YOKELS

BY HAROLD SETON

Three men sat at the window of a famous New York club and looked out on Fifth Avenue. Crowds of well-dressed men and women walked up and down, swarms of costly motor cars rushed to and fro; everything denoted activity, affluence, assurance.

"I never tire of this view," said one of the men," although I have sat in this same chair, looking out of this same window, at this same scene, for years and years. London may have only one Piccadilly, and Paris may have only one Champs Elysées, but the world has only one Fifth Avenue. It is unrivaled. It is unique."

"I agree with you entirely," said the second man. "New York is the center of the world, and Fifth Avenue is the center of New York. Everybody who is anybody gravitates here sooner or later. The greater they are, the sooner they get here. My ancestors, for instance, got here three hundred years ago. And we have stayed here

ever since."

"In that respect you have the advantage of me," said the first man. "My ancestors only came here two hundred and fifty

years ago. But they have seen the marvelous growth of the Empire City of the Empire State. That is why I feel so sorry for the people in the other parts of the country, in such minor cities as Baltimore, and Denver, and Los Angeles. How can the people there feel the spirit of ambition, the pride of achievement?"

"If you feel that way about what you call the minor cities," said the third man, "how do you feel about the really small places, the towns and villages?"

"How do I feel about them?" said the second man. "I don't feel at all. I don't think about them."

"Neither do I," said the first man. "Does anybody-except the poor unfortunates who happen to be born yokels instead of privileged characters ?"

The third man got up, went over to a table, picked up a book, and came back with it. The book was "Who's Who in America." The man turned the pages of the fat red volume.

"Yokels instead of privileged characters, eh?" said the third man. 66 Ahem! Let's see. Here is a man who was born in Watertown, New York. That's a small town. His name is Robert Lansing, and he is

Secretary of State. Pretty good for a yokel! Here is a man who was born in Martinsburg, West Virginia. That's a small town. His name is Newton Diehl Baker, and he is Secretary of War. Pretty good for a yokel! Here's a man who was born in Washington, North Carolina. That's a small town. His name is Josephus Daniels, and he is Secretary of the Navy. Pretty good for a yokel!"

"But-" protested the first man.

"Here's a man who was born near Marietta, Georgia," continued the third man, ignoring the interruption. "The place was not even mentioned on the map. The man's name is William Gibbs McAdoo, and he is Secretary of the Treasury. Pretty good for a yokel! Here's a man who was born in West Branch, Iowa. That's a small town. His name is Herbert Clark Hoover, and he is the Food Controller of the United States. Pretty good for a yokel! Here's a man who was born in Linn County, Missouri. Another place not even on the map. His name is Jolin Joseph Pershing, and he is the general in command of the United States forces in France. Pretty good for a yokel!"

"But-" protested the second man.

The third man slammed the fat red book, and, still regardless of the interruption, continued talking. "There was a man who was born in Bridges Creek, Virginia. That's a small town. His name was George Washington, and he was the first President of the United States. Pretty good for a yokel! There was a man who was born near Hodgenville, Kentucky. That's a small place. His name was Abraham Lincoln, and he was the sixteenth President of the United States. Pretty good for a yokel! And there was a man who was born in Staunton, Virginia. That's a small town. His name is Woodrow Wilson, and he is the twenty-eighth President of the United States. Pretty good for a yokel!"

man.

"But you are prejudiced," cried the first "You are a yokel yourself." "You must be a yokel," cried the second man. "It takes a thief to catch a thief." "I plead guilty to the charge," said the third man, rather sheepishly. "I come from Brooklyn."

OUTWITTED BY INDIANS

In "My Reminiscences," by Raphael Pumpelly, just published by Henry Holt, Inc. (New York), the author gives a graphic account of his experiences in the West in the early days. He was very anx ious to try his prowess against the Apaches, of whose exploits he had heard much. One day while at dinner with a friend, he says

"A Mexican suddenly rushed in shouting:

"Los Apaches, los Apaches, they have stolen horses!'

"We were delighted. Here was our chance. We would overtake and shoot those Apaches. Nothing more easy. In an instant we were in the saddle. About a mile off we saw two horses being driven off by two Indians. As we gained on them slowly, we could see that the Apaches were really running, with a peculiar swaying movement of the body. They were almost naked, their hair streaming out behind.

"By the time we were within less than two hundred yards of them, the Indians and horses had disappeared beyond the dense thicket that bordered the course of a stream. Then suddenly the whole face of that thicket was alive with naked, painted

Outwitted by Indians (Continued) Indians. They yelled and flourished lances and bows. Our terrified horses stopped short and plunged, nearly unseating us. They wanted to go home as quickly as possible. So, too, did each of their riders, but each one of us was afraid of being thought a coward by the other. So, having heard that the proper thing was to dismount and shoot, holding the horse with your arm through the bridle, we jumped off and tried to take aim. We pulled the triggers; both missed fire.

"The Apaches jeered; they jumped up and down, slapping their sides. It was our salvation that we were able to vault into our saddles instead of mounting by the stirrup.

"As we started off there came a shower of spent arrows after us. These Indians could have killed us easily if they had wished, but the Apaches as yet had not been roused to a just resentment for treachery on the part of our troops.

"I think they were moved by a sense of humor and by the apparent bravery of the two tenderfeet.

"This was a valuable lesson. It gave me respect for the Indians, and some insight into their nature. I felt humbled by the knowledge that we owed our lives to the sense of humor on the part of an enemy we had so casually thought of killing. . . .

