ginary than real. One little packet I could not but take notice of, which was a complication of all the diseases incident to human nature, and was in the hand of a great many fine people: this was called the Spleen. But what most of all furprised me, was a remark I made, that there was not a fingle vice or folly thrown into the whole heap : at which I was very much astonished, having concluded within myself, that every one would take this opportunity of getting rid of his paffions, prejudices, and frailties. I TOOK notice in particular of a very profligate fellow, who I did not queftion came loaden with his crimes; but upon fearching into his bundle, I found that, inftead of throwing his guilt from him, he had only laid down his memory. He was followed by another worthless who flung away his modesty instead of his ignorance. rogue, WHEN the whole race of mankind had thus caft their burdens, the phantom which had been fo bufy on this occafion, feeing me an idle fpectator of what paffed, approached towards me. I grew uneafy at her prefence, when of a fudden fhe held her magnifying glafs full before my eyes. I no fooner faw my face in it, but I was ftartled at the fhortnefs of it, which now appeared to me in its utmost aggravation. The immoderate breadth of the features made me very much out of humour with my own countenance, upon which I threw it from me like a mask. It happened very luckily, that one who stood by me had just before thrown down his vifage, which, it feems, was too long for him. It was indeed extended to a most shameful length: I believe the very chin was, modeftly speaking, as long as my whole face. We had both of us an opportunity of mending ourfelves; and all the contributions being now brought in, every man was at liberty to exchange his misfortune for those of another perfon. But as there arofe many new incidents in the fequel of my vision, I fhall referve them for the fubject of my next paper. No. No. 559. Friday, June 25 Quid caufa eft, merito quin illis Jupiter ambas Were it not just that Jove, provok'd to heat, N my IN Horneck. laft paper, I gave my reader a fight of that mountain of miseries, which was made up of those several calamities that afflict the minds of men. I faw, with unfpeakable pleasure, the whole fpecies thus delivered front its forrows though, at the fame time, as we stood round the heap, and furveyed the feveral materials of which it was compofed, there was fcarce a mortal, in this vaft multitude, who did not discover what he thought pleasures and bleffings of life; and wondered how the owners of them ever came to look upon them as burdens and grie vances. As we were regarding very attentively this confufion of miferies, this chaos of calamity, Jupiter iffued out a fecond proclamation, that every one was now at liberty to exchange his affliction, and to return to his habitation with any fuch other bundle as should be delivered to him. UPON this, Fancy began again to beftir herself, and parcelling out the whole heap with incredible activity, recommended to every one his particular packet. The hurry and confufion at this time was not to be expreffed. Some obfervations which I made upon the occafion shall communicate to the public. A venerable grey-headed man, who had laid down the cholic, and who I found wanted an heir to his eftate, fnatched up an undutiful fon, that had been thrown into the heap by his angry father. The graceless youth, in lefs than a quarter of an hour, pulled the old gentleman by the beard, and had like to have knocked his brains out; fo that meeting the true father, who came towards him with a fit of the gripes, he begged him to take his fon again, and give back his cholic; but they were incapable either of them to recede from the choice they had made. A poor galley-flave, who had thrown down his chains, took up the gout in their ftead, but made fuch wry faces, that one might eafily perceive he was no great gainer by the bargain. It was pleafant enough to fee the feveral exchanges that were made, for sickness against poverty, hunger against want of appetite, and care against pain. THE female world were very bufy among themselves in bartering for features; one was trucking a lock of grey hairs for a carbuncle, another was making over a short waift for a pair of round fhoulders, and a third cheapening a bad face for a loft reputation: but on all these occafions, there was not one of them who did not think the new blemish, as foon as fhe had got it into her poffeffion, much more disagreeable than the old one. I made the fame obfervation on every other misfortune or calamity, which every one in the affembly brought upon himself, in lieu of what he had parted with; whether it be that all the evils which befal us are in fome measure fuited and proportioned to our ftrength, or that every evil becomes more fupportable by our being accustomed to it, I shall not determine. I