but of these in another letter. You have here enough to show you how "I will endeavour to render the bonds of my rule light. I am desirous that you kingly the diadem, boundless the sway, of Punch is in the East. By should regard us as friends sent to you by Providence RATHER than as conquerors." it we are enabled to counterbalance the influence of the French in Egypt; A somewhat difficult task this, for the Arabs to regard murder, by it we are enabled to spread civilisation over the vast Indian Continent, fire, and robbery, as the inconveniences brought upon them by Provito soothe the irritated feelings of the Sikhs, and keep the Burmese in dence, and in no way whatever attributable to the restless rapacity, good humour. By means of Punch, it has been our privilege to expose the love of mountebank glory, demonstrated by the French nation! the designs of Russia more effectually than URQUHART ever did, and to 66 this SIR STRATFORD CANNING can testify. A proud and noble post is that Regard us as friends," says the KING, "rather than as conwhich you, Sir, hold over the Intellect of the World; a tremendous querors." Imagine a DICK TURPIN, after he had eased a traveller of power you exercise! May you ever wield it wisely and gently as now! his watch and purse, and had, moreover, levelled him in a ditch with "Subjectis parcere superbos debellare," be your motto! I forget the butt-end of his pistol-imagine the highwayman coolly observing whether I mentioned in my last that I was without funds in quarantine to the prostrate sufferer, "Regard me as a friend sent to you by Provi at Fort Manuel, Malta, and shall anxiously expect the favour of a com- dence rather than as a conqueror !" munication from you-Poste Restante-at that town.

With assurances of the highest consideration,
Believe me to be, Sir,

Your most faithful Servant and Correspondent,

The F- CONTRIBUTOR.

P.S.-We touched at Smyrna, where I purchased a real Smyrna sponge, which trifle I hope your lady will accept for her toilet; some real Turkey rhubarb for your dear children; and a friend going to Syria has promised to procure for me some real Jerusalem artichokes, which I hope to see flourishing in your garden at ———.

The royal comedian continues :

"I will maintain your customs and your religion; I will repair your mosques, and re-establish your schools."

Wherefore, then, should Providence have sent French bayonets to
LOUIS-PHILIPPE-Heaven has "chosen France" to rule in Algeria,
Algeria, if only to support the Mahometan faith? As-according to
can it be only to give a new strength to Islamism Will the KING
OF THE FRENCH make a better Mussulman than the EMPEROR OF
MOROCCO Well,-we cannot answer.

To this, however, the principal Arab chief replied, saying:-
"Since we were to be conquered, we are proud to have the French for our masters,
and to BELONG to so powerful and generous a nation."

The same delicacy of sentiment has been expressed, in anticipa

"Eels might be proud to lose their coat,
If skinued by MOLLY DUMPLING's hand!"

[This letter was addressed "strictly private and confidential" to us: but at a moment when all men's minds are turned towards the East, and every information regarding "the cradle of civilisation" is anxiously looked for, we have deemed it our duty to submit our Correspondent's letter to the public. The news which it contains are so important and startling-our correspondent's views of Eastern affairs so novel and tion, by GEORGE COLMAN :remarkable-that they must make an impression in Europe. We beg the Observer, the Times, &c., to have the goodness to acknowledge their authority, if they avail themselves of our facts. And for us, it cannot Since we were to be flayed-says the comic Chief, for a fine but be a matter of pride and gratification to think on the testimony of a correspondent who has never deceived us yet-that our efforts for comedian he must be-what a proud thing for Algeria, that France the good of mankind are appreciated by such vast and various portions had the skinning of her! of the human race, and that our sphere of usefulness is so prodigiously on the increase. Were it not that dinner has been announced, (and consequently is getting cold,) we would add more. For the present, let us content ourselves by stating that the intelligence conveyed to us is most welcome as it is most surprising, the occasion of heartfelt joy, and we hope of deep future meditation.]

PLAYERS IN PALACES.

EOPLE know that the French, as a nation, admire and patronize fine actors; and yet, from some strange perversity, there is a large party in France who can see nothing to value in LOUIS-PHILIPPE. This is wrong. With the very highest opinion of the genius of French players, it is our conviction that the finest actor in France sits, or rather holds, on the throne of that country. A short story in the Algérie supplies another illustration of this truth. Our readers are probably aware that several Arab chiefs came over to France, really to grace the triumph of GENERAL BUGEAUD, ostensibly to receive the blessings of French civilisation. A few days since, these Arabs were introduced to the KING and royal family. The Algérie, with delicious gravity, gives the following account of the comedy, in which LOUIS-PHILIPPE was the principal actor. His first speech ran as follows:

"I am happy to see you round me, you who have fought under the eyes of my children."

