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war or not.
falling of the stocks to us, who have no money? Let Nathan Ben Funk, the Dutch Jew, be glad or sorry for this; but, my good Mr Bellows-mender, what is all this to you or me? You must mend broken bellows, and I write bad prose, as long as we live, whether we like a Spanish
Believe me, my honest friends, whatever you may talk of liberty and your own reason, both that liberty and reason are conditionally resigned by every poor man in every society; and, as we are born to work, so others are born to watch over us while we are working. In the name of common sense then, my good friends, let the great keep watch over us, and let us mind our business, and perhaps we may at last get money ourselves, and set beggars at work in our turn. I have a Latin sentence that is worth its weight in gold, and which I shall beg leave to translate for your instruction. An author, called Lilly's Grammar, finely observes, that « Æs in præsenti perfectum format;» that is, « Ready money makes a perfect man. » Let us then get ready money; and let them that will spend theirs by going to war with Spain.
RULES FOR BEHAVIOUR, DRAWN UP BY THE INDIGENT PHILOSOPHER.
you be a rich man, you may enter the room with three loud hems, march deliberately up to the chimney, and turn your back to the fire. If you be a poor man, I would advise you to shrink into the room as fast as you can, and place yourself as usual upon the corner of a chair in a remote corner.
When you are desired to sing in company, I would advise you to refuse; for it is a thousand to one but that you torment us with affectation or a bad voice. If
young, and live with an old man, I would
our own abilities. To say more in favour of the Infernal Magazine, would be unworthy the public; to say less, would be injurious to ourselves. As we have no interested motives for this undertaking, being a society of gentlemen of distinction, we disdain to eat or write like hirelings; we are all gentlemen, resolved to sell our sixpenny magazine merely for our own amusement.
Be careful to ask for the Infernal Magazine.
DEDICATION TO THAT MOST INGENIOUS OF ALL PATRONS, THE
May it please your Excellency, As your taste in the fine arts is universally allowed and admired, permit the authors of the Infernal Magazine to lay the following sheets humbly at your Excellency's toe; and should our labours ever have the happiness of one day adorning the courts of Fez, we doubt not that the influence wherewith we are honoured, shall be ever retained with the most warm ardour by,
May it please your Excellency,
The authors of the INFERNAL MAGAZINE.
A SPEECH SPOKEN BY THE INDIGENT PHILOSOPHER, TO PERSUADE
HIS CLUB AT CATEATON TO DECLARE WAR AGAINST SPAIN.
My honest friends and brother politicians, I perceive that the intended war with Spain makes many of you uneasy. Yesterday, as we were told, the stocks rose, and you were glad ; to-day they fall, and you are again miserable. But, my dear friends, what is the rising or the
our of thele falling of the stocks to us, who have no money?
Nathan Ben Funk, the Dutch Jew, be glad of sorry for we have m: this; but, my good Mr Bellowomender, wbutów all this on eing a so you or me? You must mend broken bellows, and I wrw eat or wtë bad prose, as long as we live, whether we like a My manual ed to sell vs war or not. Believe me, my burment founds, whowever you asement may talk of liberty and your own resum, luath tallanty
and reason are onditionally reaissus try sety fornt man in every sects: an, at me ase tema t wink, toxunu are bort to wahan os n. 196, wintin14Su theme same or om sina tun, way yo lo anket, for dete pea ka uut na Dk.244, it has two oru frumonbebouw access 14 WT 2. tek. Hans sportising 34.1,, pode 14 beras **TI E me mu waste was, Er [ 12 au 100 s'ue's 1 tkam in tansa ítr zur ngrun 13 Gramma. He's viss ** 2 * Whi, grosir kr. Tra iusten mukana on 6 Sexta LEE TIPL war hann au sa bea .4- il and mer: * F D & Tiit jant
oubt not c. shall be
advise you not to like gravy; I was disinherited myself for liking gravy.
Don't laugh much in public; the spectators that are not as merry as you will hate you, either because they envy your happiness, or fancy themselves the subject of your mirth.
RULES FOR RAISING THE DEVIL. TRANSLATED FROM THE LATIN
OF DANÆUS DE SORTIARIIS, A WRITER CONTEMPORARY WITH CalVIN, AND ONE OF THE REFORMERS OF OUR CHURCH.
The person who desires to raise the Devil, is to sacrifice a dog, a cat, and a hen, all of his own property, to Beelzebub. He is to swear an eternal obedience, and then to receive a mark in some unseen place, either under the eyelid, or in the roof of the mouth, inflicted by the devil himself. Upon this he has power given him over three spirits ; one for earth, another for air, and a third for the sea. Upon certain times the devil holds an assembly of magicians, in which each is to give an account of what evil he has done, and what he wishes to do. At this assembly, he appears in the shape of an old man, or often like a goat with large horns. They upon this occasion renew their vows of obedience; and then form a grand dance in honour of their false deity. The devil instructs them in every method of injuring mankind, in gathering poisons, and of riding upon occasion through the air. He shows them the whole method, upon examination, of giving evasive answers; his spirits have power to assume the form of angels of light, and there is but one method of detecting them, viz. to ask them in proper form, what method is the most certain to propagate the faith over all the world? To this they are not permitted by the Superiour Power to make a false reply, nor are they willing to give the true one, wherefore they continue silent, and are thus detected.
WHERE Tauris lifts its head above the storm, and presents nothing to the sight of the distant traveller but a prospect of nodding rocks, falling torrents, and all the variety of tremendous nature; on the bleak bosom of this frightful mountain, secluded from society, and detesting the ways of men, lived Asem the Man-hater.
Asem had spent his youth with men, had shared in their amusements, and had been taught to love his fellow-creatures with the most ardent affection ; but from the tenderness of his disposition he exhausted all his fortune in relieving the wants of the distressed. The petitioner never sued in vain; the weary traveller never passed his door; he only desisted from doing good when he had no longer the power of relieving.
From a fortune thus spent in benevolence he expected a grateful return from those he had formerly relieved, and made his application with confidence of redress: the ungrateful world soon grew weary of his importunity; for pity is but a short-lived passion. He soon therefore began to view mankind in a very different light from that in which he had before beheld them; he perceived a thousand vices he had never before suspected to exist; whereever he turned, ingratitude, dissimulation, and treachery,