bucking: or, it is whiting-time,' send him by your! men to Datchet Mcad. Mrs. Ford. He's too big to go in there: what shall I do? Re-enter Falstaff. Fal. Let me see't, let me see't! O let me see't! I'll in, I'll in;-follow your friend's counsel;I'll in. Mrs. Page. What! sir John Falstaff! Are these your letters, knight? Fal. I love thee, and none but thee; help me away: let me creep in here; I'll never [He goes into the basket; they cover him with foul linen.] Mrs. Page. Help to cover your master, boy: call your men, mistress Ford:-You dissembling knight! Mrs. Ford. What, John, Robert, John! [Exit Robin; re-enter Servants.] Go take up these clothes here, quickly; where's the cowl-staff? look, how you drumble: carry them to the laundress in Datchet Mead; quickly, come. Enter Ford, Page, Caius, and Sir Hugh Evans. Mrs. Ford. Shall we send that foolish carrion, mistress Quickly, to him, and excuse his throwing into the water; and give him another hope, to be tray him to another punishment? Mrs. Page. We'll do it; let him be sent for tomorrow eight o'clock, to have amends. Re-enter Ford, Page, Caius, and Sir Hugh Evans, Ford. I cannot find him: may be the knave bragged of that he could not compass. Mrs. Page. Heard you that? Mrs. Ford. Ay, ay, peace:-You use me well, master Ford, do you?' Ford. Ay, I do so. Mrs. Ford. Heaven make you better than your thoughts! Ford. Amen. Mrs. Page. You do yourself mighty wrong, master Ford. Ford. Ay, ay; I must bear it. Eva. If there be any pody in the house, and in the chambers, and in the coffers, and in the presses, heaven forgive my sins at the day of judgment! Caius. By gar, nor I too; dere is no bodies. Ford. Pray you, come near: if I suspect with- Page. Fic, ie, master Ford! are you not asham out cause, why then make sport at me, then let me ed? What spirit, what devil suggests this imagina be your jest; I deserve it.-How now? whither bear you this? Serv. To the laundress, forsooth. Mrs. Ford. Why, what have you to do whither they bear it? you were best meddle with buckwashing. tion? I would not have your distemper in this kind, for the wealth of Windsor Castle. Ford. 'Tis my fault, master Page: I suffer for it. Eva. You suffer for a pad conscience: your wife as honest a 'omans, as I will desires among five thousand, and five hundred too. is Ford. Buck? I would I could wash myself of Cuius. By gar, I see 'tis an honest woman. the buck! Buck, buck, buck? ay, buck; I war- Ford. Well;-I promised you a dinner :-Come, rant you, buck; and of the season too, it shall ap-come, walk in the park: I pray you, pardon me; pear. [Exeunt Servants with the basket.] Gentle- I will hereafter make known to you, why I have men, I have dreamed to-night; I'll tell you my done this. Come, wife;-come, mistress Page; I dream. Here, here, here be my keys: ascend my pray you pardon me; pray heartily, pardon me. chambers, search, seek, find out: I'll warrant, we'll Page. Let's go in, gentlemen; but, trust me, unkennel the fox:-Let me stop this way first:-we'll mock him. I do invite you to-morrow morn So, now, uncape. ing to my house to breakfast; after, we'll a birdPage. Good master Ford, be contented: you ing together; I have a fine hawk for the bush: wrong yourself too much. shall it be so? Ford. True, master Page.-Up, gentlemen; you shall sec sport anon: follow me, gentlemen. [Exit. Eva. This is fery fantastical humours, and jealousies. Caius. By gar, 'tis no de fashion of France: it is not jealous in France. Page. Nay, follow him, gentlemen; see the issue of his search. [Exeunt Evans, Page, and Caius. Mrs. Page. Is there not a double excellency in this? Mrs. Ford. I know not which pleases me better, that my husband is deceived, or sir John. Mrs. Page. What a taking was he in, when your husband asked who was in the basket! Mrs. Ford. I am half afraid he will have need of washing; so throwing him into the water will do him a benefit. Mrs. Page. Hang him, dishonest rascal! I would, all of the same strain were in the same! distress. Mrs. Ford. I think, my husband hath some special suspicion of Falstaff's being here; for I never saw him so gross in his jealousy till now. Mrs. Page. I will lay a plot to try that: And we will yet have more tricks with Falstaff: his dissolute disease will scarce obey this medicine. (1) Bleaching-time. (2, A staff for carrying a large tub or basket. Ford. Any thing. Eva. In your teeth: for shame. Caius. Dat is good; by