Obrázky stránek
PDF
ePub

THINGS ONE WOULD RATHER HAVE SAID TO SOMEONE ELSE.

[graphic]

Little Bounderby (to complete stranger, after tasting champagne). "DON'T THINK MUCH OF THIS STUFF, OLD MAN. EH, WHAT?"
Complete Stranger (who happens to be a son of the house). "THE MATER WILL BE SORRY TO HEAR THAT, I'M SURE."

[ocr errors]

"THE S.P.G. IN NEW GUINEA."-The cannibal' on the outside, and three the lady who went out for a ride on Spectator, reviewing this work, says: Christian teachers' on p. 1 within--a tiger, and we are more than sorry for "This little picture-book is very instruc- native churches and schools and village the three Christian teachers who are men a 'reclaimed scenes." This recalls the sad case of "within."

tive.

There are

[graphic][subsumed][ocr errors][merged small]

Effie (to whom a motor-brougham is quite a novelty). "OH, MUMMY DEAR, LOOK! THERE'S A FOOTMAN AND A BIG COACHMAN ON THE BOX, AND THERE ISN'T A HORSE OR EVEN A PONY! WHAT ARE THEY THERE FOR?"

Mummy dear (not well versed in electricity and motor-mechanism). "WELL, YOU SEE, EFFIE DEAR-THE- (by a happy inspiration)

BUT, DEAR, YOU'RE NOT OLD ENOUGH TO UNDERSTAND."

THE VARIETY ENTERTAINMENT.

SOME people delight to argue and fight,
Whenever occasion arises,

Of the merits which fall to the drama and hall,
And the influence each exercises.

One tells you the play will have soon had its day-
It is only an ancient survival,

Which of course cannot hope in its dotage to cope
With its brilliant and up-to-date rival;
While the others say No! the variety show
Is only a whim of the moment,
And fashion will learn in due course to return
To SHAKSPEARE and FLETCHER and BEAUMONT ;
Or new stars will arise in theatrical skies,

And the world once again will be brought to
Appreciate Art, while the Halls will depart,
As, without any question, they ought to.

Both are right-both are wrong. My opinion is strong,
After hearing the matter debated,

That the truth is the mean which is lying between
The dual extremes I have stated.

In the play-house to-be we shall certainly see
The programme that pleases the million
Will become a fresh brew of Lyceum and New,
Combined with the Met. and Pavilion.

It will have just a touch too of BENSON-not much-
And a dash of the Hippodrome's certain

go,

To wind up the show with a turn that will
And ensure you a popular curtain.
It will cut matters short and best show you the sort
Of thing that will set the world humming

If I sketch you the bill which is destined to fill
Play-houses in years that are coming.

Turn one should be bright-something comic and light-
Say, costers enjoying a beano,

Just a trifle in which one might see Little TICH
Supported by Mr. DAN LENO.

Turn two-let us say, a Shakspearean play,

Boiled down, and performed by Miss TERRY, While I think number three with advantage might be Twenty minutes of gay Madame Sherry.

Then I'd have a trapeze, or some highly trained fleas,
For so fond of variety we are-

Next a scene from Macbeth where the dagger of death
Is prepared by the tragic Miss FREEAR;
While to follow up that, any turn would fall flat
After Duncan's unspeakable slaughter

But the elephants' leap when they rush down the steep
And plunge into real liquid water.

Hostess (to celebrated composer). That was a very fine march of yours.

Discontented Golfer (sotto voce). Hope he'll be more successful with his April.

[graphic][subsumed][subsumed][subsumed][subsumed][subsumed][subsumed][ocr errors][merged small]
[ocr errors][ocr errors][merged small][ocr errors]

ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT. EXTRACTED FROM THE DIARY OF TOBY, M.P. House of Commons, Monday, March 21. -The Irishman's heart is the home of many fine feelings, such as love of country, of family, of home, of the traditions of a high-spirited, richly-gifted race. Most deeply seated of all is the love of order. Trained in patience born of woes that through the centuries have fallen on his distressful country, he has taught himself to bear most distasteful things. Anything approaching breach of order breaks down the barriers of his placid manner, rousing him to almost uncontrollable indignation.

All Irish Members suffer on such occasions; in the particular cases of gentlemen of the temperament of SWIFT MACNEILL and REDMOND cadet, horror of disorder makes them almost clamorous. Judge of their feelings just now when SEELY rose to continue debate on C.-B.'s vote of censure upon Ministers in matter of Chinese labour in the Rand, and the Chamberlainites went for him like a pack of hounds that have just nosed the scent.

SEELY objects to importation of Chinese. Claims the right of free-born Englishman rising in the very palladium of liberty to state his opinion. After indulgence in promiscuous burst of howling the gentlemen of England ranged under Unionist flag

RESIGNATION; OR, THE PARLIAMENTARY
ST. SEBASTIAN.

"I seem to be attacked from so many quarters that in all probability this is the last time I shall address this House."-Major Seely.

[subsumed][ocr errors][ocr errors][ocr errors][ocr errors][graphic][subsumed][ocr errors][merged small][ocr errors][ocr errors][merged small]

fell into conversation. This is a little clear, "owing to the vulgar clamour
rude when one is making ordered speech. among the Conservative Party I am
Aggravation increased by loudness of quite unable to hear what my hon. friend.
voice. As at certain stages of a drama is saying."
supers at the back of the stage fall into
groups of three or four and, with much
gesticulation, enter into animated con-
versation, so the gentlemen of England
on benches immediately behind that by
which SEELY stood turned to each other
and talked about the weather at the top
of their voices.

[graphic]

At the moment of course SEELY, breathless in his seat after this unexpected assault, was saying nothing. Sir TROUT obligingly supplied a remark.

66

"The vulgarest expression," he said, wagging his hat at WINSTON, came from this honourable Member."

SWIFT MACNEILL sobbed aloud; REDMOND cadet, with hands clasped over his burning face, attempted to shut out the painful scene. Mr. FLAVIN hastily left the House in search of the four policemen who once carried him out shoulder high. They might be wanted again.

That was the principal difference between this sudden burst of animated private talk in the House and on the stage. You don't hear what the supers, feigning conversation, say. Remarks of Honourable Members so boisterous as entirely to drown SEELY's observations. Later, PRINCE ARTHUR presenting himAfter a while up gat WINSTON CHURCHILL. self at Table to wind up debate was In manner modified by breadth of Irish startled by roar of contumely arising Channel, he also resents anything from Irish camp. "Vide, 'vide, 'vide!" approaching disorder in debate. His they shouted. For fully five minutes interposition on the scene for a moment the PREMIER stood waiting for a hearing. added fresh vivacity. Leaping up from side of Member for ISLE OF WIGHT, he seized him by the shoulders and forced him back into his place. Gentlemen of England looked on approvingly at what had uncommonly close resemblance to a personal assault. Only WINSTON's winning way of introducing himself to notice of SPEAKER.

"Sir," he said, the floor by this means

"Vide! 'Vide!" roared SWIFT MACNEILL, bounding india-rubber-ball-wise on the bench, to the terror of compatriots sitting near him.

"Why didn't you enforce order for SEELY?" REDMOND cadet sternly asked.

PRINCE ARTHUR, the only placid person in the tumultuous scene, remarked that he had appealed for a hearing for the Member for the ISLE OF WIGHT.

« PředchozíPokračovat »