! ALL'S WELL THAT ENDS WELL. 1 Lord. No more than a fish loves water.-Is got this a strange fellow, my lord? that so tonfidently seems to undertake this business, which he knows is not to be done; damns himelf to do, and dares better be damned than to do't. 2 Lord. You do not know him, my lord, as we do: certain it is, that he will steal himself into a man's favour, and, for a week, escape a great deal of discoveries; but when you find him out, you have him ever after. Ber. Why, do you think, he will make no deed at all of this, that so seriously he does address himself unto? 1 Lord. None in the world; but return with an invention, and clap upon you two or three probable lies: but we have almost embossed him, you shall see his fall to-night; for, indeed, he is not for your lordship's respect. 2 Lord. We'll make you some sport with the fox, ere we case him. He was first smoked by the old lord Lafeu: when his disguise and he is parted, tell me what a sprat you shall find him; which you shall see this very night. 1 Lord. I must go look my twigs; he shall be caught. Ber. Your brother, he shall go along with me. 1 Lord. As't please your lordship: I'll leave 2 Lord. But, you say, she's honest. And found her wondrous cold; but I sent to By this same coxcomb that we have i'the wind, Tokens and letters which she did re-send; 2 Lord. With all my heart, my lord. [Exeunt. Enter HELENA and WIDOW. Nothing acquainted with these businesses; Hel. Nor would I wish you. not, By the good aid that I of you shall borrow, Wid. I should believe you; For you have show'd me that, which well ap- [proves Hel. Take this purse of gold, your daughter, Lays down his wanton siege before her beauty, 243 Now his important blood will nought deny The bottom of your purpose. But that your daughter, ere she seems as won, Wid. I have yielded: Let us assay our plot; which, if it speed, ACT IV. [Exeunt. SCENE 1.-Without the Florentine Camp. Enter first LORD, with five or six Soldiers in ambush. this hedge' corner: When you sally upon him, 1 Lord. He can come no other way but by speak what terrible language you will; though you understand it not yourselves, no matter: for we must not seem to understand him; unless some one among us, whom we must produce for an interpreter. 1 Sold. Good captain, let me be the interpreter. 1 Lord. Art not acquainted with him? knows he not thy voice? 1 Sold. No, Sir, I warrant you. 1 Lord. But what linsy-woolsy hast thou to speak to us again? 1 Sold. Even such as you speak to me. 1 Lord. He must think us some band of strangers i'the adversary's entertainment.§ Now he hath a smack of all neighbouring languages; therefore we must every one be a man of his own fancy, not to know what we speak guage, gabble enough, and good enough. As one to another; so we seem to know, is to know straight our purpose: chough's lanfor you, interpreter, you must seem very politic. But couch, ho! here he comes; to beguile two hours in a sleep, and then to return and swear the lies he forges. Enter PAROlles. Par. Ten o'clock: within these three hours 'twill be time enough to go home. What shall I say I have done? It must be a very plausive me; and disgraces have of late knocked too invention that carries it: They begin to smoke hardy; but my heart hath the fear of Mars beoften at my door. I find, my tongue is too fool+ I. e. Count. From under our windows. I.e Foreign troops in the enemy's pay. A bird like a jack-daw. * Importunate. fore it, and of his creatures, not daring the reworts of my tongue. 1 Lord. This is the first truth that e'er thine own tongue was guilty of. [Aside. Par. What the devil should move me to unertake the recovery of this drum; being not norant of the impossibility, and knowing I had no such purpose? I must give myself some hurts, and say, I got them in exploit: Yet slight ones will not carry it: They will say, Came you off with so little? and great ones i dare not give. Wherefore? what's the instance?* Tongue, I must put you into a butter-woman's mouth, and buy another of Bajazet's mule, if you prattle me into these perils. 1 Lord. Is it possible, he should know what he is, and be that he is? [Aside. Par. I would the cutting of my garments would serve the turn; or the breaking of my Spanish sword. 