And thereby obtained a portion of my parental love!

"I thank God for having chosen France amongst all other nations to replace in Algeria the ancient rulers of the Arab population."

This is the old thanksgiving with which conquerors have, for ages, blasphemed Heaven. They invade a country; shed torrents of blood; burn and pillage; enact every atrocity that can sink men to devils, and then, with the tint of carnage on their hands and plunder in their pockets,-thank God for having chosen them to do the work of fiends!

"The words that have dropped from the greatest throne in Europe will fall on the heads of our brethren of Algeria like a refreshing shower." This is as it should be; though we fear, let the shower be as refreshing as it may, it will hardly remedy the mischief, hardly cure the agony, inflicted by former showers from the same regal elevation -we mean the showers of bullets!

At the dinner, we learn that the KING "served the Arabs with his own hand." Just as, in Algeria, the French army served Arab men, women, and children with their own hands; only, unfortunately, they had muskets or sabres in them.

And this, up to the present time, is the last comedy, farce, or burlesque-whatever the philosophy of the reader may deem itenacted at the Tuileries.

BENEVOLENCE OF THE DUKE OF MARLBOROUGH.

Ir has always given us peculiar delight to chronicle the beneficent doings of his Grace of MARLBOROUGH. With what pleasure, then, do we extract the following touching paragraph :

"HIGH FEEDING FOR THE POOR.-We hear that the DUKE OF MARLBOROUGH has this week directed 200 head of deer to be shot and distributed amongst the poor of Woodstock and the neighbourhood.-Banbury Guardian."

Believing that his Grace had some strong reason for this benevolence towards the poor-though is it not somewhat dangerous to accustom the palates of the "lower orders" to deer's flesh we inquired into the matter, and shall next week be able to lay before our readers further interesting particulars. How, if it should turn out that his Grace not only gave up 200 head of deer, but also enriched the gift with at least 1000 pots of currant jelly? Strange is the eccentricity of some folks' benevolence; therefore, let the reader expect a strange narrative.

The State of Punch's Revenue.

CONTEMPORANEOUS with the official Returns of the last year's Public revenue, Punch has been looking into his own, which is highly satisin the consumption of jokes ; which leads to the gratifying inference that factory. Without going into figures, we may announce a steady increase persons who have hitherto been utterly destitute of fun, have been able to enjoy the luxury. The reserved fund (of humour) which Punch has at command is promising for the year that has just commenced; and on making up our books at the end of the twelvemonth, we trust the returne will be as satisfactory as usual.

PEEL'S

BLAZE

OF TRIUMPH!

WE understand that PEEL is so proud of his management, that he experience
purposes having a few posting-bills struck off, and hiring one of country:-
the advertising carts to enable him to proclaim his "immense suc-
cess" in the puffing style, so fashionable among theatrical lessees
and advertising tailors. The following "catch-lines" are respect-
fully recommended to the Premier, by one who has had considerable

POST-OFFICE DROLLERIES.

"Reasons to Believe."

in the mural literature- or wall-writing-of his

"CONTINUED OVERFLOWS OF THE PUBLIC COFFERS." "Reduction of Prices." "Roars of laughter at the New Faroe, called Whig Opposition." "EVERY ACT SUCCESSFUL."

"IN REHEARSAL, A NEW BURLESQUE, CALLED THE ROYAL SPEECH."

tion of a tailor to his debtor for immediate payment. "This," says the post-master, "smacks of the scissors-is a very sharp instrument, and must, on no account, be forwarded."

Again, an attorney's clerk offers a dozen lawyer's letters. "I can't take them," says the functionary, "for no leeches are allowed to pass." "Flesh," too, is forbidden to be received. Hence, an imaginative however small they may appear, they contain nothing but gammon. post-master may refuse, or keep back, all love-letters; contending that henceforth send a sprat that he may catch a herring? "Fish" is also denied. Who, then, by means of the post, shall

