7. MR. SPECTATOR, AVE assisted in several sieges in the Low Coun, and being still willing to employ my talents soldier and engineer, lay down this morning even o'clock before the door of an obstinate ale, who had for some time refued me admite. I made a lodgment in an outer parlour t twelve: the enemy retired to her bed-chamyet I still pursued, and about two o'clock this noon she thought fit to capitulate. Her deds are indeed somewhat high, in relation to settlement of her fortune. But, being in poson of the house, I intend to insist upon carte ■che, and am in hopes, by keeping off all other enders for the space of twenty-four hours, to we her into a compliance. I beg your speedy ice, and am, 'SIR, yours, · PETER PUSH.' From my camp in Red-lion-square, Saturday, in the afternoon.' Inceptus clamor frustratur hiantes. Ave received private advice from some of my -S. -n Our party-writers are so sensible of the secret tue of an innuendo to recommend their producns, that of late they never mention the QPt at length, though they speak of them th honour, and with that deference which is due them from every private person. It gives a ret satisfaction to a peruser of those mysterious rks that he is able to decipher them without p, and, by the strength of his own natural parts, M and an h means Marlborough, and a T and an r us Treasurer. 681 to fill up a blank space, or make out a word that has only the first or last letter to it. Some of our authors indeed, when they would be more satirical than ordinary, omit only the vowels of a great man's name, and fall most unmercifully upon all the consonants. This way of writing was first of all introduced by T-m Br—wn *, of facetious memory, who, after having gutted a proper name of all its intermediate vowels, used to plant it in his works, and make as free with it as he pleased, without any danger of the statute. That I may imitate these celebrated authors, and publish a paper which shall be more taking than ordinary, I have here drawn up a very curious libel, in which a reader of penetration will find a great deal of concealed satire, and if he be acquainted with the present posture of affairs, will easily discover the meaning of it. 'If there are four persons in the nation who endeavour to bring all things into confusion, and ruin their native country, I think every honest Englishman ought to be upon his guard. That there are such every one will agree with me, who hears me name ***, with his first friend and favourite ***, not to mention *** nor ***. These people may cry ch-rch, ch-rch, as long as they please; but, to make use of a homely proverb, "The proof of the p-dd-ng is in the eating." This I am sure of, that if a certain prince should concur with a certain prelate (and we have Monsieur Z-n's word for it), our posterity would be in a sweet p-ckle. Must the British nation suffer, forsooth, because my Lady Q-p-t-s has been disobliged? Or is it reasonable that our English fleet, which used to be the terror of the ocean, should lie windbound for the sake of a ? I love to speak out, and declare my mind clearly, when I am talk ing for the good of my country. I will not make my court to an ill-man, though he were a By or a T-t. Nay, I would not stick to call so wretched a politician a traitor, an enemy to his country, and a bl-nd-rb-ss, &c. &c.' The remaining part of this political treatise, which is written after the manner of the most celebrated authors in Great Britain, I may communicate to the public at a more convenient season, In the meanwhile I shall leave this with my curious reader, as some ingenious writers do their enigmas; and, if any sagacious person can fairly unriddle it, I will print his explanation, and, if he pleases, acquaint the world with his name. I hope this short essay will convince my readers it is not for want of abilities that I avoid state tracts, and that, if I would apply my mind to it, I might in a little time be as great a master of the political scratch as any the most eminent writer of the age. I shall only add, that in order to outshine all this modern race of syncopists, and tho roughly content my English reader, I intend shortly to publish a Spectator that shall not have a single vowel in it. ADDISON. N° 568. FRIDAY, JULY 16, 1714. ·Dum recitas, incipit esse tuus. Reciting makes it thine. · my Lady Q-p-t-s's name; but however," a · I was yesterday in a coffee-house not far from the Royal Exchange, where I observed three persons in close conference over a pipe of tobacco; upon which, having filled one for my own use, I lighted it at the little wax-candle that stood before them; aud, after having thrown in two or three whiffs amongst them, sat down and made one of the company. I need not tell my reader that lighting a man's pipe at the same candle is looked upon among brother smokers as an overture to conversation and friendship. As we here laid our heads together in a very amicable manner, being entrenched under a cloud of our own raising, I took up the last Spectator, and casting my eye over it, The Spectator,' says I, is very witty to-day;' upon which a lusty lethargic old gentleman, who sat at the upper end of the table, having gradually blown out of his mouth a great deal of smoke At my leaving the coffee-house, I could not which he had been collecting for some time before, bear reflecting with myself upon that gross to be Ay,' says he, more witty than wise, I am afraid.' fools who may be termed the over-wise, and mut His neighbour, who sat at his right