Enter Servants with a basket. Mrs. Page. Come, come, come. must be brief. Mrs. Ford. Believe me, there's no such thing in me. Fal. What made me love thee? let that persuade thee, there's something extraordinary in thee. Mrs. Page. Give your men the charge; we Come, I cannot cog, and say, thou art this and Mrs. Ford. Marry, as I told you before, John, that, like a many of these lisping hawthorn buds, and Robert, be ready here hard by in the brew. that come like women in men's apparel, and smell house; and when I suddenly call you, come forth, like Bucklersbury' in simple-time; I cannot: but and (without any pause or staggering,) take this I love thee; none but thee; and thou deservest it. Mrs. Ford. Do not betray me, sir; I fear, you basket on your shoulders: that done, trudge with love mistress Page. it in all haste, and carry it among the whitsters' in Datchet Mead, and there empty it in the muddy ditch, close by the Thames' side. Mrs. Page. You will do it? Mrs. Ford. I have told them over and over; they lack no direction: be gone, and come when you are called. [Exeunt Servants. Mrs. Page. Here comes little Robin. Rob. Ay, I'll be sworn: my master knows not of your being here; and hath threatened to put me into everlasting liberty, if I tell you of it; for, he swears, he'll turn me away. Mrs. Page. Thou'rt a good boy; this secrecy of thine shall be a tailor to thee, and shall make thee a new doublet and hose.-I'll go hide me. Mrs. Ford. Do so:-Go tell thy master, I am alone. Mrs. Page, remember you your cue. [Exit Robin. Mrs. Page. I warrant thee; if I do not act it, h inc. [Exit Mrs. Page. irs. Ford. Go to then; we'll use this unwholesome humidity, this gross watry pumpion;-we'll teach him to know turtles from jays. Enter Falstaff. Fal. Have I caught thee, my heavenly jewel? Why, now let me die, for I have lived long enough; this is the period of my ambition: O this blessed hour! Fal. Thou might'st as well say, I love to walk by the Counter-gate; which is as hateful to me as the reek of a lime-kiln. Mrs. Ford. Well, heaven knows, how I love you; and you shall one day find it. Fal. Keep in that mind; I'll deserve it. Mrs. Ford. Nay, I must tell you, so you do ; or else I could not be in that mind." Rob. [within.] Mistress Ford, mistress Ford! here's mistress Page at the door, sweating and blowing, and looking wildly, and would needs speak with you presently. Fal. She shall not see me; I will ensconce' me behind the arras. Mrs. Ford. Pray you, do so; she's a very tattling woman.— [Falstaff hides himself. Enter Mistress Page and Robin. What's the matter? how now? Mrs. Page. O mistress Ford, what have you done? You're shamed, you are overthrown, you are undone for ever. Mrs. Ford. What's the matter, good mistress Page? Mrs. Page. O well-a-day, mistress Ford! having an honest man to your husband, to give him such cause of suspicion! Mrs. Ford. What cause of suspicion? Mrs. Page. What cause of suspicion?-Out upon you! how am I mistook in you! Mrs. Ford. Why, alas! what's the matter? Mrs. Page. Your husband's coming hither, woman, with all the officers in Windsor, to search for a gentleman, that, he says, is here now in the house, by your consent, to take an ill advantage of his absence. You are undone. Mrs. Ford. Speak louder.-[Aside.]-'Tis not so, I hope. Mrs. Ford. O sweet sir John! Mrs. Page. Pray heaven it be not so, that you Fal. Mistress Ford, I cannot cog, I cannot prate, have such a man here; but 'tis most certain your Mistress Ford. Now shall I sin in my wish: I husband's coming, with half Windsor at his heels, would thy husband were dead: I'll speak it before to search for such a one. I come before to tell the best lord, I would make thee my lady. you: if you know yourself clear, why I am glad Mrs. Ford. I your lady, sir John! alas, I should of it: but if you have a friend here, convey, conbe a pitiful lady. vey him out. Be not amazed; call all your senses Fel. Let the court of France show me such ano-to you; defend your reputation, or bid farewell to ther; I see how thine eyes would emulate the your good life forever. diamond: thou hast the right arched bent of the Mrs. Ford. What shall I do?