1 Lord. We cannot afford you so. [Aside. Par. Or the baring of my beard; and to say, it was in stratagem. 1 Lord. "Twould not do. [Aside. Par. Or to drown my clothes, and say, I was stripped. 1 Lord. Hardly serve. [Aside. Par. Though I swore I leaped from the win dow of the citadel [Aside. Par. I would, I had any drum of the enemy's; I would swear, I recovered it. 1 Lord. You shall hear one anon. Par. A drum now of the enemy's! [Aside. [Alarum within. 1 Lord. Throca movousus, cargo, cargo, cargo. All. Cargo, cargo, villianda par corbo, cargo. Par. O! ransom, ransom :-Do not hide mine eyes. [They seize him and blindfold him. 1 Sold. Boskos thromuldo boskos. Par. I know you are the Muskos' regiment. And I shall lose my life for want of language: If there be here German, or Dane, low Dutch, Italian, or French, let him speak to me, I will discover that which shall undo The Florentine. 1 Sold. Boskos vauvado : I understand thee, and can speak thy tongue :Kerelybonto-Sir, Betake thee to thy faith, for seventeen poniards Are at thy bosom. Par. Oh! And all the secrets of our camp I'll show i roses, You barely leave our thorns to prick ourselves, Dia. "Tis not the many oaths that make the truth; But the plain single vow, that is vow'd true. If I should swear by Jove's great attributes, oaths Are words, and poor conditions; but unseal'd; At least, in my opinion. Ber. Change it, change it; Be not so holy cruel: love is holy; And my integrity ne'er knew the crafts, That you do charge men with: Stand no more But give thyself unto my sick desires, [off, Who then recover: say, thou art mine, and ever My love, as it begins, shall so perséver. Diu. I see, that men make hopes, in such affairs, [ring. That we'll forsake ourselves. Give me that Ber. I'll lend it thee my dear, but have no Their force their purposes: nay, Ill speak that To give it from me. Which you will wonder at. Sold. But wit thou faithfully Par. If I do not, damn me. 1 Sold. Acordo linta. Come on, thou art granted space. [Exit, with PAROLLES guarded. 1 Lord. Gn, tell the count Rousillon, and my brother, [him muffled, [power Dia. Will you not, my ord Ber. It is an honour 'longing to our house, Bequeathed down from many ancestors: Which were the greatest obloquy i'the world In me to lose. Dia. Mine honour's such a ring: * I. e. Against his determined resolution never to co We have caught the woodcock, and will keep habit with Helena. *The proof. The sense is-we never swear by what is not holy, but take to witness the Highest, the Divinity. My chastity's the jewel of our house, Ber. Here, take my ring: My house, mine honour, yea, my life be thine, Dia. When midnight comes, knock at my I'll order take, my mother shall not hear. When back again this ring shall be deliver'd: heaven and me! You may so in the end.- My mother told me just how he would woo, As if she sat in his heart; she says, all men Have the like oaths: he had sworn to marry When his wife's dead; therefore I'll lie with [him, When I am buried. Since Frenchmen are so braid,* me, Marry that will, I'll live and die a maid: SCENE III.-The Florentine Camp. 1 Lord. You have not given him his mother's letter? 2 Lord. I have delivered it an hour since: there is something in't that stings his nature; for, on the reading it, he changed almost into another man. 1 Lord. He has much worthy blame laid upon him, for shaking off so good a wife, and So sweet a lady. 2 Lord. Especially he hath incurred the everlasting displeasure of the king, who had even tuned his bounty to sing happiness to him. I will tell you a thing, but you shall let it dwell darkly with you. 1 Lord. When you have spoken it, 'tis dead, and I am the grave of it. 2 Lord. He hath perverted a young gentlewoman here in Florence, of a most chaste reTown; and this night he fleshes his will in the spoil of her honour: he hath given her his monumental ring, and thinks himself made in the unchaste composition. 1 Lord. Now, God delay our rebellion; as we are ourselves, what things are we! 2 Lord. Merely our own traitors. And as in the common course of all treasons, we still see them reveal themselves, till they attain to their abhorred ends; so he, that in this action contrives against his own nobility, in his proper stream o'erflows himself.