No. 173 1711. the County; and that a Warwickshire Man will be Tuesday, known by his Grinn, as Roman Catholicks imagine a Sept. 18, Kentish Man is by his Tail. The Gold Ring which is made the Prize of Deformity, is just the Reverse of the Golden Apple that was formerly made the Prize of Beauty, and should carry for its Posie the old Motto inverted, Detur tetriori. Or to accommodate it to the Capacity of the Combatants, Be the Winner. In the mean while I would advise a Dutch Painter to be present at this great Controversie of Faces, in order to make a Collection of the most remarkable Grinns that shall be there exhibited. I must not here omit an Account which I lately received of one of these Grinning Matches from a Gentleman, who upon reading the above-mentioned Advertisement, entertained a Coffee-house with the following Narrative. Upon the taking of Namur, amidst other Publick Rejoicings made on that Occasion, there was a Gold Ring given by a Whig Justice of Peace to be grinn'd for. The first Competitor that entred the Lists, was a black swarthy French Man, who accident ally passed that way, and being a Man naturally of a wither'd Look, and hard Features, promised himself good Success. He was placed upon a Table in the Great Point of View, and looking upon the Company like Milton's Death, Grinn'd horribly a Ghastly Smile His Muscles were so drawn together on each side of his Face, that he shewed twenty Teeth at a Grinn, and put the Country in some pain, least a Foreigner should carry away the Honour of the Day; but upon a further Tryal they found he was Master only of the Merry Grinn The next that mounted the Table was a Male-content in those Days, and a great Master in the whole Art of Grinning, but particularly excelled in the angry Grinn. He did his Part so well that he is said to have made half a Dozen Women miscarry; but the Justice being apprised by 1711. by one who stood near him, that the Fellow who No. 173. Grinned in his Face was a Jacobíte, and being unwilling Tuesday, that a Disaffected Person should win the Gold Ring, and be Sept. 18, looked upon as the best Grinner in the Country, he ordered the Oaths to be tendered him upon his quitting the Table, which the Grinner refusing, he was set aside as an unqualified Person. There were several other Grot esque Figures that presented themselves, which it would be too tedious to describe. I must not however omit a Plow-man who lived in the further Part of the Country, and being very lucky in a Pair of long Lanthorn-Jaws, wrung his Face into such an hideous Grimace that every Feature of it appeared under a different Distortion. The whole Company stood astonished at such a complicated Grinn, and were ready to assign the Prize to him, had it not been proved by one of his Antagonists that he had practised with Verjuice for some Days before, and had a Crab found upon him at the very time of Grinning; upon which the best Judges of Grinning declared it, as their Opinion, that he was not to be looked upon as a fair Grinner, and therefore ordered him to be set aside as a Cheat, The Prize, it seems, fell at length upon a Cobler, Giles Gorgon by Name, who produced several new Grinns of his own Invention, having been used to cut Faces for many Years together over his Last. At the very first Grinn he cast every Human Feature out of his Countenance; at the second he became the Face of a Spout; at the third a Baboon, at the fourth the Head of a Base Viol, and at the fifth a Pair of Nut-crackers. The whole Assembly wondered at his Accomplishments, and bestowed the Ring on him unanimously; but, what he esteemed more than all the rest, a Country Wench whom he had wooed in vain for above five Years before, was so charmed with his Grinns and the Applauses which he received on all sides, that she Married him the Week following, and to this Day wears the Prize upon her Finger, the Cobler having made use of it as his Wedding Ring. This Paper might perhaps seem very impertinent if it grew serious in the Conclusion. I would nevertheless leave it to the Consideration of those who are the Patrons of No. 173. 1711. of this monstrous Tryal of Skill, whether or no they are Tuesday not guilty, in some measure, of an Affront to their Species, in treating after this manner the Human Face Divine, and turning that part of us, which has so great an Image impressed upon it, into the Image of a Monkey; whether the raising such silly Competitions among the Ignorant, proposing Prizes for such useless Accomplishments, filling the common People's Heads with such Senseless Am bitions, and inspiring them with such absurd Ideas of Superiority and Preheminence, has not in it something Immoral as well as Ridiculous. No. 174. Wednesday, September 19, Haec memini & victum frustra contendere Thyrsin.