it is not to be doubted but a great man of com- probation; and he that injures any man, has mon sense must look with secret indignation, effectually wounded the man of this turn as or bridled laughter, on all the slaves who stand much as if the harm had been to himself. This around him with ready faces to approve and seems to be the only expedient to arrive at an smile at all he says in the gross. It is good impartiality; and a man who follows the diccomedy enough to observe a superior talking tates of truth and right reason, may by artifice half sentences, and playing an humble admi- be led into error, but never can into guilt. T rer's countenance from one thing to another, Tuesday, June 3, 1712. Quod nunc ratio est, impetus antè fuit. Ovid, Rem. Amor. 10. "Tis reason now, 'twas appetite before. 'BEWARE of the ides of March,' said the with such perplexity, that he knows not what No. 395.] to sneer in approbation of. But this kind of compliance is peculiarly the manner of courts; in all other places you must constantly go further in compliance with the persons you have to do with, than a mere conformity of looks and gestures. If you are in a country life, and would be a leading man, a good stomach, a loud Roman augur to Julius Cæsar: Beware of voice, and rustic cheerfulness, will go a great the month of May,' says the British Spectator way, provided you are able to drink, and drink to his fair country-women. The caution of any thing. But I was just now going to draw the first was unhappily neglected, and Cæsar's the manner of behaviour I would advise people confidence cost him his life. I am apt to flatto practise under some maxim; and intimated, ter myself that my pretty readers had much that every one almost was governed by his more regard to the advice I gave them, since pride. There was an old fellow about forty notorious trips made in the last month. I have yet received very few accounts of any years ago so peevish and fretful, though a man of business, that no one could come at him ; but But, though I hope for the best, I shall not be frequented a particular little coffee-house, pronounce too positively on this point, till I where he triumphed over every body at trick- have seen forty weeks well over; at which petrack and backgammon The way to pass his riod of time, as my good friend sir Roger has office well, was first to be insulted by him at often told me, he has more business as a jusone of these games in his leisure hours; for tice of peace, among the dissolute young peohis vanity was to show that he was a man of ple in the country, than at any other season pleasure as well as business. Next to this sort of of the year. insinuation, which is called in all places (from Neither must I forget a letter which I reits taking its birth in the households of princes) ceived near a fortnight since from a lady, who, making one's court, the most prevailing way she looked upon the month as then out, for it seems could hold out no longer, telling me is, by what better-bred people call a present, the vulgar a bribe. I humbly conceive that that she had all along reckoned by the new such a thing is conveyed with more gallantry style. in a billet-doux that should be understood at On the other hand, I have great reason to the Bank, than in gross money: but as to stub- believe, from several angry letters which have born people, who are so surly as to accept of been sent to me by disappointed lovers, that neither note nor cash, having formerly dabbled my advice has been of very signal service to in chemistry, I can only say, that one part of the fair-sex, who, according to the old proverb, matter asks one thing, and another another, to were 'forewarned, forearmed.' make it fluent; but there is nothing but may One of these gentlemen tells me, that he be dissolved by a proper mean. Thus, the vir- would have given me an hundred pounds, ratue which is too obdurate for gold or paper, ther than I should have published that paper; shall melt away very kindly in a liquid. The for that his mistress, who had promised to exisland of Barbadoes (a shrewd people) manage plain herself to him about the beginning of all their appeals to Great Britain by a skilful May, upon reading that discourse told him, distribution of citron water* among the whis- that she would give him her answer in June. perers about men in power. Generous wines Thyrsis acquaints me, that when he desired do every day prevail, and that in great points, Sylvia to take a walk in the fields, she told where ten thousand times their value would him, the Spectator had forbidden her. have been rejected with indignation. Another of my correspondents, who writes But, to wave the enumeration of the sundry himself Mat Meager, complains that, whereas ways of applying by presents, bribes, manage- he constantly used to breakfast with his misment of people's passions and affections, in tress upon chocolate; going to wait upon her such a manner as it shall appear that the vir- the first of May, he found his usual treat very tue of the best man is by one method or other much changed for the