A DISHONEST and malicious critic, by severing passages from their context, may make the best book appear to condemn itself. A book, thus unfairly treated, may be compared to the laurel--there is honor in the leaves but poison in the extract.

We have heard of men celebrating their country's battles, who, in war, were celebrated for keeping out of them.

ALEXANDER H. STEPHENS.

IN his 'Reminiscences of Famous Georgians,' volume II, pages 438-439, Mr. Lucian Lamar Knight replaces an old joke with a more authentic one as follows: "Wholly fictitious is the anecdote which represents some burly Georgian, first Mr. Toombs and then Judge Cone, as saying to Mr. Stephens that if his ears were pinned back and his head was greased he could swallow him whole, and which represents Mr. Stephens as retorting that if the swallower could actually do this he would have more brains in his stomach than he ever had in his head. Perhaps the anecdote has been told around nearly every stove in Georgia. But neither General Toombs nor Judge Cone could have been so stupid as to make the boorish remark, which is supposed to have called forth the famous retort; and General Toombs and Mr. Stephens, it must be remembered, though sometimes at variance upon political issues, were devoted lifelong friends. Some of the graybeards have actually gone so far as to say that they heard Mr. Stephens make the reply in question; but Uncle Ephraim could also swear that "he seed Marse Henry's ghost." Such solemn asseverations must all be taken in the Pickwickian sense. To find the author of the famous retort it is necessary to take down from the bookshelves one of Sir Walter Scott's novels.

"Within the limits of authentic tradition the nearest approach to this specimen of gastronomical humor dates back to the presidential contest of 1860, when Mr. Stephens, who supported the Douglas ticket, engaged in joint debate with Colonel Ranse Wright, afterwards General A. R. Wright, who supported the American or Know-Nothing candidates.

"Colonel Wright was one of the ablest campaigners in the State, and on this particular occasion he made one of his best

efforts. But the effect of the speech was broken by the skillful manner in which Mr. Stephens was reported to have said that, metaphorically speaking, he could eat Ben Hill for breakfast, Ranse Wright for dinner, and Bob Trippe for supper; and of course this ridiculous yarn brought down the house. The laugh was long and continuous as the audience gazed upon the diminutive storage room of the invalid statesman and thought of the little man with the big appetite.

"But it came Mr. Stephens's turn to speak; and, after denying that he had made such a statement, he added that if he had contemplated a feast of the character described, he would certainly have changed the order; he would have taken Ben Hill for breakfast, Bob Trippe for dinner, and remembering the advice of his mother, always to eat light suppers, he would have tipped off with his friend Colonel Wright. The building fairly shook with the mirth which followed this sally. Colonel Wright realized that he was worsted in the tilt, but he joined heartily in the laugh at his expense."

ROBERT TOOMBS.

SHORTLY after the war Toombs met Thad Stevens in Augusta. “Well, Mr. Toombs," said Stevens, "how do you rebels feel after being licked by the Yankees?"

"We feel just as Lazarus did," was the reply.

"How is that?" asked Stevens.

"Lazarus was licked by the dogs, wasn't he?" said Toombs.

"My opinion of the Yankees," Toombs once remarked, "is apostolic, 'Alexander the Coppersmith did me much evil. The Lord reward him according to his works.

Standing near by was an officer in the Federal army, who overheard the remark.

"But, general," said he, "you must admit that we whipped you nevertheless."

"No, sir,” replied General Toombs, "we just wore ourselves out whipping you.'

WILLIAM H. UNDERWOOD.

"Don't you think," said an attorney to the famous Georgia wit, "that Jim Pearson is the greatest liar you ever saw?"

"I should be sorry to say that of brother Pearson," replied Judge Underwood thoughtfully, "but he certainly wrestles harder with the truth than any other lawyer in the circuit."

JUDGE UNDERWOOD was a staunch Henry Clay Whig, while his son John, later known as Judge John W. H. Underwood, sometimes went from one party to the other. "What are John's politics?" asked a friend.

"Really, now,” replied Judge Underwood, "I can't tell you; I haven't seen the boy since breakfast."

JOHN once applied to his father for a letter of recommendation to Governor George W. Crawford. Knowing the Judge's eccentricities John thought it the part of prudence to read the testimonial before presenting it. The letter ran as follows:

My Dear Governor: This will be handed you by my son John. He has the greatest thirst for an office, with the least capacity to fill one, of any boy you ever saw.

Sincerely yours,

ZEBULON BAIRD VANCE.

