Besides, her intercession chaf'd him so, grandmother: this proves, that thou canst not read. Speed. Come, fool, come: try me in thy paper. Laun. There; and Saint Nicholas be thy speed! Val. No more; unless the next word that thou Speed. Item, She brews good ale. speak'st, Have some malignant power upon my life: Pro. Cease to lament for that thou canst not And study help for that which thou lament'st. Here if thou stay, thou canst not see thy love; Val. I pray thee, Launce, an if thou seest my Bid him make haste, and meet me at the north gate. [Exeunt Valentine and Proteus.. Laun. And thereof comes the proverb,-Blessing of your heart, you brew good ale. Speed. Item, She can sew. Laun. That's as much as to say, Can she so? Laun. What need a man care for a stock with Speed. Item, She can spin. Laun. Then may I set the world on wheels, when she can spin for her living. Speed. Item, She hath many nameless virtues. Laun. That's as much as to say, bastard virtues; that, indeed, know not their fathers, and therefore have no names. Speed. Here follow her vices. Laun. Close at the heels of her virtues. Speed. Item, She is not to be kissed fasting, in respect of her breath. Laun. Well, that fault may be mended with a breakfast: read on. Speed. Item, She hath a sweet mouth. Laun. That makes amends for her sour breath. Speed. Item, She is slow in words. Speed. Item, She is proud. Laun. Out with that too; it was Eve's legacy, and cannot be ta'en from her. Laun. I am but a fool, look you; and yet I have her talk. the wit to think, my master is a kind of knave: but that's all one, if he be but one knave. He Laun. O villain, that set this down among her lives not now, that knows me to be in love: yet I vices! To be slow in words, is a woman's only am in love; but a team of horse shall not pluck virtue: I pray thee, out with't; and place it for that from me; nor who 'tis I love, and yet 'tis a her chief virtue. woman: but that woman, I will not tell myself; and yet 'tis a milk-maid: yet 'tis not a maid, for she hath had gossips: yet 'tis a maid, for she is her master's maid, and serves for wages. She hath more qualities than a water-spaniel,-which is much in a bare Christian. Here is the cat-log [pulling out a paper] of her conditions. Imprimis, She can fetch and carry. Why, a horse can do no more; nay, a horse cannot fetch, but only car-bite. ry; therefore, is she better than a jade. Item, She can milk; look you, a sweet virtue in a maid with clean hands. Enter Speed. Speed. How now, Signior Launce? what news with your mastership? Laun. With my master's ship? why, it is at sea. Speed. Well, your old vice still; mistake the word: what news then in your paper? Laun. The blackest news that ever thou heard'st. Speed. Why, man, how black? Laun. Why, as black as ink. Speed. Let me read them. Speed. Item, She hath no teeth. Laun. I care not for that neither, because I love crusts. Speed. Item, She is curst. Laun. Well; the best is, she hath no teeth to Speed. Item, She will often praise her liquor. Laun. If her liquor be good, she shall: if she will not, I will; for good things should be praised. Speed. Item, She is too liberal.3 Laun. Of her tongue she cannot; for that's writ down she is slow of: of her purse she shall not; for that I'll keep shut: now, of another thing she may; and that I cannot help. Well, proceed. more faults than hairs, and more wealth' than Speed. Item, She hath more hair than wit, and faults. and not mine, twice or thrice in that last article: Laun. Stop there; I'll have her: she was mine, rehearse that once more. Speed. Item, She hath more hair than wit,— Laun. More hair than wit,-it may be; I'll prove it: the cover of the salt hides the salt, and Laun. Fie on thee, jolt-head; thou canst not therefore it is more than the salt; the hair that read. covers the wit, is more than the wit; for the greater hides the less. What's next? Speed. And more faults than hairs, Laun. That's monstrous: 0, that that were out! Laun. Why, that word makes the faults gra (S) Licentious in language. cious:1 well, I'll have her: and if it be a match, as By aught that I can speak in his dispraise, Speed. What then? Laun. Why, then I will tell thee,--that thy It follows not that she will love sir Thurio. Thu. Therefore, as you unwind her love from him, Laun. For thee? ay; who art thou? he hath Lest it should ravel, and be good to none, staid for a better man than thee. Speed. And must I go to him? Laun. Thou must run to him, for thou hast staid so long, that going will scarce serve the turn. Speed. Why didst not tell me sooner? 'pox of your love-letters! correction. You must provide to bottom it on me: Exit. Because we know, on Valentine's report, Laum. Now will he be swinged for reading my You are already love's firm votary, letter: an unmannerly slave, that will thrust him- And cannot soon revolt and change your mind. self into secrets!-I'll after, to rejoice in the boy's Upon this warrant shall you have access, [Exit. Where you with Silvia may confer at large; For she is lumpish, heavy, melancholy, And, for your friend's sake, will be glad of you; Where you may temper her, by your persuasion, To hate young Valentine, and love my friend. Pro. As much as I can do, I will effect:-But you, sir Thurio, are not sharp enough; SCENE II.