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he rising of the curtain, she broke out into a loud soliloquy,“ When will the dear witches enter?" and immediately upon their first appearance, alked a lady that fat three boxes from her, on her right hand, if those witches were not charining creatures. A little after, as Betterton was in one of the finest speeches of the play, she shook her fan at another lady, who sat as far on her left hand, and told her in a whisper that might be heard all over the pit,' We must not expect to fee Balloon to-night.' Not long after, calling out to a young baronet by his name, who sat three leats before me, the asked him whether Macbeth's wife was still alive; and before he could give an answer, fell a talking of the ghost of Banquo. She had by this time formed a little audience to herself, and fixed the attention of all about her. But as I had a mind to hear the play, I got out of the sphere of her impertinence, and planted myself in one of the remotest corners of the pit. This
pretty childishness of behaviour is one of the most refined parts of coquetry, and is not to be attained in perfection by ladies that do not travel for their improvement. A natural and unconstrained behaviour has something in it to agreeable, that it is no wonder to see people endeavouring after it. But at the same time, it is so
hard to hit when it is not born with us, that people often make themselves ridiculous in attempting it.
A very ingenious French author tells us, that the ladies of the court of France, in his time, thought it ill-breeding, and a kind of female pedantry, to pronounce an hard word right; for which reason they took frequent occasion to use hard words, that they might fhew a politeness in murdering them. He further adds, that a lady of some quality at court, having accidentally made use of an hard word in a proper place, and pronounced it right, the whole assembly was out of countenance for her.
I must however be so just as to own, that there are many ladies who have travelled several thousands of miles without being the worse for it, and have brought home with them all the modesty, discretion, and good sense that they went abroad with: As, on the contrary, there are
great numbers of travelled ladies, who have lived all their days wi hin the fmoke of London. I have known a woman that never was out of the parish of St. James's betray as many foreign fopperies in her carriage as the could have gleaned up in half the countries of Europe.
MONDAY, APRIL 23.
Non bene junétarum discordia semina rerum. Ovid.
The jarring feeds of ill-consorted things. WHEN I want materials for this paper, it is my cus,
toin to go abroad in quest of game ; and when I meet any proper subject, I take the first opportunity of setting down any hint of it upon paper. At the same time I look into the letters of my correspondents; and if I find any thing suggested in them that may afford matter of speculation, I likewise enter a minute of it in my collection of materials. By this means I frequently carry about me a whole sheet-full of hints, that would look like a rhapsody of nonsense to any body but myself: there is nothing in them but obscurity and confusion, raving and inconsistency. In short, they are my speculations in the first principles, that, like the world in its chaos, are void of all light, distinction, and order.
About a week since there happened to me a very odd accident, by reason of one of these my papers of minutes which I had accidentally dropped at Lloyd's coffee-house, where the auctions are usually kept. Before I missed it, there was a cluster of people who had found it, and were diverting themselves with it at one end of the coffeehouse: it had raised so much laughter among them before I had observed what they were about, that I had not the courage to own it. The boy of the coffee-house, when they had done with it, carried it about in his hand, asking erery body if they had dropped a written paper ; but nobody challenging it, he was ordered by those merry
gentlemen who had before perused it, to get up into the auction-pulpit, and read it to the whole room, that if any one would own it, they might. The boy accordingly mounted the pulpit, and with a very audible voice read as follows :
MINUTES. Sir Roger de Coverley's Country Seat-Yes, for I hate long Ipeeches-Query, if a good Christian may