gar, vit all my heart. SCENE IV-A room in Page's house. Enter Fent. I see, I cannot get thy father's love; I Fent. Why, thou must be thyself (3) Droue. (4) Unbag the fox. (5) What Scene V. MERRY WIVES OF WINDSOR. Fent. No, heaven so speed me in my time to I told you, sir, my daughter is dispos'd of. come! Albeit, I will confess, thy father's wealth Was the first motive that I woo'd thee, Anne: Anne. Gentle master Fenton, Enter Shallow, Slender, and Mrs. Quickly. Shal. Break their talk, mistress Quickly; my kinsman shall speak for himself. Sten. I'll make a shaft or a bolt on't: slid, 'tis but venturing. Shal. Be not disınay'd. Slen. No, she shall not dismay me: I care not for that, but that I am afeard. Quick. Hark ye; master Slender would speak a word with you. Anne. I come to him.-This is my father's choice. O, what a world of vile ill-favour'd faults Looks handsome in three hundred pounds a year! Fent. Nay, master Page, be not impatient. you. my child. Quick. Speak to mistress Page. Fent. Good mistress Page, for that I love you: In such a righteous fashion as I do, Perforce, against all checks, rebukes, and manners, Anne. Good mother, do not marry me to yond fool. Mrs. Page. I mean it not; I seek you a better Quick. That's my master, master doctor. Mrs. Page. Come, trouble not yourself: good I will not be your friend, nor enemy: Shal. She's coming; to her, coz. hadst a father! O boy, thou Slen. I had a father, mistress Anne ;-my uncle can tell you good jests of him:-Pray you, uncle, tell mistress Anne the jest, how my father stole two geese out of a pen, good uncle. [Exeunt Mrs. Page and Anne. Fent. Farewell, gentle mistress; farewell, Nan. Quick. This is my doing now;-Nay, said I, will Look on master Fenton :-this is my doing. you cast away your child on a fool, and a physician? Fent. I thank thee; and I pray thee, once to night Shal. Mistress Anne, my cousin loves you. in Glocestershire. Sha!. He will maintain you like a gentlewoman. Slen. Ay, that I will, come cut and long-tail, under the degree of a squire. 2 Shal. He will make you a hundred and fifty pounds jointure. Anne. Good master Shallow, let him woo for himself. Shal. Marry, I thank you for it; I thank you for that good comfort. She calls you, coz: I'll leave you. Anne. Now, master Slender. Sten. Now, good mistress Anne. Sten. My will od's heartlings, that's a pretty Anne. I mean, master Slender, what would you with me? Exit. Quick. Now heaven send thee good fortune! A kind heart he hath: a woman would run through fire and water for such a kind heart. But yet, I would my master had mistress Anne; or I would master Fenton had her: I will do what I can for master Slender had her; or, in sooth, I would them all three; for so I have promised, and I'll be Fenton. Well, I must of another errand to sir John as good as my word; but speciously for master Falstaff from my two mistresses; what a beast am I to slack' it! 【Exit. SCENE V-1 room in the Garter Inn. Enter Fal. Bardolph, I say,— Fal. Go fetch me a quart of sack; put a toast in't. ||Exit Bard.] Have I lived to be carried in a basket, Sten. Truly, for mine own part, I would little or like a barrow of butcher's offal; and to be thrown nothing with you: your father, and my uncle, have into the Thames? Well; if I be served such an. mede motions: if it be my luck, so: if not, happy other trick, I'll have my brains ta'en out, and butman be his dole! They can tell you how things ter'd, and give them to a dog for a new year's gift. go, better than I can: you may ask your father; here he comes. Enter Page, and Mistress Page. ter Anne.- Why, how now! what does master Fenton here? (1) A proverb-a shaft was a long arrow, remorse as they would have drown'd a bitch's The rogues slighted me into the river with as little blind puppies, fifteen i' the litter and you may know by my size, that I have a kind of alacrity in down. I had been drowned, but that the shore was sinking; if the bottom were as deep as hell, I should shelvy and shallow; a death that I abhor; for the water swells a man; and what a thing should and a have been, when I had been swelled! I should have been a mountain of mummy. Re-enter Bardolph, with the wine. Ford. What, while you were there? Ford. And did he search for you, and could not find you? Fal. You shall hear. As good luck would have Bard. Here's mistress Quickly, sir, to speak it, comes in one mistress Page; gives intelligence with you. of Ford's approach; and, by her invention, and Fal. Come, let me pour in some sack to the Ford's wife's distraction, they conveyed me into Thames water; for my belly's as cold, as if I had buck-basket. swallowed snow-balls for pills to cool the reins. Call her in. Bard. Come in, woman. Enter Mrs. Quickly. Quick. By your leave; I cry you mercy: give your worship good-morrow. 