THINGS ONE WOULD RATHER HAVE SAID TO SOMEONE ELSE. Little Bounderby (to complete stranger, after tasting champagne). "DON'T THINK MUCH OF THIS STUFF, OLD MAN. EH, WHAT?" "THE S.P.G. IN NEW GUINEA."-The cannibal' on the outside, and three the lady who went out for a ride on Spectator, reviewing this work, says: Christian teachers' on p. 1 within--a tiger, and we are more than sorry for "This little picture-book is very instruc- native churches and schools and village the three Christian teachers who are men a 'reclaimed scenes." This recalls the sad case of "within." tive. There are Effie (to whom a motor-brougham is quite a novelty). "OH, MUMMY DEAR, LOOK! THERE'S A FOOTMAN AND A BIG COACHMAN ON THE BOX, AND THERE ISN'T A HORSE OR EVEN A PONY! WHAT ARE THEY THERE FOR?" Mummy dear (not well versed in electricity and motor-mechanism). "WELL, YOU SEE, EFFIE DEAR-THE- (by a happy inspiration) BUT, DEAR, YOU'RE NOT OLD ENOUGH TO UNDERSTAND." THE VARIETY ENTERTAINMENT. SOME people delight to argue and fight, Of the merits which fall to the drama and hall, One tells you the play will have soon had its day- Which of course cannot hope in its dotage to cope And the world once again will be brought to Both are right-both are wrong. My opinion is strong, That the truth is the mean which is lying between In the play-house to-be we shall certainly see It will have just a touch too of BENSON-not much- go, To wind up the show with a turn that will If I sketch you the bill which is destined to fill Turn one should be bright-something comic and light- Just a trifle in which one might see Little TICH Turn two-let us say, a Shakspearean play, Boiled down, and performed by Miss TERRY, While I think number three with advantage might be Twenty minutes of gay Madame Sherry. Then I'd have a trapeze, or some highly trained fleas, Next a scene from Macbeth where the dagger of death But the elephants' leap when they rush down the steep Hostess (to celebrated composer). That was a very fine march of yours. Discontented Golfer (sotto voce). Hope he'll be more successful with his April. ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT. EXTRACTED FROM THE DIARY OF TOBY, M.P. House of Commons, Monday, March 21. -The Irishman's heart is the home of many fine feelings, such as love of country, of family, of home, of the traditions of a high-spirited, richly-gifted race. Most deeply seated of all is the love of order. Trained in patience born of woes that through the centuries have fallen on his distressful country, he has taught himself to bear most distasteful things. Anything approaching breach of order breaks down the barriers of his placid manner, rousing him to almost uncontrollable indignation. All Irish Members suffer on such occasions; in the particular cases of gentlemen of the temperament of SWIFT MACNEILL and REDMOND cadet, horror of disorder makes them almost clamorous. Judge of their feelings just now when SEELY rose to continue debate on C.-B.'s vote of censure upon Ministers in matter of Chinese labour in the Rand, and the Chamberlainites went for him like a pack of hounds that have just nosed the scent. SEELY objects to importation of Chinese. Claims the right of free-born Englishman rising in the very palladium of liberty to state his opinion. After indulgence in promiscuous burst of howling the gentlemen of England ranged under Unionist flag RESIGNATION; OR, THE PARLIAMENTARY "I seem to be attacked from so many quarters that in all probability this is the last time I shall address this House."-Major Seely. fell into conversation. This is a little clear, "owing to the vulgar clamour At the moment of course SEELY, breathless in his seat after this unexpected assault, was saying nothing. Sir TROUT obligingly supplied a remark. 66 "The vulgarest expression," he said, wagging his hat at WINSTON, came from this honourable Member." SWIFT MACNEILL sobbed aloud; REDMOND cadet, with hands clasped over his burning face, attempted to shut out the painful scene. Mr. FLAVIN hastily left the House in search of the four policemen who once carried him out shoulder high. They might be wanted again. That was the principal difference between this sudden burst of animated private talk in the House and on the stage. You don't hear what the supers, feigning conversation, say. Remarks of Honourable Members so boisterous as entirely to drown SEELY's observations. Later, PRINCE ARTHUR presenting himAfter a while up gat WINSTON CHURCHILL. self at Table to wind up debate was In manner modified by breadth of Irish startled by roar of contumely arising Channel, he also resents anything from Irish camp. "Vide, 'vide, 'vide!" approaching disorder in debate. His they shouted. For fully five minutes interposition on the scene for a moment the PREMIER stood waiting for a hearing. added fresh vivacity. Leaping up from side of Member for ISLE OF WIGHT, he seized him by the shoulders and forced him back into his place. Gentlemen of England looked on approvingly at what had uncommonly close resemblance to a personal assault. Only WINSTON's winning way of introducing himself to notice of SPEAKER. "Sir," he said, the floor by this means "Vide! 'Vide!" roared SWIFT MACNEILL, bounding india-rubber-ball-wise on the bench, to the terror of compatriots sitting near him. "Why didn't you enforce order for SEELY?" REDMOND cadet sternly asked. PRINCE ARTHUR, the only placid person in the tumultuous scene, remarked that he had appealed for a hearing for the Member for the ISLE OF WIGHT. |