worse, and has been corruptible, let us look out for some expedient forced to feed ever since upon green tea. to turn those passions and affections on the As I begun this critical season with a caveat side of truth and honour. When a man has to the ladies, I shall conclude it with a congralaid it down for a position, that parting with tulation, and do most heartily wish them joy of his integrity, in the minutest circumstance, is their happy deliverance. losing so much of his very self, self-love will become a virtue. By this means good and evil will be the only objects of dislike and ap Then commonly called Barbadoes water. They may now reflect with pleasure on the dangers they have escaped, and look back with as much satisfaction on the perils that threatened them, as their great grandmothers did formerly on the burning plough-shares, after having passed through the ordeal trial. The have warned them againt it, as they may be instigations of the spring are now abated. The led astray by instinct. nightingale gives over her love-labour'd song,' I desire this paper may be read with more as Milton phrases it; the blossoms are fallen, than ordinary attention, at all tea-tables and the beds of flowers swept away by the within the cities of London and Westminscythe of the mower. ster. X. Barbara, Celarent, Darii, Ferio, Baralipton. No- HAVING a great deal of business upon my hands at present, I shall beg the reader's leave to present him with a letter that I received about half a year ago from a gentlede Quir. I have kept it by me some months; man at Cambridge, who styles himself Peter and, though I did not know at first what to make of it, upon my reading it over very frequently I have at last discovered several conceits in it: I would not therefore have my reader discouraged if he does not take them at the first perusal. To the Spectator. I shall now allow my fair readers to return to their romances and chocolate, provided they No. 396.] Wednesday, June 4, 1712. make use of them with moderation, till abont the middle of the month, when the sun shall have made some progress in the Crab. thing is more dangerous than too much confidence and security. The Trojans, who stood upon their guard all the while the Grecians lay before their city, when they fancied the siege was raised, and the danger past, were the very next night burnt in their beds. I must also observe, that as in some climates there is perpetual spring, so in some female constitutions there is a perpetual May. These are a kind of valetudinarians in chastity, whom I would continue in a constant diet. I cannot think these wholly out of danger, till they have looked upon the other sex at least five years through a pair of spectacles. Will Honeycomb has often assured me, that it is much easier to steal one of this species, when she is passed her grand climacteric, than to carry off an icy girl on this side five-and-twenty; and that a rake of his acquaintance, who had in vain endeavoured to gain the affections of a young lady of fifteen, had at last made his fortune by running away with her grandmother. But as I do not design this speculation for the evergreens of the sex, I shall again apply myself to those who would willingly listen to the dictates of reason and virtue, and can now hear me in cold blood. If there are any who have forfeited their innocence, they must now consider themselves under that melancholy view in which Chamount regards his sister, in those beautiful lines: - Long she flourish'd, Grew sweet to sense, and lovely to the eye. Till at the last a cruel spoiler came, Cropt this fair rose, and rifled all its sweetness, Then cast it like a loathsome weed away.' On the contrary, she who has observed the timely cautions I gave her, and lived up to the rules of modesty, will now flourish like, a rose in June,' with all her virgin blushes and sweetness about her. I must, however, desire these last to consider, how shameful it would be for a general, who has made a successful campaign, to be surprised in his winter quarters. It would be no less dishonourable for a lady to lose, in any other month of the year, what she has been at the pains to preserve in May 'From St. John's College, Cambridge, Feb. 3, 1712. SIR, The monopoly of puns in this university has been an immemorial privilege of the Johnians;* and we can't help resenting the late invasion of our ancient right as to that particular, by a little pretender to clenching in a neighbouring college, who in application to you by way of letter, a while ago. styled himself Philobrune Dear sir, as you are by character a profest well-wisher to speculation, you will excuse a remark which this gentleman's passion for the brunette has suggested to a brother theorist it is an offer towards a mechan cal account of his lapse to punning, for he belongs to a set of mortals who value themseves upon an uncommon mastery in the more humane and polite parts of letters. 