+ 1 Lord. is it not meant damnable in us, to 245 be trumpeters of our unlawful intents? We 1 Lord. That approaches apace: I would gladly have him see his company* anatomized; judgements, wherein so curiously he had set that he might take a measure of his own this counterfeit. 2 Lord. We will not meddle with him till he come; for his presence must be the whip of the other. these wars? 1 Lord. In the mean time, what hear you of 2 Lord. I hear, there is an overture of peace. 1 Lord. Nay, I assure you, a peace concluded. 2 Lord. What will count Rousillon do then? will he travel higher, or return again into France? 1 Lord. I perceive, by this demand, you are not altogether of his council. a great deal of his act. 2 Lord. Let it be forbid, Sir! so should I be fled from his house; her pretence is a pilgrim1 Lord. Sir, his wife, some two months since, age to Saint Jaques le grand; which holy undertaking, with most austere sanctimony, she accomplished: and, there residing, the her grief; in fine, made a groan of her last tenderness of her nature became as a prey to breath, and now she sings in heaven. 2 Lord. How is this justified? 1 Lord. The stronger part of it by her own letters; which makes her story true, even to the point of her death: her death itself, which faithfully confirmed by the rector of the place. could not be her office to say, is come, was 2 Lord. Hath the count all this intelligence? 1 Lord. Ay, and the particular confirmations, point from point, to the full arming of the verity. 2 Lord. I am heartily sorry, that he'll be glad of this. 1 Lord. How mightily, sometimes, we make us comforts of our losses! 2 Lord. And how mightily, some other times, that his valour hath here acquired for him, we drown our gain in tears! The great dignity, shall at home be encountered with a shame as ample. I Lord. The web of our life is of a mingled yarn, good and ill together: our virtues would be proud, if our faults whipped them not; and our crimes would despair, if they were noʻ cherish'd by our virtues. How now? where's your master? whom he hath taken a solemn leave; his lord- 2 Lord. They shall be no more than needful mend. Enter BERTRAM. 1 Lord. They cannot be too sweet for the king's tartness. Here's his lordship now. How now my lord, is't not after midnight? Ber. I have to-night despatched sixteen businesses, a month's length a-peice, by an abstract *For companion. of success: I have conge'd with the duke, done 1 Sold. Well, that's set down. Par. Five or six thousand horse, I said,will say true,-or thereabouts, set down,for I'll speak truth. 2 Lord. If the business be of any difficulty, and this morning your departure hence, it requires haste of your lordship. 1 Lord. He's very near the truth in this. Ber. But I con him no thanks for't, in the nature he delivers it. Pur. Poor rogues, I pray you, say. 1 Sold. Well, that's set down. Par. I humbly thank you, Sir: a truth's truth, the rogues are marvellous poor. 1 Sold. Demand of him, of what strength they are a-foot. What say you to that? Ber. I mean the business is not ended, as fearing to hear of it hereafter: But shall we have this dialogue between the fool and the soldier?- -Come, bring forth this counterfeit module; he has deceived me, like a double-present hour, I will tell true. Let me see: meaning prophesier. 2 Lord. Bring him forth: [Exeunt SOLDIERS.] he has sat in the stocks all night, poor gallant knave. Ber. No matter; his heels have deserved it, in usurping his spurst so long. How does he carry himself? 1 Lord. I have told your lordship already; the stocks carry him. But, to answer you as you would be understood; he weeps, like a wench that had shed her milk: he hath confessed himself to Morgan, whom he supposes to be a friar, from the time of his remembrance, to this very instant disaster of his setting i'the stocks: And what think you he hath confessed? Ber. Nothing of me, has he? 2 Lord. His confession is taken, and it shall be read to his face: if your lordship be in't, as, I believe you are, you must have the patience to hear it. Re-enter SOLDIERS, with PARolles. Ber. A plague upon him! muffled! he can say nothing of me; hush! hush! i Lord. Hoodman comes!-Porto tartarossa. 