Sir John. Thou shalt, Moll.

Wid. Why la you now! did I not desire you

to go whither I will.

Sir John. All this.

Mary. Then come; whatsoe'er comes on't, we'll be made sure together before the maids i'the kitchen. [Exeunt.

SCENE II-A Room in the Widow's House, with a door at the side leading to another apart

ment.

Enter Widow, FRANCES, and FRAILTY.

Wid. How now? Where's my brother sir Godfrey? Went he forth this morning?

Frail. O no madam; he's above at breakfast, with (sir reverence) a conjurer.

Wid. A conjurer! What manner of fellow is be?

Frail. O, a wonderous rare fellow, mistress; very strongly made upward, for he goes in a buff jerkin. He says he will fetch sir Godfrey's chain again if it hang between heaven and earth.

Wid. What! he will not? Then he's an excellent fellow, I warrant. How happy were that woman to be blest with such a husband! A cunning man! How does he look, Frailty? Very Swartly, I warrant; with black beard, scorch'd cheeks, and smoky eyebrows.

Frail. Fo! He's neither smoke-dried, nor scorch'd, nor black, nor nothing. I tell you, madam, he looks as fair to see to as one of us. I do not think but if you saw him once, you'd take him to be a Christian.

Fran. So fair, and yet so cunning! that's to be wonder'd at, mother.

Enter Sir OLIVER MUCKHILL, and Sir ANDREW
TIPSTAFF.

Sir Oliv. Bless you, sweet lady.
Sir And. And you, fair mistress.

[Exit FRAILTY.

Wid. Coades, what do you mean, gentlemen? Fie, did I not give you your answers?

Sir Oliv. Sweet lady.

came to me again? How say you? Did I not? Sir Oliv. But the sincere love which my heart bears you

Wid. Go to, I'll cut you off:-And sir Oliver to put you in comfort afar off, my fortune is read me; I must marry again.

Sir Oliv. O blest fortune!

Wid. But not as long as I can choose:-nay, I'll hold out well.

Sir Oliv. Yet are my hopes now fairer.
Enter FRAILTY.

Frail. O madam, madam.
Wid. How now? what's the haste?

[FRAILTY whispers her.

Sir And. 'Faith, mistress Frances, I'll maintain you gallantly. I'll bring you to court; wean you among the fair society of ladies, poor kinswomen of mine, in cloth of silver; beside, you shail have your monkey, your parrot, your musk-cat, and your piss, piss, piss.

Fran. It will do very well.

Wid. What does he mean to conjure here then? How shall I do to be rid of these knights? Please you, gentlemen, to walk a while in the garden, to gather a pink or a gilly-flower?

Both. With all our hearts, lady, and 'count us favoured.

[Exeunt Sir ANDREW, Sir OLIVER, and FRAILTY. The Widow and FRANCES go in to the adjoining Room.

Sir God. [within.] Step in, Nicholas; look, is the coast clear.

rer.

Nick. [within.] O, as clear as a cat's eye, sir. Sir God. [within.] Then enter Captain Conju

daughter, kiss the gentleman for once.

Fran. Yes, forsooth.

Why, you may bid, I cannot tell how many devils welcome in't; my father has had twenty in't at

once.

Pye. What! devils?

Edm. Devils! no; deputies, and the wealthi est men he could get.

Idle. Why, what's the matter, sir?

Sir God. O, how if the devil should prove a knave and tear the hangings!

Idle. Foh! I warrant you, sir Godfrey. Edm. Ay, nuncle, or spit fire upon the cieling? Sir God. Very true too, for 'tis but thin plaister'd, and 'twill quickly take hold o' the laths; and if he chance to spit downward too, he will burn all the boards.

Idle. My life for yours, sir Godfrey.

Sir God. My sister is very curious and dainty | of this room, I can tell you; and therefore if he must needs spit, I pray desire him to spit in the chimney.

Pye. Why, assure you, sir Godfrey, he shall not be brought up with so little manners, to spit and spawl o' the floor.

Sir God. Why I thank you, good captain; pray have a care. [IDLE and PYEBOARD retire to the upper end of the Room.] Ay, fall to your circle; we'll not trouble you I warrant you. Come, we'll into the next room; and because we'll be sure to keep him out there, we'il bar up the door with some of the godly's zealous works.

Edm. That will be a fine device, nuncle; and because the ground shall be as holy as the door, I'll tear two or three rosaries in pieces, and strew the pieces about the chamber. [Lightning and thunder] Oh! the devil already.

[Sir GODFREY and EDMOND run into the adjoining Room.

Pye. 'Sfoot, captain, speak somewhat for shame: it lightens and thunders before thou wilt begin. Why when

Idle. Pray peace, George; thou'lt make me laugh anon, and spoil all.

