"SWEET USES OF OBESITY." [Lines suggested by an article in the Daily Chronicle under the above title, from the pen of Mrs. ERNEST AMES, who discusses the popularity, the social precedence, the immunity from control and criticism, enjoyed by the very, very fat woman. The author of these verses wishes to express his extreme indebtedness to Mrs. AMES for the temporary loan of her theme.] WHAT guerdon of praise shall I give her, My soul in its uttermost need ; I have sung (growing sadder and wiser) And more than he merits of PERKS; To the form that is elfin and fragile Yet here, I am told, is a topic Inviting the bibulous bard, Like a well in the waste of a tropic, Whose price is as precious as nard; The report of that pearly oasis Ah, had I but earlier known, I had sung long ago of her graces, Though her figure be other than airy, Though its "note" be the largeness of earth, Yet her temper is that of a fairy Addicted to methods of mirth; Exuding a natural joyance. Her jests have an infinite scope, By the calm of her weight that is welter There is that in her mountainous motion, In the glow that her presence diffuses What license would ruin the rest; Compact of the substance of ten, Would suspect her of pounding a philtre For stealing their men. She is set with her face to the horses, O profuse and imposing and passive, These arms could have never embraced, IRRESPONSIBILITY. O. S. OF Saturday to Monday, officially described as "an irresponsible comedy,"--whatever this may mean by Messrs. FENN and PRYCE, it is difficult for a "responsible" person to express a decided opinion. As the timid Curate, breakfasting with his Bishop, said of the indifferent egg, "It is good in parts." Now this is just the case with this irresponsible comedy: it is good in "parts"; the parts, that is, the "character parts," being superior to the whole. And moreover all the parts are capitally played. Mr. GEORGE ALEXANDER has chosen to represent Lord Culvert of Alcester (late Captain, R.N.), who is simply a mere practical joker. Were he only a public-school boy, aged fifteen, instead of a man well over thirty, he might just escape flogging on the plea of "first fault," and would be dismissed with a severe caution. The sympathies of the audience can never be with an actor of his position who emulates the role of what Mr. GEORGE GROSSMITH has described as "the Society clown." Such a part, supposing it to have been better written and in an altogether better piece, might have been accepted at once by the public, had it been played by that chartered libertine " Mr. CHARLES HAWTREY. The success of Dr. Bill, of which character Mr. ALEXANDER was the admirably merry exponent, affords no precedent, as nowadays the public only see in Mr. ALEXANDER the impersonator of some hero of romance, dashing, earnest, gay, gallant, yet with subtle touches of cynical humour. His public will have him in costume, and regret his return to modern twentieth century everyday attire. Miss LILIAN BRAITHWAITE is a delightful hostess as Mrs. Wendover; Miss ELINOR AICKIN is a somewhat tryingly vulgar elderly Lady Diana; as Angela, her daughter, Miss BEATRICE FORBES-ROBERTSON is a charming ingénue; as Miss Ursula Toop and her friend Miss Skeat, Miss FRANCES WETHERALL and Miss ALICE BEET, both being fearfully and wonderfully made up, are perfect; and the neat handmaids Thompson and Jarvis are rendered with natural grace by Miss CORISANDE HAMILTON and Miss NELLA POWYS. As the colourless Probyn Dyke Mr. A. VANE-TEMPEST is very amusing, but it is a thankless part. Mr. HIGNETT, as a didactic clergyman, the Rev. Lemuel Toop, gives us a decidedly clever sketch; and as the ridiculous idiot Stanley Pidding Mr. VIVIAN REYNOLDS makes a great deal out of poor material. There is plenty of bustle in the piece: the action goes with much laughter; the sentimental portions, being without heart and reality, are de trop; and, except the young girl's letter, cleverly read aloud by Miss AICKIN, the dialogue, which is on a very ordinary level, owes whatever success it may obtain to its brisk delivery with emphasis and discretion by the actors. "HE LOVES THE GREEN ISLE, AND HIS LOVE IS RECORDED [His Majesty King EDWARD arrives in Ireland, Tuesday, April 26.] STRONGLY RECOMMENDED FROM HIS LAST PLACE. Lady (engaging a page-boy). "WELL, HOW SOON CAN YOU COME?" Page (readily). "AT ONCE, MUM." II.