I tried to laugh, old care to tickle, yet could not "Tickle" touch; And then, alack! I missed my "Mickle," and surely Mickle's much. 66 Hughes"; 'Tis quite enough my griefs to feed, my sorrows to excuse, My life is ebbing fast away; I suffer from these shocks, And though I fix a lock on " Gray," there's gray upon my locks; I'm far from Young," am growing pale, I see my "Butler" fly; And when they ask about my ail, 'tis " Burton" I reply. They still have made me slight returns, and thus my griefs divide; For O! they cured me of my "Burns," and eased my "Akenside." But all I think I shall not say, nor let my anger burn, Give me a mortgage here and there,- Or trifling railroad share, I only ask that Fortune send A little more than I shall spend MISS KILMANSEGG'S EDUCATION. According to metaphysical creed, To the earliest books that children read For much good or much bad they are debtors But before with their A B C they start, There are things in morals, as well as art, That play a very important part "Impressions before the letters." Dame Education begins the pile, If the Lady's maid or Gossip the Nurse Even thus with little Miss Kilmansegg, Before she learnt her E for egg, Ere her Governess came, or her masters Teachers of quite a different kind Had "cramm'd" her beforehand, and put her mind Long before her A B and C, They had taught her by heart her L. S. D. Hooa And how she was born a great Heiress; Like Her Worship the Lady May-ress. With a book of Leaf Gold for a Primer. The very metal of merit they told, 66 And praised her for being as good as gold! That people with nought were naughty. They praised her falls, as well as her walk, They praised how they praised her very small talk, As if it fell from a Solon; Or the girl who at each pretty phrase let drop A ruby comma, or pearl full-stop, Or an emerald semi-colon. They praised her spirit, and now and then, And when he got raps, and taps, and slaps, They told him how Lords would court that hand, While he rubb'd, poor soul, His carroty poll, That his hair had been pull'd by "a Hairess." Such were the lessons from maid and nurse, A Governess help'd to make still worse, Fresh diet whereon to batten Beginning with A B C to hold Like a royal playbill printed in gold The books to teach the verbs and nouns, Were in crimson silk, with gilt edges; Look'd like Souvenirs, Keepsakes, and Pledges. Old Johnson shone out in as fine array As he did one night when he went to the play; For Howell and James's Editions. --- Novels she read to amuse her mind, And a father-in-law so wealthy and grand He could give cheque-mate to Coutts in the Strand; So, along with a ring and posy, He endows the Bride with Golconda off hand, And gives the Groom Potosi. Plays she perused - but she liked the best Of money so ready that right or wrong Then Eastern Tales she loved for the sake And the thousand pieces they put in it- |