ACT I. SCENE I.-Windsor. Before Page's house. Enter Justice Shallow, Slender, and Sir1 Hugh| Evans. Shallow. Eva. It is not meet the council hear a riot; there is no fear of Got in a riot: the council, look you, shall desire to hear the fear of Got, and not to hear a riot; take your vizaments in that. Shal. Ha! o' my life, if I were young again, the sword should end it. Eva. It is petter that friends is the sword, and end it: and there is also another device in my prain, which, peradventure, prings goot discretions SIR Hugh, persuade me not; I will make a Star-with; there is Ante Page, which is daughter to chamber matter of it: if he were twenty Sir John master George Page, which is pretty virginity. Falstaffs, he shall not abuse Robert Shallow, esquire. Slen. In the county of Gloster, justice of peace, and coram. Slen. Mistress Anne Page? She has brown hair, and speaks small like a woman. Eva. It is that fery person for all the 'orld, as Shal. Ay, cousin Slender, and cust-alorum.2 just as you will desire; and seven hundred pounds Slen. Ay, and ratolorum too; and a gentleman upon his death's-bed (Got deliver to a joyful resurof monies, and gold, and silver, is her grandsire, born, master parson; who writes himself armigero; rections!) give, when she is able to overtake sevenin any bill, warrant, quittance, or obligation, ar-teen years old: it were a goot motion, if we leave migero. between master Abraham, and mistress Anne our pribbles and prabbles, and desire a marriage Page. Shal. Ay, that we do; and have done any time these three hundred years. Slen. All his successors, gone before him, have done't; and all his ancestors, that come after him, hay: they may give the dozen white luces in their coat. Shal. It is an old coat. Eva. The dozen white louses do become an old coat well; it agrees well, passant: it is a familiar beast to man, and signifies-love. Shal. The luce is the fresh fish; the salt fish is an old coat. Slen. I may quarter, coz? Shal. You may, by marrying. pound? Eva. Ay, and her father is make her a petter penny. Shal. I know the young gentlewoman; she has good gifts. Eva. Seven hundred pounds, and possibilities, is goot gifts. Falstaff there? Eva. Shall I tell you a lie? I do despise a liar, as I do despise one that is false; or, as I despise one that is not true. The knight, sir John, is there; and, I beseech you, be ruled by your well-willers. Eva. Yes, py'r lady; if he has a quarter of your What, hoa! Got pless your house here! I will peat the door [knocks] for master Page. coat, there is but three skirts for yourself, in my simple conjectures: but that is all one: if Sir John Falstaff have committed disparagements unto you, am of the church, and will be glad to do my benevolence, to make atonements and compromises between you. Shal. The council+ shall hear it; it is a riot. (1) A title formerly appropriated to chaplains. (2) Custos rotulorum. Enter Page. Page. Who's there? Eva. Here is Got's plessing, and your friend, and justice Shallow and here young master Slen (3) By our. (4) Court of star-chamber (5) Advisement. (6) Soft. der; that, peradventures, shall tell you another tale, understand: that is, master Page, fidelicet, master if matters grow to your likings. Page; and there is myself, fidelicet, myself; and Page. I am glad to see your worships well: Ithe three party is, lastly and finally, mine host of thank you for my venison, master Shallow. Shal. Master Page, I am glad to see you; much good do it your good heart! I wished your venison better; it was ill killed:-how doth good mistress Page?-and I love you always with my heart, la ; with my heart. Page. Sir, I thank you. Shal. Sir, I thank you; by yea and no, I do. Page. I am glad to see you, good master Slender. Slen. How does your fallow greyhound, sir? I heard say, he was outrun on Cots le.1 Page. It could not be judg'd, sir. Slen. You'll not confess, you'll not confess. Shal. That he will not ;-'tis your fault, 'tis your fault-'tis a good dog. Page. A cur, sir. Shal. Sir, he's a good dog, and a fair dog; can there be more said? he is good, and fair.