-CHATSWORTH. Lady. "BUT SURELY YOUR PRESENT MISTRESS WON'T LIKE THAT!" Page (brightly). "OH YES, SHE WILL, MUM. SHE'LL BE ONLY TOO GLAD TO GET RID OF ME!" LADY BABBLESDALE'S VISITS. where most of the house party were Marcella. He said he always preferred picturesquely grouped in expectation dry to sweet wines, and wanted to know of our arrival. The Duke, in a brown had I seen Madame Sherry. From this WE paid our last visit to Chatsworth velvet lounge jacket, beamed a welcome the talk diverged to the national taste early in April, 1904, travelling by the from the top step; Mr. JOHN BURNS, in wines. Sir M. E. GRANT-DUFF recalled Midland to Rowsley, where a large Mr. PERKS, Mr. HALDANE, Mr. ALFRED the fact that, in his youth, small botanic motor van was in readiness for my LYTTELTON, ANDREW KIRKALDY, Madame beer was commonly drunk at breakfast, trunks. The Panhard Victoria, how- MELBA and Mr. C. B. FRY, greeted our and related several appropriate anecdotes ever, only just held me, my two maids arrival with manifest relief. I briefly of DARWIN, HOOKER, and BURTON, the and the chauffeur, so BABBLESDALE once explained the cause of BABBLESDALE'S author of the Anatomy of Melancholy. more had to pad the hoof. On this non-arrival, and the Duke kindly dis- Mr. PERKS drank only water, and we occasion, however, I had provided him patched his major-domo with a photo- were all amused to see him take a with an Ordnance map, and felt no graph of SARGENT's picture to identify sardine from the hors d'oeuvre tray and anxiety about his missing his way. drop it in his glass. Being rallied upon No incident marked our drive to As I was passing through the hall this eccentricity by Madame MELBA, Chatsworth, except that, in passing Mr. PERKS called my attention to the he replied that he did it in order to be through the famous chestnut avenue striking resemblance which it bore to reminded of WESLEY and the Aquarium. at Edensor, we nearly ran over Sir the Westminster Aquarium. The He went on to say that since the M. E. GRANT-DUFF, who was reading Duchess kindly showed me to my room, Wesleyans had acquired the stately Westhis diary aloud to some of the oldest and we met in the great picture gallery minster pleasure dome, he had perfected inhabitants. The chauffeur "kept a before dinner. The Duke took me in, himself in the favourite conjuring trick gallop for the avenue," and brought and the conversation soon became of materialising bowls of gold fish out us up in fine style at the main entrance, general. I asked him if he liked of nothing. By means of diagrams he him by. explained to the Duchess the method by before, by storm. He rushed to the self-denying as the man who chooses which the bowls are concealed in the groaning sideboard and, seizing with the gizzard wing of a chicken. coat-tails of the prestidigitateur. Sir M. one hand the cold ham and with the other After such company the life of London E. GRANT-DUFF was all the time writing a béchamel capon, he flung open the was painfully exciting. busily under the table. BABBLESDALE, whose bump of locality is not what it was, once again entirely missed his way, and did not reach the dinner-table until the plovers' eggs were all eaten. There was a look of anguish on his face which in anybody else's might almost have seemed out of proportion to the occasion. Keener distress could not have been shown for the disappearance of a favourite shirt-stud. During dessert the Duke complained seriously of the thinness of modern finger-glasses, and proved it to demonstration by the familiar musical experiment of passing the hand round the circumference. The Duke broke three glasses before he was able to extract a musical note. window with his teeth and hurled the CHARIVARIA. THE abolition of Mr. BRODRICK's Army Corps can scarcely have come as a surprise. It will be remembered that, when the ex-War Secretary introduced the scheme to the House of Commons, Sir HENRY CAMPBELL-BANNERMAN Congratulated him on it. After breakfast Mr. LYTTELTON and Mr. JOHN BURNS played Mr. C. B. FRY and BABBLESDALE at single wicket on the Cocoa-nut matting pitch in the second palm house. BABBLESDALE, who once, he Father CREAGH, of Limerick, has stated tells me, was no mean practitioner, seems to an interviewer that, if his persecution to have been out of form. However, of the Jews in that town has a successful although he made no runs he broke outcome, he will, in his opinion, have more panes of glass than all the others accomplished one good thing in his life. put together. This ambition to accomplish one good thing in his life is laudable, but it seems rather hard on those who have been chosen as the means to the end. Most of the next morning was agreeably spent in those prehistoric peeps which old photograph albums supply. Here I discovered chubby, callow, bewhiskered editions of the Colonial Secretary, As the result of two recent actions in the present Prime Minister, and our the High Court, mothers-in-law