to hearken to the most advantageous Propofals, for fear, I fuppofe, of feveral other Fears; and this, in my Judgment, is the wifeft thing that a Man of his Temper could do. A great Part of this Gentleman's Life has been engaged in the Study of Phyfick, that when he may have occafion for a Galenical Preparation, he may be able to compound the Drugs himself, and not to run the rifque of being fent out of the World either experimentally or by defign: Your Barbers he looks upon as a bloody fet of Fellows, and will have no Acquaintance, upon any Terms with any of that keen Corpo

ration.

THUS this poor rich Man is in a worfe Condition than a common Beggar; for his Sufpicions prevent his Enjoyment of the most Innocent Diverfions, and what the Wretched can't arrive at, he dares not purchase; fo in reality the Vagrant is the happier Creature of the two, for he has learn'd to be content without what the other is not fatisfied without or with: Poor old Man! I pity him, because I know 'tis a Malady in him which I am fure he himself cannot cure, and which, I am forely afraid, I try in vain to perform.

THIS Imbecillity of the Mind, makes a Perfon the most unfociable of the Human Species, living always in an Intrenchment carv'd out of his own Fears, and defended against his Fellow-Creatures, as if they were join'd in a Confederacy, and were refolv'd to try every Stratagem to deftroy him. All the Talents he might be mafter of for the Improvement of Mankind, are buried in him, and he is of lefs ufe to the World than an Animal.

Monday,

N° 657.

I

Monday, March 21.

Vulnus alit Venis, & cæco carpitur Igne.

Mr. SPECTATOR,

Virg.

AM that unhappy Lover, who groan under the inexpreffible Affliction of beholding my Rival in the beft Graces of my Miftrefs. I flatter my felf, that when I fhall have told you my Cafe, you will have as much regard to the Request I am going to make to you, as my Heart defires. All the Addresses which I have long paid to this witty and beauteous Maid, have been offer'd to her in a very few Words; but in ten thousand Looks, Geftures, &c. that were the filent Teftimonies of that most noble kind of Affection, which is compos'd of Reverence and Awe. I always tremble at the Approach of her whom I fo venerate: I am all over in Fears whenever she is prefent, but wish to be again fo in thofe Fears whenever he is abfent: I speak of her before I think on't, when I am alone, and it fignifies nothing; but I cannot speak to her when I may, but can only think in vain that I should speak. My pert Oppofer, who has fo little Paffion for her, that he can exprefs it as eafy as any other indifferent Matter whatsoever, hath unjustly got, by a strange Fatality in my Love, this Advantage over me, that he appears to her the wifer Man, and I the Fool. Often has fhe rallied me, and told me my Character in fuch Words, as I know he must have dictated to her in the Malice of his Heart Indeed, I took Courage once, and told her fo, and- But fhe reprov'd me much, and bid me, if I would, take my Revenge, write the Character of my Rival, if I had any thing to alledge against him, and fhe would read it.

WHEN I came home, I call'd for Pen, Ink, and Paper: The first thing I did and the very first thing I

8

pen'd,

pen'd, was a Challenge: I tore that, and had just sent another by a Friend: Straight I confider'd 'twas against her Orders; and by that time he was got down Stairs to the Door, I call'd him back, remanded it from him, and threw it in the Fire. Then I fat me down, and refolved to write his Character: The firft Word was, He's an ill-natur'd Fellow; I blotted that out for a fufty and blunt Expreffion; next I call'd him an empty Coxcomb, and blotted out that as Ribaldry rather than Satire; then I nam'd him an ugly Fellow; and blotted that out too as mere downright Railing. I threw away the Paper, and defpair'd of doing any thing, and took up a French Author to read, in order to cool and compofe my felf. Good Fortune threw me upon a Page, wherein the merry witty Author had set himself the fame Task in a fictitious way, as mine was in a real one: I read it with Pleafure, and the Description of his Rival fitting mine exactly, I had just Reafon enough left to speak his Sense in my own Language, and to defire of you to publish it, for my Benefit.

CALISTA, you are the most ingenious Perfon in the World at tormenting one. 'Tis a great Pity truly, that you was not Daughter or Wife of one of thofe Emperors, who made it fo much their Business to find out new Punishments for the Perfecution of poor Chriftians: You would have made wonderful Progress in that commendable Profeffion, and your pretty Inventions would have been Subjects of great Diversion to your Father or Husband: All the Tortures, Croffes, Suf ferings, which made up the working-day Practice of thofe renowned Tyrants, had been but mere Mockery and Paftime to the Torments of your inventing.