-Is sir John Falstaff here? Page. Sir, he is within; and I would I could do a good office between you. the Garter. Page. We three, to hear it, and end it between them. Eva. Fery goot: I will make a prief of it in my note-book; and we will afterwards 'ork upon the cause, with as great discreetly as we can. Fal. Pistol, Pist. He hears with ears. Eva. The tevil and his tam! what phrase is this, He hears with ear? Why, it is affectatious. Fal. Pistol, did you pick master Slender's purse? Slen. Ay, by these gloves, did he (or I would I might never come in mine own great chamber again else,) of seven groats in mill-sixpences, and two Edward shovel-boards," that cost me two shilling and two pence apiece of Yead Miller, by these gloves. I Fal. Is this true, Pistol? Eva. No; it is false, if it is a pick-purse. combat challenge of this latten bilbo :a Eva. It is spoke as a christians ought to speak. Shal. He hath wrong'd me, master Page. Page. Sir, he doth in some sort confess it. Shal. If it be confess'd, it is not redress'd; is not Nym. Be advised, sir, and pass good humours: that so, master Page? he hath wrong'd me; in- will say, marry trap, with you, if you run the deed, he hath ;-at a word, he hath ;-believe me ;-nut hook's humour on me; that is the very note of it. Robert Shallow, esquire, saith, he is wrong'd. Page. Here comes Sir John. Enter Sir John Falstaff, Bardolph, Nym, and Fal. Now, master Shallow; you'll complain of me to the king? Shal. Knight, you have beaten my men, killed my deer, and broke open my lodge. Fal. But not kiss'd your keeper's daughter. Shal. The council shall know this. I Slen. By this hat, then he in the red face had it: for though I cannot remember what I did when you made me drunk, yet I am not altogether an ass. Fal. What say you, Scarlet and John? Bard. Why, sir, for my part, I say, the gentleman had drunk himself out of his five sentences. Eva. It is his five senses: fie, what the ignorance is? Bard. And being fap" sir, was as they say, cashier'd; and so conclusions pass'd the careires." Slen. Ay, you spake in Latin then too; but 'tis no matter: I'll ne'er be drunk whilst I live again, but in honest, civil, godly company, for this trick: if I be drunk, I'll be drunk with those that have the fear of God, and not with drunken knaves. Fal. Twere better for you, if it were known in Eva. So Got 'udge me, that is a virtuous mind. counsel: you'll be laugh'd at. Fal. You hear all these matters denied, gentlemen; you hear it. Eva. Pauca verba, Sir John, good worts. Fal. Good worts !2 good cabbage.-Slender, I broke your head; what matter have you against Enter Mistress Anne Page with wine; Mistress me? Ford and Mistress Page following. Slen. Marry, sir, I have matter in my head against you; and against your coney-catching3 rascals, Bardolph, Nym, and Pistol. They carried me to the tavern, and made me drunk, and afterwards picked my pocket. Bar. You Banbury cheese!4 Pist. How now, Mephostophilus ?5 Nym. Slice, I say! pauca, pauca; slice! that's my humour. Slen. Where's Simple, my man?-can you tell, cousin? Page. Wife, bid these gentlemen welcome :Come, we have a hot venison pasty to dinner; come, gentlemen, I hope we shall drink down all unkindness. [Exeunt all but Shal. Slend. and Evans. Eva. Peace, I pray you! Now let us under- Slen. I had rather than forty shillings, I had my stand: there is three umpires in this matter, as I book of songs and sonnets here: Enter Simple. How now, Simple! where have you been? I must wait on myself, must I? You have not The Book of Riddles about you, have you? Sim. Book of Riddles! why, did you not lend it to Alice Shortcake, upon Allhallowmas last, a fortnight afore Michaelmas ?1 Shal. Come, coz; come, coz; we stay for you. A word with you, coz: marry, this, coz; there is, as 'twere, a tender, a kind of tender, made afar off by sir Hugh here;-do you understand me? Slen. Ay, sir, you shall find me reasonable; if it be so, I shall do that that is reason. Shal. Nay, but understand me. Slen. So I do, sir. Eva. Give ear to his motions, master Slender: I will description the matter to you, if you be capacity of it. Anne. Will't please your worship to come in, sir? Slen. I am not a-hungry, I thank you, forsooth: Go, sirrah, for all you are my man, go, wait upon my cousin Shallow: [Exit Simple. A justice of peace sometime may be beholden to his friend for a man:-I keep but three men and a boy yet, till my mother be dead: but what though? yet I live like a poor gentleman born. Anne. I may not go in without your worship: they will not sit, till you come. Slen. Pfaith, I'll eat nothing; I thank you as much as though I did. Anne. I