1 Sold. He calls for the tortures; What will you say without 'em? Par. I will confess what I know without constraint; if ye pinch me like a pasty, I can say no more. 1 Sold. Bosko chimurcho. 2 Lord. Boblibindo chicurmurco. Sold. You are a merciful general:-Our general bids you answer to what I shall ask you out of a note. Par. And truly, as I hope to live. 1 Sold. First demand of him how many horse the duke is strong. What say you to that? Par. Five or six thousand; but very weak and unserviceable: the troops are all scattered, and the commanders very poor rogues, upon my reputation and credit, and as I hope to live. Par. By my troth, Sir, if I were to live this Spurio a hundred and fifty, Sebastian so many, Corambus so many, Jaques so many; Guiltian, Cosmo, Lodowick, and Gratii, two hundred fifty each: mine own company, Chitopher, Vaumond, Bentii, two hundred and fifty each: so that the muster-file, rotten and sound, upon my life, amounts not to fifteen thousand poll; half of which dare not shake the snow from off their cassocks, lest they shake themselves to pieces. Ber. What shall be done to him? 1 Lord. Nothing, but let him have thanks. Demand of him my conditions, and what credit I have with the duke. 1 Sold. Well, that's set down. You shall demand of him, whether one Captain Dumain be i'the camp, a Frenchman; what his reputation is with the duke, what his valour, honesty, and expertness in wars; or whether he thinks, it were not possible, with well-weighing sums of gold, to corrupt him to a revolt. What say you to this? what do you know of it? Par. I beseech you, let me answer to the particular of the intergatories: Demand them singly. 1 Sold. Do you know this captain Dumain? Par. I know him: he was a botcher's prentice in Paris, from whence he was whipped for innocent,|| that could not say him, nay. getting the sheriff's fools with child; a dumb [DUMAIN lifts up his hand in anger. Ber. Nay, by your leave, hold your hands; though I know, his brains are forfeit to the next tile that falls. 1 Sold. Well, is this captain in the duke of Florence's camp? Par. Upon my knowledge, he is, and lousy. hear of your lordship anon. 1 Lord. Nay, look not so upon me; we shall 1 Sold. What is his reputation with the duke? Par. The duke knows him for no other but a poor officer of mine; and writ to me this other day, to turn him out o'the band: I think, I have his letter in my pocket. 1 Sold. Marry, we'll search. Pur. In good sadness, I do not know; either it is there, or it is upon a file, with the duke's other letters, in my tent. 1 Sold. Here 'tis; here's a paper? Shall I read it to you? Par. I do not know, if it be it, or no. 1 Sold. Dian. The count's a fool, and full of gold, Par. That is not the duke's letter, Sir; that is an advertisement to a proper maid in Florence, one Diana, to take heed of the allure * Cassock then signified a horseman's loose coat. + Disposition and character. For interrogatories An ideot under the care of the sheriff A natural fool. meut of one count Rousillon, a foolish idle boy, | I need not ask you, if gold will corrupt him to but, for all that very ruttish: I pray you, Sir, revolt. put it up again. Par. Sir, for a quart d'ecu* he will sell the 1 Sold. Nay, I'll read it first, by your favour.fee-simple of his salvation, the inheritance of Par. My meaning in't, I protest, was very it; and cut the entail from all remainders, and honest in the behalf of the maid: for I knew a perpetual succession for it perpetually. the young count to be a dangerous and lasci- 1 Sold. What's his brother, the other captain vious boy; who is a whale to virginity, and Dumain? devours up all the fry it finds. Ber. Damnable, both sides rogue! 1 Sold. When he swears oaths, bid him drop gold, and take it; After he scores, he never pays the score: Half won, is match well made; match, and well make it ;* He ne'er pays after debts, take it before; And say, a soldier, Dian, told thee this, Men are to mell with, boys are not to kiss: For count of this, the count's a fool, I know it, Who pays before, but not when he does owe it, Thine, as he vow'd to thee in thine ear, PAROLLES. Ber. He shall be whipped through the army, with this rhyme in his forehead. 