[Goes up.

Simp. Look into my heart? I may look into it for a month, and the chief article I shall find there, will be a large stock-in-hand of love for my Susan. Mrs. S. [Aside.] The perfidious wretch! Simp. Something is the matter, that's certain. We parted good friends an hour ago; put you out of humour, since? Mrs. Bromley, can you explain? wife got into her head now?

Mrs. B. [Coldly.] 'Tis nothing, pass away, I hope.

what has happened to [She turns from him.] What crotchet has my

sir, nothing-'Twill [To Mrs. Simpson.

You

Simp. A word, Mrs. Simpson, if you please. have the good luck to be married to a plain man, who— Mrs. S. Turning quickly upon him.] Well, sir, I know I am married to a plain man; and what then?

Simp. Why, then, madam, he loves you honestly and sincerely; he does his utmost, madam, to make you happy, and-and-zounds, madam, what would you have more?

Mrs. S. [Aside.] Who would have thought the traitor could carry it off so well?

Simp. Come, Susan, give me your hand, and let's have an end of this; and, till you have recovered your good temper, you had better retire to your own room.

Crosses, R. Mrs. B. [To Mrs. Simpson as she goes off.] Pray, pray, be more the mistress of yourself.

Mrs. S. Ah! my dear, this blow will be the death of me. [Exeunt Simpson and Mrs. Simpson, she reluctantly giving him her hand.

Mrs. B. Who would have suspected him? Heavens! -Should the man corrupt my Charles! Nothing so dan gerous for a husband as the society of persons of Mr. Simpson's character. Here he comes.

Enter BROMLEɣ, r.

Well, Charles, you know what is going forward.
Brom. No, love; what?

Mrs. B. Poh! poh! you know it as well as I do. Brom. Upon my honour, I cannot even guess what you allude to.

Mrs. B. 'Tis all discovered.

om. [Aside.] Discovered!-Does she suspects. B. About Simpson, you know.

om. Simpson!

rs. B. His poor wife knows all about it. om. About what, my love?

rs. B. His intrigues.

ible.

om. His intrigues? Simpson's intrigues? poh! im[Laughing. Irs. B. Nay, 'tis useless now to pretend ignorance; nave just learnt what you might have known long ago. rom. I have known! what have I known? Irs. B. That he has a mistress.

Brom. What, Simpson! The philosopher, the sober, dy-Ha! ha! ha! that's excellent! Come, tell me about it, my love; tell me all about it.

Mrs. B. Oh, my dear Charles, I'm delighted! I perve by your manner that you know nothing of it. I s fearful that you were in his confidence, and to say e truth, that would have made me uneasy.

Brom. I in his confidence! No, no, he knows me too ell; I should have lectured him roundly, had he hinted [Aside.] 'Gad, I was afraid I had been found out mylf!

Mrs. B. Only imagine-a French dealer in smuggled ce-a Madame La Trappe, who has just been here, not nowing Susan, related to us-but what am I doing?— impson, as yet, knows nothing of the discovery we have ade, and I have promised Susan to keep the secret till— Brom. Well, but you may tell me, Anna-I long to ear all the particulars—trust me— -I'm dumb, you know. Mrs. B. No-no-no-and I am to blame for having mentioned it to you at all.

Brom. Who would ever have thought this? And Simpson, of all men in the world!

Mrs. B. Really-ha! ha! ha!-really, of the two partners one would rather have suspected you than him. Brom. Ah! nothing is so little to be trusted in as appearances.

Mrs. B. And now, Charles, I've a favour to ask of you. Mr. Simpson, no doubt, is a very honourable man in business, very correct in trade; but you are a younger man than he, and I seriously entreat you not to go ou

too frequently with him; there's no knowing how he may mislead you-it may be catching.

Brom. You have nothing to fear on that score-I know him now.

Mrs. B. There's a good boy. Now I'll just go to poor Susan, and do what I can to comfort her.

Brom. Do, love; but don't remain long away from me. Mrs. B. No, dear, I'll soon return. Ha! what a hap[Exit Mrs. Bromley, L.

py woman am I.

66

Brom. So, so, Mr. Simpson; you have your little frolics abroad as well as another, I find. The hypocritical cur, with his long face and crabbed morality this morning, "when I but merely hinted at the possibility of-but real"ly this is too bad! an avowed mistress! My case is very different; I regard my wife sincerely; so that should "I even form a little attachment with Mrs. Fitzallan, there "is no danger of its disturbing my domestic peace. Be"sides, as she knows me only as Captain Walsingham, and “—Oh, hang it, I'm not so indiscreet as my partner." Ha! here he comes, the rogue. I possess his secret; he is ignorant of mine, so I'll make the best of my advantage, and torment his little sly soul out.