-There is a genbrow, that becomes the ship-tire, the tire-valiant, tleman, my dear friend; and I fear not mine own or any tire of Venetian admittance.4 shame, so much as his peril: I had rather than a Mrs. Ford. A plain kerchief, sir John: my thousand pound, he were out of the house. brows become nothing else; nor that well neither. Mrs. Page. For shame, never stand you had Fal. Thou art a traitor to say so: thou would'st rather, and you had rather; your husband's here make an absolute courtier; and the firm fixture of at hand, bethink you of some conveyance: in the thy foot would give an excellent motion to thy gait, house you cannot hide him.-O, how have you dein a semi-circled farthingale. I see what thou ceived me!-Look, here is a basket; if he be of wert, if fortune thy foe were not; nature is thy any reasonable stature, he may creep in here; and friend: come, thou canst not hide it. throw foul linen upon him, as if it were going to (1) Bleachers of linen. (2) A young small hawk. (4) Venetian fashions. (5) Formerly chiefly inhabited by druggists. 3) A puppet thrown at in Lent, like shrove-cocks. (6) Prison. bucking: or, it is whiting-time,' send him by your men to Datchet Mead. Mrs. Ford. He's too big to go in there: what shall I do? Re-enter Falstaff. Fal. Let me see't, let me sec't! O let me see't! I'll in, I'll in-follow your friend's counsel;— I'll in. Mrs. Page. What! sir John Falstaff! Are these your letters, knight? Fal. I love thee, and none but thee; help me away: let me creep in here; I'll never [He goes into the basket; they cover him with foul linen.] Mrs. Page. Help to cover your master, boy: call your men, mistress Ford:-You dissembling knight! Mrs. Ford. What, John, Robert, John! [Exit Robin; re-enter Servants.] Go take up these clothes here, quickly; where's the cowl-staff?? look, how you drumble: carry them to the laundress in Datchet Mead; quickly, come. Enter Ford, Page, Caius, and Sir Hugh Evans. Ford. Pray you, come near: if I suspect without cause, why then make sport at me, then let me be your jest; I deserve it.-1low now? whither bear you this? Serv. To the laundress, forsooth. Mrs. Ford. Why, what have you to do whither they bear it? you were best meddle with buckwashing. Mrs. Ford. Shall we send that foolish carrion, mistress Quickly, to him, and excuse his throwing into the water; and give him another hope, to betray him to another punishment? Mrs. Page. We'll do it; let him be sent for tomorrow eight o'clock, to have amends. Re-enter Ford, Page, Caius, and Sir Hugh Evans. Ford. I cannot find him: may be the knave bragged of that he could not compass. Mrs. Page, Heard you that? Mrs. Ford. Ay, ay, peace:-You use me well, master Ford, do you? Ford. Av, I do so. Mrs. Ford. Heaven make you better than your thoughts! Ford. Amen. Mrs. Page. You do yourself mighty wrong, master Ford. Ford. Ay, ay; I must bear it. Eva. If there be any pody in the house, and in the chambers, and in the coffers, and in the presses, heaven forgive my sins at the day of judgment! Caius. By gar, nor I too; dere is no bodies. Page. Fie, lie, master Ford! are you not ashamed? What spirit, what devil suggests this imagination? I would not have your distemper in this kind, for the wealth of Windsor Castle. Ford. 'Tis my fault, master Page: I suffer for it. Eva. You suffer for a pad conscience: your wife as honest a 'omans, as I will desires among five thousand, and five hundred too. is Ford. Buck? I would I could wash myself of Cuius. By gar, I see 'tis an honest woman. the buck! Buck, buck, buck? ay, buck; I war- Ford. Well;-I promised you a dinner :-Come, rant you, buck; and of the season too, it shall ap-come, walk in the park: I pray you, pardon me; pear. [Exeunt Servants with the basket.] Gentle-I will hereafter make known to you, why I have men, I have dreamed to-night; I'll tell you my done this. Come, wife;-come, mistress Page; I dream. Here, here, here be my keys: ascend my pray you pardon me; pray heartily, pardon me. chambers, search, seck, find out: I'll warrant, we'll unkennel the fox:-Let me stop this way first :So, now, uncape.* Page. Good master Ford, be contented: you wrong yourself too much. Ford. True, master Page.