THE MERRY WIVES OF WINDSOR. ACT I. SCENE I. Windsor. Before PAGE's house. Enter JUSTICE SHALLOW, SLENDER, and SIR HUGH EVANS. Shal. Sir Hugh, persuade me not; I will make a Star-chamber matter of it: if he were twenty Sir John Falstaffs, he shall not abuse Robert Shallow, esquire. Slen. In the county of Gloucester, justice of peace and "Coram." Shal. Ay, cousin Slender, and "Custalorum." Slen. Ay, and "Rato-lorum too; and a gentleman born, master parson; who writes himself "Armigero," in any bill, warrant, quittance, or obligation, "Armigero." Shal. Ay, that I do; and have done any time these three hundred years. II Slen. All his successors gone before him hath done 't; and all his ancestors that come after him may: they may give the dozen white luces in their coat. Shal. It is an old coat. Evans. The dozen white louses do become an old coat well; agrees well, passant; it is a familiar beast to man, and signifies love. it Shal. The luce is the fresh fish; the salt fish is an old coat. Slen. I may quarter, coz. Shal. You may, by marrying. Evans. It is marring indeed, if he quarter it. Shal. Not a whit. 20 Evans. Yes, py'r lady: if he has a quarter of your coat, there is but three skirts for yourself, in my simple conjectures: but that is all one. If Sir John Falstaff have committed disparagements unto you, I am of the church, and will be glad to do my benevolence to make atonements and compremises between you. Shal. The council shall hear it; it is a riot. 1 Sir Hugh. Of old, clergymen were styled Sir. 30 Coram, that is, quorum, which Slender misapprehends and misapplies. Shallow himself blunders in like manner in Custalorum. • Armigero I bear arms, am an armiger, a gentleman. (Lat) 14 white luces. The luce is the pike. The Lucy family of Warwickshire, near Stratford on Avon, bear three pikes in their coat of arms. Evans. It is not meet the council hear a riot; there is no fear of Got in a riot: the council, look you, shall desire to hear the fear of Got, and not to hear a riot; take your vizaments in that. Shal. Ha! o' my life, if I were young again, the sword should end it. Evans. It is petter that friends is the sword, and end it: and there is also another device in my prain, which peradventure prings goot discretions with it: there is Anne Page, which is daughter to Master George Page, which is pretty virginity. 40 Slen. Mistress Anne Page? She has brown hair, and speaks small like a woman. Evans. It is that fery person for all the orld, as just as you will desire; and seven hundred pounds of moneys, and gold and silver, is her grandsire upon his death's-bed- Got deliver to a joyful resurrections! - give, when she is able to overtake seventeen years old: it were a goot motion if we leave our pribbles and prabbles, and desire a marriage between Master Abraham and Mistress Anne Page. Shal. Did her grandsire leave her seven hundred pound? 50 Evans. Ay, and her father is make her a petter penny. Shal. I know the young gentlewoman; she has good gifts. Evans. Seven hundred pounds and possibilities is goot gifts. Shal. Well, let us see honest Master Page. Is Falstaff there? Evans. Shall I tell you a lie? I do despise a liar as I do despise one that is false, or as I despise one that is not true. The knight, Sir John, is there; and, I beseech you, be ruled by your well-willers. I will peat the door for Master Page. [Knocks.] What, hoa! Got pless your house here! Page. At a window.] Who's there? 60 Evans. Here is Got's plessing, and your friend, and Justice Shallow; and here young Master Slender, that peradventures shall tell you another tale, if matters grow to your likings. Enter PAGE. Page. I am glad to see your worships well. I thank you for my venison, Master Shallow. Shal. Master Page, I am glad to see you: much good do it your good heart! I wish'd your venison better; it was ill kill'd. How doth good Mistress Page?—and I thank you always with my heart, la! with my heart. Page. Sir, I thank you. Shal. Sir, I thank you; by yea and no, I do. Page. I am glad to see you, good Master Slender. I heard say he was outrun on Cotsall. 78 Cotsall Cotswold, where was much coursing. 70 Page. It could not be judg'd, sir. Slen. You'll not confess, you'll not confess. Shal. That he will not. "Tis your fault, 't is your fault; a good dog. Page. A cur, sir. 't is 80 Shal. Sir, he's a good dog, and a fair dog: can there be more said? he is good and fair. Is Sir John Falstaff here? Page. Sir, he is within; and I would I could do a good office between you. Evans. It is spoke as a Christians ought to speak. Page. Sir, he doth in some sort confess it. Shal. If it be confessed, it is not redressed: is not that so, Master Page? He hath wrong'd me; indeed he hath; at a word, he hath, believe me: Robert Shallow, esquire, saith, he is wrong'd. Page. Here comes Sir John. 91 Enter SIR JOHN Falstaff, BarDOLPH, NYM, and PISTOL. Fal. Now, Master Shallow, you'll complain of me to the King? Shal. Knight, you have beaten my men, kill'd my deer, and broke open my lodge. Fal. But not kiss'd your keeper's daughter? Shal. Tut, a pin! this shall be answer'd. Fal. I will answer it straight; I have done all this. That is now answer'd. Shal. The council shall know this. 100 Fal. 