Enter SIMPSON, R.

Simp. There she sits mumping, and sulking, speaking half words, and-Ah! Bromley-there's my duck in the temper of a hyena, and I'll just ask you why?

Brom. You needn't ask me! you know well enough. Simp. I know! I'll be bound she herself does not know; but woman's whims

Brom. Harkye, my dear fellow: I am your friendyou know I am-as you would be mine under similar circumstances. I have promised my wife to say nothing to you about the matter, but let me put you on your guard. [Looks cautiously around, and then whispers.] It is a cursed awkward business-it is all discovered.

Simp. Discovered! What's discovered? Who has discovered? What's the discovery?

Brom. Your wife, poor thing-she knows all about it. Simp. Does she?

Brom. Yes, she does; and she has told mine.

Simp. And, pray, what has she told her?-and what do they both know?

rom. That confounded Madame La Trappe!-Why 't you bribe her to hold her tongue! She has been e, and blabbed the whole affair.

imp. And who the devil is Madame La Trappe? Brom. Why, the French smuggler, you know. Simp. Curse me if I know any smuggler-French or glish. Is every body out of his senses to-day? Brom. No, sir, no, we are all in our senses. But Mane La Trappe, whom you affect not to know, yet who ows you perfectly well, has exposed all your peccadiles: In short, she has divulged to your wife, that in a rtain sly corner-you understand

Simp. No, I don't; what do you mean by a sly corner? Brom. Why, not to mince the matter, you keep a girl. Simp. I keep a girl!-Let me tell you, Mr. Bromley, is is a bad joke-a damned bad joke—and I don't allow jesting on such a subject.

Brom. Oh! no, to be sure; it was but this morning you aid to me, with that puritanical face of yours-" My narriage promise is as sacred as my acceptance." Simp. So it is, sir.

Brom. Egad, then, if this be your way of honouring your conjugal acceptances, you'll soon lose your credit in he bank of Hymen.

Simp. Plague upon you, and Hymen, and Madame La Trappe, and the whole firm of you.

Brom. Nay, if you are angry, I have no more to say. But now, coolly: the best of us may go astray, and if you can't help being such a terrible Turk after the wo

men

Simp. A Turk! I, a Turk!

Brom. Aye-it's constitutional with you, I suppose.Why, then, face it out to your wife, and swear you're innocent; but denying the fact to me-man to man—poh ! it's ridiculous.

Simp. Mr. Bromley, for the last time I beg you'll drop the subject; I am not to be made a butt for your ribaldry. Brom. I have done; "I have acquitted myself of a "task of friendship, and have but one word to add-you are watched dogged, and surrounded with spies; but "since you won't let me help you out of the scrape❞— go -I abandon you to your unhappy fate.

66

Enter FOSTER, r.

Fos. A letter, sir; the bearer says it is o the greatest importance.

Simp. [Opening it.] Ha! from our bankers. [Reads.] "Private. We have strong reason to believe that the house of Snakely and Co., which is indebted to yours upwards of eight thousand pounds, is on the point of stopping payment"-So, here's wherewithal to put an end to your jesting.

Brom. Unlooked-for disaster! Three thousand, money lent.

What's to be done?—

Simp. We wanted but this to complete the pleasure of the morning.

Brom. [In the greatest agitation.] Go to them, Simpson-no-I'll go myself-Foster, send for a coach—or, stop, it is but a step, I shall go faster a-foot. Be calm, my dear fellow, be calm-Foster, make out a statement of this-no, rather-[Taking Simpson's hand,] leave it to me, I'll talk to them-I'll see what's to be done with them-I'll return instantly. [Going. Simp. [Calling after him.] Hold! hold! the securities I gave you, and which Mr. Tradely is to call for.

Brom. Aye, true, the securities-at such a moment as this, I hardly-What the devil have I done with them? Simp. You put them into your pocket-book!

Brom. Did I? I-I'm so flustered-[Feeling in his pockets.] Oh! here they are; you'll find them in this, and -Gives Simpson the pocket-book.] This is a dreadful blow, but I'll see what can be done. Come with me, Foster, come. [Exit Bromley in the greatest agitation, followed by Foster.

Simp. A charming morning, indeed! a quarrel with my wife about nothing, and a failure in business to the amount of eight thousand pounds. Oh! I begin to perceive that in matrimonial, as well as in mercantile specu lations, when one comes to make out the account of pro fit, a plaguy deal must be set down to per contra creditor [Exit, L.

END OF ACT 1.