She is so hot, because the meat is cold; You have no stomach, having broke your fast; Ant. S. Stop in your wind, Sir; tell me this, [you? Where have you left the money that I gave Dro. E. 0,—sixpence, that I had o'Wednesday last, To pay the saddler for my mistress' crupper ;- Ant. S. I am not in a sportive humour now: dinner: I from my mistress come to you in post; For she will score your fault upon my pate. And strike you home without a messenger. Reserve them till a merrier hour than this: to me. slave, hast thou? Dro. E. Your worship's wife, my mistress at the Phoenix; [ner, She that doth fast, till you come home to dinAnd prays, that you will hie you home to dinner. Ant. S. What, wilt thou flout me thus unto Being forbid? There, take you that, sir knave. other, The villain is o'er-raughtt of all my money. As, nimble jugglers, that deceive the eye, Enter ADRIANA, and LUCIANA. That in such haste I sent to seek his master! Luc. Perhaps, some merchant hath invited more? Luc. Because their business still lies out o'door. Adr. Look, when I serve him so, he takes it Luc. O, know, he is the bridle of your will. So. Luc. Why, headstrong liberty is lash'd with woe. There's nothing, situate under heaven's eye, wed. Luc. Not this, but troubles of the marriage bed. Adr. But, were you wedded, you would bear some sway. Luc. Ere I learn love, I'll practice to obey. Adr. How if your husband start some other where? Luc. Till he come home again, I would forbear. Adr. Patience, unmov'd, no marvel though They can be meek, that have no other cause. she pause; A wretched soul, bruis'd with adversity, We bid be quiet, when we hear it cry; But were we burthen'd with like weight of pain, [plain : As much, or more, we should ourselves comSo thou, that hast no unkind mate to grieve thee, [me: With urging helpless patience would'st relieve But, if thou live to see like right bereft, This fool-begg'd patience in thee will be left. Luc. Well, I will marry one day, but to try ;Here comes your man, now is your husband nigh. Enter DROMIO of Ephesus. Adr. Say, didst thou speak with him? know's Dro. E. Ay, ay, he told his mind upon mine [it. Beshrew his hand, I scarce could understand ear: Luc. Spake he so doubtfully, thou couldst not feel his meaning? Dro. E. Nay, he struck so plainly, I could too well feel his blows; and withal so doubtfully, that I could scarce understand them.* Adr. But say, I pr'ythee, is he coming home? It seems, he hath great care to please his wife. Dro. E. Why, mistress, sure my master is horn-mad. Adr. Horn-mad, thou villain? Dro. E. I mean not cuckold-mad; but, sure, The pig, quoth I, is burn'd ; My gold, quoth he: My mistress, Sir, quoth I; Hang up thy mistress; I know not thy mistress; out on thy mistress! Luc. Quoth who? Dro. E. Quoth my master: [tress; Sister, you know, he promis'd me a chain;-- SCENE II.-The same. Enter ANTIPHOLUS of Syracuse. Ant. S. The gold, I gave to Dromio, is laid Safe at the Centaur; and the heedful slave [up Is wander'd forth, in care to seek me out. By computation, and mine host's report, I could not speak with Dromio, since at first I sent him from the mart: See here he comes. Enter DROMIO of Syracuse. How now, Sir? is your merry humour alter'd? As you love strokes, so jest with me again. You know no Centaur? you receiv'd no gold? I know, quoth he, no house, no wife, no mis-Your mistress sent to have me home to dinner? So that my errand, due unto my tongue, My house was at the Phoenix? Wast thou I thank him, I bear home upon my shoulders; mad, For, in conclusion, he did beat me there. Adr. Go back again, thou slave, and fetch him home. Dro. E. Go back again, and be new beaten home? For God's sake, send some other messenger. Adr. Back, slave, or I will break thy pate across. Dro. E. And he will bless that cross with other beating: Between you I shall have a holy head. Adr. Hence, prating peasant; fetch