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the other Phillis. A clofe intimacy between their parents made each of them the first acquaintance the other knew in the world: they played, dressed babies, acted vifitings, learned to dance and make curtefies together. They were infeparable companions in all the little entertainments their tender years were capable of: which innocent happiness continued till the beginning of their fifteenth year, when it happened that Mrs. Phillis had an head-drefs on, which became her fo very well, that inftead of being beheld any more with pleasure for their amity to each other, the eyes of the neighbourhood were turned to remark them with comparison of their beauty. They now no longer enjoyed the ease of mind and pleafing indolence in which they were formerly happy, but all their words and actions were mifinterpreted by each other, and every excellence in their fpeech and behaviour was looked upon as an act of emulation to furpass the other. Thefe beginnings of difinclination foon improved into a formality of behaviour, a general coldness, and by natural steps into an irreconcilable hatred.

Thefe two rivals for the reputation of beauty, were in their ftature, countenance, and mien, fo very much alike, that if you were fpeaking of them in their abfence, the word in which you defcribed the one must give you an idea of the other. They were hardly diftinguishable, you would think, when they were apart, though extremely different when together. What made their enmity the more entertaining to all the reft of their fex was, that in detraction from each other neither could fall upon terms which did not hit herself as much as her adverfary. Their nights grew reftlefs with meditation of new dreffes to cutvie each other, and inventing new devices to recal admirers, who obferved the charms of the one rather than thofe of the other on the left meeting. Their colours failed at each other's appearence, flushed with pleasure at the report of a difadvantage, and their countenances withered upon inftances of applaufe. The decencies to which women are obliged, made these virins ftifle their refentment fo far as not to break into


open violences, while they equally fuffered the torments of a regulated anger. Their mothers, as it is ufual, engaged in the quarrel, and fupported the feveral pretenfions of the daughters with all that ill-chefen fort of expence which is common with people of plentiful fortunes and mean tafte. The girls preceded their parents like queens of May, all in the gaudy colours imaginable, on every Sunday to church, and were expofed to the examination of the audience for fuperiority of beauty.

During this conftant struggle it happened, that Phillis one day at public prayers fimote the heart of a gay Weft-Indian, who appeared in all the colours which can affect an eye that could not diftinguish between being fine and taudry. This American in a fummer-ifland fuit was too fhining and too gay to be refifted by Phillis, and too intent upon her charms to be diverted by any of the laboured attractions of Brunetta. Soon after, Brunetta had the mortification to fee her rival difpofed of in a wealthy marriage, while fhe was only addreffed to in a manner that fhewed fhe was the admiration of all men, but the choice of none. Phillis was carried to the habitation of her spouse in Barbadoes: Brunetta had the ill-nature to inquire for her by every opportunity, and had the misfortune to hear of her being attended by numerous flaves, fanned into flumbers by fucceffive hands of them, and carried from place to place in all the pomp of barbarous magnificence. Brunetta could not endure thefe repeated advices, but employed all her arts and charms in laying baits for any of condition of the fame ifland, out of a mere ambition to confront her once more before fhe died. She at laft fucceeded in her defign, and was taken to wife by a gentleman whofe eftate was contiguous to that of her enemy's husband. It would be endless to enumerate the many occafions on which the irreconcileable beauties laboured to excel each other; in process of time it happened that a fhip put into the ifland configned to a friend of Phillis, who had directions to give her the refufal of all goods for apparel, before Brunetta could be alarmed of their arrival. He did fo, and Phillis was dreffed in a few days in a brocade




more gorgeous and coftly than had ever before appeared in that latitude. Brunetta languifhed at the fight, and could by no means come up to the bravery of her antagonift. She communicated her anguifh of mind to a faithful friend, who, by an interest in the wife of Phillis's merchant, procured a remnant of the fame filk for Brunetta. Phillis took pains to appear in all public places where the was fure to meet Brunetta; Brunetta was now prepared for the infult, and came to a public ball in a black filk mantua, attended by a beautiful negro girl in a petticoat of the fame brocade with which Phillis was attired. This drew the attention of the whole company, upon which the unhappy Phillis fwooned away, and was immediately conveyed to her house. As foon as he came to herself, the fled from her hufband's hou e, went on board a fhip in the road, and is now landed in inconfolable despair at Plymouth.


After the above melancholy narration, it may perhaps be a relief to the reader to peruse the following expoftulation.

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The juft Remonftrance of affronted That.

HOUGH I deny not the petition of Mr. Who and Which, yet you should not fuffer them to be rude and to call honeft people names: for that bears " very hard on fome of thofe rules of decency, which you are justly famous for eftablishing. They may find fault, and correct fpeeches in the fenate and at the bar but let them try to get themselves fo often, and with fo much eloquence repeated in a sentence, as a " great orator doth frequently introduce me.

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"My Lords!" fays he, with humble fubmiffion, "That that I fay is this: that, That, that that gentle"man has advanced, is not That that he fhould have proved to your Lordships." Let those two quef

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tionary petitioners try to do thus with their Who's " and their Whiches.

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• What great advantages was I of to Mr. Dryden in his Indian Emperor,

"You force me still to answer you in That,'

to furnish out a rhyme to Morat? And what a poo figure would Mr. Bayes have made without his Egad and all That? How can a judicious man diftinguish one thing from another, without faying, This here, or That there? And how can a fober man without ufing the expletives of oaths, in which indeed the rakes and bullies have a great advantage over others, make a difcourfe of any tolerable length, without That is; and if he be a very grave man indeed, without That is to fay? And how inftructive as well as entertaining are thofe ufual expreffions, in the mouths of great men, Such things as That, and the like of That.

I am not againft reforming the corruptions of fpeech you mention, and own there are proper feafons for the introduction of other words befides That; but I fcorn as much to fupply the place of a Who or a Which at every turn, as they are unequal always to fill mine; and I expect good language and civil treatment, and hope to receive it for the future: That, that I shall only add is, that I am,

• Yours,

• That.



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