THE conversion of Covent Garden Theatre into a Gothic Hall is a transformation so complete, as to be worthy the best days of Pantomime and the high reputation of our old friend GRIEVE. The massy beams of canvas, emblazoned with the Anti-corn Law cognizance-the roof of stained calico admitting "a dim rushlightish light," the Chinese lanterns trying to look Gothic, all tend to aid the delusion without entirely

management of the arrangements. Scarcely a town has been without a female secretary and a committee of local ladies, all of whom have had a voice in the matter; so that the unani

mity with which the plan has been carried out is indeed wonderful.

The contributions to the bazaar comprise every conceivable commodity. We were particularly struck with

three or four free millstones, which would form an elegant addi-
tion to the bijouterie of a lady of fashion. Some highly-polished
circular saws seemed to be objects of great attraction, and we can
fancy a gentleman presenting to his lady-love one of them, labelled, "A
trifle from the League Bazaar."

There is a post-office, too, where you may buy one of our old jokes and a smile-such a smile!-for sixpence. The pretty politicians who preside at the various counters fulfil their task with admirable tact, and we repeatedly found our hands diving into our pockets, in obedience to the mute solicitations of the bright eyes of the fair Leaguers.

THE QUEEN'S BAL COSTUMÉ,

OR, POWDER AND BALL.

PROPOS of this elegant festival so creditable to
English taste, (for isn't it noble to think of the great
and proud British aristocracy tricked out, like Pan-
taloon, in the ugliest, most foolish, most absurd
costume that ever was invented since the world
began?) apropos of this grand festival, we hasten
to lay before our lady-readers the following extract
of a letter, with a sight of which we have been
favoured, from the VISCOUNTESS RUBADUB to her
sister, the LADY FANNY FANTOWZLE.

"152, Grosvenor Square.

"MY DEAREST FANTOWZLE,-We are all in a state of the highest excitement about the bal costume. LORD RUBADUB and my six girls are invited. We are all to go in powder-all to go in hoops. We calculate that we seven alone will occupy five-and-thirty feet of Her Majesty's drawing-room. "Everybody in powder! Wasn't it a charming idea of our gracious QUEEN? So novel, elegant, and useful! Our footmen are not to wear it; lest between them and their masters there should be mistakes, you

know.

"How I long to see dear SIR ROBERT in pomatum and powder walking a minuet in the costume of his great-grandfather! No, I won't say his great-grandfather, my dear; for, between ourselves, he is said never to have had one. He! he he! LORD BROUGHAM is furbishing up his old Chancellor's wig ; and I'm told the darling DUKE OF WELLINGTON (who is growing very economical in his old age) grumbles greatly, and intends to wear his coachman's.

JOKE DESTITUTION IN THE METROPOLIS.

A NUMEROUS meeting of small wits and diminutive wags was held in the unfrequented part of Hungerford Market to consider what pension Bridge. The individuals assembled had been in the habit of was to be done in consequence of the recent opening of the Sus

supporting, by means of that Bridge, a small family of jokes, which were now left totally unprovided for; and, in fact, without anything to live upon.

An individual present declared solemnly that he was almost starving for a joke, and a bon-mot had not passed his lips ever since the Bridge had been opened. The unhappy wretch presented a most melancholy spectacle, and his awful condition seemed to excite general sympathy.

After several speeches it was resolved to forward a requisition to Punch, who had originated the Hungerford Suspension Bridge as a topic for mirth; calling upon him to provide some other equally easy subject for the distressed and destitute jokers. Some of them had tried many of the numerous matters which Punch selects from week to week for the exercise of his humour; but most of those subjects were found to have failed in the hands of the poor and destitute jokers who were present at the meeting. He was therefore called upon in a strong resolution to supply a theme within the ability of the destitute wits to make merry with.

The requisition was brought to the Punch Office by a deputation of seedy punsters, and our gracious answer was, that the destitute wits may try what they can do with the Trafalgar Square Fountains.

"Then, my dear, the brunettes are in such a tantrum-to be obliged to PEEL'S cover their black ringlets with grease and flour, they say! You should see LADY RAVENSWING's fury: LADY DUCROW's rage that herself and her girls are to be so disfigured: and hear the abuse of those odious Miss BLACKLOCKS. They say it's a shame that they should be called upon so to disfigure themselves; that, to please our gracious QUEEN, they should be obliged to go trapesing about in old hoops, patches, and furbelows. My dear, their conversation is downright disloyal: let me change this odious, this painful theme.

