shocking to benevolent feelings, as this which took place over at Captain Rice's in this county. But you will hear from the witnesses." The witnesses being sworn, two or three were examined and deposed-one said that he heard the noise, and did not see the fight; another that he saw the row, but didn't know who struck first-and a third, that he was very drunk, and couldn't say much about the scrimmage. Lawyer Chops. I am sorry, gentlemen, to have occupied your time with the stupidity of the witnesses examined. It arises, gentlemen, altogether from misapprehension on my part. Had I known, as I now do, that I had a witness in attendance, who was well acquainted with all the circumstances of the case, and who was able to make himself clearly understood by the court and jury, I should not so long have trespassed upon your time and patience. Come forward, Mr. Harris, and be sworn. So forward comes the witness, a fat, shuffy old man, a "leetle" corned, and took his oath with an air. Chops. Harris, we wish you to tell about the riot that happened the other day at Captain Rice's, and as a good deal of time has already been wasted in circumlocution, we wish you to be compendious, and at the same time as explicit as possible. Harris. Adzactly. (giving the lawyer a knowing wink, and at the same time clearing his throat.) Captain Rice, he gin a treat, and Cousin Sally Dillard, she came over to our house and axed me if my wife she moutn't go. I told Cousin Sally Dillard that my wife was poorly, being as how she had a touch of the rheumatics in the hip, and the big swamp was in the road, and the big swamp was up, for there had been a heap of rain lately; but, howsomever, as it was she, cousin Sally Dillard, my wife she mout go. Well, cousin Sally Dillard, then axed me if Mose he moutn't go? I told cousin Sally Dillard, that he was the foreman of the crap, and that the crap was smartly in the grass; but howsomever, as it was she, cousin Sally Dillard, Mose he mout go— Chops. In the name of common sense, Mr. Harris, what do you mean by this rigmarole? Witness. Captain Rice, he gin a treat, and cousin Sally Dillard she came over to our house and axed me if my wife she moutn't go? I told cousin Sally Dillard Chops. Stop, sir, if you please; we don't want to hear anything about your cousin Sally Dillard and your wifetell us about the fight at Rice's. Witness. Well, I will, sir, if you will let me. Chops. Well, sir, go on. Witness. Well, sir, Captain Rice he gin a treat, and cousin Sally Dillard she came over to our house and axed me if my wife she moutn't go Chops. There it is again. Witness, please to stop. Witness. Well, sir, what do you want? Chops. We want to know about the fight, and you must not proceed in this impertinent story. Do you know anything about the matter before the court? Witness. To be sure I do. Chops. Well, go on and tell it, and nothing else. Chops. This is intolerable. May it please the court, I move that this witness be committed for a contempt; he seems to be trifling with this court. Court. Witness, you are now before a court of justice, and unless you behave yourself in a more becoming manner, you will be sent to jail; so begin and tell what you know about the fight at Captain Rice's. Witness. (Alarmed.) Well, gentlemen, Captain Rice he gin a treat, and Cousin Sally Dillard Chops. I hope the witness may be ordered into custody. Court. (After deliberating.) Mr. Attorney, the court is of the opinion that we may save time by telling witness to go on in his own way. Proceed, Mr. Harris, with your story, but stick to the point. Witness. Yes, gentlemen. Well, Captain Rice he gin a treat, and cousin Sally Dillard she came over to our house and axed me if my wife she moutn't go? I told cousin Sally Dillard that my wife she was poorly, being as how she had the rheumatics in the hip, and the big swamp was up; but howsomever, as it was she, cousin Sally Dillard, my wife she mout go. Well, cousin Sally Dillard then axed me if Mose he moutn't go. I told cousin Sally Dillard as how Mose-he was the foreman of the crap, and the crap was smartly in the grass but howsomever as it was she, cousin Sally Dillard, Mose he mout go. So they goes on together, Mose, my wife, and cousin Sally Dillard, and they come to the big swamp, and it was up, as I was telling you; but being as how there was a log across the big swamp, cousin Sally Dillard and Mose, like genteel folks, they walked the log; but my wife, like a darned fool, hoisted her coats and waded through. And that's all I know about the fight. THE DULUTH SPEECH By JAMES PROCTOR KNOTT [This speech, delivered in the House of Representatives in 1870, is as good an example of mock-heroic humor as American literature can boast. "As a jeu d'esprit," says Colonel Watterson, "no less than as a current hit, it possesses an enduring title to the merit claimed for it, of being the most quaint and genial effusion ever delivered before a deliberative body." Mr. Knott was born in 1830, in Lebanon, Kentucky, where he now resides. He has served his State as member of Congress, governor, professor of civics and economics, and dean of the law faculty, in Centre College.] THE House having under consideration the joint resolution (S. R. No. 11) extending the time to construct a railroad from the St. Croix river or lake to the west end of Lake Superior and to Bayfield— Mr. Knott said: Mr. Speaker: If I could be actuated by any conceivable inducement to betray