P. Hen. Why, how could'st thou know these men in Kendal green, when it was so dark thou could'st not see thy hand? come, tell us your reason; What sayest thou to this? [Exit. P. Hen. Pr'ythee, do, Jack. Bard. 'Faith, I ran when I saw others run. Poins. Come, your reason, Jack, your reason. Fal. What, upon compulsion? No; were I at the strappado, or all the racks in the world, I would not tell you on compulsion. Give you a reason on compulsion! If reasons were as plenty as blackberries, I would give no man a reason upon com- Peto. Why, he hacked it with his dagger; and pulsion, I. said, he would swear truth out of England but he P. Hen. I'll be no longer guilty of this sin: this would make you believe it was done in fight; and sanguine coward, this bed-presser, this horse-back-persuaded us to do the like. breaker, this huge hill of flesh;Bard. Yea, and to tickle our noses with spearFal. Away, you starveling, you elf-skin, you grass, to make them bleed; and then to beslubber dried neat's-tongue, bull's pizzle, you stock-fish,-our garments with it, and to swear it was the blood O, for breath to utter what is like thee!-you tai- of true men. I did that I did not this seven year lor's yard, you sheath, you bow-case, you vile before, I blushed to hear his monstrous devices. standing tuck ; P. Hen. Well, breathe a while, and then to it again and when thou hast tired thyself in base comparisons, hear me speak but this. : Poins. Mark, Jack. parent shame? thou now? P. Hen. O villain, thou stolest a cup of sack Bard. What think you they portend? P. Hen. We two saw you four set on four; you bound them, and were masters of their wealth.Mark now, how plain a tale shall put you down.Then did we two set on you four: and, with a word, out-faced you from your prize, and have it; yea, and can show it you here in the house :--and, Falstaff, you carried your guts away as nimbly, with as quick dexterity, and roared for mercy, and still ran and roared, as ever I heard bull-calf. What a slave art thou, to hack thy sword as thou Here comes lean Jack, here comes bare bone. How hast done; and then say, it was in fight! What now, my sweet creature of bombast ? How long trick, what device, what starting-hole, canst thou is't ago, Jack, since thou sawest thine own knee? now find out, to hide thee Lom this open and ap- Ful. My own knee? when I was about thy years, Hal, I was not an eagle's talon in the waist; Poins. Come, let's hear, Jack; What trick hast could have crept into any alderman's thumb-ring: A plague of sighing and grief! it blows a man up Fal. By the Lord, I knew ye, as well as he that like a bladder. There's villanous news abroad: made ye. Why, hear ye, my masters: Was it for here was sir John Bracy from your father; you me to kill the heir apparent? Should I turn upon must to the court in the morning. That same mad the true prince? Why, thou knowest, I am as va- fellow of the north, Percy; and he of Wales, that liant as Hercules: but beware instinct; the lion will gave Amaimon the bastinado, and made Lucifer not touch the true prince. Instinct is a great mat-cuckold, and swore the devil his true liegeman upon ter; I was a coward on instinct. I shall think the the cross of a Welsh hook,-What,& plague, call better of myself and thee, during my life; I, for a you him?-valiant lion, and thou for a true prince. But, by Poins. O, Glendower. the Lord, lads, I am glad you have the money. Hostess, clap to the doors: watch to-night, pray to-morrow. Gallants, lads, boys, hearts of gold, all the titles of good fellowship come to you! What, shall we be merry? shall we have a play extempore? P. Hen. Content;-and the argument shall be, thy running away. Fal. Ah! no more of that, Hal, an thou lovest me. Host. My lord the prince,- Host. Marry, my lord, there is a nobleman of the court at door, would speak with you: he says, he comes from your father. P. Hen. Give him as much as will make him a royal man, and send him back again to my mother. Fal. What manner of man is he? Host. An old man. Fal. What doth gravity out of his bed at midnight?