rejoice in his friend's being happier than himself, may depend upon it that he is an utter stranger to this virtue. There is something in Friendship so very great and noble, that in those fictitious stories which are invented to the honour of any particular person, the authors have thought it as necessary to make their hero a Friend as a Lover. Achilles has his Patroclus, and Æneas his Achates. In the first of these instances we may observe, for the reputation of the subject I am treating of, that Greece was almost ruined by the hero's Love, but was preserved by his Friendship. The character of Achates suggests to us an observation we may often make on the intimacies of great men, who frequently choose their companions rather for the qualities of the heart than those of the head, and prefer fidelity in an easy, inoffensive, complying temper, to those endowments which make a much greater figure among mankind. I do not remember that Achates, who is represented as the first favourite, either gives his advice, or strikes a blow, through the whole Æneid. A Friendship which makes the least noise, is very often most useful: for which reason I should prefer a prudent friend to a zealous one. Atticus, one of the best men of ancient Rome, was d very remarkable instance of what I am here speaking. This extraordinary person, amidst the civil wars of his country, when he saw the designs of all parties equally tended to the subversion of liberty, by constantly preserving the esteem and affection of both the competitors, found means to serve his friends on either side: and while he sent money to young Marius, whose father was declared an enemy to the commonwealth, he was himself one of Sylla's chief favorites, and always near that general. he During the war between CÆSAR and POMPEY, still maintained the same conduct. After the death of CASAR, he sent money to BRUTUS in his troubles, and did a thousand good offices to ANTONY's wife and friends when that party seemed ruined. Lastly, even in that bloody war between ANTONY and AUGUSTUS, ATTICUS still kept his place in both their friendships: insomuch that the first, says CORNELIUS NEPOS, whenever he was absent from Rome in any part of the empire, writ punctually to him what he was doing; what he read, and whether he intended to go; and the latter gave him constantly an exact account of all his affairs. A likeness of inclinations in every particular is so far from being requisite to form a benevolence in two minds towards each other, as it is generally imagined, that I believe we shall find some of the firmest friendships to have been contracted between persons of different humours; the mind being often pleased with those perfections which are new to it, and which it does not find among its own accomplishments. Besides that a man in some measure supplies his own defects, and fancies himself at second-hand possessed of those good qualities and endowments, which are in the possession of him, who, in the eye of the world, is looked upon as his other self. The most difficult province in Friendship is the letting a man see his faults and errors, which should, if possible, be so contrived, that he may perceive our advice is given him not so much to please ourselves as for our own advantage. The reproaches therefore of a friend should always be strictly just, and not too frequent. The violent desire of pleasing in the person reproved, may otherwise change into a despair of doing it, while he finds himself censured for faults he is not conscious of. A mind that is softened and humanized by Friendship cannot bear frequent reproaches; either it must VOL. VI. C quite quite sink under the oppression, or abate considerably of the value and esteem it had for him who bestows them. The proper business of Friendship is to inspire life and courage; and a soul thus supported, outdoes itself; whereas if it be unexpectedly deprived of these succours, it droops and languishes. We are, in some measure, more inexcusable if we violate our duties to a friend than to a relation; since the former arise from a voluntary choice, the latter from a necessity to which we could not give our own consent. As it has been said on one side, that a man ought not to break with a faulty friend, that he may not expose the weakness of his choice; it will doubtless hold much stronger with respect to a worthy one, that he may never be upbraided for having lost so valuable a treasure which was once in his possession. X. No. 386. FRIDAY, MAY 23, 1712. Cum tristibus severe, cum remissis jucunde, cum senibus graviter, cum juventute comiter vivere. TULL. ON ADAPTATION OF DISTANCE AND BEHAVIOUR TO THE piece of Latin on the head of this Paper is part of a character extremely vicious, but I have set down no more than may fall in with the rules of justice and honour. CICERO spoke it of CATILINE, who, he said, "lived with the sad severely, with the chearful agree"ably, with the old gravely, with the young plea"santly," he added, "with the wicked boldly, with "the wanton lasciviously." The two last instances of his complaisance I forbear to consider, having it in my thoughts at present only to speak of obsequious behaviour as it sits upon a companion in pleasure, not a man of design and intrigue. To vary with every humour in this manner, cannot be agreeable, except it comes from a man's own temper and natural complexion; to do it out of an ambition to excel that way, is the most fruitless and unbecoming prostitution imaginable. To put on an artful part to obtain no other end but an unjust praise from the undiscerning, is of all endeavours the most despicable. A man must be sincerely pleased to become pleasure, or not to interrupt that of others: for this reason it is a most calamitous circumstance, that many people who want to be alone, or should be so, will come into conversation. It is certain that all men, who are the least given to reflection, € 2 А reflection, are seized with an inclination that way; when perhaps, they had rather be inclined to company; but indeed they had better go home and be tired with themselves, than force themselves upon others to recover their good-humour. In all this the case of communicating to a friend a sad thought or difficulty, in order to relieve a heavy heart, stands excepted; but what is here meant is, that a man should always go with inclination to the turn of the company he is going into, or not pretend to be of the party. It is certainly a very happy temper to be able to live with all kinds of dispositions, because it argues a mind that lies open to receive what is pleasing to others, and not obstinately bent on any particularity of his own. This is it which makes me pleased with the character of my good acquaintance ACASTO. You meet him at the tables and conversations of the wise, the impertinent, the grave, the frolic, and the witty; and yet his own character has nothing in it that can make him particularly agreeable to any one sect of men; but ACASTO has natural good sense, good-nature, and discretion, so that every man enjoys himself in his company; and though ACASTO contributes nothing to the entertainment, he never was at a place where he was not welcome a second time. Without these subordinate good qualities of ACASTO, a man of wit and learning would be painful to the generality of mankind, instead of being pleasing. Witty men are apt to imagine they are agreeable as such, and by that means grow the worst companions imaginable; they deride the absent or rally the present in a wrong manner, not knowing that if you pinch or tickle a man till he is uneasy in his seat, or ungracefully distinguished from the rest of the company, you equally hurt him. I was going to say, the true art of being agreeable in company (but there can be no such thing as art in it) is to appear well pleased with those you are engaged |