'A conquest by one of this species of females gives a very odd turn to the intellectuals of the captivated person, and very different from that way of thinking which, a triumph from the eyes of mother, more emphatically of the fair sex, does generally occasion. It fills the imagination with an assemblage of such ideas and pictures as are hardly any thing but shade, such as night, the devil, &c. These portraitures very near overpower the light of the understanding, almost benight the faculties, and give that melancholy tincture to the most sanguine complexion, which this gentleman calls an inclination to be in a brownstudy and is usualy attended with worse conThere is no charm in the female sex that sequences, in case of a repulse. During this can supply the place of virtue. Without in- twilight of intellects the patient is extremely nocence, beauty is unlovely, and quality con- apt, as love is the most witty passion in natemptible; good-breeding degenerates into ture, to offer at some pert sallies now and then, wantonness, and wit into impudence. It is by way of flourish, upon the amiable enchantobserved, that all the virtues are represented ress, aud unfortunately stumbles upon that by both painters and statuaries under female mongrel miscreated (to speak' in Miltonic) kind shapes; but if any of them has a more parti- of wit, vulgarly termed the pun. It would not cular title to that sex, it is modesty. I shall be much amiss to consult Dr. T- Wleave it to the divines to guard them against (who is certainly a very able projector, and the opposite vice, as they may be overpower ed by temptations, It is sufficient for me to *The students of St. John's college. whose system of divinity and spiritual mecha-sions in general, they will not allow a wise nics obtains very much among the better part man so much as to pity the afflictions of aof our under-graduates) whether a general in- nother, 'If thou seest thy friend in trouble,' termarriage, enjoined by parliament, between says Epictetus, 'thou mayest put on a look of this sisterhood of the olive-beauties and the sorrow, and condole with him, but take care fraternity of the people called quakers, would that thy sorrow be not real.' The more rigid not be a very serviceable expedient, and abate of this sect would not comply so far as to that overflow of light which shines within them show even such an outward appearance of so powerfully, that it dazzles their eyes, and grief; but, when one told them of any caladances them into a thousand vagaries of error mity that had befallen even the nearest of and enthusiasm. These reflections may im-their acquaintance, would immediately reply, part some light towards a discovery of the origin of punning among us, and the foundation of its prevailing so long in this famous body. It is notorious, from the instance under consideration, that it must be owing chiefly to the use of brown jugs, muddy belch, and the fumes of a certain memorable place of rendez-passion does not only refine and civilize huFor my own part, I am of opinion, comvous with us at meals, known by the name of Staincoat Hole: for the atmosphere of the man nature, but has something in it more kitchen, like the tail of a comet, predominates pleasing and agreeable than what can be met least about the fire, but resides behind, and fills the fragrant receptacle above mentioned. What is that to me?' If you aggravated the circumstance of the affliction, and showed how one misfortune was followed by another, the answer was still, All this may be true, and what is it to me?' indifference to mankind, as that in which the mon lot. Besides, it is further observable, that the delicate spirits among us, who declare against these nauseous proceedings, sip tea, and put up for critic and amour, profess likewise an equal abhorrence for punning, the ancient innocent diversion of this society. After all, sir. though it may appear something absurd that Those who have laid down rules for rhetoric I seem to approach you with the air of an advocate for punning, (you who have justified or poetry, advise the writer to work himself your censures of the practice in a set disserta- up, if possible, to the pitch of sorrow which tion upon that subject)* yet I am confident he endeavours to produce in others. There you will think it hundantly atoned for by ob- are none therefore who stir up pity so much serving, that this humbler exercise may be as as those who indite their own sufferings. instrumental in diverting is from auy innovat- Grief has a natural eloquence belonging to it, ing schemes and hypotheses in wit, as dwelling and breaks out in more moving sentiments upon honest orthodox logic would be in secrr- than can be supplied by the finest imaginaing us from heresy in religion. Had Mr. tion. Nature on this occasion dictates a thouWn'st researches been confined within the sand passionate things which cannot be supbounds of Ramus or Crackenthorp, that learn-plied by art. ed news-monger might have acquiesced in It is for this reason that the short speeches what the holy oracles pronounced upon the or sentences which we often meet with in hisdeluge like other Christians; and had the tories make a deeper impression on the mind surprising Mr. L―y been content with the of the