[Lightning and thunder. Pye. O, now it begins again; now, now, now, captain. Idle. Rhumbos ragdayon pur pur colucundrion hois plois.

Sir God. [at the door.] O admirable conjurer! he has fetch'd thunder already.

Pye. Hark, hark!-again captain.

Idle. Benjamino gaspois kay gosgotkoteron um

brois.

Idle. Gogdegog hobgoblin hunks hounslow hockleyte coombpark.

Wid. [at the door 1 O brother, brother, what a tempest's in the garden! Sure there's some conjuration abroad.

Sir God. [at the door.] 'Tis at home, sister. Pye. By and by l'il step in, captain. Idle. Nunc nunc rip-gaskins ips drip-dropite. Sir God. [at the door.] He drips and drops, poor man: alas, alas!

Pye. Now, I come.

Idie. O-sulphure sootface.

Pye. Arch-conjurer, what wouldst thou with me?

Sir God. [at the door.] O, the devil, sister, in the dining chamber! Sing, sister; I warrant you that will keep him out:-quickly, quickly, quickly.

Pye. So, so, so; I'll release thee. Enough captain, enough; allow us some time to laugh a little; They're shuddering and shaking by this time, as if an earthquake were in their kidneys.

Idle. Sirrah George, how was't, how was't? Did I do't well enough?

Pye. Woult believe me, captain? better than any conjurer; for here was no harm in this, and yet their horrible expectations satisfied well. You were much beholden to thunder and lightning at this time; it graced you well, I can tell you.

Idle. I must needs say so, George. Sirrah, if we could have convey'd hither cleanly a cracker or a fire-wheel, it had been admirable.

Pye. Blurt, blurt! there's nothing remains to put thee to pain now, captain.

Idle. Pain? I protest, George, my heels are sorer than a Whitsun morris-dancer's.

Pye. All's past now; only to reveal that the chain's in the garden, where thou knowest it has lain these two days.

Idle. But I fear that fox Nicholas has reveal'd it already.

Pye. Fear not, captain; you must put it to the venture now. Nay 'tis time; call upon them, take pity on them; for I believe some of them are in a pitiful case by this time.

Idle. Sir Godfrey, Nicholas, kinsman. 'Sfoot they're fast at it still, George-Sir Godfrey.

Sir God. [at the door.] O, is that the devil's voice? How comes he to know my name?

Idle. Fear not, sir Godfrey; all's quieted.

Enter Sir GODFREY, the Widow, Frances, and NICHOLAS.

Sir God. What, is he laid?

Idle. Laid; and has newly dropped your chain in the garden.

Sir God. In the garden? in our garden?
Idle. Your garden.

Sir God. O sweet conjurer! whereabouts there? Idle. Look well about a bank of rosemary. Sir God. Sister, the rosemary bank. Come, come; there's my chain, he says. Wid. Oh, happiness! run, run, [Exeunt Widow, Sir GODFREY, FRANCES, and NICHOLAS.

Edm. [at the door.] Captain Conjurer?
Idle. Who? Master Edmond?

Edm. Ay, master Edmond. May I come in
safely without danger, think you?
Idle. Pub, long ago; it is all as 'twas at first.
Fear nothing; pray come near: how now, man?

Enter EDMOND.

Edm. O! this room's mightily hot i'faith. 'Slid, my shirt sticks to my belly already. What a steam the rogue has left behind him! Foh! this room must be air'd, gentlemen; it smells horribly of brimstone: let's open the windows.

Pye. 'Faith master Edmond, 'tis but your con

ceit.

Edm. I would you could make me believe that, i'faith. Why, do you think I cannot smell his savour from another? Yet I take it kindly from you, because you would not put me in a fear, 'faith. On my troth, I shall love you for this the longest day of my life.

Idle. Pub, 'tis nothing, sir; love me when you

see more.

Edm. Mass, now I remember I'll look whether he has singed the hangings, or no.

Pye. Captain, to entertain a little sport till they come, make him believe, you'll charm him invisible. He's apt to admire any thing you see. Let me alone to give force to it.

Idle. Go; retire to yonder end then.

Edm. I protest you are a rare fellow; are you not?

Idle. O master Edmond, you know but the least part of me yet. Why now at this instant I could but flourish my wand thrice o'er your head, and charm you invisible.

Edm. What! you could not? make me walk invisible, man! I should laugh at that i'faith. Troth, I'll requite your kindness, an you'll do't, good Captain Conjurer.

Idle. Nay, I should hardly deny you such a small kindness, master Edmond Plus. Why, look you, sir, 'tis no more but this, and thus, and again, and now you're invisible.