-Up, gentlemen; you shall sec sport anon: follow me, gentlemen. [Exit. Eva. This is fery fantastical humours, and jealousies. Cains. By gar, 'tis no de fashion of France: it is not jealous in France. Page. Nay, follow him, gentlemen; see the issue of his search. [Exeunt Evans, Page, and Caius. Mrs. Page. Is there not a double excellency in this? Mrs. Ford. I know not which pleases me better, that my husband is deceived, or sir John. Mrs. Page. What a taking was he in, when your husband asked who was in the basket! Mrs. Ford. I am half afraid he will have need of washing; so throwing him into the water will do him a benefit. Mrs. Page. Hang him, dishonest rascal! I would, all of the same strain were in the same distress. Page. Let's go in, gentlemen; but, trust me, we'll mock him. I do invite you to-morrow morning to my house to breakfast; after, we'll a birding together; I have a fine hawk for the bush: shall it be so? Ford. Any thing. Eva. If there is one, I shall make two in the company. Caius. If there be one or two, I shall make-a de tird. Eva. In your teeth: for shame. Caius. Dat is good; by gar, vit all my heart. SCENE IV.A room in Page's house. Enter Fent. I see, I cannot get thy father's love; Fent. Mrs. Ford. I think, my husband hath some cial suspicion of Falstaff's being here; for I never saw him so gross in his jealousy till now. Mrs. Page. I will lay a plot to try that: And we will yet have more tricks with Falstaff: his dissolute disease will scarce obey this medicine. (1) Bleaching-time. 2) A staff for carrying a large tub or basket. (3) Drone, (4) Unbag the fox. (5) What. Fent. No, heaven so speed me in my time to I told you, sir, my daughter is dispos'd of. come! Albeit, I will confess, thy father's wealth Anne. Gentle master Fenton, Enter Shallow, Slender, and Mrs. Quickly. Shal. Break their talk, mistress Quickly; my kinsman shall speak for himself. Sten. I'll make a shaft or a bolt on't:' slid, 'tis but venturing. Shal. Be not dismay'd. Slen. No, she shall not dismay me: I care not for that, but that I am afeard. Quick. Hark ye; master Slender would speak a word with you. Anne. I come to him.-This is my father's choice. 0, what a world of vile ill-favour'd faults Looks handsome in three hundred pounds a year! Quick. And how does good master Fenton? [Aside. Pray you, a word with you. Shal. She's coming; to her, coz. O boy, thou hadst a father! Slen. I had a father, mistress Anne ;-my uncle can tell you good jests of him:-Pray you, uncle, tell mistress Anne the jest, how my father stole two geese out of a pen, good uncle. Shal. Mistress Anne, my cousin loves you. in Glocestershire. Sha!. He will maintain you like a gentlewoman. Slen. Ay, that I will, come cut and long-tail, under the degree of a squire. himself. 61 Fent. Nay, master Page, be not impatient. my child. Page. She is no match for you. Fent. Sir, will you hear me? Fent. Good mistress Page, for that I love your In such a righteous fashion as I do, Anne. Good mother, do not marry me to yond Mrs. Page. I mean it not; I seck you a better husband. and bowl'd to death with turnips. Quick. That's my master, master doctor. Mrs. Page. Come, trouble not yourself: good I will not be your friend, nor enemy: [Exeunt Mrs. Page and Anne. Give my sweet Nan this ring: there's for thy pains. kind heart he hath: a woman would run through Shal. He will make you a hundred and fifty pounds jointure. Anne. Good master Shallow, let him woo for master Slender had her; or, in sooth, I would them all three; for so I have promised, and I'll be master Fenton had her: I will do what I can for Fenton. Well, I must of another errand to sir John as good as my word; but speciously for master Falstaff from my two mistresses; what a beast am I to slack' it! [Exit. Shal. Marry, I thank you for it; I thank you for that good comfort. She calls you, coz: Fil leave you. Anne. Now, master Slender. Slen. Now, good mistress Anne. Sten. My will? od's heartlings, that's a pretty Anne. I mean, master Slender, what would you with me? SCENE V.A room in the Garter Inn. Enter Fal. Bardolph, I say,- Fal. Go fetch me a quart of sack; put a toast in't. Exit Bard.] Have I lived to be carried in a basket, Slen. Truly, for mine own part, I would little or like a barrow of butcher's offal; and to be thrown nothing with you: your father, and my uncle, have into the Thames? Well; if I be served such anmade motions: if it be my luck, so: if not, happy other trick, I'll have my brains ta'en out, and butman be his dole ! They can tell you how things ter'd, and give them to a dog for a new year's gift. go, better than I can: you may ask your father; here he comes. The rogues slighted me into the river with as little (2) Come poor or rich, (3) Lot, (4) Specially, have been, when I had been swelled! I should have been a mountain of mummy. Re-enter Bardolph, with the