ment. Within a short while these gleams be-that can arrive at man.” It is said this sengan to appear more frequent, and then brighter tence was received with an universal applause. and of a longer continuance: the sighs that There cannot be a greater argument of the hitherto filled the air with so much doleful general good understanding of a people, ness, altered to the sound of common breezes, and in general the horrors of the island were abated. than a sudden consent to give their approbation of a sentiment which has no emotion in it. If it were spoken with ever so great skill in the When we had arrived at last at the ford by actor, the manner of uttering that sentence which we were to pass out, we met with could have nothing in it which could strike any those fashionable mourners who had been fer- but people of the greatest humanity, nay peoried over along with us, and who, being un-ple elegant and skilful in observations upon it. willing to go as far as we, had coasted by the It is possible he might have laid his hand on shore to find the place, were they waited our his breast, and, with a winning insinuation in coming; that by showing themselves to the his countenance, expressed to his neighbour world only at the time when we did; they that he was a man who made his case his own; might seem also to have been among the trou- yet I will engage a player in Covent-garden bles of the grotto. Here the waters that rolled might hit such an attitude a thousand times on the other side so deep and silent were before he would have been regarded. I have much dried up, and it was an easier matter heard that a minister of state in the reign of for us to wade over.. queen Elizabeth had all manner of books and The river being crossed, we were received ballads brought to him, of what kind soever, upon the further bank by our friends and ac- and took great notice how much they took quaintance, whom Comfort had brought out with the people; upon which he would, and to congratulate our appearance in the world certainly might, very well judge of their preagain. Some of these blamed us for staying sent dispositions, and the most proper way of so long away from them, others advised us applying them according to his own purposes. against all temptations of going back again; What passes on the stage, and the reception it every one was cautious not to renew our trou- meets with from the audience, is a very useful ble, by asking any particulars of the journey; instruction of this kind. According to what and all concluded that, in a case of so much you may observe on our stage, you see them melancholy and affliction, we could not have often moved so directly against all common made choice of a fitter companion than Pa- sense and humanity, that you would be apt tience. Here Patience, appearing serene at to pronounce us a nation of savages. It canher praises, delivered us over to Comfort. not be called a mistake of what is pleasant, Comfort smiled at his receiving the charge: but the very contrary to it is what most assurimmediately the sky purpled on that side to edly takes with them. The other night, an which he turned, and double day at once old woman carried off with a pain in her side, broke in upon me. with all the distortions and anguish of countenance which is natural to one in that condition, was laughed and clapped off the stage. Terence's comedy, which I am speaking off, is indeed written as if he hoped to please none but such as had as good a taste as himself. I could not but reflect upon the natural Better or worse, profitable or disadvantageous, they description of the innocent young woman No. 502 Monday, October 6, 1712. Melius, pejus, prosit, obsit nil vident nisi quod lubent. see nothing but what they list. made by the servant to his master. 'When I came to the house,' said he, 'an old woman WHEN men read, they taste the matter with opened the door, and I followed her in, bewhich they are entertained, according as their cause I could, by entering upon them unaown respective studies and inclinations have wares, better observe what was your misprepared thein, and make their reflections tress's ordinary manner of spending her time, accordingly. Some, perusing Roman writers, the only way of judging any one's inclinawould find in them, whatever the subject of tions and genius. I found her at her needle the discourses were, parts which implied the in a sort of second mourning, which she wore grandeur of that people in their warfare, or for an aunt she had lately lost. She had their politics. As for my part, who am a nothing on but what showed she dressed onmere Spectator, I drew this morning conclu-ly for herself. Her hair hung negligently sions of their eminence in what I think great, about her shoulders. She had none of the to wit, in having worthy sentiments, from the arts with which others use "to set themselves reading a comedy of Terence. The play was off, but had that negligence of person which the Self-Tormentor. It is from the beginning is remarkable in those who are careful of to the end a perfect picture of human life, but their minds. Then she had a maid who was I did not observe in the whole one passage that at work near her that was a slattern, because could raise a laugh. How well-disposed must her mistress was careless; which I take to be that people be, who could be entertained with another argument of your security in her; satisfaction by so sober and polite mirth! In for the go-betweens of women of intrigue the first scene of the comedy, when one of the old men accuses the other of impertinence for interposing in his affairs, he answers, 'I