the sacred trust reposed in me by those to whose generous confidence I am indebted for the honor of a seat on this floor; if I could be influenced by any possible consideration to become instrumental in giving away, in violation of their known wishes, any portion of their interest in the public domain for the mere promotion of any railroad enterprise whatever, I should certainly feel a strong inclination to give this measure my most earnest and hearty support; for I am assured that its success would materially enhance the pecuniary prosperity of some of the most valued friends I have on earth-friends for whose accommodation I would be willing to make almost any sacrifice not involving my personal honor or my fidelity as the trustee of an express trust. And that fact of itself would be sufficient to countervail almost any objection I might entertain on the passage of this bill not inspired by an imperative and inexorable sense of public duty. But, independent of the seductive influences of private friendship, to which I admit I am, perhaps, as susceptible as any of the gentlemen I see around me, the intrinsic merits of the measure itself are of such an extraordinary character as to commend it most strongly to the favorable consideration of every member of this House, myself not excepted, notwithstanding my constituents, in whose behalf alone I am acting here, would not be benefited by its passage one particle more than they would be by a project to cultivate an orange grove on the bleakest summit of Greenland's icy mountains. Now, sir, as to those great trunk lines of railway, spanning the continent from ocean to ocean, I confess my mind has never been fully made up. It is true they may afford some trifling advantages to local traffic, and they may even in time become the channels of a more extended commerce. Yet I have never been thoroughly satisfied either of the necessity or expediency of projects promising such meagre results to the great body of our people. But with regard to the transcendent merits of the gigantic enterprise contemplated in this bill I never entertained the shadow of a doubt. Years ago, when I first heard that there was somewhere in the vast terra incognita, somewhere in the bleak regions of the great Northwest, a stream of water known to the nomadic inhabitants of the neighborhood as the river St. Croix, I became satisfied that the construction of a railroad from that raging torrent to some point in the civilized world was essential to the happiness and prosperity of the American people, if not absolutely indispensable to the perpetuity of republican institutions on this continent. I felt instinctively that the boundless resources of that prolific region of sand and pine shrubbery would never be fully developed without a railroad constructed and equipped at the expense of the Government, and perhaps not then. I had an abiding presentiment that, some day or other, the people of this whole country, irrespective of party affiliations, regardless of sectional prejudices, and "without distinction of race, color or previous condition of servitude," would rise in their majesty, and demand an outlet for the enormous agricultural productions of those vast and fer tile pine barrens, drained in the rainy season by the surging waters of the turbid St. Croix. These impressions, derived singly and solely from the "eternal fitness of things," were not only strengthened by the interesting and eloquent debate on this bill, to which I listened with so much pleasure the other day, but intensified, if possible, as I read over this morning the lively colloquy which took place on that occasion, as I find it reported in last Friday's "Globe." I will ask the indulgence of the House while I read a few short passages, which are sufficient, in my judgment, to place the merits of the great enterprise contemplated in the measure now under discussion beyond all possible controversy. The honorable gentleman from Minnesota [Mr. Wilson], who, I believe, is managing this bill, in speaking of the character of the country through which this railroad is to pass, says this: "We want to have the timber brought to us as cheaply as possible. Now, if you tie up the lands in this way, so that no title can be obtained to them-for no settler will go on these lands, for he cannot make a living-you deprive us of the benefit of that timber." Now, sir, I would not have it by any means inferred from this that the gentleman from Minnesota would insinuate that the people out in his section desire this timber merely for the purpose of fencing up their farms, so that their stock may not wander off and die of starvation among the bleak hills of the St. Croix. I read it for no such purpose, sir, and make no such comment on it myself. In corroboration of this statement of the gentleman from Minnesota, I find this testimony given by the Honorable gentleman from Wisconsin [Mr. Washburn]. Speaking of these same lands, he says: "Under the bill, as amended by my friend from Minnesota, nine tenths of the land is open to actual settlers at $2.50 per acre; the remaining one tenth is pine timbered land, that is not fit for settlement, and never will be settled upon; but the timber will be cut off. I admit that it is the most valuable portion of the grant, for most of the grant is not valuable. It is quite valueless; and if you put in this amendment of the gentleman from Indiana, you may as well just kill the bill, |