1 2 motherly character." With that she lost all patience, and flew directly at her husband's periwig. I got her in my arms, and defended my friend: he making signs at the same time that it was too much; I beckoning, nodding, and frowning over her shoulder that he was lost if he did not persist. In this manner we flew round and round the room in a moment, till the lady I spoke of above and servants entered, upon which she fell on a couch as breathless. I still kept up my friend; but he, with a very silly air, bade them bring the coach to the door, and we went off, I forced to bid the coachman drive We were no sooner come to my lodgings but all his wife's relations came to inquire after him; and Mrs. Freeman's mother with a note, wherein she thought never to have seen this day, and so forth. on. In a word, sir, I am afraid we are upon a thing we have not talents for; and I can observe already my friend looks upon me rather as a man that knows a weakness of him that he is ashamed of, than one who has rescued him from slavery. Mr. Spectator, I am but a young fellow, and if Mr. Freeman submits, I shall be looked upon as an incendiary, and never get a wife as long as I breathe. He has indeed sent word home he shall lie at Hampstead to-night; but I believe fear of the first onset after this rupture has too great a place in this resolution. Mrs. Freeman has a very pretty sister; suppose I delivered him. up, and articled with the mother for her for bringing him home. If he has not courage to stand it (you are a great casuist), is it such an ill thing to bring myself off as well as I can? What makes me doubt my man is, that I find he thinks it reasonable to 1 We' (folio). 2 He' (folio, and 1712 edition). expostulate at least with her; and Captain Sentry will tell you, if you let your orders be disputed you are no longer a commander. I wish you could advise me how to get clear of this business handsomely. T. Yours, TOM MEGGOT.' No. 217. Thursday, Nov. 8, 1711 I [BUDGELL. Tunc fœmina simplex, Et pariter toto repetitur clamor ab antro. -Juv., Sat. vi. 326. SHALL entertain my reader to-day with some letters from my correspondents. The first of them is the description of a club, whether real or imaginary I cannot determine; but am apt to fancy that the writer of it, whoever she is, has formed a kind of nocturnal orgie out of her own fancy; whether this be so or not, her letter may conduce to the amendment of that kind of persons who are represented in it, and whose characters are frequent enough in the world : 'IN Mr. SPECTATOR, some of your first papers you were pleased to give the public a very diverting account of several clubs and nocturnal assemblies; but I am a member of a society which has wholly escaped your notice: I mean a club of she-romps. We take each a hackney coach, and meet once a week in a large upper chamber, which we hire by the year for that purpose; our landlord and his family, who are quiet people, constantly contriving to be abroad on our club night. We are no sooner come together than we throw off all that modesty and reservedness with which our sex are obliged to disguise themselves in public places. I am not able to express the pleasure we enjoy from ten at night till four in the morning, in being as rude as you men can be, for your lives. As our play runs high the room is immediately filled with broken fans, torn petticoats, lappets of headdresses, flounces, furbelows, garters, and workingaprons. I had forgot to tell you at first, that besides the coaches we come in ourselves, there is one which stands always empty to carry off our dead men, for so we call all those fragments and tatters with which the room is strewed, and which we pack up together in bundles, and put into the aforesaid coach. It is no small diversion for us to meet the next night at some member's chamber, where every one is to pick out what belonged to her, from this confused bundle of silks, stuffs, laces, and ribands. I have hitherto given you an account of our diversion on ordinary club nights; but must acquaint you farther, that once a month we demolish a prude, that is, we get some queer formal creature in among us, and unrig her in an instant. Our last month's prude was so armed and fortified in whalebone and buckram that we had much ado to come at her, but you would have died with laughter to have seen how the sober awkward thing looked when she was forced out of her intrenchments. In short, sir, 'tis impossible to give you a true notion of our sport, unless you would come one night amongst us; and though it be directly against the rules of our society to admit a male visitant, we repose so much confidence in your silence and taci turnity, that 'twas agreed by the whole club, at our last meeting, to give you entrance for one night as a spectator. I am, Your humble Servant, KITTY TERMAGANT. 'P.S.-We shall demolish a prude next Thurs day.' Though I thank Kitty for her kind offer, I do not at present find in myself any inclination to venture my person with her and her romping companions. I should regard myself as a second Clodius intruding on the mysterious rites of the Bona Dea, and should apprehend being demolished as much as the prude. The following letter comes from a gentleman, whose taste I find is much too delicate to endure the least advance towards romping. I may perhaps hereafter improve upon the hint he has given me, and make it the subject of a whole Spectator, in the meantime take it as it follows in his own words : 'Mr. SPECTATOR, 'IT is my misfortune to be in love with a young creature who is daily committing faults, which though they give me the utmost uneasiness, I know not how to reprove her for, or even acquaint her with. She is pretty, dresses well, is rich and goodhumoured; but either wholly neglects, or has no notion of that which polite people have agreed to distinguish by the name of delicacy. After a return from a walk the other day, she threw herself into an elbow-chair, and professed before a large company, that "she was all over in a sweat." She told me this afternoon that her "stomach ached"; and was complaining yesterday at dinner of something that "stuck in her teeth.' I treated her with a basket of fruit last summer, which she ate so very greedily, as almost made me resolve never to see her more. In short, sir, I begin to tremble whenever I see her about to speak or move. As she does not want if she takes these hints, I am happy. If not, I am more than afraid, that these things which shock me even in the behaviour of a mistress, will appear insupportable in that of a wife. I am, SIR, sense, Yours, &c.' My next letter comes from a correspondent whom I cannot but very much value, upon the account which she gives of herself: 'Mr. SPECTATOR, I AM happily arrived at a state of tranquillity which few people envy, I mean that of an old maid; therefore being wholly unconcerned in all that medley of follies which our sex is apt to contract from their silly fondness of yours, I read your railleries on us without provocation. I can say with Hamlet, Man delights not me, Therefore, dear sir, as you never spare your own sex, do not be afraid of reproving what is ridiculous in ours, and you will oblige at least one woman, who is, Your humble Servant, 1 Act ii. sc. 2. SUSANNA FROST.' Shakespeare's words—part of a prose speech of Hamlet's-are: Man delights not me ;-no, nor woman neither.' |