pray you, sir, walk in. Slen. I had rather walk here, I thank you: I bruised my shin the other day with playing at sword and dagger with a master of fence, three Slen. Nay, I will do as my cousin Shallow says: veneys for a dish of stewed prunes; and, by my I pray you, pardon me; he's a justice of peace in troth, I cannot abide the smell of hot meat since. his country, simple though I stand here. Why do your dogs bark so? be there bears i' the Eva. But that is not the question; the question town? is concerning your marriage. Shal. Ay, there's the point, sir. Eva. Marry, is it; the very point of it; to mistress Anne Page. Slen. Why, if it be so, I will marry her, upon any reasonable demands. Eva. But can you affection the 'oman? Let us command to know that of your mouth, or of your lips; for divers philosophers hold, that the lips is parcel of the mouth;-therefore, precisely, can you carry your good will to the maid? Shal. Cousin Abraham Slender, can you love her? Slen. I hope, sir,-I will do, as it shall become one that would do reason. Eva. Nay, Got's lords and his ladies, you must speak possitable, if you can carry her your desires towards her. Shal. That you must: will you, upon good dowry, marry her? Slen. I will do a greater thing than that, upon your request, cousin, in any reason. Shal. Nay, conceive me, conceive me, sweet coz ; what I do, is to pleasure you, coz; Can you love the maid? Anne. I think there are, sir; I heard them talked of. Slen. I love the sport well; but I shall as soon quarrel at it, as any man in England:-you are afraid, if you see the bear loose, are you not? Anne. Ay, indeed, sir. Slen. That's meat and drink to me now: I have seen Sackerson' loose, twenty times; and have taken him by the chain: but, I warrant you, the women have so cried and shriek'd at it, that it pass'd:-but women, indeed, cannot abide 'em ; they are very ill-favoured rough things. Re-enter Page. Page. Come, gentle master Slender, come; we stay for you. Šlen. I'll eat nothing; I thank you, sir. Page. By cock and pye, you shall not choose, sir: come, conie. Slen. Nay, pray you, lead the way. Page. Come on, sir. Slen. Mistress Anne, yourself shall go first. Slen. Truly, I will not go first; truly, la: I will not do you that wrong. Anne. I pray you, sir. Slen. I will marry her, sir, at your request; but if there be no great love in the beginning, yet heaven may decrease it upon better acquaintance, when we are married, and have more occasion to Slen. I'll rather be unmannerly than troubleknow one another: I hope, upon familiarity will some: you do yourself wrong, indeed, la. grow more contempt: but if you say, marry her, I will marry her, that I am freely dissolved, and dissolutely. Eva. It is a fery discretion answer; save, the faul' is in the 'ort dissolutely: the 'ort is, according to our meaning, resolutely;-his meaning is good. Shal. Ay, I think my cousin meant well. Sten. Ay, or else I would I might be hanged, la. Re-enter Anne Page. Shal. Here comes fair mistress Anne:-Would Shal. I will wait on him, fair mistress Anne. Eva. Od's plessed will! I will not be absence at the grace. Exeunt Shal, and Sir H. Evans. An intended blunder. [Exeunt. SCENE II.-The same. Enter Sir Hugh Evans and Simple. Eva. Go your ways, and ask of Doctor Caius' house, which is the way: and there dwells one mistress Quickly, which is in the manner of his nurse, or his dry nurse, or his cook, or his laundry, his washer, and his wringer. Sim. Well, sir. Eva. Nay, it is petter yet:give her this letter; for it is a 'oman that altogether's acquaintance with mistress Anne Page; and the letter is, to desire and require her to solicit your master's desires to mistress Ann Page: I pray you, be gone; I will make an end of my dinner: there's pippins and cheese to come. [Exeunt. (3) The name of a bear exhibited at Paris-Garden, in Southwark. (4) Seps doll expression. SCENE III-A room in the Garter Inn. Enter gilded my foot, sometimes my portly belly. Falstaff, Host, Bardolph, Nymn, Pistol, and Fal. Mine host of the Garter, Host. What says my bully-rook? Speak schofarly, and wisely. Fal. Truly, mine host, I must turn away some of my followers. Host. Discard, bully Hercules; cashier: let them wag; trot, trot. Fal. I sit at ten pounds a week. Host. Thou'rt an emperor, Cæsar, Keisar, and Pheezar. I will entertain Bardolph; he shall draw, he