am a man, and cannot help feeling any sorrow * Homo sum, et nihil humanum è me alienum pato. are rewarded too well to be dirty. When jest is only in the very point that heads are you were named, and I told you desired to broken. I am confident, were there a scene see her she threw down her work for joy, written, wherein Pinkethman should break covered her face, and decently hid her tears.' his leg by wrestling with Bullock, and Dicky He must be a very good actor, and draw at- come in to set it, without one word said but tention rather from his own character than what should be according to the exact rules of the words of the author, that could gain it surgery, in making this extension, and binding among us for this speech, though so full of up his leg, the whole house should be in a nature and good sense. roar of applause at the dissembled anguish of The intolerable folly and confidence of play- the patient, the help given by him who threw ers putting in words of their own, does in a him down, and the handy address and arch great measure feed the absurd taste of the au- looks of the surgeon. To enumerate the endience. But however that is, it is ordinary for trance of ghosts, the embattling of armies, the a cluster of coxcombs to take up the house to noise of heroes in love, with a thousand other themselves, and equally insult both the actors enormities, would be to transgress the bounds and the company. These savages, who want of this paper, for which reason it is possible all manner of regard and deference to the they may have hereafter distinct discourses; rest of mankind, come only to show them- not forgetting any of the audience who shall selves to us, without any other purpose than set up for actors, and interrupt the play on the to let us know they despise us. stage; and players who shall prefer the apThe gross of an audience is composed of plause of fools to that of the reasonable part two sorts of people, those who know no plea-of the company. T. sure but of the body, and those who improve or command corporeal pleasures, by the addition of fine sentiments of the mind. At present, the intelligent part of the company are wholly subdued by the insurrections of those who know no satisfactions but what they have in common with all other animals. Postcript to the Spectator, No. 502. N. B. There are in the play of the SelfTormentor of Terence, which is allowed a most excellent comedy, several incidents which would draw tears from any man of sense, and not one which would move his laughter.-Spect. in folio No. 521. This is the reason that when a scene tending to procreation is acted, you see the whole This speculation, No. 502, is controverted in pit in such a chuckle, and old lechers, with the Guard. No. 59, by a writer under the ficmouths open, stare at those loose gesticulations [titious name of John Lizard; perhaps Doctor on the stage with shameful earnestness; when Edw. Young. the justest pictures of human life in its calm dignity, and the properest sentiments for the Deleo omnes dehinc ex animo mulieres. Ter. Eun. Act ii. Sc. 3. conduct of it, pass by like mere narration, as No. 503.] Tuesday, October 7, 1712. From henceforward I blot out of my thoughts all me MR. SPECTATOR, I would not be understood in this talk to argue that nothing is tolerable on the stage 'You have often mentioned with great vebut what has an immediate tendency to the hemence and indignation the misbehaviour of promotion of virtue. On the contrary, I can people at church; but I am at present to talk allow, provided there is nothing against the to you on that subject, and complain to you interests of virtue, and is not offensive to good of one, whom at the same time I know not manners, that things of an indifferent nature what to accuse of, except it be looking too well may be represented. For this reason I have there, and diverting the eyes of the congreno exception to the well-drawn rusticities in gation to that one object. However, I have the Country Wake; and there is something this to say, that she might have staid at her so miraculously pleasant in Dogget's acting own parish, and not come to perplex those who the awkward triumph and comic sorrow of are otherwise intent upon their duty. Hob in different circumstances, that I shall not 'Last Sunday was seven-night I went into be able to stay away whenever it is acted. Ja church not far from London-bridge; but All that vexes me is, that the gallantry of I wish I had been contented to go to my own taking the cudgels for Gloucestershire, with parish, I am sure it had been better for me; the pride of heart in tucking himself up, and I say I went to church thither, and got into a taking aim at his adversary, as well as the pew very near the pulpit. I had hardly been other's protestation in the humanity of low accommodated with a seat, before there entered romance, that he could not promise the 'squire into the aisle a young lady in the very bloom to break Hob's head, but he would, if he could, of youth and beauty, and dressed in the most do it in love; then flourish and begin: I say elegant manner imaginable. Her form was what vexes me is, that such excellent touches such that it engaged the eyes of the whole as these, as well as the 'squires being out of congregation in an instant, and mine among all patience at Hob's success, and venturing the rest. Though we were all thus fixed upon himself into the crowd, are circumstances her, she was not in the least out of countehardly taken notice of, and the height of the nance, or under the least disorder, though un in things laudable, discountenanced. I wish thing which is