-Virg. T HERE is scarce any thing more common than Animosities between Parties that cannot subsist but by their Agreement: This was well represented in the Sedition of the Members of the human Body in the old Roman Fable. It is often the Case of lesser confederate States against a superior Power, which are hardly held together though their Unanimity is necessary for their common Safety: And this is always the Case of the landed and trading Interest of Great Britain; the Trader is fed by the Product of the Land, and the landed Man cannot be cloathed but by the Skill of the Trader; and yet those Interests are ever jarring, We had last Winter an Instance of this at our Club, in Sir ROGER DE COVERLY and Sir ANDREW FREEPORT, be tween whom there is generally a constant, though friendly, Opposition of Opinions. It happened that one of the Company, in an historical Discourse, was observ ing, that Carthaginian Faith was a proverbial Phrase to intimate Breach of Leagues. Sir ROGER said it could hardly be otherwise: That the Carthaginians were the greatest Traders in the World; and as Gain is the chief End of such a People, they never pursue any other: The Means to it are never regarded; they will, if it comes easily, get Money honestly; but if not, they will not scruple to attain it by Fraud or Cosenage: And indeed Sept. 19, indeed what is the whole Business of the Trader's No. 174, Accompt, but to over-reach him who trusts to his Wednes Memory? But were that not so, what can there great day, and noble be expected from him whose Attention is 1711, for ever fixed upon ballancing his Books, and watch ing over his Expences? And at best, let Frugality and Parsimony be the Virtues of the Merchant, how much is his punctual Dealing below a Gentleman's Charity to the Poor, or Hospitality among his Neighbours? CAPTAIN SENTRY observed Sir ANDREW very diligent in hearing Sir ROGER, and had a Mind to turn the Dis course, by taking Notice in general from the highest to the lowest Parts of humane Society, there was a secret, tho' unjust Way_among Men, of indulging the Seeds of Ill-nature and Envy, by comparing their own State of Life to that of another, and grudging the Approach of their Neighbour to their own Happiness; and on the other Side, he who is the less at his Ease repines at the other who, he thinks, has unjustly the Advantage over him. Thus the civil and military List look upon each other with much Ill-nature; the Soldier repines at the Courtier's Power, and the Courtier rallies the Soldier's Honour; or, to come to lower Instances, the private Men in the Horse and Foot of an Army, the Carmen and Coachmen in the City-streets, mutually look upon each other with Ill-will, when they are in Competition for Quarters or the Way in their respective Motions. It is very well, good Captain, interrupted Sir ANDREW: You may attempt to turn the Discourse, if you think fit, but I must however have a Word or two with Sir ROGER; who, I see, thinks he has paid me off, and been very severe upon the Merchant. I shall not, continued he, at this Time remind Sir ROGER of the great and noble Monuments of Charity and publick Spirit which have been erected by Merchants since the Reformation, but at present content my self with what he allows us, Parsimony and Frugality. If it were consistent with the Quality of so antient a Baronet as Sir ROGER, to keep an Accompt or measure things by the most infallible Way, that of Numbers, he would prefer our Parsimony to his Hospitality : day, Sept. 19, 1711. No. 174. Hospitality. If to drink so many Hogsheads is to be Wednes hospitable, we do not contend for the Fame of that Virtue; but it would be worth while to consider, while_to_consider, whether so many Artificers at work ten Days together by my Appointment, or so many Peasants made merry on Sir ROGER'S Charge, are the Men more obliged I believe the Families of the Artificers will thank me, more than the Housholds of the Peasants shall Sir ROGER. Sir ROGER gives to his Men, but I place mine above the Necessity or Obligation of my Bounty, I am in very little Pain for the Roman Proverb upon the Carthaginian Traders; the Romans were their professed Enemies: I am only sorry no Carthaginian Histories have come to our Hands; we might have been taught perhaps by them some Proverbs against the Roman Generosity, in fighting for and bestowing other People's Goods. But since Sir ROGER has taken Occasion from an old Proverb to be out of Humour with Merchants, it should be no Offence to offer one not quite so old in their Defence, When a Man happens to break in Holland, they say of him that he has not kept true Accompts, Phrase, perhaps, among us would appear a soft or humor ous way of speaking, but with that exact Nation it bears the highest Reproach; for a Man to be mistaken in the Calculation of his Expence, in his Ability to answer future Demands, or to be impertinently sanguine in putting his Credit to too great Adventure, are all Instances of as much Infamy, as with gayer Nations to be failing in Courage or common Honesty, Numbers are so much the Measure of every thing that is valuable, that it is not possible to demonstrate the Success of any Action, or the Prudence of any Undertaking, without them. I say this in Answer to what Sir ROGER is pleased to say, That little that is truly noble can be expected from one who is ever poring on his Cash-book or ballancing his Accompts. When I have my Returns from Abroad, I can tell to a Shilling by the Help of Numbers the Profit or Loss by my Adventure; but I ought also to be able to shew that I had Reason for making it, either from my own Experience or that of other People, or from a reasonable Presumption that my |