'T were better for you if it were known in counsel: you'll be laugh'd at. Evans. Pauca verba, Sir John; goot worts. Fal. Good worts! good cabbage. Slender, I broke your head: what matter have you against me? Slen. Marry, sir, I have matter in my head against you; and against your cony-catching rascals, Bardolph, Nym, and Pistol. [They carried me to the tavern, and made me drunk, and afterwards picked my pocket.] Bard. You Banbury cheese! Nym. Slice, I say! pauca, pauca: 104 Pauca verba few words. 108 cony-catching: cant for cheating, sharping. slice! that's my humour. Can you tell, cousin? 109 They carried me, etc. This sentence, necessary to the coherence of the scene, is found only in the quarto. 110 Banbury cheese was poor and thin. Evans. Peace, I pray you. Now let us understand. There is three umpires in this matter, as I understand; that is, Master Page, fidelicet Master Page; and there is myself, fidelicet my. self; and the three party is, lastly and finally, mine host of the Garter. Page. We three to hear it and end it between them. 121 Evans. Fery goot: I will make a prief of it in my notebook; and we will afterwards ork upon the cause with as great discreetly as we can. Fal. Pistol! Pist. He hears with ears. Evans. The tevil and his tam! what phrase is this, "He hears with ear"? why, it is affectations. Fal. Pistol, did you pick Master Slender's purse? 130 Slen. Ay, by these gloves, did he, or I would I might never come in mine own great chamber again else, of seven groats in mill-sixpences, and two Edward shovel-boards, that cost me two shilling and two pence a-piece of Yead Miller, by these gloves. Fal. Is this true, Pistol? Evans. No; it is false, if it is a pick-purse. Pist. Ha, thou mountain-foreigner! Sir John and master mine, I combat challenge of this latten bilbo. Word of denial in thy labras here! Word of denial: froth and scum, thou liest! 46 Slen. By these gloves, then, 't was he. 140 Nym. Be avis'd, sir, and pass good humours: I will say marry trap" with you, if you run the nuthook's humour on me; that is the very note of it. Slen. By this hat, then, he in the red face had it; for though I cannot remember what I did when you made me drunk, yet I am not altogether an ass. Fal. What say you, Scarlet and John? Bard. Why, sir, for my part, I say the gentleman had drunk himself out of his five sentences. 150 Evans. It is his five senses: fie, what the ignorance is! Bard. And being fap, sir, was, as they say, cashier'd; and so conclusions pass'd the careires. Slen. Ay, you spake in Latin then too; but 't is no matter: I'll ne'er be drunk whilst I live again, but in honest, civil, godly company, for this trick: if I be drunk, I'll be drunk with those that have the fear of God, and not with drunken knaves. 133 shovel-boards. The broad heavy shillings of Edward VI. were used in playing the game of shovel-board, and hence had their colloquial name. 138 latten bilbo. Latten was a kind of pewter; bilbo, a sword. 130 labras lips (Span.). 152 fap tipsy, Bardolph and Nym talk mostly slang and cant'“rogues-Latin " Evans. So Got udge me, that is a virtuous mind. Fal. You hear all these matters deni'd, gentlemen; you hear it. 160 Enter ANNE PAGE, with wine; MISTRESS FORD and MISTRESS PAGE, following. Page. Nay, daughter, carry the wine in ; we 'll drink within. [Exit Anne Page. Slen. O heaven! this is Mistress Anne Page. Fal. Mistress Ford, by my troth, you are very well met: by your leave, good mistress. [Kisses her. Page. Wife, bid these gentlemen welcome. Come, we have a hot venison pasty to dinner: come, gentlemen, I hope we shall drink down all unkindness. [Exeunt all except Shal., Slen., and Evans. Slen. I had rather than forty shillings I had my Book of Songs and Sonnets here. Enter SIMPLE. 170 How now, Simple! where have you been? I must wait on myself, must I? You have not the Book of Riddles about you, have you? Sim. Book of Riddles! why, did you not lend it to Alice Shortcake upon All-hallowmas last, a fortnight afore Michaelmas? Shal. Come, coz; come, coz ; we stay for you. A word with you, coz; marry, this, coz: there is, as 't were, a tender, a kind of tender, made afar off by Sir Hugh here. Do you understand me? 180 Slen. Ay, sir, you shall find me reasonable; if it be so, I shall do that that is reason. Shal. Nay, but understand me. Slen. So I do, sir. Evans. Give ear to his motions, Master Slender: I will description the matter to you, if you be capacity of it. Slen. Nay, I will do as my cousin Shallow says: I pray you, pardon me; he's a justice of peace in his country, simple though I stand here. Evans. But that is not the question: the question is concerning your marriage. Shal. Ay, there's the point, sir. 191 Evans. Marry, is it; the very point of it; to Mistress Anne Page. Slen. Why, if it be so, I will marry her upon any reasonable demands. Evans. But can you affection the 'oman? Let us command to know that of your mouth or of your lips; for divers philosophers hold that the lips is parcel of the mouth. Therefore, precisely, can you carry your good will to the maid? 200 |