-Shall I give him his answer? Fal. Owen, Owen; the same;-and his son-in law, Mortimer; and old Northumberland; and that sprightly Scot of Scots, Douglas, that runs o'horseback up a hill perpendicular. P. Hen. He that rides at high speed, and with his pistol kills a sparrow flying. Fal. You have hit it. P. Hen. So did he never the sparrow. Fal. Well, that rascal hath good mettle in him. he will not run. P. Hen. Why, what a rascal art thou then, to praise him so for running? Fal. O'horseback, ye cuckoo ! but, afoot, he will not budge a foot. P. Hen. Yes, Jack, upon instinct. Fal. I grant ye, upon instinct. Well, he is there too, and one Mordake, and a thousand blue-caps more: Worcester is stolen away to-night; thy father's beard is turned white with the news; you may buy land now as cheap as stinking mackarel. P. Hen. Why then, 'tis like, if there come a hot (4) A demon; who is described as one of the four kings, who rule over all the demons in the (1) In the fact. (2) Drunkenness and poverty.world. (3) Bombast is the stuffing of clothes. (5) Scotsmen in blue bonnets. June, and this civil buffeting hold, we shall buy lent; of a cheerful look, a pleasing eye, and a maidenheads as they buy hob-nails, by the hundred. most noble carriage; and, as I think, his age some Fal. By the mass, lad, thou sayest true; it is fifty, or, by'r lady, inclining to threescore; and now like, we shall have good trading that way.-But, I remember me, his name is Falstaff: if that man tell me, Hal, art thou not horribly afeard? thou should be lewdly given, he deceiveth me; for, Harbeing heir apparent, could the world pick thee out ry, I see virtue in his looks. If then the tree may three such enemies again, as that fiend Douglas, be known by the fruit, as the fruit by the tree, then, that spirit Percy, and that devil Glendower? Art peremptorily I speak it, there is virtue in that Falthou not horribly afraid? doth not thy blood thrill staff: him keep with, the rest banish. And tell at it? me now, thou naughty varlet, tell me, where hast thou been this month? P. Hen. Not a whit, i'faith; I lack some of thy instinct. Ful. Well, thou wilt be horribly chid to-morrow, when thou comest to thy father: if thou love me, practise an answer. P. Hen. Dost thou speak like a king? Do thou stand for me, and I'll play my father. Fal. Depose me? it thou dost it half so gravely, 30 majestically, both in word and matter, hang me P. Hen. Do thou stand for my father, and ex-up by the heels for a rabbit-sucker," or a poulter's amine me upon the particulars of my life. Fal. Shall I content:-This chair shall be my state,' this dagger my sceptre, and this cushion my crown. P. Hen. Thy state is taken for a joint-stool, thy golden sceptre for a leaden dagger, and thy precious rich crown, for a pitiful bald crown! hare. P. Hen. Well, here I am set. Fal. And here I stand:-judge, my masters. P. Hen. The complaints I hear of thee are grievous. Fal. 'Sblood, my lord, they are false :-nay, I'll tickle ye for a young prince, i'faith. P. Hen. Sweatest thou, ungracious boy? hence Fal. Well, an the fire of grace be not quite out of thee, now shalt thou be moved.-Give me a cup of sack, to make mine eyes look red, that it may be thought I have wept; for I must speak in pas-forth ne'er look on me. Thou art violently carried sion, and I will do it in king Cambyses' vein. P. Hen. Well, here is my leg. Fal. And here is my speech:-Stand aside, nobility. Host. This is excellent sport, i'faith. Ful. Weep not, sweet queen, for trickling tears are vain." Host. O, the father, how he holds his countenance! Fal. For God's sake, lords, convey my tristful queen, For tears do stop the flood-gates of her eyes. away from grace: there is a devil haunts thee, in the likeness of a fat old man: a tun of man is thy companion. Why dost thou converse with that trunk of humours, that bolting-hutch of beastliness, that swoln parcel of dropsies, that huge bombard of sack, that stuffed cloak bag of guts, that roasted Manningtree ox with the pudding in his belly, that reverend vice, that grey iniquity, that father ruffian, that vanity in years? Wherein is he good, but to taste sack and drink it? wherein neat and cleanly, but to carve a capon and eat it? wherein cunning, but in craft? wherein crafty, but in villany? wherein villanous, but in all things? wherein worthy, but in nothing? Fal. I would, your grace would take me with you; Whom means your grace? 11 P. Hen. That villanous, abominable misleader of youth, Falstaff, that old white-bearded Satan. Fal. My lord, the man I know. P. Hen. I know, thou dost. Fal. Peace, good pint-pot; pezce, good ticklebrain.