Edm. Am I i'faith? Who would think it?

Idle. You see the fortune-teller yonder at farther end o' the chamber, Go toward him; do what you will with him, he shall never find you. Edm. Say you so? I'll try that i'faith. [Jostles him. Pye. How now, captain? Who's that jostled ine? Idle. Jostled you? I saw nobody.

Edm. Ha, ha, ha! Say, 'twas a spirit. Idle. Shall I?-May be some spirit that haunts the circle.

[EDMOND pulls PYEBOARD by the nose. Pye. O my nose, again! Pray conjure thes, captain.

Edm. Troth, this is excellent; I may do any knavery now, and never be seen. And now I remember, sir Godfrey, my uncle, abused me t'other day, and told tales of me to my mother. Troth now I'm invisible, I'll hit him a sound wherret on the ear when he comes out o' the garden. I may be revenged on him now finely. Enter Sir GODFREY, the Widow, and FRANCES.

Sir God. I have my chain again; my chain's found again. O sweet captain! O admirable conjurer! [EDMOND strikes him] Oh! what mean you by that, nephew?

Edm. Nephew? I hope you do not know me, uncle.

Wid. Why did you strike your uncle, sir? Edm. Why, captain, am I not invisible? Idle. A good jest, George.-Not now you are not, sir. Why did not you see me, when I did uncharm you?

Edm. Not I, by my troth, captain.-Then pray you pardon me, uncle; I thought I'd been invisi ble when I struck you.

Sir God. So, you would do't? Go, you're a fool-
ish boy;

And were I not o'ercome with greater joy,
I'd make you taste correction.

Edn. Correction! pish. No neither you nor my inother shall think to whip me as you have done.

Sir God. Captain, my joy is such, I know not how to thank you: let me embrace you. On my sweet chain! gladness e'en makes me giddy. Rare man! 'twas just i'the-rosemary bank, as if one should have laid it there. O cunning, cunning!

Wid. Well, seeing my fortune tells me I must marry, let me marry a man of wit, a man of parts. Here's a worthy captain, and 'tis a fine title truly la to be a captain's wife. A captain's wife! it goes very finely: beside, all the world knows that a worthy captain is a fit companion to any lord; then why not a sweet bed-fellow for any lady? I'll have it so.

Wid. O lamentable seeing! these were those brothers that fought and bled before our door. Sir God, What! they were not, sister! Skir. George, look to't; I'll peach at Tyburn else.

Pye. Mum.-Gentles all, vouchsafe me audience,

And you, especially, good master sheriff:
Yon man is bound to execution,

Because he wounded this that now lies coffin'd.
Sher. True, true; he shall have the law,-and
I know the law.

Pye. But under favour, master sheriff, if this man had been cured and safe again, he should have been released then?

Sher. Why make you question of that, sir? Pye. Then I release him freely; and will take upon me the death that he should die, if, within a little season, I do not cure him to his proper health again.

Sher. How, sir! recover a dead man! That were most strange of all.

Fran. Sweet sir, I love you dearly, and could wish my best part yours. O do not undertake such an impossible venture!

Pye. Love you me? Then for your sweet sake I'll do't. Let me entreat the corpse to be set down.

Sher. Bearers, set down the coffin.-This were wonderful, and worthy Stowe's Chronicle.

Pye. I pray bestow the freedom of the air upon our wholesome art. Mass! his cheeks begin to receive natural warmth. Nay, good corporal, wake betime, or I shall have a longer sleep than you. 'Sloot! if he should prove dead indeed now, he were fully revenged upon me for making a property of him: yet I had rather run upon the ropes, than have a rope like a tetter run upon me. O, he stirs ! he stirs again! look, gentlemen, he recovers! he starts, he rises!

Sher. 0, 0, defend us! Out, alas!

Pye. Nay, pray be still; you'll make him more giddy else. He knows nobody yet.

Oath. "Zounds! where am I? Covered with snow! I marvel.

Pye. Nay, I knew he would swear the first thing he did as soon as ever he came to his life again.

Oath. 'Sfoot, hostess, some hot porridge. 0, O!-lay on a dozen of faggots in the Moon Parlour, there.

Pye. Lady, you must needs take a little pity of him i'faith, and send him in to your kitchen fire.

Wid. O, with all my heart, sir: Nicholas and Frailty, help to bear him in.

Nich. Bear him in, quoth-a! Pray call out the maids: I shall ne'er have the heart to do't, indeed la.

Frail. Nor I neither; I cannot abide to handle a ghost of all men.

Oath. 'Sblood, let me see- -where was I drunk last night? heh?

Wid. O, shall I bid you once again take him away?

