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choice ! I am the more alarmed at this, because the lady feeins particularly smitten with men of their make.
I believe I shall fet my heart upon her; and think never the worfe of my mistiefs for an epigram a smart fellow writ, as he thought, against her, it does but the more recommend her to me. At the same time I cannot but discover that his malice is stolen from Martial.
Tacta places, audita places, fi non videare
Tota places, neutro, fi videare, places.
Whilft in the dark on thy soft hand I hung,
• YOUR letter to us we have received as a signal mark of your favour and brotherly affection. We ' shall be heartily glad to see your short face in Oxford ; • and since the wisdom of our legislature has been im. mortalized in your speculations, and our personal de• formities in some fort by you recorded to all posterity;
we hold ourselves in gratitude bound to receive, with the highest respect, all such persons as for their extra. ordinary merit
shall think fit, from time to time, to recommend unto the board. As for the Pictish dam• fel, we have an easy chair prepared at the upper end of • the table ; which we doubt not but she will grace with a very
hideous aspect, and much better become the feat " in the native and unaffected uncomeliness of her per• fon, than with all the superficial airs of the pencil, ' whichi, as you have very ingenuously observed, vanish 6 with a breath; and the most innocent adorer may de• face the farine with a falutation, and, in the literal • sense of our poets, fnatch and imprint his balmy kifles, • and devo: her melting lips ; in Thort, the only faces of • the Pictish kind that will endure the weather, must be • of Dr. Carbuncle's die; though his, in truth, has cost • him a world the painting ; but then he boasts with • Zeuxes, in aeternitatem pingo; and oft jocosely tells
• the fair ones, would they acquire colours that would • stand kisling, they must no longer paint but drink for a
complexion; a maxim that in this our age has been pursued with no ill success; and has been as admirable in its effects as the famous cofinetic mentioned in the Postman, and invented by the renowned British Hip
pocrates of the pestle and mortar'; making the party, ' after a due courie, rosy, hale, and airy; and the best • and moit approved receipt now extant for the fever of • the spirits. But to return to our female candidate, r who, I understand, is returned to hertelf, and will no • longer hang out false colours; as the is the first of her 'sex that has done us so great an honour, she will cer• tainly, in a very short time, both in prose and verse, be
a lady of the most celebrated deformity now living, and meet with admirers here as frightful as herself. But
being a long-headed gentlewoman, I am apt to imagine • The has some further design than you have yet pene• trated; and perhaps has more mind to the Spectator • than any of his fraternity, as the person of all the • world she could like for a paramour; and if so, really • I cannot but applaud her choice; and thould be glad • if it might lie in my power to effect an amicable ac6 commodation betwixt two faces of such different ex
tremes, as the only possible expedient to mend the • breed, and rectify the physiognomy of the family on • both sides. And again, as she is a lady of a very fluent • elocution, you need not fear that your first child will be • born dumb, which otherwise you might have some rea*' fon to be apprehensive of. To be plain with you, I can • see nothing thocking in it ; for tho' she has not a face • like a John-Apple, yet as a late friend of mine, who at • fixty-five ventured on a lass of fifteen, very frequently, • in the remaining five years of his life, gave me to • understand, that, as old as he then seemed, when they ' were first married he and his spouse could make but • fourscore ; fo may madam Hecatifsa very juftly alledge • hereafter, that, as long-visaged as she may then be • thought, upon their wedding-cay Mr. Spectator and • she had but half an ell of face betwixt thein, and this
my very worthy predecessor, Mr. Serjeant Chin, always maintained to be no more than the true oval proportion between man and wife. But as this may be a
new thing to you, who have hitherto had no expecta-, • tions from women, I shall allow you what time you ' think fit to consider on't; not without fome hope of
seeing at last your thoughts hereupon subjoined to
• Hugh GOBLIN, Prases.
The following letter has not much in it; but, as it is written in my own praise, I cannot from my heart fup. press it.
• Sir, • YOU proposed, in your Spectator of last Tuesday, • Mr. Hobbes's hypothesis, for folving that very odd • phænomenon of laughter. You have made the hypo• thesis valuable by espousing it yourself; for, had it • continued Mr. Hobbes's, nobody would have minded ' it. Now here this perplexed case arises. A certain
company laughed very heartily upon the reading of • that very paper of yours; and the truth on it is, he • must be a man of more than ordinary constancy that ' could stand it out against so much comedy, and not do
as we did. Now there are few men in the world so far • lost to all good sense, as to look upon you to be a man • in a state of folly inferior to himself
. Pray then, how . do you justify your hypothesis of laughter?
• Your most humble, • Thursday, the 26th of • the month of Fools,
• Q. R."
' IN answer to your letter, I must desire you to recol• leet yourself; and you will find, that, when you
did me the honour to be so merry over my paper, you • laughed at the Idiot, the German Courtier, the Gaper, • the Merry-Andrew, the Haberdasher, the Biter, the • Butt; and not at
* Your humble servant,
• The Spectator.'
No. LIII. TUESDAY, MAY s.
Aliquando bonus dormitat Homerus.
Homer himself hath been observ'd to nod.
MY correspondents grow so numerous, that I cannot
avoid frequently inferting their applications to me.
endeavours to adorn that sex, which is the fairest part of the visible • creation, are well received, and like to prove not un• successful. The triumph of Daphne over her fister • Letitia has been the subject of conversation at several • tea-tables where I have been present; and I have ob• served the fair circle not a little pleased to find you con• sidering them as reasonable creatures, and endeavour
ing to banish that Mahometan custom which had too . much prevailed even in this island, of treating women
as if they had no fouls. I must do them the justice to
say, that there seems to be nothing wanting to the • finishing of these lovely pieces of human nature be• sides the turning and applying their ambition properly, • and the keeping them up to a sense of what is their
true merit. Epictetus, that plain honest philosopher, as little as he had of gallantry, appears to have under
stood them, as well as the polite St. Evremont, and has hit this point very luckily.
" When young “ women,” says he, “arrive at a certain age, they hear " themselves called Mistresses, and are made to believe “ that their only business is to please the men; they im“ mediately begin to dress, and place all their hopes in “ the adorning of their persons, it is therefore," conti
nues he, « worth the while to endeavour by all
means to make them sensible that the honour paid to “ them is only upon account of their conducting them“ felves with virtue, modefty, and discretion.”
• Now to pursue the matter yet further, and to render your cares for the improvement of the fair ones more • effectual, I would propose a new method, like those
applications which are faid to convey their virtue by
sympathy; and that is, that in order to embellish the « mistress, vou should give a new educatjon to the lover, 6 and teach the men not to be any longer dazzled by false • charms and unreal beauty. I cannot but think that if
our sex knew always how to place their esteem justly, " the other would not be so often wanting to themselves
in deferving it. For as the being enamoured with a
woman of sense and virtue is an improvement to a • man's understanding and morals, and the pallion is en• nobled by the object which inspires it, so, on the other • fide, the appearing amiable to a man of a wise and ele
gant mind, carries in itself no sinail degree of merit and • accomplishment. I conclude therefore, that one way
to make the women yet more agreeable is, to make the men more virtuous.
• I am, Sir,
• R. B.'
« YOURS of Saturday last I read, not without fome refentment; but I will suppofc, when you say you (x* pect an inundation of ribbons and brocades, and to see