thy master home. Dro. E. Am I so round with you, as you with me, hat like a football do you spurn me thus? You spurn me hence, and he will spurn me hither: If I last in this service, you must case me in leather. [Exit. Luc. Fie, how impatience lowereth in your face. Adr. His company must do his minions grace, Whilst I at home starve for a merry look. Adr. Unfeeling fools can with such wrongs dispense. I know his eye doth homage otherwhere; Or else, what lets it but he would be here? That thus so madly thou didst answer me? Dro. S. What answer, Sir? when spake I such a word? and that. Think'st thou, I jest? Hold, take thou that, [Beating him. Dro. S. Hold, Sir, for God's sake: now your jest is earnest: Upon what bargain do you give it me? Ant. S. Because that I familiarly sometimes Do use you for my fool, and chat with you, Your sauciness will jest upon my love, And make a common of my serious hours.* When the sun shines, let foolish gnats make sport, [beams. But creep in crannies, when he hides his If you will jest with me, know my aspect, And fashion your demeanour to my looks, Or I will beat this method in your sconce. Dro. S. Sconce, call you it? so you would leave battering, I had rather have it a head: an you use these blows long, I must get a sconce for my head, and insconce; it too; or else I shall seek my wit in my shoulders. But, I pray, Sir, why am I beaten? Ant. S. Dost thou not know? Dro. S. Nothing, Sir; but that I am beaten. Ant. S. Shall I tell you why? Dro. S. Ay, Sir, and wherefore; for, they say, every why hath a wherefore. * I. e. Intrude on them when you please. + Study my countenanor. A sconce was a fortification 1 Ant. S. Why, first,-for flouting me; and | Some other mistress hath thy sweet aspects, then, wherefore, For urging it the second time to me. When, in the why, and the wherefore, is nei- Well, Sir, I thank you. Ant. S. Thank me, Sir? for what? Dro. S. Marry, Sir, for this something that you gave me for nothing. Ant. S. I'll make you amends next, to give you nothing for something. But say, Sir, is it dinner-time? Dro. S. No, Sir; I think, the meat wants Ant. S. In good time, Sir, what's that? Ant. S. Well, Sir, then 'twill be dry. Dro. S. Lest it make you choleric, and purchase me another dry basting. Ant. S. Well, Sir, learn to jest in good time; There's a time for all things. Dro. S. I durst have denied that, before you were so choleric. Ant. S. By what rule, Sir? I am not Adriana, nor thy wife. How comes it now, my husband, oh, how That thou art then estranged from thyself? Dro. S. Marry, Sir, by a rule as plain as the And from my false hand cut the wedding ring, plain bald pate of father Time himself. Ant. S. Let's hear it. Dro. S. There's no time for a man to recover his hair, that grows bald by nature. Ant. S. May he not do it by fine and recovery? Dro. S. Yes, to pay a fine for a peruke, and recover the lost hair of another man. Ant. S. Why is time such a niggard of hair, being, as it is, so plentiful an excrement? Dro. S. Because it is a blessing that he bestows on beasts: and what he hath scanted men in hair, he hath given them in wit. Ant. S. Why, but there's many a man hath more hair than wit. Dro. S. Not a man of those, but he hath the wit to lose his hair, Ant. S. Why, thou didst conclude hairy men plain dealers without wit. Dro. S. The plainer dealer, the sooner lost: Yet he loseth it in a kind of jollity. Ant. S. For what reason? Dro. S. For two; and sound ones too. Ant. S. Nay, not sure, in a thing falsing. Ant. S. Name them. Dro. S. The one, to save the money that he spends in tiring; the other, that at dinner they should not drop in his porridge. Ant. S. You would all this time have proved, there is no time for all things. Dro. S. Marry, and did, Sir; namely, no time to recover hair lost by nature. Ant. S. But your reason was not substantial, why there is no time to recover. Dro. S. Thus