Frail. Why we are as fearful as you, I warrant you. Oh!

Wid. Away, villains! bid the maids make him a caudle presently, to settle his brain,—or a posset of sack; quickly, quickly.

Exeunt FRAILTY and NICHOLAS, pushing in the Corporal.

Sher. Sir, whatsoever you are, I do more than admire you.

Wid. O ay, if you knew all, master sheriff, as you shall do, you would say then, that here were two of the rarest men within the walls of Christendom.

Sher. Two of them? O wonderful! Officers, I discharge you; set him free; all's in tune.

Sir God. Ay, and a banquet ready by this time, master sheriff; to which I most cheerfully invite you, and your late prisoner there. See you this goodly chain, sir? Mum! no more words; 'twas lost, and is found again. Come, my inestimable bullies, we'll talk of your noble acts in sparkling charnico; and, instead of a jester, we'll have the ghost in the white sheet sit at the upper end of the table.

Sher. Excellent, merry man, i'faith!
[Exeunt all but FRANCES.
Fran. Well, seeing I am enjoined to love, and
marry,

My foolish vow thus I cashier to air,
Which first begot it. Now, Love, play thy part;
The scholar reads his lecture in my heart. [Erit.

3

SCENE I-The Street before the Widow's House.

Enter EDMOND and FRAILTY.

Edm. This is the marriage-morning for my mother and my sister.

Frail. O me, master Edmond! we shall have rare doings.

Edm. Nay go, Frailty, run to the sexton; you know my mother will be married at Saint Antlings Hie thee; 'tis past five; bid them open the church-door: my sister is almost ready.

Frail. What, already, master Edmond?

Edm. Nay, go; hie thee. First run to the sexton, and run to the clerk; and then run to master Pigman the parson; and then run to the milliner; and then run home again.

the

self.

Frail. Here's run, run, run.
Edm. But hark, Frailty.
Frail. What, more yet?

Edm. Have the maids remembered to strew
way to the church?

Frail. Fob! an hour ago: I helped them my

Edm. Away, away, away, away then.
Frail. Away, away, away, away then.

[Exit FRAILTY. Edm. I shall have a simple father-in-law, a brave captain, able to beat all our street,-captain Idle. Now, my lady-mother will be fitted for a delicate name,-my lady Idle, my lady Idle! the finest name that can be for a woman: and then the scholar, master Pyeboard, for my sister Frances, that will be mistress Frances Pyeboard; mistress Frances Pyeboard! they'll keep a good table, I warrant you. Now all the knights' noses are put out of joint; they may go to a bonesetter's now.

5 Enter IDLE and PYEBOARD, with Attendants. Hark, hark! O, who come here with two torches before them? My sweet captain, and my fine scholar. O, how bravely they are shot up in one night! They look like fine Britons now methinks. Here's a gallant change i'faith! 'Slid, they have hired men and all, by the clock.

Idle. Master Edmond; kind, honest, dainty master Edmond.

Edm. Foh, sweet captain father-in-law! A rare perfume i'faith.

Pye. What, are the brides stirring? May we steal upon them, think'st thou, master Edmond? Edm. Foh, they're e'en upon readiness, I can assure you; for they were at their torch e'en now by the same token I tumbled down the stairs.

Pye. Alas, poor master Edmond.

Mary. Who? sir John Pennydub? O you're an early cock i'faith. Who would have thought you to be so rare a stirrer?

Sir John. Pr'ythee, Moll, let me come up. Mary. No, by my faith, sir John; I'll keep you down; for you knights are very dangerous, if once you get above.

Sir John. I'll not stay i'faith.

Mary. I'faith you shall stay; for, sir John, you must note the nature of the climates: your northern wench in her own country may well hold out till she be fifteen; but if she touch the south once, and come up to London, here the chimes go presently after twelve.

Sir John. O thou'rt a mad wench, Moll: but I pr'ythee make haste, for the priest is gone be

fore.

Enter Sir OLIVER MUCKHILL, Sir ANDREW TIPSTAFF, and SKIRMISH.

Sir Oliv. O monstrous, unheard of forgery! Sir And. Knight, I never heard of such villainy in our own country, in my life.

Sir Oliv. Why, 'tis impossible. Dare you maintain your words?

Skir. Dare we? even to their weazon-pipes. We know all their plots; they cannot squander with us. They have knavishly abused us, made only properties of us, to advance themselves upon our shoulders; but they shall rue their abuses. This morning they are to be married.

Sir Oliv. 'Tis too true. Yet if the widow be not too much besotted on sleights and forgeries, the revelation of their villainies will make them loathsome. And to that end, be it in private to you, I sent late last night to an honourable per