WILLIAM H. UNDERWOOD.

MORE North Carolina jokes owe their paternity to Governor Vance than to any other one man. The following are from Clement Dowd's 'Life of Zebulon B. Vance':

Vance was not always careful to examine his witnesses in his office before putting them on the stand. His client in this instance was indicted for assault, it being also alleged that he had bitten off part of the prosecutor's ear. There was a plea of guilty as to the assault, but the maiming was denied. The defendant's contention was that the piece of ear was torn off in the scuffle which took place in a piece of new ground where there were many fresh cut roots and bushes. The evidence was being submitted to the Court, as affecting the measure of punishment. After all the regular witnesses had testified, the defendant put his hand on Vance's shoulder and pulling him back, whispered, "Put up

Jack Deans." "Who is Jack Deans?" said Vance. "What does he know?" "That's all right," said the client, "he seed all the fight, helped to part us, and he'll swear he didn't see no biting." The witness was called to the stand and under his examination stated that he saw the fight from beginning to end, helped to part the combatants, and that he saw no biting; he was very emphatic in the assertion that he did not see the defendant bite the ear. When turned over for cross-examination, he said very meekly, in reply to the solicitor's question, that he knew he was required by his oath to tell the whole truth. "Well, sir," said the solicitor sharply, "you have told us what you didn't see, now tell us what you did see." The witness was downcast and reluctant at first but under the urging of the solicitor presently raised up his head and casting a forlorn look towards his friend and his lawyer, said: "Well, jist as we raised him up, I seen him spit a piece of the ear outen his mouth!" Vance was heard to say afterwards that he would never put another witness on the stand in any sort of a case without first knowing what he would say.

A FRIEND said to him on one occasion, "Vance, I do not, understand how it is that you and your brother Bob belong to different churches. You are a Presbyterian, and he a Methodist." "That is a little queer," said Vance, "but a stranger thing than that is that Bob believes in the doctrine of falling from grace and never falls, while I do not believe in the possibility of falling from grace, but am always falling."

ONE day having some business with an old colored man, he asked his brother in black, "Uncle, do you belong to the Church?" The man replied, "Yes, Boss, thank the Lord." "What Church do you belong to?" "To the Presbyterian Church," replied the darkey. "Uncle, do you believe in election?" "O, yes, Boss, I believes in election." "Well, Uncle, do you think you are elected?" Said Vance. "Yes, Boss, thank the Lord, I thinks I am," said the darkey. "Well, Uncle, do you think I am elected?" inquired Vance. "I'd never heerd, Boss, as how you was a candidate,” replied the colored brother candidly.

EMINENCE in church or State had no terrors for Vance's humor when once aroused. The late Bishop Lyman, of North Carolina, was a man of great dignity and graciousness of manner and was always serious. He called on Senator Vance in the marble room and requested him to bring with him Senator Edmunds, of Vermont, who was general counsel of the House of Bishops, and as learned in the ecclesiastical as in the civil laws, and a great Episcopalian. After some prefatory formalities the Bishop dived at once into the business that he wished to consult the great lawyer about; this concluded, they unbent in personal conversation. Vance assured them that he had narrowly escaped being a considerable theologian himself. "When I was a lad in those great mountains that laugh at the Vermont hills and that our good Bishop has shown his appreciation of by building him a home in, I was blessed with a good aunt who sent me to a most excellent Calvinist school, and delighted in devoting the saving of her needle to making a Presbyterian preacher out of me. I submitted to it for a year or more and made some progress in learning the hard sayings, if not in amazing grace, until my conscience rebelled and in my next visit to her I frankly confessed that I could not go on in the path of her choosing. I cannot bear even now to think of the grief she showed at my determination, and, of course, she must have a reason for it. I tried to explain to her that one good reason was as good as a thousand and that everything was embraced in the simple reason that I did not feel myself good enough to be a Presbyterian minister. She wrestled with me in spirit and refused to let me depart until she had got a promise of some sort out of me. Finding me quite settled in my decision, she reluctantly gave up her dream-then a bright hope seemed to come to her, and caressing my hand she said in an eager way, 'Zeb, don't you think you are good enough to be an Episcopal preacher?"

Ar a roll call in congress on May 9, 1860, a Mr. Delano was absent but returned before the last name had been called and asked permission to vote. The Speaker inquired if the gentleman was within the bar of the House when his name was called. He answered that he was within the bar of the restaurant. Mr. Cochrane said if he would explain fully what