-Harry, I do not only marvel where thou spendest thy time, but also how thou art accompanied for though the camomile, the more it is trodden on, the faster it grows, yet youth, the more it is wasted, the sooner it wears. That thou art my son, I have partly thy mother's word, partly Fal. But to say, I know more harm in him than my own opinion; but chiefly, a villanous trick of in myself, were to say more than I know. That he thine eye, and a foolish hanging of thy nether lip, is old (the more the pity,) his white hairs do wit that doth warrant me. If then thou be son to me, ness it: but that he is (saving your reverence) a here lies the point;-Why, being son to me, art whoremaster, that I utterly deny. If sack and su thou so pointed at ? Shall the blessed sun of heaven car be a fault, God help the wicked! If to be old prove a micher, and eat blackberries? a question and merry be a sin, then many an old host that I not to be asked. Shall the son of England prove know, is damned: if to be fat be to be hated, then a thief, and take purses? a question to be asked. Pharaoh's lean kine are to be loved. No, my good There is a thing, Harry, which thou hast often ford; banish Peto, banish Bardolph, banish Poins: heard of, and it is known to many in our land by but for sweet Jack Falstaff, kind Jack Falstaff, the name of pitch: this pitch, as ancient writers do true Jack Falstaff, valiant Jack Falstaff, and therereport, doth defile; so doth the company thou fore more valiant, being as he is, old Jack Falstaff, keepest: for, Harry, now I do not speak to thee in banish not him thy Harry's company; banish plump drink, but in tears; not in pleasure, but in passion; Jack, and banish all the world. not in words only, but in woes also:-And yet P. Hen. I do, I will. there is a virtuous inan, whom I have often noted in thy company, but I know not his name. P. Hen. What manner of man, an it like your majesty? Fal. A good portly man, i'faith, and a corpu (1) Chair of state. (2) A character in a Tragedy by T. Preston, 1570. (3) Obeisance. (4) Sorrowful. [A knocking heard, [Exeunt Hostess, Francis, and Bardolph. Re-enter Bardolph, running. Bard. O, my lord, my lord; the sheriff, with a most monstrous watch, is at the door. Fal. Out, you rogue! play out the play: I have much to say in the behalf of that Falstaff. (8) The machine which separates flour from bran (9) A leather black-jack to hold beer. (5) Name of a strong liquor. (6) A truant boy.(10) In Essex, where a large ox was roasted whole. (7) A young rabbit. 711) Go no faster than I can follow. Re-enter Hostess, hastily. Host. O Jesu, my lord, my lord !--- will be a march of twelve-score. The money shall be paid back again with advantage. Be with Fal. Heigh, heigh! the devil rides upon a fid-me betimes in the morning; and so good morrow, dle-stick: What's the matter? Host. The sheriff and all the watch are at the door: they are come to search the house: Shall I let them in ? Fal. Dost thou hear, Hal? never call a true piece of gold, a counterfeit: thou art essentially mad, without seeming so. P. Hen. And thou a natural coward, without instinct. Fal. I deny your major: if you will deny the sheriff, so; if not, let him enter: if I become not a cart as well as another man, a plague on my bringing up! I hope, I shall as soon be strangled with a halter, as another. P. Hen. Go, hide thee behind the arras;'-the rest walk up above. Now, my masters, for a true face, and good conscience." Ful. Both which I have had: but their date is out, and therefore, I'll hide me. [Exeunt all but the Prince and Poins. P. Hen. Call in the sheriff. Enter Sheriff and Carrier. Now, master sheriff; what's your will with me? Poins. Sher. One of them is well known, my gracious Shak'd like a coward. lord, A gross fat man. Car. As fat as butter. P. Hen. The man, I do assure you, is not here; For I myself at this time have employ'd him. And, sheriff, I will engage my word to thee, That I will, by to-morrow dinner-time, Send him to answer thee, or any man, For any thing he shall be charg'd withal: And so let me entreat you leave the house. Sher. I will, my lord: There are two gentlemen He shall be answerable; and so, farewell. P. Hen. I think it is good morrow; is it not? Sher. Indeed, my lord, I think it be two o'clock. [Exeunt Sheriff and Carrier. P. Hen. This oily rascal is known as well as Paul's. Go, call him forth. Poins, Falstaff!-fast asleep behind the arras, and snorting like a horse. P. Hen. Hark, how hard he fetches breath: Search his pockets. [Poins searches.] What hast C.ou found? Poins. Nothing but papers, my lord. P. Hen. Let's see what they be read them. l'em, Sauce, 4d. Item, Sack, two gallons, 5s. 8d. Item, Anchovies, and sack after supper, 2s. 6d. Item, Bread, a halfpenny. Hot. Why, so it would have done At the same season, if your mother's cat had But kitten'd, though yourself had ne'er been born. Glend. I say, the earth did shake when I was born. Hot. And I say, the earth was not of my mind, If you suppose, as fearing you it shook. Glend. The heavens were all on fire, the earth did tremble. Hot. O, then the earth shook to see the heavens on fire, And not in fear of your nativity. Glend. Cousin, of many men I do not bear these crossings. Give me leave I am not in the roll of common men. Wales, P. Hen. O monstrous! but one halfpenny worth Which calls me pupil, or hath read to me? of bread to this intolerable deal of sack!