hand, immedi-the difficulty of writing any thing in this censim ately coloured, and being an angry politician, laid age, which a weak head may not construe me down his pipe with so much wrath that he broke vate satire and personal reflection. it in the middle, and by that means furnished me with a tobacco-stopper. I took it up very sedately, and, looking bin full in the face, made use of it from time to time all the while he was speaking: This fellow,' says he, can't for his life keep out of politics. Do you see how he abuses four great men here? I fixed my eye very attentively on the paper, and asked him if he meant those who were represented by asterisks. Asterisks,' says he, do you call them? they are all of them stars-he might as well have put garters to them. Then pray do but mind the two or three next lines. Ch-ch and p-dd-ng in the same sentence ! Our clergy are very much beholden to him!' Upon this the third gentleman, who was of a mild disposition, and, as I found, a whig in his heart, desired him not to be too severe upon the Spectator neither; 'for,' says he, you find he is very cautions of giving offence, and has therefore put two dashes into his pudding. A fig for his dash,' says the angry politician; in his next sentences he gives a plain innuendo that our posterity will be in a sweet p-ckle. What does the fool mean by his pickle? Why does he not write it at length, if he means honestly?' I have read over the whole sentence,' says I; but I look upon the parenthesis in the belly of it to be the most dangerous part, and as full of insinuations as it can hold. But who,' says I, is my Lady Q-p-t-s? Ay, answer that if you can, sir,' says the furious statesman to the poor whig that sat over against him. But without giving him time to reply, I do assure you,' says he, were I my Lady Q-p-t-s, I would sue him for sandalum magnatum. What is the world come to? Must every body be allowed to? He had by this time filled a new pipe, and applying it to his lips, when we expected the last word of his sentence, put us off with a whiff of tobacco; which he redoubled with so much rage and trepidation that he almost stifled the whole company. After a short pause, I owned that I thought the Spectator had gone too far in the writing so many letters of ་ A man who has a good nose at an ine smells treason and sedition in the most im * words that can be put together, and never se vice or folly stigmatised, but finds out one or 12 of his acquaintance pointed at by the writ remember an empty pragmatical fellow s country, who, upon reading over The Whole D of Man, had written the names of several perm in the village at the side of every sin which is ps tioned by that excellent author; so that he has converted one of the best books in the word a libel against the 'squire, churchwardens, over of the poor, and all other the most considera persons in the parish. This book, with these is traordinary marginal notes, fell accidentall the hands of one who had never seen it bef v upon which there arose a current report that s body had written a book against the sque 6 1 the whole parish. The minister of the place, t ing at that time a controversy with some ** congregation upon the account of his tithes, un under some suspicion of being the author, ti> good man set the people right, by showing the that the satirical passages might be applied in -veral others of two or three neighbouring valg. and that the book was written against all the m ners in England. ADDISON. No 569. MONDAY, JULY 19, 1714. Reges dicuntur multis urgere culullis HOR. Ars Poet. ver. 434. · ices are so incurable as those which men are o glory in. One would wonder how druness should have the good luck to be of this er. Anacharsis being invited to a match of Ling at Corinth, demanded the prize very huusly, because he was dronk before any of the of the company; for,' says he, when we race, he who arrives at the goal first is ento the reward:' on the contrary, in this y generation, the honour falls upon him who es off the greatest quantity of liquor, and ks down the rest of the company. I was the day with honest Will Funnel the West Saxon, was reckoning up how much liquor had passed gh him in the last twenty years of his life, h, according to his computation, amounted to ty-three hogsheads of October, four ton of half a kilderkin of small beer, nineteen bar›f cider, and three glasses of champagne; bewhich he had assisted at four hundred bowls anch, not to mention sips, drams, and whets but number. I question not but every reader's ory will suggest to him several ambitious young who are as vain in this particular as Will el, and can boast of as glorious exploits. ir modern philosophers observe, that there is a cal decay of moisture in the globe of the earth, they chiefly ascribe to the growth of vegetawhich incorporate into their own substance duid bodies that never return again to their er nature: but, with submission, they ought to y into their account those innumerable raI beings which fetch their nourishment chiefly of liquids; especially when we consider that compared with their fellow-creatures, drink more than comes to their share. t, however highly this tribe of people may of themselves, a drunken man is a greater ter than any that is to be found among all the ares which God has made; as indeed there is aracter which appears more despicable and med, in the eyes of all reasonable persons, that of a drunkard. Bonosus, one of our own trymen, who was addicted to this vice, having p for a share