1 Fal. Take away these chalices: go brew me pottle of sack finely. Bard. With eggs, sir? a Fal. Simple of itself; I'll no pullet-sperm in my brewage.Exit Bardolph.]-How now? Quick. Marry, sir, I come to your worship from mistress Ford. ford. Ford. A buck-basket! Fal. By the Lord, a buck-basket: rammed me in with foui shirts and smocks, socks, foul stockings, and greasy napkins; that, master Brook, there was the rankest compound of villanous smell, that ever Joffended nostril. Ford. And how long lay you there? Fal. Nay, you shall hear, master Brook, what I have suffered to bring this woman to evil for your good. Being thus crammed in the basket, a couple of Ford's knaves, his hinds, were called forth by their mistress, to carry me in the name of foul clothes to Datchet-lane: they took me on their shoulders; met the jealous knave, their master, in the door; who asked them once or twice what they Ful. Mistress Ford! I have had ford enough: I had in their basket. I quaked for fear, lest the was thrown into the ford: I have my belly full of lunatic knave would have searched it; but Fate ordaining he should be a cuckold, held his hand. Quick. Alas the day! good heart, that was not Weil: on went he for a search, and away went I her fault; she does so take on with her men; they for foul clothes. But mark the sequel, master Brook: aistook their erection. I suffered the pangs of three several deaths: first, Fal. So did I mine, to build upon a foolish an intolerable fright, to be detected with a jealous woman's promise. rotten-bell-wether: next, to be compassed like a Quick. Well, she laments, sir, for it, that it good bilbo, in the circumference of a peck, hilt to would yearn your heart to see it. Her husband point, heel to head: and then, to be stopped in, like goes this morning a birding; she desires you once a strong distillation, with stinking clothes that fretmore to come to her between eight and nine: I must ted in their own grease: think of that,--a man of carry her word quickly: she'll make you amends, my kidney,-think of that; that am as subject to I warrant you. Fal. Well, I will visit her: tell her so; and bid her think, what a man is: let her consider his frailty, and then judge of my merit. Quick. I will tell her. Fal. Do so. Between nine and ten, say'st thou Fal. Well, be gone: I will not miss her. Enter Ford. Ford. Bless you, sir! Fal. Now, master Brook; you come to know what hath passed between me and Ford's wife? Ford. That, indeed, sir John, is my business. Ful. Master Brook, I will not lie to you; I was at her house the hour' she appointed me. Ford. And how speed you, sir? Fal. Very ill-favouredly, master Brook. Ford. How so, sir? Did she change her determination? heat as butter; a man of continual dissolution and thaw; it was a miracle to 'scape suffocation. And in the height of this bath, when I was more than half stewed in grease, like a Dutch dish, to be thrown into the Thames, and cooled, glowing hot, ?in that surge, like a horse-shoe; think of that;hissing hot,-think of that, master Brook. Ford. In good sadness, sir, I am sorry that for my sake you have suffered all this. My suit then is desperate; you'll undertake her no more. Fal. Master Brook, I will be thrown into Etna, as I have been into the Thames, ere I will leave her thus. Her husband is this morning gone a birding: I have received from her another embassy of meeting; 'twixt eight and nine is the hour, master Brook. Ford. 'Tis past eight already, sir. Fal. Is it? I will then address me to my appointment. Come to me at your convenient leisure, and you shall know how I speed; and the conclusion shall be crowned with your enjoying her: adieu. You shall have her, master Brook; master Brook, you shall cuckold Ford. [Exil Ford, Hum! ha! is this a vision? is this a dream? do I sleep? Master Ford, awake; awake, master Fal. No, master Brook; but the peaking cornu- Ford; there's a hole made in your best coat, master to, her husband, master Brook, dwelling in a con- Ford. This 'tis to be married! this 'tis to have linen, tinual 'larum of jealousy, comes me in the instant and buck-baskets!