DON'T you go the right way your felf to fettle in me this Opinion of your Cruelty, by fhewing me that you know fo well at present how to perfecute those who profefs themselves the Subjects of your Reign? Was it ever in the power of any Mortal breathing, barely to imagine fo cruel a Task as the forcing a Man upon the Panegyrick of his Rival? However, you put me upon these desperate Adventures. As you found your Adonis would make a good Picture, you ordered

it

it to be of my drawing; with this fpecial Command, that my Jealoufy fhould not make me pafs by the leaft Ornament he has about him. I have you right, Calif ta; your Will and Pleasure is for me to represent him the very Man he is in your Heart, the felf-fame Perfon that your Eyes reprefent him to you, flatter his Imperfections, and make his good Qualities more and better than they are. I have all this to do to please you; but is it poffible for me to please and difplease you in a Breath? Do you know, Califta, what a wretched piece of Folly 'twould be to form one's intire Difcourfe to the Mistress of one's Heart, on the Perfections that are really due to one's Rival? How much more prepofterous to shape a Lye to his Advantage?

DO you believe his Defert pleafes me, because it charms you? Is it an Article of Faith? And muft I needs make him my Idol, as you do? After all, have not I great reason to put you on a footing with the old Tyrants? They perfecuted Chriftians, because they would not fall down in Adoration to a falfe Divinity; the Injustice you do me falls but a little fhort on't. But all that's nothing; you're my Sovereign, you have commanded it, and it is for me to obey, and to do your Commands; there is not one Torment or Affliction which can move me a jot: Every day of my Life could I freely facrifice, and turn the greatest Pleasures into any Labours, that would render your Satisfaction the greater. I am a going to paint you your Adonis, and fhall do what I can that my Jealousy mayn't have a hand in mingling the Colours.

ADONIS is of a middle Size, well-built, and free, without the leaft Conftraint. The Mischief on't is, it does not hit the fame with every body. A world of Folks fay, They don't know, but he looks very little in their Eyes; but that's no matter, he has this Advantage in't, he need never fear being call'd a

He has white Hair, and the best of the fort great Ass.

I ever faw, very thick, mighty handfom, extraordinarily long, and toppingly curl'd, even to the height of the Fashion; and truly he may fay this of himself, that he has a very modish Head. A Man would have a fine time on't to tell you

that

that Head is none of his own; 'twere plain Malice, downright Detraction. For my part, I vow and fwear, I had this from his Barber himself, who fold him his Periwig, that he was mighty well paid for it. He has a round turn of Visage; that may be the Reafon, for ought I know, that fets his Head fo frequently upon the Twirl.

HIS Eyes are blue, large and well fet: They don't look to have much Fire in them, tho', 'tis true, Calif ta, that's when they are by yours, and one ought to make no wonder of the Stars not fhining when the Sun does. His Eye-brows are white, vaftly large, and mighty thick, till the Tweezers have been in play, which gives all thofe Enemies of his the Lye, who charge him with having a Face too effeminate. He has a middling Nofe, but rather of the hortest, the very Reason, belike, that he does not smell any thing at a distance. His Mouth's very pretty, and blushes again with red; but how should it do otherwife, and be guilty of fo much Impertinence? AS for Bodily Qualities, I do affure you he is Master of many advantageous Ones. He has a very handsom proper way of Dress, and he may juftly make his Brags that he does not throw away the four Hours he takes up every Morning at the Toilet and Looking-glass. He dances to a Miracle; and there's this to be faid of him, that provided he had but a little Portion of Mercury in his Brains, he has funk the Principal with very great Intereft into his Heels.

: AS for his Courage, he has Heart enough for that matter, because he is a Gascoign; fince he don't fear being a Lofer by't, a Trifle will put him upon the Hazard of his Life, because he knows the Hazard it felf to be no better than a Trifle. He is liberal even to Prodigality; he makes nothing of entertaining daily with Balls, Wine, Mufick and Masquerades; but fince his own Talents are not fit for Diverfion, he does but do his Duty, by making it up in another kind. He is candid, the Man is really no Diffembler: But Califta, thofe Folks, who always fay what they think, don't always think what they say. 'Tis univerfally agreed upon by the World, that he is no Lyar; but then again, to lye bandfomly, a Man must have his fhare of lively Thoughts,

and