in the Roman empire, and being ited in a great battle, hanged himself. When as seen by the army in this melancholy situanotwithstanding he had behaved himself very ely, the common jest was, that the thing they hanging upon the tree before them was not a , but a bottle. is vice has very fatal effects on the mind, the , and fortune, of the person who is devoted regard to the mind, it first of all discovers y flaw in it. The sober man, by the strength ason, may keep under and subdue every vice olly to which he is most inclined; but wine es every latent seed sprout up in the soul, and itself; it gives fury to the passions, and force hose objects which are apt to produce them. en a young fellow complained to an old philo ་ sopher that his wife was not handsome, Put less water in your wine,' says the philosopher, and you will quickly make her so.' Wine heightens indifference into love, love into jealousy, and jealousy into madness. It often turns the good-natured man into an idiot, and the choleric into an assassin. It gives bitterness to resentment, it makes vanity insupportable, and displays every little spot of the soul in its utmost deformity. Nor does this vice only betray the hidden faults of a man, and show them in the most odious colours, but often occasions faults to which he is not naturally subject. There is more of turn than of truth in a saying of Seneca, that drunkenness does not produce but discover faults. Common experience teaches the contrary. Wine throws a man out of himself, and infuses qualities into the mind which she is a stranger to in her sober moments. The person you converse with, after the third bottle, is not the same man who at first sat down at table with you. Upon this maxim is founded one of the prettiest sayings I ever met with, which is ascribed to Publius Syrus, Qui ebrium ludificat, ladit absentem:' He who jests upon a man that is drunk injures the absent.' Thus does drunkenness act in a direct contradiction to reason, whose business it is to clear the mind of every vice which is crept into it, and to guard it against all the approaches of any that endea vours to make its entrance. But besides these ill effects which this vice produces in the person who is actually under its dominion, it has also a bad influence on the mind even in its sober moments, as it insensibly weakens the understanding, impairs the memory, and makes those faults habitual which are produced by frequent excesses. I should now proceed to show the ill effects which this vice has on the bodies and fortunes of men; but these I shall reserve for the subject of some future paper. THERE is scarce a man living who is not actuated by ambition. When this principle meets with an honest mind and great abilities, it does infinite service to the world; on the contrary, when a man only thinks of distinguishing himself without being thus qualified for it, he becomes a very pernicious or a very ridiculous creature. I shall here confine myself to that petty kind of ambition, by which some men grow eminent for odd accomplishments and trivial performances. How many are there whose whole reputation depends upon a pun or a quibble? You may often see an artist in the streets gain a circle of admirers by carrying a long pole upon his chin or forehead in a perpendicular posture. Ambition has taught some to write with their feet, and others to walk upon their hands. Some tumble into fame, and others grow immortal by throwing themselves through a boop. 'Cætera de genere hoc adeo sunt multa, loquacem Delassare valent Fabium-. HOR. Sat. i. 1. 1. ver. 18. With thousands more of this ambitious race Would tire e'en Fabius to relate each case.' HORNECK. I am led into this train of thought by an adventure I lately met with. I was the other day at a tavern, where the master of the house accommodating us himself with every thing we wanted, I accidentally fell into a discourse with him; and talking of a certain great man, who shall be nameless, he told me that he had sometimes the honour to treat him with a whistle; adding (by the way of parenthesis) for you must know, gentlemen, that I whistle the best of any man in Europe. This naturally put me upon desiring him to give us a sample of his art; upon which he called for a case-knife, and, applying the edge of it to his mouth, converted it into a musical instrument, and entertained me with an Italian solo. Upon laying down his knife, he took up a pair of clean tobacco-pipes; and, after having slid the small end of them over the table in a most melodious trill, he fetched a tune out of them, whistling to them at the same time in concert. In short, the tobacco-pipes became musical pipes in the hands of our virtuoso, who confessed to me ingenuously, he had broke such quantities of them, that he had almost broke himself before he had brought this piece of music to any tolerable perfection. I then told him I would bring a company of friends to dine with him next week, as an encouragement to his ingenuity; upon which he thanked me, saying that he would provide himself with a new frying-pan against that day. I replied, that it was no matter; roast and boiled would serve our turn. He smiled at my simplicity, and told me that it was his design to give us a tune upon it. As I was surprised at such a promise, he sent for an old frying-pan, and, grating it upon the board, whistled to it in such a melodious manner, that you could scarcely distinguish it from a bass-viol. He then took his seat with us at the table, and, hearing my