I mend it: Time himself is bald, and therefore, to the world's end, will have bald followers. Ant. S. I knew, 'twould be a bald concluBut soft! who wafts* us yonder? [sion: Enter ADRIANA and LUCIANA. And break it with a deep-divorcing vow? In Ephesus I am but two hours old, Luc. Fie, brother! how the world is chang'd with you: When were you wont to use my sister thus? Dro. S. By me? Adr. By thee: and this thou didst return That he did buffet thee, and, in his blows Ant. S. Did you converse, Sir, with this What is the course and drift of your compact? [names, Adr. How ill agrees it with your gravity, Come, I will fasten on this sleeve of thine: Adr. Ay, ay, Antipholus, look strange, and If aught possess thee from me, it is dross, frown; Bockons Usurping ivy, brier, or idle* moss; * Unfertile. Who, all for want of pruning, with intrusion What, was I married to her in my dream? Luc. Dromio, go bid the servants spread for dinner. Dro. S. O, for my beads! I cross me for a sinner. This is the fairy land;-O, spite of spites!We talk with goblins, owls, and elvish sprites; If we obey them not, this will ensue, [blue. They'll suck our breath, or pinch us black and Luc. Why prat'st thou to thyself, and answer'st not? [sot! Dromio, thou drone, thou snail, thou slug, thou Dro. S. I am transformed, master, am not I? Ant. S. I think, thou art, in mind, and so am I. Dro. S. Nay, master, both in mind, and in my shape. Ant. S. Thou hast thine own form. · Dro. S. No, I am an ape. Luc. If thou art chang'd to aught, 'tis to an Come, Sir, to dinner; Dromio, keep the gate :- Ant. S. Am I in earth, in heaven, or in hell? Dro. S. Master, shall I be porter at the gate? Adr. Ay; and let none enter, lest I break your pate. Luc. Come, come, Antipholus, we dine too [Exeunt. late. ACT III. SCENE I.-The same. Enter ANTIPHOLUS of Ephesus, DROMIO of Ephesus, ANGELO, and BALTHAZAR. Ant. E. Good signior Angelo, you must excuse us all; My wife is shrewish, when I keep not hours: Say, that I linger'd with you at your shop, To see the making of her carkanet,t And that to-morrow you will bring it home. But here's a villain, that would face me down He met me on the mart; and that I beat him. And charg'd him with a thousand marks in gold; And that I did deny my wife and house :Thou drunkard, thou, what didst thou mean by this? Dro. E. Say what you will, Sir, but I know what I know: That you beat me at the mart, I have your hand to show: If the skin were parchment, and the blows you gave were ink, [think. Your own handwriting would tell you what I Ant. E. I think, thou art an ass. Dro. E. Marry, so it doth appear By the wrongs I suffer, and the blows I bear. I should kick, being kick'd; and, being at that pass, You would keep from my heels, and beware of an ass. Ant. E. You are sad, signior Balthazar: 'Pray God, our cheer May answer my good will, and your good welcome here. A Bal. I hold your dainties cheap, Sir, and your welcome dear. Ant. E. O, signior Balthazar, either at flesh or fish, table full of welcome makes scarce one dainty dish. Bal, Good meat, Sir, is common; that every churl affords. Ant. E. And welcome more common; for that's nothing but words. Bal. Small cheer, and great welcome, makes a merry feast. Ant. E. Ay, to a niggardly host, and more sparing guest: But though my cates be mean, take them in good part; [heart. Better cheer may you have, but not with better But, soft; my door is lock'd; Go bid them let us in. Dro. E. Maud, Bridget, Marian, Cicely, Gillian, Jen'! Dro. S. [Within.] Mome,+ malt-horse, capon, coxcomb, idiot, patch !