reader than the most laboured strokes employment of refining upon Shakspeare's in a well-written tragedy. Truth and matter points and quibbles (for which he must be of fact sets the person actually before us in allowed to have a superktive genius), and the one, whom fiction places at a greater disnow and then penning a catch or a ditty, tance from us in the other. I do not rememinstead of inditing odes and sonnets, the gen-ber to have seen any ancient or modern story tlemen of the bon gout in the pit would never more affecting than a letter of Ann of Bologne, have been put to all that grimace in damn-wife to king Henry the Eighth, and mother ing the frippery of state, the poverty and to queen Elizabeth which is still extant in languor of thought, the unnatural wit, and in- the Cotton library, as written by her own artificial structure of his dramas. hand. 'I am, Sir, No. 397.] Thursday, June 5, 1712. Dolor ipse disertam Shakspeare himself could not have made her talk in a strain so suitable to her condi tion and character. One sees in it the expostulation of a slighted lover, the resentment of an injured woman, an the sorrows of an imprisoned queen. I need not acquaint my readers that this princess was then under prosecution for disloyalty to the king's bed, and that she was afterwards publicly beheaded uppon the same account; though this prosecution was believed by many to proceed, as she herpas-self intimates, rather from the king's love to Jane Seymour, than from any actual crime in Ann of Bologne. Ovid, Met. xiii. 225. Fecerat 'SIR, Queen Ann Boleyn's last letter to King Henry. you and myself must shortly appear, and in whose judgment I doubt not (whatsoever Cotton Lib. 'Your grace's displeasure, and the world may think of me) mine innocence Otho C. 10. my imprisonment, are things shall be openly known, and sufficiently clearso strange unto me, as what to write, or what ed. to excuse, I ain altogether ignorant. Whereas My last and only request shall be, that myyou send unto me, (willing me to confess a self may only bear the burden of your grace's truth, and to obtain your favour) by such an displeasure, and that it may not touch the inone, whom you know to be mine ancient pro-nocent souls of those poor gentlemen, who fessed enemy, I no sooner received this mes-(as I understand) are likewise in straight imsage by him, than I rightly conceived your prisonment for my sake. If ever I have found meaning; and if, as you say, confessing a favour in your sight, if ever the name of Ann truth indeed may procure my safety, I shall Boleyn hath been pleasing in your ears, then with all willingness and duty perform your let me obtain this request, and I will so leave to trouble your grace any farther, with mine command. 'But let not your grace ever imagine, that earnest prayers to the Trinity, to have your your poor wife will ever be brought to acknow-grace in his good keeping, and to direct you ledge a fault, where not so much as a thought in all your actions. From my doleful prison thereof preceded. And to speak a truth, ne-in the Tower, this sixth of May; 'Your most loyal L. ' and ever faithful wife, ANN BOLEYN.' Insanire pares certa ratione modoque. Hor. Sat. iii. Lib. 2. 272. Creech ver prince had a wife more loyal in all duty, and in all true affection, than you have ever found in Ann Boleyn: with which name and place I could willingly have contented myself, if God and your grace's pleasure had been No. 398.] Friday, June 6, 1712. so pleased. Neither did I at any time so far forget myself in my exaltation or received queenship, but that I always looked for such an alteration as I now find; for the ground of my preferment being on no surer foundation than your grace's fancy, the least alteration I knew was fit and sufficient to draw that fancy CYNTHIO and Flavia are persons of distinc to some other object. You have chosen me tion in this town, who have been lovers these from a low estate to be your queen and com- ten months last past, and writ to each other panion, far beyond my desert or desire. If for gallantry sake under those feigned names; then you found me worthy of such honour, Mr. Such-a-one and Mrs. Such-a-one not begood your grace, let not any light fancy, or ing capable of raising the soul out of the orbad counsel of mine enemies, withdraw your dinary tracts and passages of life, up to that princely favour from me; neither let that stain, elevation which makes the life of the enamourthat unworthy stain, of a disloyal heart to-ed so much superior to that of the rest of the wards your good grace, ever cast so foul a world. But ever since the beauteous Cecilla blot on your most dutiful wife, and the infant has made such a figure as she now does in the princess your daughter. Try me, good king, circle of charming women, Cynthio has been but let me have a lawful trial, and let not my secretly one of her adorers. Cecilia has been sworn enemies sit as my accusers and judges; the finest woman in the town these three yea, let me receive an open trial, for my truth months, and so long Cynthio has acted the shall fear no open