LITERARY AND MISCELLANEOUS PERIPHRASIS.

It is, perhaps, in the department of art, pastime, the drama, above all letters, that the widest scope for the display of this delicate accomplishment is found. Mr. SARGENT may be transformed into "The GREVILLE of the Brush," or "The Debrett Scarifier." Sometimes again the best results may be attained by a severe and chaste simplicity, as when Mr. C. B. FRY is styled "The English RANJITSINHJI," and Prince RANJITSINHJI

THE VALENTINE,
"'ERE'S A PRETTY GO! I CAN'T REACH ERE,
AND IF I TAKE IT TO THE POST-OFFICE THEY'LL
KNOW WHO SENT IT!"

recommend with the utmost confidence,
is to be guided partly by the thermo-
meter, and partly by the nature of my
engagements. For example, if I am
calling on a very cold day at a house which
I specially desire to honour, I don the
Polar bear. On an equally cold day,
in less influential company, the leopard
suits my purpose. For the opera, my
lion-skin Chesterfield; for musical:
comedy, my zebra Raglan; for the
pantomime, my marmoset covert-coat.
My mole-skin aquascutum I reserve
exclusively for travelling in the Tube,
while for motoring I have had built a
special crocodile skin Newmarket, lined
with a judicious blend of ermine, lambs-
wool and eiderdown. Between the outer
and inner lining there is a water-tight
compartment, which can be filled with
hot water whenever the temperature
falls below freezing point.

Nothing is so misguided as to restrict the use of fur to one garment. In winter one should present a symphony in fur. For instance, when I am patronising the Polar bear, I wear also reindeer mocassins, tiger-skin spats, python puttees, seal-skin knickers, a hair shirt, eel-skin braces, and a beaver hat. I may add that, in order to prepare himself for the custody of my sartorial menagerie, my man spent some weeks under the late Mr. BARTLETT as an underkeeper at the Zoo.

THE FUR COAT IN THE OFF-SEASON.

"The Indian FRY." The claims of Lemprière are satisfied by applying the imaginative metaphor, "The Achilles of Old Trafford," to Mr. A. C. MACLAREN. Turning, as one naturally does, from cricket to the footlights, do not fail to note as suitable phrases for Mr. BEERBOHM TREE "The Mikado of Mummers," or "The Great Japanjandrum of the Stage," while if repeated reference to Mons. WALKLEY be necessary "The mobilised MEZZOFANTI" should meet the case. Where omniscience is the theme, periphrasis becomes a pleasure. Thus Mr. ANDREW LANG'S Protean versatility suggests in rapid succession "The Merry One," "The Ency. Brit. of St. Andrew's, "The Old Humourist," or (in a psychical context) "The un-canny Scot.' For Mr. HENRY JAMES "The Lycophron of Rye" or "The Cinque Ports Cuttlefish' may be confidently recommended, while small brazier practically continuously Lord AVEBURY's literary, financial and through July and August, when moths' apiarian interests are neatly hit off in appetites are at their sharpest. Old "The City Centlivre" or "The MAETER- cigar-ends steeped in resin are also LINCK of Lombard Street." With the useful. My grandmother had an old- The fur coat, when not in use that Poet Laureate, as with Mr. LANG, the fashioned country recipe for preserving is to say, in the milder days of winter difficulty is not that of creating but of tippets and muffs. It consisted of or in the summer months-may be choosing. Some of the happiest euphe- powdered toadstools, fir-cones, and the employed in other ways. I have known misms that have occurred to me are legs and tails of fieldmice, all worked up a fur coat become quite a steady wage"The Tyrtaeus of the Alhambra," into a paste with paraffin and ignited in earner for its master by being rented to a "The Grand Old Gardener that we the fur closet. No moth could survive it. photographer for the use of his clients. love," "The Swinford Old Manorist" Another fur coat of my acquaintance and "The Paid Piper of Windsor." lent an illusion of prosperity to a theaLastly, the gifted and generous writer Moulting is a calamity to which all fur trical manager on the brink of disaster whose residence has cast a fresh lustre coats, even the best cared for, are liable. (at half a guinea a week). But not everyon SHAKSPEARE's birthplace may be suit- When the attack comes on the best course one cares to see his garments worn by ably described as "The new ANNE HATH- is, perhaps, to consult a Vet., but home another. To these off-season uses I AWAY," or "The ANNIE S. SWAN of Avon." treatment is possible too. I attribute my would add that the fur coat makes an own success with fur coats to a conversa- admirable portière and an excellent tion I once had some years ago with hearthrug, while it is invaluable in JAMRACH, in which I received some private theatricals. A naturalist friend (By the Expert Wrinkler.) priceless hints. Ever since then I have of mine kept his in the garden all REQUESTS for advice regarding the kept JAMRACH'S ointments at hand, all care of fur coats are so numerous, that, ready to apply in case any of my coats as a gentleman, I can no longer post- throw out signals of distress. For the pone my reply. To begin with, the Polar bear I use nitro-glycerine; for commonest ailment to which the fur coat astrachan, cream of tartar; for sable, is addicted is, perhaps, baldness. For anchovy paste; for chinchilla, Elliman's this I recommend the frequent applica- embrocation; and for mink, golden tion of Tatcho or some other equally syrup. efficacious capillary restorative. Better still, however, is it to take time by the fetlock and prevent the disease. As to the best antiseptics, opinions differ. My man makes an excellent mixture of assafoetida and cayenne pepper, sulphur and green tea, which he burns in a