-What And bring him out, that is but woman's son, there is else, keep close; we'll read it at more ad- Can trace me in the tedious ways of art, vantage: there let him sleep till day. I'll to the And hold me pace in deep experiments. court in the morning: we must all to the wars, and thy place shall be honourable. I'll procure this fat rogue a charge of foot; and, I know, his death Hot. I think, there is no man speaks better Welsh: (4) Lights set crossways upon beacons, and also upon poles, which were used in processions, &c. (5) Tumbles, I will to dinner. Mort. Peace, cousin Percy; you will make him Glend. I can call spirits from the vasty deep. Hot. And I can teach thee, coz, to shame the devil, No more of this unprofitable chat. Glend. Three times hath Henry Bolingbroke made head Against my power: thrice from the banks of Wye, Hot. Home without boots, and in foul weather too! ? How 'scapes he agues, in the devil's name According to our three-fold order ta'en? And my good lord of Worcester, will set forth, Your tenants, friends, and neighbouring gentlemen. 4 Hot. Methinks, my moiety, north from Burton In quantity equals not one of yours: It shall not wind with such a deep indent, Wor. Yea, but a little charge will trench him And on this north side win this cape of land; Hot. I'll have it so; a little charge will do it. Hot. Will not you? Who shall say me nay? Glend. No, nor you shall not. Speak it in Welsh. Let me not understand you then, Glend. I can speak English, lord, as well as you; And gave the tongue a helpful ornament; I Hot. Marry, and I'm glad of it with all my heart, Glend. Come, you shall have Trent turn'd. But, in the way of bargain, mark ye me, Are the indentures drawn? shall we be gone? I'll haste the writer, and, withal, [Erit. Hot. I cannot choose: sometimes he angers me But mark'd him not a word. O, he's as tedious Worse than a smoky house:-I had rather live Mort. In faith, he is a worthy gentleman; Glend. Not wind? it shall, it must; you see, it As mines of India. Shall I tell you, cousin? doth. Mort. Yea, He holds your temper in a high respect, But mark, how he bears his course, and runs When you do cross his humour; faith, he does: I warrant you, that man is not alive, And since your coming hither have done enough You must needs learn, lord, to amend this fault: Hot. Well, I am school'd; good manners be Here come our wives, and let us take our leave. Mort. This is the deadly spite that angers me,- Glend. My daughter weeps; she will not part She'll be a soldier too, she'll to the wars. Shall follow in your conduct' speedily. and she answers him in the same. Glend. She's desperate here; a peevish selfwill'd harlotry, One no persuasion can do good upon. [Lady M. speaks to Mortimer in Welsh. Mort. I understand thy looks: that pretty Welsh Which thou pourest down from these swelling heavens, I am too perfect in; and, but for shame, Hot. Now I perceive, the devil understands And 'tis no marvel, he's so humorous. Lady P. Then should you be nothing but musical; for you are altogether governed by humours. Lie still, ye thief, and hear the lady sing in Welsh. Hot. I had rather hear Lady, my brach, howl in Irish. Lady P. Would'st thou have thy head broken? Lady P. Then be still. Hol. Neither; 'tis a woman's fault. Hot. To the Welsh lady's bed. A Welsh SONG sung by Lady M. like a comfit-maker's wife! Not you, in good sooth And giv'st such sarcenet surety for thy oaths, Hot. 'Tis the next way to turn tailor, or be redbreast teacher. An the indentures be drawn, I'll [Lady M. speaks. away within these two hours; and so come in when I understand thy kisses, and thou mine, Till I have learn'd thy language; for thy tongue Glend. Nay, if you melt, then will she run mad. Upon the wanton rushes lay you down, By that time will our book,' I think, be drawn. And those musicians that shall play to you, Lady P. Go, ye giddy goose. ye will. slow, As hot lord Percy is on fire to go. Mort. With all my heart. [Exe. SCENE II.-London. A room in the palace. En- K. Hen. Lords, give us leave; the prince of Must have some conference: But be near at hand, [Exeunt Lords. I know not whether God will have it so, Make me believe, that thou art only mark'd Such barren pleasures, rude society, P. Hen. So please your majesty, I would I could Glendower speaks some Welsh words, and then the Quit all offences with as clear excuse, music plays. 1) Guard, escort. A compliment to queen Elizabeth. Our paper of conditions, As well as, I am doubtless, I can purge (4) Hound. (5) In Moorfields. |