throughhost in incredibly striped peg-top trou- out the country are reported to be Mr. HALDANE demurred to sers, and the tiniest of bowlers. I adopting a truculent attitude, and will this, but the general feeling of the table must have made this remark aloud, for require careful watching. The Duke said he doubted the value of SCHOPENHAUER as a teacher, for he had searched in vain through his works for any recognition of the social value of Bridge as a link between the classes and the masses. was with the Duke, though Mr. PERKS Mr. LYTTELTON remarked, "Not tinier has come over Anglo-French relations that, although the little boy who was found abandoned in Paris the other day was dressed in a sailor suit, and a cap that bore the inscription "H.M.S. Powerful,' he was not arrested as a spy. went so far as to say that he thought than BOBBY ABEL, I expect. He has It is characteristic of the change that working-men ought not to be encouraged given up bowling now. On hearing to play Bridge before mid-day. This this, Sir MOUNTSTUART GRANT-DUFF was roused Mr. JOHN BURNS's smouldering heard to misquote dear MAT. ARNOLD: indignation. "If an honest and intelli- "Ere the fleeting bon-mot fly, gent artisan," he exploded, "is not to be Quick, thy tablets, Memory!" allowed to imitate the least reprehensible or taiblets," as ANDREW KIRKALDY rerecreations of the aristocracy, what minded me Wee Macgreegor would have becomes of the dignity of labour?" said. 66 A great sense of relief was experienced When the gentlemen rejoined us in By the way, owing to an unfortunate here on the 16th inst. by the publication the great drawing-room, Mr. C. B. FRY slurring of consonants on the part of of a telegram from New Zealand stating delighted the company by an exhibition the Duke when making the initial intro- that Mr. SEDDON considered the Angloof parlour gymnastics, winding up with duction, BABBLESDALE acquired the pain-French Agreement satisfactory. a running jump over six Louis Quinze ful impression that ANDREW KIRKALDY By the by, greedy little boys will be interested to hear that in Greece a "Swallow Feast" is held once a year. chairs. The Duchess's face during this was ANDREW CARNEGIE, the American The over-feeding of infants has been last feat was a perfect study. A move plutocrat. With his usual readiness to responsible for so many deaths recently was then made to the music-room, and put everyone at his ease, BABBLESDALE that it is proposed to legislate with a Madame MELBA (who boasts of her addressed to KIRKALDY several remarks view to making it compulsory for every Scotch descent) and ANDREW KIRKALDY bearing upon the endowment of free child to be marked with a load-line correcharmed their hearers by a realistic libraries and the claims of democracy. sponding to the Plimsoll mark on ships. rendering of "We twa hae paidled in They never really got on to terms the burn." The entertainments of the until BABBLESDALE happened to mention evening were completed by Bridge. the pleasure he had in driving with BABBLESDALE only revoked once, and the CONYNGHAM GREENES in Switzerland. wittily apologised to his partner-the KIRKALDY at once rejoined: "I'm no Duke by saying "Playing with you sure whit wey they drive in Switzerland, made me think it was Nap.' but there's no driving on the greens at We were all startled at breakfast by St. Andrews." With incredible swiftan extraordinary occurrence. In the ness of repartee, BABBLESDALE rejoined, midst of an impassioned discussion of "How about green tee, then?" At this GOETHE and Wilhelm Meister, in which Sir MOUNTSTUART rushed from the apartMr. HALDANE surpassed himself, BABBLES- ment to the conservatory, obviously in THE Rev. R. J. CAMPBELL, of the City DALE was seen to pass the window. He search of a fountain pen. Temple, who has just gone over to was so negligently dressed---his tie in Tea was more than usually comforting Rome (viâ Mt. Cenis), spoke recently on more than ordinary dishevelment-that that afternoon, and the Duke, who the subject of the new Education Act, his attire, coupled with his ascetic linea- always sleeps with a hop pillow, sat and declared that "Nonconformists are ments, carried the honest socialistic heart down snugly at the table. As he not prepared to give the Liberal Party a of Mr. JOHN BURNS, who had not been handed me the muffins, he said the blank cheque." We think the epithet introduced to BABBLESDALE the night person who takes the top piece is as regrettable as coming from a minister. The agitation in favour of "Clean Milk" is already bearing fruit. But care must be taken to see that the water used for this purpose is first thoroughly filtered. |