friend that was with me hum over a tune to himself, he told him if he would sing out he would accompany his voice with a tobacco-pipe. As my friend has an agreeable bass, he chose rather to sing to the fryingpan, and indeed between them they made up a most extraordinary concert. Finding our landlord so great a proficient in kitchen music, I asked him if he was master of the tongs and key. He told me that he had laid it down some years since as a little unfashionable; but that, if I pleased, he would give me a lesson upon the gridiron. He then informed me that he had added two bars to the gridiron, in order to give it a greater compass of Sound; and I perceived was as well pleased with the invention as Sappho could have been upon adding two strings to the lute. To be short, I found that his whole kitchen was furnished with musical instruments; and could not but look upon this artist as a kind of burlesque musician. He afterwards of his own accord fell into the Imitation of several singing birds. My friends and I toasted our mistresses to the nightingale, when all of a sudden we were surprised with the music of the thrush. He next proceeded to the skylark, mounting up by a proper scale of notes, and afterwards falling to the ground with a very regular and easy descent. He then contracted his whistle to the voice of several birds of the smallest size. As he is a man of a larger bulk and higher stature than ordinary, you would fancy him a giant when The host's name was Daintry; and, being in the city trained bands, he was usually called Captain Daintry. you looked upon him, and a tom-tit when yo your eyes. I must not omit acquainting my that this accomplished person was fur master of a toyshop near Temple-bar; the famous Charles Mathers was bred op cd I am told that the misfortunes which he has m in the world are chiefly owing to his great cation to his music; and therefore cannot bu -mend him to my readers as one who deserin favour, and may afford them great diveram a bottle of wine, which he sells at the Ve arms, near the end of the little piazza in Cre | garden*. | N° 571. FRIDAY, JULY 23, 1714 Calum quid quærimus ultra' LUC What seek we beyond heaven' As the work I have engaged in will not only sist of papers of humour and learning, but veral essays moral and divine, I shall put · following one, which is founded on a forme tator+, and sent me by a particular fres questioning but it will please such of my as think it no disparagement to their unders to give way sometimes to a serious thought " SIR, IN your paper of Friday the 9th instant occasion to consider the ubiquity of the G and, at the same time to show, that, as he to every thing, he cannot but be attentive: thing, and privy to all the modes and part existence: or, in other words, that his omess and omnipresence are co-existent, and run g through the whole infinitude of space. The deration might furnish us with many inces. devotion, and motives to morality; be, subject has been handled by several exc writers, I shall consider it in a light where have not seen it placed by others. 'First, How disconsolate is the conditœ » intellectual being, who is thus present wea Maker, but at the same time receives nort ordinary benefit or advantage from this hi sence. 'Secondly, How deplorable is the candu 14 an intellectual being, who feels no other 3 from this his presence but such as proceed divine wrath and indignation! Thirdly, How happy is the conditi intellectual being, who is sensible of has a presence, from the secret effects of his TN JA loving-kindness! 'First, How disconsolate is the condition intellectual being, who is thus present Maker, but at the same time receives do estat dinary benefit or advantage from this is gene Every particle of matter is actuated Almighty Being which passes through it heavens and the earth, the stars and planet, and gravitate by virtue of this great pr within them. All the dead parts of ta invigorated by the presence of their Cream made capable of exerting their respective ties. The several instincts, in the brute do likewise operate and work towards the ends which are agreeable to them by the This tavern was much frequented by Stree und 1 + See Nos. 565, 580, 590, and g energy. Man only, who does not co-operate with this Holy Spirit, and is unattentive to his presence, receives none of those advantages from it, which are perfective of his nature, and necessary to his well-being. The Divinity is with him, and in him, and every where about him, but of no advantage to him. It is the same thing to a man without religion, as if there were no God in the world. It is indeed impossible for an infinite Being to remove himself from any of his creatures; but though he cannot withdraw his essence from us, which would argue an imperfection in him, he can withdraw from us all the joys and consolations of it. His presence may perhaps be necessary to support us in our existence; but he may leave this our existence to itself, with regard to its happiness or misery. For in this sense he may cast us away from his presence, and take his Holy Spirit from us. This single consideration one would think sufficient to make us open our hearts to all those infusions of joy and gladness which are so near at hand, and ready to be poured in upon us; especially when we consider, secondly, the deplorable condition of an intellectual being, who feels no other effects from his Maker's presence but such as proceed from divine wrath and indignation. We may assure ourselves that the