twice or thrice at the reading of it, I twisted it into a kind of match, and lit my pipe with it. My profound filence, together with the fteadiness of my countenance and the gravity of my behaviour during this whole transaction, raised a very loud laugh on all fides of me; but as I had efcaped all fufpicion of being the author I was very well fatisfied; and applying mylelf to my pipe and the Poftman, took no farther notice of any thing that paffed about me.

My reader will find that I have already made ufe of above half the contents of the foregoing paper; and will eafily fuppofe, that thofe fubjects which are yet untouched, were fuch provifions as I had made for his future entertainment. But as I have been unluckily prevented by this accident, I fhall only give him the letters which relate to the two laft hints. The fi.ft of them I fhould not have published, were I not informed that there is many an husband who fuffers very much in his private affairs by the indifcreet zeal of fuch a partner as is here

after

after mentioned; to whom I may apply the barbarous, infcription quoted by the Bishop of Salisbury in his travels; Dum nimis pia eft, facta eft impia: much piety fhe became impious.'

• Sir,

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I AM one of thofe unhappy men that are plagued with a gofpel-goflip, fo common among Diffenters, efpecially friends. Lectures in the morning, churchmeetings at noon, and preparation-fermons at night, take up fo much of her time, 'tis very rare fhe knows what we have for dinner, unless when the preacher is to be at it. With him come a tribe, all brothers and fifters it feems; while others, really fuch, are deemed no relations. If at any time I have her company alone, fhe is a mere fermon popgun, repeating and discharging texts, proofs, and applications, fo perpetually, that however weary I may go to bed, the noife in my head ⚫ will not let me fleep till towards morning. The mifery of my cafe, and great numbers of fuch fufferers, plead your pity and fpeedy relief, otherwife muft expect, in a little time, to be lectured, preached, and prayed into want, unless the happiness of being fooner talked to death prevent it.

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'I am, &c.

'R. G.'

The fecond letter relating to the Ogling-Mafter, runs thus:

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• Mr. Spectator,

• I AM an Irish gentleman, that have travelled many years for my improvement; during which time I have accomplished myself in the whole art of ogling, as it is at prefent practifed in all the polite nations of Europe. Being thus qualified, I intend, by the advice of my friends, to fet up for an ogling matter: I teach the church-ogle in the morning, and the play-house ogle by candle-light. I have allo brought over with me

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