HE Sceptics think, 'twas long ago,
Since gods came down incognito,
To fee who were their friends or foes,
And how our actions fell or rofe":"
That, fince they gave things their beginning,
And fet this whirlagig a fpinning,
Supine, they in their heav'n remain,
Exempt from paffion and from pain,
And frankly leave us human elves
To cut and fhuffle for ourselves;
To ftand or walk, to rife or tumble,
As matter and as motion jumble.
The poets, now, and painters, hold
This thefis both abfurd and bold :
And your good-natur'd gods, they say,
Defcend fome twice or thrice a-day:
Elfe all these things we toil fo hard in
Would not avail one fingle farthing;
For, when the hero we rehearse,
Το grace his actions and our verfe,
"Tis not by dint of human thought
That to his Latium he is brought;
Iris defcends by Fate's commands,
To guide his fteps thro' foreign lands,
And Amphitrite clears the way
From rocks and quickfands in the fea.
And if you fee him in a sketch,
(Tho' drawn by Paulo or Carrache)
He shows not half his force and strength,
Strutting in armour, and at length:
That he may take his proper figure,
The piece must yet be four yards bigger:
The nymphs conduct him to the field;
One holds his fword, and one his shield;
Mars, ftanding by, afferts his quarrel,
And Fame flies after with a lawrel.
Thefe points, I fay, of fpeculation,
(As 'twere to fave or fink the nation)
Men idly learned will difpute,
Affert, object, confirm, refute;
Each mighty angry, mighty right,
With equal arms fuftains the fight;
"Till, now, no umpire can agree 'em,
So both draw off, and fing Te Deum.,
Is it in equilibrio,
If deities defcend or no?
Then let th' affirmative prevail,
As requifite to form the tale;
For by all parties 'tis confeft,
That thofe opinions are the beft,
Which, in their nature, moft conduce
To prefent ends, or private ufe.
Two-gods came, therefore, from above,
One Mercury, the t'other fove.
The humour was, it feems, to know,
If all the favours they bestow,
Could from our own perverseness ease us,
And if our wish enjoy'd would please us.
Difcourfing largely on this theme,
O'er hills and dales their godships came;
Till well nigh tir'd, at almost night,
They thought it proper to alight.
Note here, that it as true as odd is,
That, in difguise, a god or goddess
Exerts no fupernat❜ral powers,
But acts on maxims much like ours.
They fpy'd, at laft, a country farm,
Where all was fnug, and clean, and warm;
For woods before, and hills behind,
Secur'd it both from rain and wind ;
Large oxen in the fields were lowing;
Good grain was fow'd; good fruit was growing; Of last year's corn in barns great store;
Fat turkeys gobbling at the door:
And Wealth (in fhort) with Peace confented,
That people, here, fhould live contented.
But did they, in effect, do fo?
Have patience, friend, and thou shalt know.
The honeft farmer, and his wife,
Two years declin'd from prime of life,
Had ftruggled with the marriage noofe,
As almost ev'ry couple does:
Sometimes, my Plague! fometimes, my Darling! Kiffing to-day, to-morrow fnarling;
Jointly fubmitting to endure
That evil which admits no cure.
Our gods the outward gate unbarr'd ;
Our farmer met 'em in the yard;
Thought they were folks that loft their way,
And ask'd them, civilly, to ftay;
Told them, for fupper, or for bed,
They might go on, and be worse sped.—
So faid, fo done; the gods confent;
All three into the parlour went:
They compliment; they fit, they chat;
Fight o'er the wars; reform the state:
A thoufand knotty points they clear,
Till fupper and my wife appear.
Jove made his leg, and kifs'd the dame;
Obfequious Hermes did the fame.
Jove kifs'd the farmer's wife, you fay.
He did-but in an honest way:
Oh! not with half that warmth and life,
With which he kifs'd Amphitryon's wife.-
Well, then, things handfomely were ferv'd';
My mistress for the strangers carv'd; . '. ...?
How ftrong the beer, how good the meat,
How loud they laugh'd, how much they eat,
In epic fumptuous wou'd appear,
Yet fhall be pafs'd in filence here;
For I should grieve to have it faid, '
That, by a fine defcription led,
I made my episode too long,
Or tir'd my friend to grace my fung.i
The grace cup ferv'd, the cloth away,
Jove thought it time to fhew his play:
Landlord, and landlady, he cry'd,
Folly and jefting laid afide,
That ye thus hofpitably live,
And flrangers with good chear receive,
Is mighty grateful to your betters,
And makes e'en gods themselves your debtors.
To give the thefis plainer proof,
You have to-night beneath your roof
A pair of gods: (nay, never wonder)
This youth can fly, and I can thunder.
I'm Jupiter, and he Mercurius,
My page, my fon indeed, but fpurious.
Form, then, three wishes, you and madam;
And, fure as you already had 'em,
The things defir'd, in half an hour,
Shall all be here, and in your pow'r.
Thank ye, great gods, the woman fays ;
O may your altars ever blaze!
A ladle for our filver difh
Is what I want, is what I wish.—
A ladle! cries the man, a ladle !
'Odzooks, Corfica, you have pray'd ill:
What should be great, you turn to farce :
I wish the ladle in your a
With equal grief and fhame, my mufe
The fequel of the tale purfues:
The ladle fell into the room,
And ftuck in old Corfica's bum.
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