shall tap: said I well, bully Hector? Fal. Do so, good mine host. Host. I have spoke; let him follow: let me see thee froth, and line: I am at a word; follow. Pist. Then did the sun on dunghill shine. Nym. I thank thee for that humour. Fal. O, she did so course o'er my exteriors with did seem to scorch me up like a burning-glass! such a greedy intention, that the appetite of her eye Here's another letter to her: she bears the purse too: she is a region in Guiana, all gold and bounty. exchequers to me; they shall be my East and West I will be cheater to them both, and they shall be Indies, and I will trade to them both. Go, bear mistress Ford: we will thrive, lads, we will thrive. thou this letter to mistress Page; and thou this to Pist. Shall I Sir Pandarus of Troy become, And by my side wear steel? then, Lucifer, take all! the humour letter; I will keep the 'haviour of reNym. I will run no base humour; here, take putation. [Exit Host. Fal. Bardolph, follow him; a tapster is a good trade: an old cloak makes a new jerkin; a withered serving-man, a fresh tapster: go; adieu. Bard. It is a life that I have desired; I will [Exit Bard. Pist. O base Gongarian' wight! wilt thou the spigot wield? thrive. Nym. He was gotten in drink: is not the hu-| mour conceited? His mind is not heroic, and there's the humour of it. Fal. I am glad, I am so acquit of this tinderbox; his thefts were too open: his filching was like an unskilful singer, he kept not time. Nym. The good humour is, to steal at a minute's rest. Pist. Young ravens must have food. Fal. Which of you know Ford of this town? Pist. I ken the wight; he is of substance good. Fal. My honest lads, I will tell you what I am about. Pist. Two yards, and more. Fal. Hold, sirrah, [to Rob.] bear you these letSail like my pinnace to these golden shores.— ters tightly;5 Trudge, plod, away, o' the hoof; seek shelter, Rogues, hence, avaunt! vanish like hail-stones, go; Falstaff will learn the humour of this age, pack! French thrift, you rogues; myself, and skirted page. [Exeunt Falstaff and Robin. Pist. Let vultures gripe thy guts! for gourd and And high and low beguile the rich and poor: fullam holds, Tester I'll have in pouch," when thou shalt lack, Base Phrygian Turk! Nym. I have operations in my head, which be humours of revenge. Pist. Wilt thou revenge? Nym. By welkin, and her star! Pist. With wit, or steel? I will discuss the humour of this love to Page. With both the humours, I; How Falstaff, varlet vile, His dove will prove, his gold will hold, Nym. My humour shall not cool: I will incense* Page to deal with poison; I will possess him with yellowness, for the revolt of mien is dangerous: that is my true humour. [Exeunt. Fal. No quips now, Pistol; indeed, I am in the waist two yards about: but I am now about no waste; I am about thrift. Briefly, I do mean to Pist. Thou art the Mars of malcontents: I semake love to Ford's wife; I spy entertainment in cond thee; troop on. her; she discourses, she carves, she gives the leer of invitation: I can construe the action of her familiar style; and the hardest voice of her beha-l viour, to be English'd rightly, is, I am Sir John Falstaff's. Pist. He hath studied her well, and translated her well; out of honesty into English. Nym. The anchor is deep: will that humour pass? Fal. Now, the report goes, she has all the rule of her husband's purse; she hath legions of angels. Pist. As many devils entertain; and, To her, boy, say I. SCENE IV.—A room in Dr. Caius' house. Enter to the casement, and see if you can see my master, Quick. Go; and we'll have a posset for't soon at night, in faith, at the latter end of a sea-coal fire. An honest, willing, kind fellow, as ever servant shall come in house withal; and, I warrant you, no Num. The humour rises; it is good: humour tell-tale, nor no breed-bate: 19 his worst fault is, me the angels. Fal. I have writ me here a letter to her: and here another to Page's wife; who even now gave me good eyes too, examin'd my parts with most judicious eyliads: sometimes the beam of her view (1) For Hungarian. (2) Fig. (3) Gold coin. that way; but nobody but has his fault ;-but let that he is given to prayer; he is something peevishi that pass. Peter Simple, you say your name is? Sim. Ay, for fault of a better. Quick. And master Slender's your master? (7) Sixpence I'll have in pocket. (10) Strife. |