FUR-COAT FASHIONS.

A COMPLETE FUR OUTFIT.

The reader may gather from the foregoing remarks that I have too many fur coats. But I can assure him that in our variable climate no leader of fashion could do with fewer. My plan, which I can

through the summer, where it not only served as an efficient scarecrow but provided, in the pockets, a nesting-place for numberless wrens and tits, owls and orioles, to his no small delight.

ANSWERS TO CORRESPONDENTS. OUIDA. If the Moths become very truculent, squirt the coat with a garden hose charged with ammoniated quinine.

ANTHONY ROWLEY.-Frogs certainly! have a very stylish appearance, but should not be sported unless you hold a commission in one or more of the Services.

Lady Visitor (who has been listening to Piscator's story). "I DIDN'T KNOW THAT TROUT GREW AS LARGE AS THAT!"

THE DANGERS OF SCIENCE.

IT HAS BEEN IMPRESSED UPON MASTER TOM THAT HE MUST NOT STARE ABOUT HIS SERMON, BUT MUST KEEP HIS EYE ON THE CLERGYMAN. AN UNFORTUNATE BIRTHDAY ENABLES HIM FOR ONCE TO DO THIS!

CHARIVARIA.

SING THE
RESENT

"What the War Office will think of
its proposed abolition." It is well
known that the present War Office has
no thinking department.

"UPPER Street, Islington, is the worst road for mud in London," said Judge EDGE at Clerkenwell County Court. We consider this attempt to make trouble An interesting centenary has taken with the Strand authorities most deplor- place. Trousers are a hundred years able. old. But not everybody's.

A writer in a lady's journal declares that the mourning fashions are now so pretty that the loss of a husband is no longer the terrible calamity it once was.

A contemporary stupidly wonders

A dispute is raging as to who invented the Roddy Owen Collar. One would certainly like to drive home the responsibility.

A medical man has just published a book entitled "How to keep well."

In these days of publicity it becomes more and more difficult to keep a secret. The manager of the Hotel Cecil has informed a newspaper interviewer that in his hotel there are private detectives on every floor, and that not a soul outside the management knows it.

"Nonsense, by H. B. MARRIOTT-WATSON," is the title of an article in the Daily Mail. Not every author is so modest.

Where will the Puzzle Competition Craze stop, we wonder? Six hundred and twenty guineas were given at a London sale-room last week for Sir ALMA TADEMA's "Who is it?"

The London Association for the Prevention of Premature Burial has produced some remarkable examples of persons who have been buried while only in a trance, and the Duke of DEVONSHIRE is stated to be seriously alarmed.

Admirers of Lord ROBERTS will be glad to hear that the sensational statement of several papers to the effect that the Commander-in-Chief is to be abolished is happily untrue. The abolition refers only to the office he holds.

Through the efforts of the State Department, a former Chinese Minister to the United States, who was beheaded on the outbreak of the Boxer troubles, has now been pardoned.

"The Terrible Turk" does not strike us as being a very happy name for a new brand of cigarettes.

It is untrue that at Lord WIMBORNE'S Reconciliation dinner-party plain clothes police-officers were placed between each couple of friends.

The Liberal Party to the Liberal Unionist Party:-"Up with your Dukes!"

The Jailbirds made their appearance last week at Wyndham's Theatre. The Arm of the Law will not, Mr. BorRCHIER informs us, be ready till the 16th inst. The Law's delays again!

To the delight of all good Britishers Japan's financial position has suddenly been improved. An American Correspondent has been fined ten shillings for photographing fortifications at Moji.

MISUNDERSTOOD.-Enthusiastic Musical Amateur. I say, old fellow, come and hear the "Kruse Quartet.'

Apathetic Friend. Thanks, no; I There are traitors even among doctors. don't care about nautical music.