-Well, I will proclaim myself of our encounter, after we had embraced, kissed, what I am: I will now take the lecher; he is at my protested, and, as it were, spoke the prologue of house he cannot 'scape me; 'tis impossible he our comedy; and at his heels a rabble of his com- should; he cannot creep into a half-penny purse, panions, thither provoked and instigated by his dis-nor into a pepper-box: but, lest the devil that temper, and, forsooth, to search his house for his guides him should aid him, I will search impossible wife's love. places. Though what I am I cannot avoid, yet to (1) Cups. (2) Bilboa, where the best blades are made. (3) Seriousness. 14) Make myself ready. SCENE I.-The Street. Enter Mrs. Page, Mrs. Mrs. Page. Is he at master Ford's already, think'st thou ? Quick. Sure he is by this; or will be presently: but truly, he is very courageous' mad, about his throwing into the water. Mistress Ford desires you to come suddenly. Mrs. Page. I'll be with her by and by; I'll but bring my young man here to school: look, where his master comes; 'tis a playing-day, I see. Enter Sir Hugh Evans. How now, sir Hugh? no school to-day? Eva. No; master Slender is let the boys leave to play. Quick. Blessing of his heart! Mrs. Page. Sir Hugh, my husband says, my son profits nothing in the world at his book; I pray you, ask him some questions in his accidence. Eva. Ay. Will. Genitive,-horum, harum, horum. Quick. You do ill to teach the child such words: he teaches him to hick and to hack, which they'll do fast enough of themselves; and to call horum:fie upon you! Eva. 'Oman, art thou lunatics? hast thou no understandings for thy cases, and the numbers of the genders? Thou art as foolish Christian creatures as I would desires, Mrs. Page. Pr'ythee, hold thy peace. Eva. Show me now, William, some declensions of your pronouns. Will, Forsooth, I have forgot. Eva. It is ki, kæ, cod; if you forget your kies, your kæs, and your cods, you must be preeches. Go your ways, and play, go. Mrs. Page. He is a better scholar than I thought he was. Eva. He is a good sprag3 memory. Farewell, mistress Page. Mrs. Page. Adieu, good sir Hugh. [Exit Sir Hugh.] Get you home, boy.-Come, we stay Eva. Come hither, William; hold up your too long. head; come. Exeunt. Mrs. Page. Come on, sirrah; hold up your SCENE II-A room in Ford's house. Enter bead; answer your master, be not afraid. Eva. William, how many numbers is in nouns? Falstaff and Mrs. Ford. Fal. Mistress Ford, your sorrow hath eaten up Quick. Truly, I thought there had been one my sufferance: I see, you are obsequious4 in your number more; because they say, od's nouns. love, and I profess requital to a hair's breadth; not Eva. Peace your tattlings. What is fair, Wil-only, mistress Ford, in the simple oflice of love, but in all the accoutrement, complement, and ceremony of it. But are you sure of your husband now? Mrs. Ford. He's a birding, sweet sir John. Mrs. Page. [Within.] What hoa, gossip Ford! liam ? Will. Pulcher. Quick. Poulcats! there are fairer things than poulcats, sure. Eva. You are a very simplicity 'oman; I pray you, peace. What is lapis, William? Will. A stone. Eva. And what is a stone, William ? Eva. No, it is lapis; I pray you remember in your prain. Will. Lapis. Eva. That is good William. What is he, William, that does lend articles? Will. Articles are borrowed of the pronoun; and be thus declined, Singulariter, nominativo, hic, hæc, hoc. Eva. Nominativo, hig, hag, hog; pray you, mark: genitivo, hujus: Well, what is your accu sative case? Will. Accusativo, hinc. Eva. I pray you, have your remembrance, child; Accusativo, hing, hang, hog. Quick. Hang hog is Latin for bacon, I warrant what hoa! Mrs. Ford. Step into the chamber, sir John. Enter Mrs. Page. Mrs. Page. How now, sweetheart? who's at home beside yourself? Mrs. Ford. Why, none but mine own people. Mrs. Ford. No, certainly;-speak louder. [Aside. Mrs. Page. Truly, I am so glad you have no body here. Mrs. Ford. Why? his old lunes again: he so takes on yonder with Mrs. Page. Why, woman, your husband is in my husband; so rails against all married mankind; so curses all Eve's daughters, of wnat complexion soever; and so buffets himself on the forehead, crying, peer out, peer out! that any madness ever yet beheld, seemed but tameness, civility, and patience, to this his distemper he is in now: am glad the fat knight is not here. Mrs. Ford. Why, does he talk of him? Mrs. Page. Of none but him; and swears, he was carried out, the last time he searched for him, in a basket: protests to my husband, he is now (6) As children call on a snail to push forth his (3) Apt to learn. (4) Sorrowful. (5) Mad fits. horns. Fal. No, I'll come no more i' the basket: may I not go out, ere he come ? Mrs. Page. Alas, three of master Ford's brothers watch the door with pistols, that none should issue out; otherwise you might slip away ere he came. But what make you here? Fal. What shall I do?