Brown (who is very deaf, and has been watching his expression). "HA! HA! VERY GOOD! FUNNIEST THING I'VE HEARD FOR A LONG TIME!

A MODERN LAOCOÖN.
An Incident on the Field of Waterloo (Altear).

Army.) [The whole of this telegram has
apparently been suppressed by the
Censor.]

NEW KINDERGARTEN METHODS.

THE Novoe Vremya declares in the most positive manner that the Japanese army in Korea has been entirely routed, that twelve Japanese battleships, twentyfive torpedo boats and one fishing-smack ["Whenever you say 'Don't' to a child you have been sunk by the Vladivostok crush the creative within him which is the squadron, and that the MIKADO has fled richest and most precious thing he has."-Mr. to Wei-hai-wei disguised as an English G. Archibald of Montreal, Child Specialist.]

lord.

The New York Herald says positively that there is absolutely no truth in the rumours of disaffection in Russia, or of a deficiency in the supply of alcoholic liquors in Port Arthur. 569,231 troops left Moscow last week for Manchuria.

STOP PRESS NEWS. (From our extraspecial Correspondent with the Japanese Army).-All the war correspondents are detained in Tokio. The weather is fine for the time of year. Bright sunshine recorded at Yokohama yesterday 201 hours. To-day's earthquake very slight. All very comfortable here. Nice tea houses. Nice tea parties. [The remainder of the telegram has apparently been suppressed by the Censor.]

STOPPER PRESS NEWS. (From our extraspecial Correspondent with the Russian

But your Satsuma bowl you will cheerfully bring,

And, where others would threaten to skin him,

You will beg him to do as he likes with the thing,

Lest you crush the creative within him. If Lucy refuses potatoes and bread,

And calls for meringues and for trifle, Or anything else that may enter her head, Such yearnings another would stifle. You will hand her a menu-card, beg her

ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT. stupendous resolution affecting either flickered over features of noble Lords China or Peru, he observed on entering throughout the delightful comedy. House that PRIME MINISTER had not Business done.-Lord MUSKERRY moves turned up. Accordingly, postponed his to suspend working of Land Act. Lord speech for a week, when the hapless ASHBOURNE protested that "no one with MARKISS, admitting fatuity of attempting any sense would affirm that the Act to evade it, more or less comfortably slept through its delivery.

EXTRACTED FROM THE DIARY OF TOBY, M.P. House of Lords, Monday, February 22. -Fundamental difference between House of Lords and House of Commons brought into strong light. On Order Paper of former stands resolution of proportions of one of those short speeches for which the soul of Major RASCH yearneth. It is fathered by Lord MUSKERRY, and proposes nothing less indeed nothing more than suspension of Irish Land Act passed last year. Incited by action of DON JOSÉ, MUSKERRY wants to appoint his own Commission to inquire into the effect of previous legislation on same lines.

House

MUSKERRY not so fastidious.
nearly empty, but his manuscript full.
Forti et fideli nihil difficile is the Mus-
KERRY family motto. So he drums away
half an hour, waking up LANSDOWNE on
three several occasions by audibly
snapping his fingers at Maynooth.

More than a generation passed since introduction of that word into Parliamentary debate stirred the blood. With Had any eccentric Member of Commons the fourth Baron MUSKERRY the wound conceived this notion and desired to read still bleeds. Is convinced that Maya paper expounding it, he would have nooth is at bottom of the failure of Land found himself obliged to seek oppor- Act GEORGE WYNDHAM piloted through tunity at the mouth of the ballot-box. the Commons with natural grace and He might have balloted week after cultured skill.

week, and when, after long buffeting, "It seems," he says, "to have been
fortune favoured him, he would pro- the object of the authors of this ma-
bably, shortly after rising, have found chinery of robbery and confiscation to
himself counted out, his paper unread. tickle the cupidity of well-to-do farmers
They manage these things differently from whose rents Maynooth (click!) is
in the Lords. Any Peer, consulting recruited and provided. Maynooth
solely his own convenience, may put (click!) is encouraged; the gentry, arti-
down, on any night, whatsoever fantastic sans, civilisation and labour may go to
proposal occurs to his mind as he sits in ruin."
his baronial hall. It is printed at the
expense of the nation; House sits in
full form, if not in full force; the
precious paper, from which the family
circle, the butler standing rapt at
respectful distance, have already suffered,
is ruthlessly read to the end.

That Young Fellow, WEMYSS, once introduced pleasing variation upon custom. Having given long notice of

KING JOHN (OF Battersea). "If I were King, I wouldn't stand it." Mr. J-hn B-rns's speech on the advertisement monstrosities near Buckingham Palace.

Almost expected the inspired orator
to drop into poetry after the manner of
RUTLAND in his salad days:

From Gentry, Art, and Labour stand aloof,
But fill, oh fill the pockets of Maynooth!

was a failure. Lord MUSKERRY had reiterated that assertion. Argal-but

we won't pursue the proposition. In verbatim note of passage from House of Commons, Tuesday.-At speech here quoted the word in brackets Question time conversation quite Ollenmarks the explosion created by contact dorfian in style. COLONIAL SECRETARY between the noble Lord's thumb and stated that a person would be appointed forefinger. Thing quite new in Par- to China to explain to Chinamen the liamentary debate; wonderful effect nature of contracts entered into for upon argument. Strengthened by service in South African mines. This peculiar action attending it. Ordinary followed :people, when at mention of Maynooth or Sir H. CAMPBELL-BANNERMAN. Is this person other personally exasperating word they to be all over China, or in some particular snap their fingers, extend arm and fire place? away. Possibly MUSKERRY was driven Mr. LYTTELTON. He is to be in that place in front of him, solemn on the Wool-details of the arrangement are to be left to the from ordinary practice by fact that right where it is desirable he should be. sack, bewigged and begowned, sat the discretion of Lord MILNER? LORD HIGH CHANCELLOR. Had he even appeared to be snapping his fingers at that dignitary, remarks would have been made.

Accordingly, whenever the word Maynooth welled up, the indignant Peer, turning half a pace to the right, fired away in that direction, as if he were out shooting in the demesne at Drumcollogher and a woodcock had sped by.

Mr. MACNEILL. Am I to understand that the

Mr. LYTTELTON. No, Sir; you must not understand that.

Mr. MACNEILL. Then I do understand it.

Ever since the MEMBER FOR SARK has been going about with reminiscences of similar passages from the original.

"Have you the pink umbrella of your grandfather's cousin?' "No; but I have the green sunshade of his wife's sister-in-law."

When all the ammunition had been Army Estimates on yesterday. Toshot away and Maynooth understood to day Navy has a look in. Concatenation be riddled, MUSKERRY sat down. An of circumstance useful as bringing into Irish Duke and eke a Baron said a few strong light the subtle policy that words. Motion withdrawn. House underlies administration of the two solemnly adjourned, not a smile having Services. ARNOLD-FORSTER understood to