"And then, how will they get the horrid powder out when it is once in the hair? All the ladies are in a rage, and the ladies'-maids in despair. As for us, my dear FANTOWZLE, we can console ourselves. Hair has been brilliant auburn in the RUBADUB family ever since WILLIAM RUFUS : and powder becomes every one of us.

"What shall we do for hairdressers for the great day? What will poor people do? Some are to have their heads dressed a week before the ball. The hairdressers are giving themselves such airs. Our person, FLORIDOR, who used to call himself artiste en cheveux, scorns the title now. 'Artist,' says he,' artists are low in this country. Je m'appelle Homme de Peigne de sa Majesté !'

"Now, as the monster asks ten guineas par téte on the ball night, and you know I cannot afford such a sum with my five dear girls and dreadfully numerous family, I wish, dearest FANTOWZLE, you would do me a great favour.

"My son ROLLO, who was long at Paris (a sad boy, frequenting, I fear, the worst of company there), says,A rococo ball? That a novelty! My dear mother, nothing is more vulgar and stale. All the grisettes in Paris; all the tipsy apprentices of the Carnival; all the shop-girls, medical students, pickpockets, and worse people still, have been powdering and patching any time these ten years. What is new here is old and vulgar there, and I fancy the sneer of the Parisians when they hear this wise and tasteful court of yours has adopted the cast-off finery of the tag-rag and bob-tail of Paris.'

"I must tell you that ROLLO is not invited to the ball, though, and is a little sore at the omission.

"But his advice is as fully sensible and economical. I think he says, 'Send to my aunt FANTOWZLE, if the barbers here are so dear. Tell her to send you over a man who has dressed hair for the low theatres, and the low balls. You may get the fellow for a few francs a day, and he will be just the man for the fashion.'

"Send over such a man, then, my dear. Get him as cheap, of course, and as old and as ugly as you can-for think of my girls, and the maternal solicitude of your affectionate

ALL VERY WELL FOR ONCE.

"EMILY RUBADUB."

THE President of the Swiss Diet, in his closing speech, "apologised for the little that had been done." This system of apologies for our Parliament would never do in England. It would become too monotonous.

PATHETIC APPEAL TO DANIEL O'CONNELL.

I give thee, DANIEL, all I can,
Though poor the offering be,
The Maynooth Grant is all, My DAN,
That I can yield to thee:

I might give up the Irish Church,
But if I did, what then?

My friends would leave me in the lurch,
I mean, my party men.

Perhaps 'tis just, perhaps tis fit

That I should more concede;
But then the House won't suffer it,
They won't, they won't indeed.
Believe me, I my conscience pinch
Much more than words can tell,
To grant thee thus a single inch;
And thou wouldst take an ell!
Oh! do be quiet, DANIEL, pray,
Be moderate, I implore ;
Take what I cede; another day,
I may allow thee more:
Keep Ireland out of water hot,
I beg thee, on my knees,
And I won't say that she shall not
Have justice-by degrees.

THEATRICAL INTELLIGENCE.

MR. BUNN, envious of the success that has attended Mr. WEBSTER'S tableau ricant of SHAKSPEARE, intends producing one of himself, under the title of "BUNN IN HIS STUDY." He will be represented in the attitude of despair, looking for a word in BOYER'S French Dictionary. Grouped around him will be a circle of balletgirls, all standing on one toe; whilst ST. GEORGES, the French dramatist, will be shown presenting him with the libretto of his new opera, concealed from the public gaze by an immense cabbage. After this, DUPREZ, GARCIA, DUMILATRE, and all the principal singers and dancers of the French theatres, will file before him, and salute him as "The Patron of the English Drama." The whole will conclude with a view of "The only National Theatre," with a statue on the portico of "BUNN SLAYING LINDLEY MURRAY," when the national chorus of"Jamais en Drury Lane,

Jamais l'Anglais ne régnera!" will be sung by the whole strength of the company.

A SKETCH FROM NATURE,

TAKEN NEAR THE FREEMASONS' TAVERN.

MUSICAL MONARCHS.

WE are told by a newspaper paragraph that among the souvenirs RUBINI carries away with him from St. Petersburg is "a crown of massive gold, inlaid with eight or ten massive brilliants of immense value." What on earth can RUBINI be going to do with this crown? He can't wear it in the streets, nor can he put it on to go to a party in. Perhaps he is in treaty for some petty German state, which he purposes buying out and out, subjects, revenues and all; in which case he will want a crown in the way of business as an appendage to his sovereignty. We know that German kingdoms are sometimes very cheap, and may be had for a mere song-which RUBINI could at any time give-while the "coming in" is seldom very expensive, for it is only necessary to take the fixtures, including the throne, at a valuation, and pay something in the way of good-will to the out-going sovereign. A German principality may be had for about the price of a good London milk-walk, and RUBINI being about to retire may be on the look-out for a cheap and eligible throne to spend the remainder of his days in that style of pasteboard dignity which his triumphant career as a vocalist must have made him accustomed to.