-I'll creep up into the chimney. Mrs. Ford. There they always use to discharge their birding-pieces: creep into the kiln-hole. Fal. Where is it? Mrs. Ford. I'll first direct my men, what they shall do with the basket. Go up, I'll bring liner. for him straight. [Exit. Mrs. Page. Hang him, dishonest varlet! we cannot misuse him enough. We'll leave a proof, by that which we will do, Re-enter Mrs. Ford, with two servants. Mrs. Ford. Go, sirs, take the basket again on your shoulders; your master is hard at door: if he bid you set it down, obey him: quickly, despatch. [Exit. 1 Serv. Come, come, take it up. 2 Serv. Pray heaven, it be not full of the knight again. 1 Serv. I hope not; I had as lief bear so much lead. Enter Ford, Page, Shallow, Caius, and Sir Hugh have you any way then to unfool me again?-Sei Ford. Ay, but if it prove true, master Page, down the basket, villain :-Somebody call my Mrs. Ford. He will seek there on my word. wife:-You, youth in a basket, come out here! Neither press, coffer, chest, trunk, well, vault, but, you panderly rascals! there's a knot, a ging, now shall the he hath an abstract for the remembrance of such a pack, a conspiracy against me: devil be shamed. What! wife, I say! come, places, and goes to them by his note: there is no hiding you in the house. come forth; behold what honest clothes you send forth to bleaching. Fal. I'll go out then. Page. Why, this passes; Master Ford, you Mrs. Page. If you go out in your own semblance, you die, sir John. Unless you go out dis-are not to go loose any longer; you must be guised, Mrs. Ford. How might we disguise him? Mrs. Page. Alas the day, I know not. There is no woman's gown big enough for him; otherwise, he might put on a hat, a muffler, and a kerchief, and so escape. Fal. Good hearts, devise something: any extremity, rather than a mischief. Mrs. Ford. My maid's aunt, the fat woman of Brentford, has a gown above. Mrs. Page. On my word, it will serve him; she's as big as he is: and there's her thrum'd hat, and her mufiler too: run up, sir John. Mrs. Ford. Go, go, sweet sir John; mistress Page and I will look some linen for your head. Mrs. Page. Quick, quick; we'll come dress you straight: put on the gown the while. [Exit Fal. Mrs. Ford. I would my husband would meet him in this shape: he cannot abide the old woman of Brentford; he swears, she's a witch; forbade her my house, and hath threatened to beat her. Mrs. Page. Heaven guide him to thy husband's cudgel; and the devil" guide his cudgel afterwirds! Mrs. Ford. But is my husband coming? Mrs. Page. Ay, in good sadness, is he; and talks of the basket too, howsoever he hath had in telligence. Mrs. Ford. We'll try that; for I'll appoint my men to carry the basket again, to meet him at the door with it, as they did last time. Mrs. Page. Nay, but he'll be here presently: let's go dress him like the witch of Brentford. (1) Short note of. (2) Seriousness. pinioned. Eva. Why, this is lunatics! this is mad as a mad dog! Shal. Indeed, master Ford, this is not well ; indeed. Enter Mrs. Ford. Ford. So say I too, Sir.-Come hither, mistress Ford; mistress Ford, the honest woman, the jealous fool to her husband!--I suspect without modest wife, the virtuous creature, that hath the cause, mistress, do I? Mrs. Ford. Heaven be my witness, you do, if [Pulls the clothes out of the basket. Page. This passes! clothes alone. Ford. I shall find you anon. wife's clothes? Come away. Eva. "Tis unreasonable! Will you take up your Ford. Empty the basket, I say. Ford. Master Page, as I am a man, there was basket: Why may not he be there again? In my one conveyed out of my house yesterday in this house I am sure he is: my intelligence is true; my jealousy is reasonable: Pluck me out all the linen. die a flea's death. Page. Here's no man. (3) Gang. (4) Surpasses, to go beyond bounds |