COULD not for my heart forbear pitying the poor hump-backed gentleman mentioned in the former paper, who went off a very ill-shaped person with a stone in his bladder; nor the fine gentleman who had ftruck up this bargain with him, that limped through a whole affembly of ladies who used to admire him, with a pair of shoulders peeping over his head. My I MUST not omit my own particular adventure. friend with the long vifage had no fooner taken upon him my short face, but he made fuch a grotefque figure in it, that as I looked upon him I could not forbear laughing at myself, infomuch that I put my own face out of countenance. The poor gentleman was fo fenfible of the ridicule, that I found he was afhamed of what he had done : on the other fide I found that I myfelf had no great reafon to triumph, for as I went to touch my forehead I miffed the place, and clapped my finger upon my upper lip. Befides, as my nofe was exceeding prominent, I gave it two or three unlucky knocks as I was playing my hand about my face, and aiming at some other part of it. I faw two other gentlemen by me, who were in the fame ridiculous circumftances. Thefe had made a foolish swop between a couple of thick bandy legs, and two long trapflicks that had no calfs to them. One of thefe looked like a man walking upon stilts, and was fo lifted up into the air, above his ordinary height, that his head turned round with it, while the other made fuch awkward circles, as he attempted to walk, that he scarce knew how to move forward upon his new fupporters: obferving him to be a pleasant kind of fellow, I ftuck my cane in the ground, and told him I would lay him a bottle of wine, that he did not march up to it on a line, that I drew for him, in a quarter of an hour. THE heap was at last distributed among the two fexes, who made a moft piteous fight, as they wandered up and down under the preflure of their feveral burdens. The whole plain was filled with murmurs and complaints, groans and lamentations. Jupiter at length, taking compaffion on the poor mortals, ordered them a fecond time to lay down their loads, with a defign to give every one his own again. They discharged themselves with a great deal of pleafure; after which, the phantom, who had led them into fuch grofs delufions, was commanded to difappear. There was fent in her ftead a goddess of a quite different figure her motions were steady and composed, and her afpect ferious but chearful. She every now and then caft her eyes towards heaven, and fixed them upon Jupiter : her name was PATIENCE. She had no fooner placed herself by the mount of forrows, but, what I thought very remarkable, the whole heap funk to fuch a degree, that it did not appear a third part fo big as it was before. She afterwards returned every man his own proper calamity, and teaching him how to bear it in the most commodious manner, he marched off with it contentedly, being very well pleased that he had not been left to his own choice, as to the kind of evils which fell to his lot. BESIDES the feveral pieces of morality to be drawn out of this vifion, I learned from it never to repine at my own misfortunes, misfortunes, or to envy the happiness of another, fince it is impoffible for any man to form a right judgment of his neighbour's fufferings; for which reafon alfo, I have determined never to think too lightly of another's complaints, but to regard the forrows of my fellow-creatures with fentiments of humanity and compaffion. No. 560. Monday, June 28. ---Verba intermissa retentat. Ovid. Met. 1. 1. v. 746. He tries his tongue, his filence foftly breaks. E Dryden. VERY one has heard of the famous conjurer, who, according to the opinion of the vulgar, has ftudied himself dumb, for which reafon, as it is believed, he delivers out all his oracles in writing. Be that as it will, the blind Tirefias was not more famous in Greece, than this dumb artist has been for fome years last past, in the cities of London and Westminster. Thus much for the profound gentleman who honours me with the following epiftle. < SIR, informe, From my cell, June 24. 1714. EING informed that you have lately got the use of your tongue, I have fome thoughts of following your example, that I may be a fortune-teller properly fpeaking. I am grown weary of my taciturnity, and having ferved my country many years under the title of the 'dumb-doctor, I fhall now prophefy by word of mouth, and (as Mr Lee fays of the magpy, who you know was a great fortune-teller among the ancients) chatter futurity. I have hitherto chofen to receive questions and ' return answers in writing, that I might avoid the te• diousness and trouble of debates, my querifts being generally of a humour to think, that they have never predictions enough for their money. In fhort, Sir, my cafe ' has been fomething like that of thofe difcrcet animals the monkeys, who, as the Indians tell us, can fpeak if they |