wine. Ford. What, while you were there? Ford. And did he search for you, and could not find you? Fal. You shall hear. As good luck would have Bard. Here's mistress Quickly, sir, to speak it, comes in one mistress Page; gives intelligence with you. of Ford's approach; and, by her invention, and Ford's wife's distraction, they conveyed me into a buck-basket. Fal. Come, let me pour in some sack to the Thames water; for my belly's as cold, as if I had swallowed snow-balls for pills to cool the reins. Call her in. Bard. Come in, woman. Enter Mrs. Quickly. Quick. By your leave; I cry you mercy: give your worship good-morrow. Fal. Take away these chalices: go brew me pottle of sack finely. Bard. With eggs, sir? a Fal. Simple of itself; I'll no pullet-sperm in my brewage.-Exit Bardolph.]--How now? Quick. Marry, sir, I come to your worship from mistress Ford. Ford. A buck-basket! Fal. By the Lord, a buck-basket: rammed me in with foul shirts and smocks, socks, foul stockings, and greasy napkins; that, master Brook, there was the rankest compound of villanous smell, that ever Joffended nostril. Ford. And how long lay you there? Fal. Nay, you shall hear, master Brook, what J have suffered to bring this woman to evil for your good. Being thus crammed in the basket, a couple of Ford's knaves, his hinds, were called forth by their mistress, to carry me in the name of foul clothes to Datchet-lane: they took me on their shoulders; met the jealous knave, their master, in the door; who asked them once or twice what they Fal. Mistress Ford! I have had ford enough: I had in their basket. I quaked for fear, lest the was thrown into the ford: I have my belly full of lunatic knave would have searched it; but Fate ford. ordaining he should be a cuckold, held his hand. Quick. Alas the day! good heart, that was not Well: on went he for a search, and away went I her fault; she does so take on with her men; they for foul clothes. But mark the sequel, master Brook: mistook their erection. I suffered the pangs of three several deaths: first, Fal. So did I mine, to build upon a foolish an intolerable fright, to be detected with a jealous woman's promise. rotten-bell-wether: next, to be compassed like a Quick. Well, she laments, sir, for it, that it good bilbo, in the circumference of a peck, hilt to would yearn your heart to see it. Her husband point, heel to head: and then, to be stopped in, like goes this morning a birding; she desires you once a strong distillation, with stinking clothes that fretmore to come to her between eight and nine: I must ted in their own grease: think of that,-a man of carry her word quickly: she'll make you amends, my kidney,—think of that; that am as subject to I warrant you. heat as butter; a man of continual dissolution and Fal. Well, I will visit her: tell her so; and bid thaw; it was a miracle to 'scape suffocation. And her think, what a man is: let her consider his in the height of this bath, when I was more than frailty, and then judge of my merit. half stewed in grease, like a Dutch dish, to be Quick. I will tell her. thrown into the Thames, and cooled, glowing hot, ? in that surge, like a horse-shoe; think of that;hissing hot,-think of that, master Brook. Fal. Do so. Between nine and ten, say'st thou Fal. Well, be gone: I will not miss her. [Exit. Fal. I marvel, I hear not of master Brook; he sent me word to stay within: I like his money well. O, here he comes. Enter Ford. Ford. Bless you, sir! Fal. Now, master Brook; you come to know what hath passed between me and Ford's wife? Ford. That, indeed, sir John, is my business. Fal. Master Brook, I will not lie to you; I was at her house the hour she appointed me. Ford. And how speed you, sir? Ford. In good sadness, sir, I am sorry that for my sake you have suffered all this. My suit then is desperate; you'll undertake her no more. Fal. Master Brook, I will be thrown into Etna, as I have been into the Thames, ere I will leave her thus. Her husband is this morning gone a birding: I have received from her another embassy of meeting; 'twixt eight and nine is the hour, master Brook. Ford. 