‡ Either get thee from the door, or sit down at the hatch: Dost thou conjure for wenches, that thou call'st for such store, When one is one too many? Go, get thee from the door. Dro. E. What patch is made our porter? My master stays in the street. Dro. S. Let him walk from whence he came, lest he catch cold on's feet. Ant. E. Who talks within there? ho, open the door. Dro. S. Right, Sir, I'll tell you when, and you'll tell me wherefore. Ant. E. Wherefore? for my dinner; I have not din'd to-day. Dro. S. Nor to-day here you must not; come again, when you may. Ant. E. What art thou, that keep'st me out from the house I owe? Dro. S. The porter for this time, Sir, and my name is Dromio. Dro. E. O villain, thou hast stolen both mine office and my name; [blame. The one ne'er got me credit, the other mickle If thou had'st been Dromio to-day in my place, Thou would'st have chang'd thy face for a name, or thy name for an ass. Luce. [Within.] What a coil is there? Dromio, who are those at the gate? Dro. E. Let my master in, Luce. Luce. Faith no; he comes too late; And so tell your master. Dro. E. O Lord, I must laugh:Have at you with a proverb.—Shall I set in my staff? *Dishes of meat. I own, am owner of. Luce. Have at you with another: that's,--| Be rul'd by me; depart in patience, Dro. S. If thy name be call'd Luce, Luce, Ant. E. Do you hear, you minion? you'll let Luce. I thought to have ask’d you. And let us to the Tiger all to dinner: Dro. E. So, come, help; well struck; there Against your yet ungalled estimation, was blow for blow. Ant. E. Thou baggage, let me in. Ant. E. You'll cry for this, minion, if I beat the door down. Luce. What needs all that, and a pair of stocks in the town? Adr. [Within.] Who is that at the door, that keeps all this noise? Dro. S. By my troth, your town is troubled with unruly boys. Ant. E. Are you there wife? you might have come before. Adr. Your wife, Sir knave! go, get you from the door. Dro. E. If you went in pain, master, this knave would go sore. Ang. Here is neither cheer, Sir, nor welcome; we would fain have either. • Bal. In debating which was best, we shall part with neither. Dro. E. They stand at the door, master; bid them welcome hither. Ant. E. There is something in the wind, that we cannot get in. Dro. E. You would say so, master, if your garments were thin. Your cake here is warm within; you stand here in the cold: It would make a man mad as a buck, to be so bought and sold.t Ant. E. Go, fetch me something, I'll break ope the gate. Dro. S. Break any breaking here, and I'll break your knave's pate. Dre. E. A man may break a word with you, Sir; and words are but wind; Ay, and break it in your face, so he break it not behind. Dro. S. It seems, thou wantest breaking; Out upon thee, hind! Dro. E. Here's too much, out upon thee! I pray thee, let me in. Dro. S. Ay, when fowls have no feathers, and fish have no fin. Ant. E. Well, I'll break in; Go borrow me That may with foul intrusion enter in, in quiet, And, in despight of mirth, mean to be merry. Since mine own doors refuse to entertain me, me. Ang. I'll meet you at that place, some hour hence. Ant. E. Do so; This jest shall cost me some expense. SCENE II.-The same. Enter LUCIANA, and ANTIPHOLUS of Syracuse. Luc. And may it be that you have quite forgot A husband's office? shall, Antipholus, hate, Even in the spring of love, thy love-springst rot? If you did wed my sister for her wealth, Then, for her wealth's sake, use her with more kindness: Or, if you like elsewhere, do it by stealth; Look sweet, speak fair, become disloyalty; Teach sin the carriage of a holy saint; [ed? Be secret-false: What need she be acquaintWhat simple thief brags of his own attaint? "Tis double wrong, to truant with your bed, And let her read it in thy looks at board: Shame hath a bastard fame, well managed; Ill deeds are doubled with an evil word. Alas, poor women! make us but believe, Though others have the arm, show us the Being compact of credit, that you love us; sleeve; We in your motion turn, and you may move Then, gentle brother, get you in again; us. Comfort my sister, cheer her, call her wife: 'Tis holy sport, to be a little vain, [strife. When the sweet breath of flattery conquers |