immodest than we men are, you may never see the phantom, and am, T. Sir, 'Your most humble servant, No. 504.] Wednesday, October 8, 1712. Ter. Eun. Act iii. Sc. 1. these are ever harping upon things they ought not to allude to, and deal mightily in double meanings. Every one's own observation will suggest instances enough of this kind, without my mentioning any; for your double meaners are dispersed up and down through all parts of the town or city where there are any to offend, in order to set off themselves. These men are mighty loud laughers, and held very pretty gentlemen with the sillier and unbred part of womanIt is a great convenience to those who want kind. But above all already mentioned, or wit to furnish out a conversation, that there any who ever were, or ever can be in the is something or other in all companies where world, the happiest and surest to be pleasant, it is wanted substituted in its stead, which, are a sort of people, whom we have not inaccording to their taste, does the business as deed lately heard much of, and those are your well. Of this natue is the agreeable pastime biters.'. You are a hare yourself, and want dainties, forsooth. in country-halls of cross purposes, questions A biter is one who tells you a thing you have and commands, and the like. A little supe- no reason to disbelieve in itself, and perhaps rior to these are those who can play at cram- has given you, before he bit you, no reason to bo, or cap verses. Then above them are such disbelieve it for his saying it; and, if you give as can make verses, that is, rhyme; and him credit, laughs in your face, and triumphs among those who have the Latin tongue, that he has deceived you. In a word, a biter such as use to,make what they call golden is one who thinks you a fool, because you do verses. Commend me also to those who have not think him a knave. This description of not brains enough for any of these exercises, him one may insist upon to be a just one; for and yet do not give up their pretensions to what else but a degree of knavery is it, to demirth. These can slap you on the back una-pend upon deceit for what you gain of anowares, laugh loud, ask you how you do with ther, be it in point of wit, or interest, or a twang on your shoulders, say you are dull any thing else? to-day, and laugh a voluntary to put you in This way of wit is called biting,' by a mehumour; not to mention the laborious way taphor taken from beasts of prey, which deamong the miner poets, of making things vour harmless and unarmed animals, and look come into such and such a shape, as that of upon them as their food wherever they meet an egg, an hand, an axe, or any thing that them. The sharpers about town very ingenobody had ever thought on before for that niously understood themselves to be to the purpose, or which would have cost them a undesigning part of mankind what foxes are great deal of pains to accomplish if they did. to lambs, and therefore used the word biting, But all these methods, though they are mecha- to express any exploit wherein they had overnical, and may be arrived at with the smallest reached any innocent and inadvertent man of capacity, do not serve an honest gentleman his purse. These rascals of late years have who wants wit for his ordinary occasions; been the gallants of the town, and carried it therefore it is absolutely necessary that the with a fashionable haughty air, to the discoupoor in imagination should save something ragement of modesty, and all honest arts. which may be serviceable to them at all hours, Shallow fops, who are governed by the eye, upon all common occurrences. That which and admire every thing that struts in vogue, we call punning is therefore greatly affected took up from the sharpers the phrase of bitby men of small intellects. These men need ing, and used it upon all occasions, either to not be concerned with you for the whole sen-disown any nonsensical stuff they should talk tence; but if they can say a quaint thing, or themselves, or evade the force of what was bring in a word which sounds like any word reasonable said by others. Thus, when one you have spoken to them, they can turn the of these cunning creatures was entered into a discourse, or distract you so that you cannot debate with you, whether it was practicable go on, and by consequence, if they cannot be in the present state of affairs to accomplish as witty as you are, they can hinder your be- such a proposition, and you thought he had ing any wittier than they are. Thus if you let fall what destroyed his side of the question, talk of a candle, he can deal' with you; and as soon as you looked with an earnestness if you ask him to help you to some bread, a ready to lay hold of it, he immediately cried, punster should think himself very ill-bred' if Bite,' and you were immediately to acknowhe did not; and if he is not as well-bred' as ledge all that part was in jest. They carry yourself, he hopes for grains' of allowance. this to all the extravagance imaginable; and If do not understand that last fancy, you must if one of these witlings knows any particus recollect that bread is made of grain; and so lars which may give authority to what he they go on for ever, without possibility of be- says, he is still the more ingenious if he iming exhausted. poses upon your credulity. I remember a reThere are another kind of people of small markable instance of this kind. There came faculties, who supply want of wit with want up a shrewd young fellow to a plain young of breeding; and because women are both by man, his countryman, and taking him aside nature and education more offended at any with a grave concerned countenance, goes on at this rate: I see you here, and have you ed by the reflection on what is passed, and heard nothing out of Yorkshire ?