-The same. A room in the Duke's palace. Enter Duke and Thurio; Proteus be hind. Duke. Sir Thurio, fear not, but that she will love You must lay lime, to tangle her desires, you, Now Valentine is banish'd from her sight. Thu. Since his exile she hath despis'd me most, Duke. This weak impress of love is as a figure By wailful sonnets, whose composed rhymes Duke. Ay, much the force of heaven-bred poesy. For Orpheus' lute was strung with poet's sinews; Visit by night your lady's chamber-window Duke. My daughter takes his going grievously. Pre. Longer than I prove loyal to your grace, Duke. Thou know'st, how willingly I would effect The match between sir Thurio and my daughter. Pro, I do, my lord. Duke. And also, I think, thou art not ignorant Pro. She did, my lord, when Valentine was here. Duke. Ay, but she'll think, that it is spoke in Pro. Ay, if his enemy deliver it: Therefore it must, with circumstance, be spoken Duke. Then you must undertake to slander him. SCENE I-A forest, near Mantua. Pro. And that, my lord, I shall be loth to do: 'Tis an ill office for a gentleman; Especially, against his very friend. Duke. Where your good word cannot advantage Your slander never can endamage him; Pro. You have prevail'd, my lord: if I can do it, (2) Cut. certain Out-laws. [Exeunt Enter 1 Out. Fellows, stand fast: I see a passenger. 2 Out. If there be ten, shrink not, but down with 'em. Enter Valentine and Speed. 3 Out. Stand, sir, and throw us that you have about you; (4) Mournful elegy. (5) Choose out. 1 Out. That's not so, sir; we are your enemies. 2 Out. Peace; we'll hear him. 3 Out. Ay, by my beard, will we; For he's a proper' man. Love thee as our commander, and our king. 1 Out. But if thou scorn our courtesy, thou diest. 2 Out. Thou shalt not live to brag what we have offer'd. Val. I take your offer, and will live with you; Provided that you do no outrages On silly women, or poor passengers. 3 Out. No, we detest such vile base practices. Val. Then know, that I have little wealth to lose; Come, go with us, we'll bring thee to our crews, A man I am, cross'd with adversity: My riches are these poor habiliments, Of which if you should here disfurnish me, You take the sum and substance that I have. 2 Out. Whither travel you? Val. To Verona. 1 Out. Whence came you? Val. From Milan. 3 Out. Have you long sojourn'd there? And show thee all the treasure we have got; [Exeunt. SCENE II.-Milan. Court of the palace. Enter Proteus. Pro. Already have I been false to Valentine, And now I must be as unjust to Thurio. Val. Some sixteen months; and longer might Under the colour of commending him, have staid, If crooked fortune had not thwarted me. 1 Out. What, were you banish'd thence? Val. I was. 2 Out. For what offence? Val. For that which now torments me to rehearse: I have access my own love to prefer; Val. My youthful travel therein made me happy; And give some evening music to her ear. Or else I often had been miserable. 3 Out. By the bare scalp of Robin Hood's fat friar, Such as the fury of ungovern'd youth Thrust from the company of awful' men: 2 Out. And I from Mantua, for a gentleman, Whom, in my mood, I stabb'd unto the heart. Out. And I, for such like petty crimes as But to the purpose-(for we cite our faults, 2 Out. Indeed, because you are a banish'd man, To make a virtue of necessity, Out. What say'st thou wilt thou be of our Say, ay, and be the captain of us all : Let's tune, and to it lustily awhile. Enter Host, at a distance; and Julia in boy's clothes. Host. Now, my young guest! methinks you're allycholly; I pray you, why is it? Jul. Marry, mine host, because I cannot be Who is Silvia? What is she, That all our swains commend her? The heavens such grace did lend her, (5) Passionate reproaches. Is she kind, as she is fair? For beauty lives with kindness : Love doth to her eyes repair, To help him of his blindness; Then to Silvia let us sing, Host. How now? are you sadder than you were How do you, man? the music likes you not. Jul. You mistake; the musician likes me not. Jul. He plays false, father. Host. How? out of tune on the strings? Sil. Say, that she be; yet Valentine, thy friend, I am betroth'd: And art thou not asham'd Pro. I likewise hear, that Valentine is dead. Pro. Sweet lady, let me rake it from the earth. [Aside. Pro. Madam, if your heart be so obdúrate, Vouchsafe me yet your picture for my love, Jul. Not so; but yet so false that he grieves my The picture that is hanging in your chamber; very heart-strings. Host. You have a quick ear. Jul. Ay, I would I were deaf! it makes me have a slow heart. Host. I perceive, you delight not in music. Host. Hark, what fine change is in the music! Jul. I would always have one play but one But, host, doth this sir Proteus, that we talk on, Host. I tell you what Launce, his man, told me, he loved her out of all nick.' Jul. Where is Launce? Host. Gone to seek his dog; which, to-morrow, by his master's command, he must carry for a present to his lady. Jul. Peace! stand aside! the company parts. Pro. At saint Gregory's well. Thu. Farewell. [Exeunt Thurio and Musicians. Silvia