shame; then shall you see part of a lover very awkwardly in the preeither mine innocence cleared, your suspicion sence of Flavia. Flavia has been too blind and conscience satisfied, the ignominy and towards him, and has too sincere an heart of slander of the world stopped, or my guilt her own to observe a thousand things which openly declared. So that, whatsoever God or would have discovered this change of mind to you may determine of me, your grace may be any one less engaged than she was. Cynthio freed from an open censure; and mine of was musing yesterday in the piazza in Cofence being so lawfully proved, your grace is vent-gerden, and was saying to himself that at liberty, both before God and man, not on- he was a very ill man to go on visiting and ly to execute worthy punishment on me as an professing love to Flavia, when his heart was unlawful wife, but to follow your affection, al- enthralled to another. It is an infirmity that ready settled on that party, for whose sake II am not constant to Flavia; but it would be am now as I am, whose name I could some still a greater crime, since I cannot continue good while since have pointed unto your to love her, to profess that I do. To marry a grace not being ignorant of my suspicion therein. woman with the coldness that usually indeed comes on after marriage, is ruining one's self "But if you have already determined of me, with one's eyes open; besides, it is really doand that not only my death, but an infamous ing her an injury. This last consideration forslander must bring you the enjoying of your sooth, of injuring her in persisting, made him desired happiness; then I desire of God, that resolve to break off upon the first favourable he will pardon your great sin therein, and opportunity of making her angry. When he likewise mine enemies, the instruments there- was in this thought, he saw Robin the porter, of; and that he will not call you to a strict ac-who waits at Will's coffee-house, passing by. count for your unprincely and cruel usage of Robin, you must know, is the best man in the me, at his general judgment seat, where both town for carrying a billet; the fellow has a VOL. II. 15 thin body, swift step, demure looks, sufficient chamber since I writ to you, and have recosense, and knows the town. This man carried vered myself from an impertinet fit which you Cynthio's first letter to Flavia, and, by fre- ought to forgive me, and desire you would quent errands ever since, is well known to her. come to me immediately to laugh off a jealouThe fellow covers his knowledge of the nature sy that you and a creature of the town went of his messages with the most exquisite low hu- by in an hackney-coach an hour ago. mour imaginable. The first he obliged Flavia 'I am your most humble servant, " FLAVIA. to take, was by complaining to her that he had a wife and three children, and if she did not take that letter, which he was sure there 'I will not open the letter which my Cynwas no harm in, but rather love, his family thio writ upon the misapprehension you must must go supperless to bed, for the gentleman have been under, when you wait, for want of would pay him according as he did his busi-hearing the whole circumstance.' ness. Robin came back in an instant, and Cynthio answered: Half an hour six minutes after three, MADAM, It is certain I went by your lodgings with a gentlewoman to whom I have the honour to Robin therefore Cynthio now thought fit to make use of, and gave him orders to wait before Flavia's door, and if she called him to her, and asked whether it was Cynthio who passed by, he should at first be loth to own it was, but upon importunity confess it. There needed not much search into that part of the town to find a well-dressed hussey fit for the purpose Cynthio designed her. As soon as he believed Robin was posted, he drove by Fla-be known; she is indeed my relation, and a via's lodgings in a hackney-coach and a woman in it. Robin was at the door talking with Flavia's maid, and Cynthio pulled up the glass as surprised, and hid his associate. The report of this circumstance soon flew up stairs, and Robin could not deny but the gentlemen favoured* his master; yet if it was he, he was sure the lady was but his cousin, whom he had seen ask for him; adding, that he believed she was a poor relation; because they made her wait one morning till he was awake. Flavia immediately writ the following epistle, which Robin brought to Will's. As soon as Robin arrived with this, Flavia answered: 'DEAR CYNTHIO, pretty sort of a woman. But your starting Robin ran back and brought for answer: Exact Sir, that are at Will's coffee-house, six minutes after three, June 4; one that has had thoughts, and all my little imperfections. Sir, come to me immediately, or I shall determine what may perhaps not be very pleasing to you. 'FLAVIA.' Is it come to this? You never loved me, and the creature you were with is the proper 'I have walked a turn or two in my anti-est person for your associate. I despise you, and hope I shall soon hate you as a villain to 'The credulous * Resembled. 'FLAVIA.' |