We are sure of it, there is something peculiar in the air of St. Martin's-le-Grand. We are convinced that, however sober and rational a man may be before his appointment to the Post-office, that -influenced by the genius loci-he instantly afterwards becomes a kind of government wag; that is, a wit whose waggeries are anything but laughable to the country at large. Within these few days, "W. L. MABERLY, Secretary," has issued "by command," a Postoffice Order, evidently intended as a kind of rival to Punch's Almanack, devoted " to continually exchange their hearts (wrapped up like the What was more common than for the "tenderly and eternallybut which and how can we have any egotism in the matter we hearts of sheep), in paper? Now, if the postmaster has "reason to consider to be a hopeless failure as a work of humour. However, not to believe" in such contents, there is an end to the transmission, seeing condemn MABERLY by a naked ipse dixit, we quote from the pro- that all bleeding hearts, "by pressure or otherwise" may be renduction, addressed to all "post-masters, sub-post-masters, and letter-dered injurious to the "contents of the mail-bags!" receivers," and says

"Should any letter or packet be tendered at your office, which you may ascertain to contain, or which you have every reason to believe contains any of the following articles, vis, any glass or glass bottle, any razor, scissors, knife, fork, or other sharp instru ment; any leeches, game, fish, flesh, fruit, vegetables, or other perishable substance; any bladder or other vessel containing liquid; or any article, matter, or thing whatsoever which might, by pressure or otherwise, be rendered injurious either to the officers of the Post-office, or to the contents of the mail-bags, you will refuse to receive such letter or packet."

"Every reason to believe !" Now when we know how very differently men use their reason-by what various and opposite ways they jump to a belief-we must immediately conclude that the whole correspondence of the country is, from the 1st inst., placed at the caprice of the smaller officers of the post. For instance, nothing that will cut, is to be allowed to pass through the post. Hence, the postmaster may see in a particular letter-or have every reason to "believe" that he sees in it-an epistle, a cut, from a rich relation to a poor man, refusing the loan of five pounds. Or he sees an applica

We trust that the country will be found perfectly alive to the subject.

THE FOUNTAINS IN TRAFALGAR SQUARE. SOME sensation was caused, a day or two back, in the immediate neighbourhood of Charing Cross, by a rumour that the fountains in Trafalgar Square had commenced playing. We instantly despatched a reporter to the spot, who experienced the greatest civility from the policeman on duty; and, under the guidance of that local authority, he proceeded to inspect the two basins. On arriving at the spot, it was be aware how it had got there. The liquid was exceedingly muddy, flat, clear that some water had got into the reservoirs, but no one seemed to and unsatisfactory. There was no appearance of the fountains having played; and on inquiry of the oldest loiterer-the person who had been idling longest near the spot-no information could be obtained. reporter, having thanked the policeman, retired shortly afterwards.

Our

FROM Cannes intelligence has arrived of the hunting exploits of LORD | forgotten in the ardour of the chase. Two wild-boars also fell victims on the BROUGHAM and his copartner, MR. LEADER, in the forest of La Croix de same occasion. Could it have been jealousy that induced our own great bore Gardy, which has been jointly purchased by these two notables. LORD to exterminate two of the class which he is at the head of? We underBROUGHAM has for the last few years been addicted to hunting of a stand that LEADER, who loves a joke-and perhaps there is no joke he certain description; and his fruitless chase of the great seal will long be likes so well as the very rich joke of his being called the representative remembered in politico-sporting annals. of Westminster-directed the attention of his noble ally to our recent portrait of "The Greatest Bore in England," and recommended that BROUGHAM should himself turn out to be hunted, pour encourager les autres.

In order to keep up the ardour of pursuit, and prepare him for running after his prey during the ensuing Session of Parliament, his Lordship has been actively engaged in the sports of the forest. His Lordship turned out several badgers; to one of whom he gave the name of CAMPBELL, so that he might feel more energy in hunting it, and a greater delight in runninig it to death, which was accomplished in masterly style, after a run of a couple of hours. We find moreover from the report, that "he drove four foxes to their earths, and killed them," a fact which proves that fellow-feeling is

In the evening there was a ball, at which his Lordship is understood to have danced an entirely new Polka, while his friend LEADER introduced a variety of steps terminating in a Truandaise as danced before the electors of Westminster, introducing the celebrated chassex, following the croisez which he had been long practising.

GREAT RUNNING MATCH.

WE understand that the LORD MAYOR has backed his favourite hobbyhorse Account, got by Churchwarden out of Walbrook, to run longer than anything else that can be brought against it. The LORD MAYOR objects to weighing, for he thinks no one ought to be called upon for his balance.

ARCHITECTURAL SHABBINESS.

THE British Museum, when completed, will have a grand façade in front, and a mean brick building at the sides and back. It has been compared to a person with a limited wardrobe, who, to hide a scarcity of Îinen, puts on a handsome “dickey.”