be a Conjurer-Childermas-day, Saltseller, House-Dog, Screech-Owl, Cricket-Mr. Thomas Inkle of London, in the good ship called the Achilles. Yarico-Ægrescitque medendo-Ghosts The Larly's Library--Lion, by trade a Tailor-Dromedary called Bucephalus--Equipage the Lady's summum bonum-Charles Lillie to be taken notice of Short Face a relief to envy-Redundancies in the three professions--King Latinus a recruitJew devouring an ham of Bacon-Westminster-Abley Grand Cairo--Procrastination----April Fools----Blue Boars, Red Lions, Hogs in Armour-Enter a King and two Fidiers folus–Admission into the Ugly Club-Beauty, how improveable-Families of true and false Humour--The Parrot's School-Mistress ---Face half Pict half British--No man to be an Hero of a Tragedy under fix feet-Club of Sighers-Letters from Flower-pots, Elbow-chairs, Tapefiry-figures, Lion, Thunder--The Bell rings to the Puppet-fhow--Old Woman with a beard married to a smock-faced Boy-My next Coat to be turned
up with Blue-Fable of Tongs and Gridiron-Flower Dyers--The Soldier's Prayer---Thank ye for nothing, says the Gally-pot-Pactolus in Stockings, with golden clocks to them----Bamboos, Cudgels, Drumiticks--Slip of my Landlady's eldest Daughter-The Black Mare, with a star in her forehead--The Barber's Pole-Will Honeycomb's Coat-pocket--Cæsar's behaviour and my own in parallel circumstances--Poern in Patch-work--Nulli gravis eft percuffus Achilles-The Female Conventicler-The Ogle-Master. The reading of this paper made the whole coffee-house R3
very merry; foine concluded it was written by a madman, and others by fomebody that had been taking notes out of the Spectator. One who had the appearance of a very substantial citizen, told us, with several politic winks and nods, that he wished there was no more in the paper han what was expressed in it: that for his part, he looked upon the dromedary, the gridiron, and barber's pole, to signify something more than what was usually meant by those words; and that he thought the coffeeman could not du better than to carry the paper to one of the secretaries of state. He further added, that he did not like the name of the outlandish man with the golden clock in his stockings.
A young Oxford scholar, who chanced to be with his uncle at the coffee-house, discovered to us who this Pactolus was; and by that means turned the whole scheme of this worthy citizen into ridicule. While they were making their several conjectures upon this innocent paper, I reached out my arm to the boy, as he was coming out of the pulpit, to give it me, which 'he did accordingly: this drew the eyes of the whole company upon me; but after having cast a cursory glance over it, and shook my head twice or thrice at the reading of it, I twisted it into a kind of match, and lit my pipe with it. My profound silence, together with the steadiness of my countenance and the gravity of my behaviour during this whole transaction, raised a very loud laugh on all sides of me; but as I had escaped all suspicion of being the author I was very well satisfied; and applying mytelf to my pipe and the Postman, took no fariher notice of any thing that passed about me.
My reader will find that I have already made use of above half the contents of the foregoing paper; and will easily suppose, that those subjects which are yet un. touched, were such provisions as I had made for his fu. ture entertainment. But as I have been unluckily prevented by this accident, I shall only give him the letters which relate to the two last hints. The first of them I should not have published, were I not informed that there is many an husband who suffers very much in his private affairs by the indiscreet zeal of such a partner as is here
after mentioned; to whom I may apply the barbarous,
• I AM one of those unhappy men that are plagued • with a gospel-gollip, fo common among Diflenters,
especially friends. Lectures in the morning, churchmeetings at noon, and preparation-sermons at night, • take up so much of her time, 'tis very rare she knows ( what we have for dinner, unless when the preacher is • to be at it. With him come a tribe, all brothers and • fifters it feems; while others, really such, are deemed
no relations. If at any time I have her company alone, • she is a mere fermon popgun, repeating and discharging 6-texts, proofs, and applications, fo perpetually, that • however weary I may go to bed, the noise in my head ( will not let ine sleep till towards morning. The misery • of my case, and great numbers of such sufferers, plead
dy relief, otherwise must expect, in a little time, to be lectured, preached, and prayed into
want, unless the happiness of being sooner talked to • death prevent it.
I am, &c.
« R. G.'
your pity and
The second letter relating to the Ogling-Master, runs thus:
• Mr. Spectator, " I AM an Irish gentleman, that have travelled many
years for my improvement; during which time I have • accomplished myself in the whole art of ogling, as it • is at present practised in all the polite nations of Europe, • Being thus qualified, I intend, by the advice of my • friends, to set up for an ogling matter: I teach the • church-ogle in the morning, and the play-house ogle • by candle-light. I have also brought over with me