great Author of nature will not always be as one who is indifferent to any of his creatures. Those who will not feel him in his love will be sure at length to feel him in his displeasure. And how dreadful is the condition of that creature, who is only sensible of the being of his Creator by what he suffers from him! He is as essentially present in hell as in heaven; but the inhabitants of the former behold him only in his wrath, and shrink within the flames to conceal themselves from him. It is not in the power of imagination to conceive the fearful effects of Omnipotence incensed. But I shall only consider the wretchedness of an intellectual being, who in this life lies under the displeasure of him, that at all times and in all places is intimately united with him. He is able to disquiet the soul, and vex it in all its faculties. He can hinder any of the greatest comforts of life from refreshing us, and give an edge to every one of its slightest calamities. Who then can bear the thought of being an outcast from his presence, that is, from the comforts of it; or of feeling it only in its terrors! How pathetic is that expostulation of Job, when for the trial of his patience he was made to look upon himself in this deplorable condition!"Why hast thou set me as a mark against thee, so that I am become a burden to myself?" But, thirdly, how happy is the condition of that intellectual being, who is sensible of his Maker's presence from the secret effects of his mercy and loving-kindness! 'The blessed in heaven behold him face to face, that is, are as sensible of his presence as we are of the presence of any person whom we look upon with our eyes. There is, doubtless, a faculty in spirits by which they apprehend one another as our senses do material objects; and there is no question but our souls, when they are disembodied, or placed in glorified bodies, will by this faculty, in whatever part of space they reside, be always sensible of the Divine Presence. We, who have this veil of flesh standing between us and the world of spirits, must be content to know that the Spirit of God is present with us, by the effects which he produced in us. Our outward senses are too gross to apprehend him; we may, however, taste and see how gracious he is, by his influence upon our | minds, by those virtuous thoughts which he awakens in us, by those secret comforts and refreshments which he conveys into our souls, and by those ravishing joys and inward satisfactions which are perpetually springing up, and diffusing themselves among all the thoughts of good men. He is lodged in our very essence, and is as a soul within the soul to irradiate its understanding, rectify its will, purify its passions, and enliven all the powers of man. How happy therefore is an intellectual being, who by prayer and meditation, by virtue and good works, opens this communication between God and his own soul! Though the whole creation frowns upon him, and all nature looks black about him, he has his light and support within him, that are able to cheer his mind, and bear him up in the midst of all those horrors which encompass him. He knows that his helper is at hand, and is always nearer to him than any thing else can be, which is capable of annoying or terrifying him. In the midst of calumny or contempt he attends to that Being who whispers better things to his soul, and whom he looks upon as his defender, his glory, and the lifter-up of his head. In his deepest solitude and retirement he knows that he is in company with the greatest of beings; and perceives within himself such real sensations of his presence, as are more delightful than any thing that can be met with in the conversation of his creatures. Even in the hour of death he considers the pains of his dissolution to be nothing else but the breaking down of that partition, which stands betwixt his soul and the sight of that Being who is always present with him, and is about to manifest itself to him in fulness of joy. If we would be thus happy, and thus sensible of our Maker's presence, from the secret effects of his mercy and goodness, we must keep such a watch over all our thoughts, that in the language of the scripture, his soul may have pleasure in us. We must take care not to grieve his Holy Spirit, and endeavour to make the meditations of our hearts always acceptable in his sight, that he may delight thus to reside and dwell in us. The light of nature could direct Seneca to this doctrine, in a very remarkable passage among his epistles: "Sacer in est in nobis spiritus bonorum malorumque custos, et observator, et quemadmodum nos illum tractamus, ila et ille nos. "There is a holy spirit residing in us, who watches and observes both good and evil men, and will treat us after the same manner that we treat him." But I shall conclude this discourse with those more emphatical words in divine revelation, “ If a man love me he will keep my words; and my Father will love him, and we will come unto him, and make our abode with him." ADDISON, N° 572. MONDAY, JULY 26, 1714. Quod Medicorum est Promittunt Medici HOR. Ep. i. 1. 2. ver. 115. Physicians only, boast the healing art. I AM the more pleased with these my papers, since I find they have encouraged several men of learning and wit to become my correspondents. I yesterday received the following essay against quacks, which I shall here communicate to my readers for the good of the public, begging the writer's pardon for those additions and retrenchments which I have made in it. |