'Tis past eight already, sir. Fal. Is it? I will then address me to my appointment. Come to me at your convenient leisure, and you shall know how I speed; and the conclusion shall be crowned with your enjoying her: adieu. You shall have her, master Brook; master Brook, you shall cuckold Ford, [Exit. Fal. Very ill-favouredly, master Brook. Ford. How so, sir? Did she change her deter- Ford. Hum! ha! is this a vision? is this a dream? mination? do I sleep? Master Ford, awake; awake, master Fal. No, master Brook; but the peaking cornu- Ford; there's a hole made in your best coat, master to, her husband, master Brook, dwelling in a con- Ford. This 'tis to be married! this 'tis to have linen, tinual 'larum of jealousy, comes me in the instant and buck-baskets!-Well, I will proclaim myself of our encounter, after we had embraced, kissed, what I am: I will now take the lecher; he is at my protested, and, as it were, spoke the prologue of house: he cannot 'scape me; 'tis impossible he our comedy; and at his heels a rabble of his com- should; he cannot creep into a half-penny purse, panions, thither provoked and instigated by his dis- nor into a pepper-box: but, lest the devil that temper, and, forsooth, to search his house for his guides him should aid him, I will search impossible wife's love. places. Though what I am I cannot avoid, yet to Cups. (2) Goa, where the best blades are made. (3) Seriousness. (4) Make myself ready. be what I would not, shall not make me tame: if I have horns to make one mad, let the proverb go with me, I'll be horn mad. ACT IV. [Exit. SCENE I.-The Street. Enter Mrs. Page, Mrs. Mrs. Page. Is he at master Ford's already, think'st thou ? Eva. Ay. Will. Genitive,-horum, harum, horum. Quick. You do ill to teach the child such words: he teaches him to hick and to hack, which they'll do fast enough of themselves; and to call horum:— fie upon you! Quick. Sure he is by this; or will be presently: Eva. Oman, art thou lunatics? hast thou no but truly, he is very courageous' mad, about his understandings for thy cases, and the numbers of throwing into the water. Mistress Ford desires you the genders? Thou art as foolish Christian creato come suddenly. Mrs. Page. I'll be with her by and by; I'll but bring my young man here to school: look, where his master comes; 'tis a playing-day, I see. Enter Sir Hugh Evans. How now, sir Hugh? no school to-day? Eva. No; master Slender is let the boys leave to play. Quick. Blessing of his heart! tures as I would desires. Mrs. Page. Pr'ythee, hold thy peace. Eva. Show me now, William, some declensions of your pronouns. Will. Forsooth, I have forgot. Eva. It is ki, kæ, cod; if you forget your kies, your kæs, and your cods, you must be preeches. Go your ways, and play, go. Mrs. Page. He is a better scholar than I thought he was. Eva. He is a good sprag' memory. Farewell, [Exit Sir Mrs. Page. Sir Hugh, my husband says, my mistress Page. son profits nothing in the world at his book; I pray Mrs. Page. Adieu, good sir Hugh. you, ask him some questions in his accidence. Hugh.] Get you home, boy.-Come, we stay Eva. Come hither, William; hold up your too long. head; come. [Exeuni. Mrs. Page. Come on, sirrah; hold up your SCENE II.-A rvom in Ford's house. Enter head; answer your master, be not afraid. Eva. William, how many numbers is in nouns? Falstaff and Mrs. Ford. Fal. Mistress Ford, your sorrow hath eaten up Quick. Truly, I thought there had been one my sufferance: I see, you are obsequious in your number more; because they say, od's nouns. love, and I profess requital to a hair's breadth; not Eva. Peace your tattlings. What is fair, Wil-only, mistress Ford, in the simple office of love, but liam ? in all the accoutrement, complement, and ceremo- Mrs. Ford. Step into the chamber, sir John. Enter Mrs. Page. Mrs. Page. How now, sweetheart? who's at home beside yourself? Mrs. Ford. Why, none but mine own people. Mrs. Ford. No, certainly;-speak louder. [Aside. Mrs. Page. Truly, I am so glad you have nobody here. Mrs. Ford. Why? his old lunes again: he so takes on yonder with Mrs. Page. Why, woman, your husband is in my husband; so rails against all married mankind; so curses all Eve's daughters, of wnat complexion soever; and so buffets himself on the forehead, crying, peer out, peer out! that any madness I ever yet beheld, seemed but tameness, civility, and patience, to this his distemper he is in now: 1 am glad the fat knight is not here. Mrs. Ford. Why, does he talk of him? Mrs. Page. Of none but him; and swears, he was carried out, the last time he searched for him, in a basket: protests to my husband, he is now (6) As children call on a snail to push forth his (1) Outrageous. (2) Breeched, i. e. flogged. |