-You look so the fear of what is to come. This fear of surprised, you could not have heard of it-and any future difficulties or misfortunes is so nayet the particulars are such that it cannot be tural to the mind, that were a man's sorrows false: I am sorry I am got into it so far that and disquietudes summed up at the end of his I must tell you; but I know not but it may life, it would generally be found that he had be for your service to know. On Tuesday suffered more from the apprehension of such last just after dinner-you know his manner evils as never happened to him, than from is to smoke-opening his box, your father those evils which had really befallen him. fell down dead in any apoplexy.' The youth To this we may add, that among those evils showed the filial sorrow which he ought- which befall us, there are many which have Upon which the witty man cried,' Bite, there been more painful to us in the prospect, than was nothing in all this.' by their actual pressure. To put an end to this silly, pernicious, fri- This natural impatience to look into futurivolous way at once, I will give the reader one ty, and to know what accidents may happen to late instance of a bite, which no biter for us hereafter, has given birth to many ridiculthe future will ever be able to equal, though ous arts and inventions. Some found their I heartily wish him the same occasion. It is prescience on the lines of a man's hand, others a superstition with some surgeons who beg the on the features of his face: some on the sigbodies of condemned malefactors, to go to the natures which nature has impressed on his gaol, and bargain for the carcase with the body, and others on his own hand-writing: criminal himself. A good honest fellow did some read men's fortunes in the stars, as so last sessions, and was admitted to the con- others have searched after them in the entrails demned men on the morning wherein they of beasts, or the flight of birds. Men of the died. The surgeon communicated his business, best sense have been touched more or less and fell into discourse with a little fellow, who with these groundless horrors and pressages refused twelve shillings, and insisted upon fif- of futurity, upon surveying the most indifferteen for his body. The fellow, who killed the ent works of nature. Can any thing be more officer of Newgate, very forwardly, and like a surprising than to consider Cicero,* who made man who was willing to deal, told him, Lock the greatest figure at the bar and in the seyou, Mr. Surgeon, that little dry fellow, who nate of the Roman commonwealth, and at has been half-starved all his life, and is now the same time outshined all the philosophers half dead with fear, cannot answer your pur- of antiquity in his library and in his retirepose. I have ever lived highly and freely, my ments, as busying himself in the college of veins are full, I have not pined in imprison- augurs, and observing with a religious atment; you see my crest swells to your knife; tention after what manner the chickens peckand after Jack Catch has done, upon my ho- ed the several grains of corn which were nour you will find me as sound as ever a bul- thrown to them? lock in any of the markets. Come, for twen- Notwithstanding these follies are pretty well ty shillings I am your man.' Says the sur-worn out of the minds of the wise and learned geon, Done, there is a guinea.' This witty in the present age, multitudes of weak and rogue took the money, and as soon as he had ignorant persons are still slaves to them. There it in his fist, cries, Bite; I am to be hung in chains.' T. No. 505.] Thursday, October 9, 1712. Ennius. are numberless arts of prediction among the vulgar, which are too trifling to enumerate; and infinite observation of days, numbers, voices, and figures, which are regarded by them as portents and prodigies. In short, every thing prophesies to the superstitious man; there is scarce a straw, or a rusty piece of iron that lies in his way by accident. It is not to be conceived now many wizards, gipsies, and cunning men, are dispersed through all the counties and market-towns of Great Britain, not to mention the fortunetellers and astrologers, who live very comfortably upon the curiosity of several well-disposed persons in the cities of London and Westminster, Among the many pretended arts of divination, there is none which so universally amuses as that by dreams. I have indeed observed in a late speeulation, that there have been sometimes, upon very extraordinary occasions, supernatural revelations made to certain persons by this means; but as it is the chief business of this paper to root out popular errors, Augurs and soothsayers, astrologers, Diviners, and interpreters of dreams, I ne'er consult, and heartily despise : Vain their pretence to more than human skill: For gain, imaginary schemes they draw; Wand'rers themselves, they guide another's steps; And for poor sixpence promise countless wealth: Let them, if they expect to be believed, Deduct the sixpence, and bestow the rest. THOSE Who have maintained that men would be more miserable than beasts, were their hopes confined to this life only, among other considerations take notice that the latter are only afflicted with the anguish of the present it is said of him, that he wondered how one augur could *This censure of Cicero seems to be unfounded: for evil, whereas the former are very often pain-meet another without laughing in his face. VOL. II. 32 |