appears above, at her window. Pro. Madam, good even to your ladyship. Pro. One, lady, if you knew his pure heart's You'd quickly learn to know him by his voice. Pro. Sir Proteus, gentle lady, and your servant. Pro. That I may compass yours. To that I'll speak, to that I'll sigh and weep; And make it but a shadow, as I am. [Aside. Sil. I am very loth to be your idol, sir; Pro. As wretches have o'er-night, That wait for execution in the morn. [Exeunt Proteus; and Silvia, from above. Jul. Host, will you go? Host. By my halidom, I was fast asleep. Jul. Not so; but it hath been the longest night [Exeunt. Egl. As many, worthy lady, to yourself. Sil. You have your wish; my will is even this,-It is your pleasure to command me in. Thou subtle, perjur'd, false, disloyal man! That hast deceiv'd so many with thy vows? Sil. O Eglamour, thou art a gentleman (3) Injunction, command. (4) Pitiful. Upon whose grave thou vow'dst pure chastity. I do desire thee, even from a heart As full of sorrows as the sea of sands, To bear me company, and go with me: If not, to hide what I have said to thee, Egl. Madam, I pity much your grievances; As much I wish all good befortune you. Sil. This evening coming. Egl. Where shall I meet you? At friar Patrick's cell, ¡served me, when I took my leave of madam Silvia; did not I bid thee still mark me, and do as I do? When didst thou see me heave up my leg, and make water against a gentlewoman's farthingale? didst thou ever see me do such a trick? Enter Proteus and Julia. Pro. Sebastian is thy name? I like thee well, And will employ thee in some service presently. Jul. In what you please ;-I will do what I can. Pro. I hope, thou wilt.-How now, you whoreson peasant? [To Launce. Where have you been these two days loitering? Laun. Marry, sir, I carried mistress Silvia the dog you bade me. Pro. And what says she, to my little jewel? Laun. Marry, she says, your dog was a cur; and tells you, currish thanks is good enough for such a present. Pro. But she received my dog? Laun. No, indeed, she did not: here have I brought him back again. Pro. What, didst thou offer her this from me? Laun. Ay, sir; the other squirrel was stolen from me by the hangman's boys in the marketplace: and then I offer'd her mine own; who is a dog as big as ten of yours, and therefore the gift the greater. Jul. It seems you loved her not, to leave her token: She's dead, belike. Pro. Not so; I think, she lives. Pro. Go, get thee hence, and find my dog again, [Exeunt. Or ne'er return again unto my sight. Away, I say: Stay'st thou to vex me here? SCENE IV.-The same. Enter Launce, with A slave, that, still an end, turns me to shame. his dog. [Exit Launce. Sebastian, I have entertained thee, When a man's servant shall play the cur with Partly, that I have need of such a youth, him, look you, it goes hard: one that I brought up For 'tis no trusting to yon foolish lowt: That can with some discretion do my business, of a puppy; one that I saved from drowning, when But chiefly, for thy face, and thy behaviour; three or four of his blind brothers and sisters went Which (if my augury deceive me not) to it! I have taught him-even as one would say Witness good bringing up, fortune, and truth: precisely, Thus I would teach a dog. I was sent Therefore know thou, for this I entertain thee. to deliver him, as a present to mistress Silvia, from Go presently, and take this ring with thee, my master; and I came no sooner into the dining, Deliver it to madam Silvia: chamber, but he steps me to her trencher, and She loved me well, delivered it to me. steals her capon's leg. O'tis a foul thing, when a cur cannot keep himself in all companies! I would have, as one should say, one that takes upon him to be a dog indeed, to be, as it were, a dog at all things. If I had not had more wit than he, to take a fault upon me that he did, I think verily he had been hanged for't; sure as I live, he had suffered for't you shall judge. He thrusts me himself into the company of three or four gentlemenlike dogs, under the duke's table: he had not been there (bless the mark) a pissing while; but all the As you do love your lady Silvia : chamber smelt him. Out with the dog, says one; She dreams on him, that has forgot her love; What cur is that? says another; Whip him cut, You dote on her, that cares not for your love. says the third; Hang him up, says the duke. I,Tis pity, love should be so contrary; having been acquainted with the smell before, And thinking on it makes me cry, alas! knew it was Crab; and goes me to the fellow that whips the dogs: Friend, quoth I, you mean to whip the dog? Ay, marry, do I, quoth he. You do him the more wrong, quoth I; 'twas I did the thing you wot of. He makes me no more ado, but whips me out of the chamber. How many masters would do this for their servant? Nay, Pil be sworn, I have sat in the stocks for puddings he hath stolen, otherwise he had been executed: have stood on the pillory for geese he hath killed, otherwise he had suffered for't: thou think'st not of this now!-Nay, I remember the trick you (1) Caring. (2) Restrain. (3) In the end. Pro. Why dost thy cry, alas! well This letter;-that's her chamber.-Tell my lady, [Exit Proteus. |