THE M.P.'S AND THE LAWYERS.

THE Members of Parliament appointed to serve on Railway Committees are complaining bitterly of the severe treatment they are compelled to undergo at the hands of the lawyers employed as counsel. Poor MR. ESCOTT had actually given way under the dreadful burden of listening to the barristers' speeches, and several of the M.P.'s are fast sinking under the dire infliction.

We would propose that standing orders may be framed to regulate the

Old Gentleman.-"GOOD GRACIOUS! IT'S STRIKING, AND THEY'LL HAVE conduct of standing counsel. Among other things, it might be arranged

that the lawyers should meet alone to deliver their speeches two hours
before the regular time for the committee to sit, so that the speeches
could always be concluded and got rid of before proceeding to the
business which they usually have not the smallest connection with.
The proposition for making the Irish Members come over to take a
part in the fatigue of hearing the lawyers talk is exceedingly just, and
As to stopping counsel when they once
begin, we see no chance of that; but if both sides were allowed to deliver
their speeches at once, time would be saved, and the result would be
equally useful.

A roguy-pogy, who signs himself PEPPER BIRCH, has sent us the ought at once to be acted on. following letter:

"MISTER PUNCH, "Is Tertulia a carriage? if so, what kind of one? Is Muchacha a dance? For shame, PUNCH, naughty Boy, refer to your dictionary; Tertulia is an evening party in Spain, and Muchacha is a girl; let me see that your error is corrected in your next week's number, and

"I remain,

"Your loving School Master,
"PEPPER BIRCH.'

We have had other letters regarding that noble ballad which appeared in our columns a fortnight since. One of the letters purported to come from F. M. the DUKE OF VICTORY, who charged us "with wilful falsehood" in calling a tertulia a carriage, and a muchacha a dance. Let F. M. the DUKE OF VICTORY mind his own affairs-there is only one man in England who is to give the lie with impunity, and that is F. M. the DUKE OF WELLINGTON.

As for PEPPER BIRCH, to show him our knowledge of Spanish, we beg to say that mangiuto is the Spanish for a muff; cuchara in the Castilian dialect means a spoon; and in the Aragonese the word bomba is universally used to signify a pump.

MILITARY INTELLIGENCE.

We hope that what the M.P.'s are now suffering will teach them to shorten their own speeches in mercy to those who have to listen to them.

EARLY LUXURIES.

PASSENGER landed at Herne Bay last week, In the evening the gas was lighted, to commemorate the event.

A full-blown daisy was gathered in Fitzroy Square on the First of May. It was carried round by the gardener to the three houses who have keys of the Square, and afterwards publicly exhibited in the buttonhole of the beadle for the remainder of the day.

A joke was actually made at Exeter Hall at its first May meeting. As it was a personality against an absent person, playfully insinuating he was "no gentleman," the joke told immensely, and will consequence several times before the end of

doubtlessly be repeated in
the season.
But the greatest luxury of all was reading the newspapers of Wednes-
day last, as the Commons having "made no house on the preceding

ORDERS have been issued to the West Essex Yeomanry by their gallant evening, there were no debates in them.

commander, CAPTAIN PALMER, to ground razors, and appear in full mustachios, on the next grand field-day. There is no truth, however, in the report that that valiant corps have been ordered to prepare for foreign service. It is still stationed at Waltham Abbey, where the officers continue to serve their country and their customers with equal pride and profit.

SEEING IS BELIEVING.

PEOPLE can hardly yet bring themselves to believe in the possibility of Hungerford Suspension Bridge being actually opened. Thousands have daily flocked to the spot, with no other possible motive than to satisfy themselves, by ocular demonstration, of an event that really does appear incredible.

A Brief Review.

Elective Polarity the Universal Agent. By F. BARBARA BURTON Authoress of "Astronomy Familiarised," "Physical Astronomy," &c. WE can only review this book superficially, since we have as yet seen nothing but the title of it. We don't know where the Universal Agency Office of Elective Polarity is, and we wish MRS. or MISS F. BARBARA BURTON-for neither do we know whether she is Miss or Mrs.-would tell us. Elective Polarity may be all humbug, or it may not; but if not, it is very much like it; with this difference that if Elective Polarity, as the universal agent, is the principle which does everything, Humbug, another universal agent, is the principle which does everybody.