2 Lord. This is your devoted friend, Sir, the manifold linguist, and the armipotent soldier. Ber. I could endure any thing before but a cat, and now he's a cat to me. 1 Sold. I perceive, Sir, by the general's looks, we shall be fain to hang you. Par. My life, Sir, in any case: not that I am afraid to die; but that, my offences being many, I would repent out the remainder of nature: let me live, Sir, in a dungeon, i'the stocks, or any where, so I may live. 1 Sold. We'll see what may be done, so you confess freely; therefore, once more to this captain Dumain: You have answered to his reputation with the duke, and to his valour: What is his honesty? Par. He will steal, Sir, an egg out of a cloister;t for rapes and ravishments he parallels Nessus. He professes not keeping of oaths; in breaking them, he is stronger than Hercules. He will lie, Sir, with such volubility, that you would think truth were a fool: drunkenness is his best virtue; for he will be swinedrunk; and in his sleep he does little harm, save to his bed-clothes about him; but they know his conditions, and lay him in straw. I have but little more to say, Sir, of his honesty: he has every thing that an honest man should not have; what an honest man should have, he has nothing. 1 Lord. I begin to love him for this. Ber. For this description of thine honesty? A pox upon him for me, he is more and more a cat. 1 Sold. What say you to his expertness in war? Par. Faith, Sir, he has led the drum before the English tragedians,--to belie him, I will not, and more of his soldiership I know not; except, in that country, he had the honour to be the officer at a place there call'd Mile-end, to instruct for the doubling of files: I would do the man what honour I can, but of this I am not certain. 1 Lord. He hath out-villained villany so far, that the rarity redeems him. Ber. A pox on him! he's a cat still. 1 Sold. His qualities being at this poor price, I. e. A match well made is half won; make your match therefore, but make it well. +1. e. He will steal any thing however triffing, from any place however holy. The Centaur killed by Hercules. 2 Lord. Why does he ask him of me? 1 Sold. What's he? Par. E'en a crow of the same nest; not altogether so great as the first in goodness, but greater a great deal in evil. He excels his brother for a coward, yet his brother is reputed one of the best that is: In a retreat he outruns any lackey; marry, in coming on he has the cramp. 1 Sold. If your life be saved, will you undertake to betray the Florentine? Par. Ay, and the captain of his horse, count Rousillon. 1 Sold. I'll whisper with the general, and know his pleasure. Par. I'll no more drumming: a plague of all drums! Only to seem to deserve well, and to beguile the supposition + of that lascivious young boy the count, have I run into this danger: Yet, who would have suspected an ambush where I was taken? [Aside. 1 Sold. There is no remedy, Sir, but you must die: the general says, you, that have so traitorously discovered the secrets of your army, and made such pestiferous reports of men very nobly held, can serve the world for no honest use; therefore you must die. Come, headsman, off with his head. Par. O Lord, Sir; let me live, or let me see my death! 1 Sold. That shall you, and take your leave of all your friends. [Unmuffling him. So look about you; Know you any here? Ber. Good morrow, noble captain. 2 Lord. God bless you, captain Parolles. 1 Lord. God save you, noble captain. 2 Lord. Captain, what greeting will you to my lord Lafeu? I am for France. 1 Lord. Good captain, will you give me a copy of the sonnet you writ to Diana in behalf of the count Rousillon? an I were not a very coward, I'd compel it of you; but fair you well. [Exeunt BERTRAM, LORDS, &c. 1 Sold. You are undone, captain: all but your scarf, that has a knot on't yet. Par. Who cannot be crushed with a plot? 1 Sold. If you could find out a country where but women were that had received so much shame, you might begin an impudent nation. Fare you well, Sir; I am for France too; we shall speak of you there. [Exit Par. Yet am I thankful: if my heart were great, Twould burst at this: Captain, I'll be no more; Let him fear this; for it will come to pass, * The fourth part of the smaller French crow + To deceive the opinion. [Ex. |