"That evening, while we were at supper, a skunk boldly entered the room. We watched it with great respect while it passed by the table, hoping that it would go out by the door beyond. But it walked into the large room that served for store and office. At the far end the animal hid itself under a pile of bags of flour that stood on boards raised about six inches above the earthen floor. With a candle I located the skunk. I fired and killed; but too late-the enemy shot first.

"How little we knew what that shot was to cost us! Our thoughts were occupied with the new aspect of the atmosphere. I dragged out the skunk, and, holding it by the tail, went out and hurled it forth to enliven the night air.

"Then I placed under the pile of flour a saucer filled with materials for slow generation of chlorine gas. The effect was magical. The room filled with the fragrance of a really delicate perfume. We went to bed quite happy. Looking out at daybreak, the first thing we saw was a thin layer of snow covering the ground. Then we saw the tracks of several Apaches. Not a horse. A fine watch-dog lay chained in his kennel at the gate of the corral (which had contained about thirty of our horses), not fifty feet from the house. He was still there and alive.

"The dead skunk lay at the very door of the kennel; it had landed under the rose of the dog, obliterating the odor peculiar to the Apache.

"Snow was still falling very gently, and we saw that the tracks could hardly be an hour old.

"The Indians had all our horses, except two or three that were away, so we set out on foot in pursuit. The horse tracks were plain, and we followed them easily for several miles, but they showed that the Indians were now mounted and going rapidly. My heavy rifle grew heavier and heavier until I lay down exhausted. The rest of the party returned soon, with an old horse that had given out and been abandoned.

"The skunk had had his revenge; the Apaches had our horses."

The telephone played a tremendous part in this Nation's mobilization for war. It continues vital to the Government's program.

At the same time it has remained at the service of the whole people whose demands upon it grow apace with that of the Government.

The public is entitled to the best service that it is possible to render. But the public has a partnership in the responsibility for good telephone service.

It takes three to make any telephone connection: the person calling, the company, and the person called. Without the co-operation of all three the service suffers.

The telephone company can make the connection, but no words

can be heard at one end of the line which are not properly spoken into the transmitter at the other. The relation between the speaker and the hearer is the same as the relation between the orator and his audience. It cannot be maintained if the orator turns his back to the listeners or if the audience is inattentive.

Telephone traffic must be kept moving. Speak distinctly-answer promptly—and release the line as quickly as possible. Don't continue reading when the bell rings.

These seem little things to ask the individual telephone subscriber, but when the individual is multiplied by millions all over this country, it is easy to see how important it is that all should co-operate.

One Policy

Your Soldier's Photograph

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Universal Service

FARM MORTGAGE

T

BONDS

HE West has had a long and profitable acquaintance with the farm mortgage, but not so the East. The war has brought the vital character of our agricultural industry and the opportunities for investment offered by those who finance it to the attention of many of us who previously either did not appreciate them or were unfamiliar with them.

The farmer himself has done much to make investment in his enterprises more attractive. In the matter of adopting better business methods, cost accounting, and so forth he has made great progress. This is particularly true in the South. Previously the average cotton-grower had but a hazy idea of his production cost, with the result that it was often long past the time for remedy when he awoke to the fact that he was selling at a loss. With the new order, mutual organizations have formed themselves to see that their members make at least a fair profit.

The farmer, like any other good business man, borrows the money to use in improvements or otherwise to make a further profit over and above interest_charges and payments upon the principal. For practical purposes, the only collateral in his hands which will serve as security for a long-term loan is agricultural land. On this the farm-mortgage banker will loan from thirty to fifty per cent of its actual appraised valuation. The banker has at his disposal the services of men entirely familiar with values and conditions, who, before passing upon it, thoroughly investigate an application for a loan with a view to the value of the land, the financial condition of the borrower, his personal characteristics, and the purpose for which the money is required. A mortgage so made in its turn becomes security for the bonds sold by the banking house to its clients.

The value placed by the Government on the 1917 crop, or $13,580,768,000, represents a gross return of about fifty-five per cent on the total valuation of land exclusive of buildings, for the 1910 Census placed the improved farm acreage at 478,451,750 acres, and the average valuation per acre for 1917 by the United States Department of Agriculture was $50.54. These earnings were made with a total mortgage debt estimated at $4,000,000,000, or approximately one-sixth of the total valuation of the land.

The firm of conservative farm-mortgage bankers who compiled the statistics quoted above give a good example of the American farmer's ability to liquidate his indebtedness. They say: "On January 1, 1917, one of our clients held $3,351,962 of our farm mortgages; during 1917 we collected for this client $703,066.20 in principal and $253,309.14 in interest. In other words, in one year this group of borrowers reduced their indebtedness with us twenty-one per cent."

It is for such reasons that the carefully selected farm mortgage, combining a maximum of safety and income, is becoming more and more popular with both the man of moderate means and the larger institutional investor.

QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS

Q. Which maturity of the new Armour & Co. notes would you prefer?

A. There is little to choose among any of the six maturities. However, those due in 1924 proved most popular at the time of

Banking Service "Over There”

To O Americans going into service "over there," this Company offers banking facilities which meet every need. Our Paris and London Offices are officially designated United States Depositaries, and are completely equipped American banking institutions, conducted on American lines. Their facilities are at the disposal of those in all branches of the United States Government service. following are some of the arrangements which may be made.

Checking accounts can be opened with our Paris or London Offices. Commissioned officers who have accounts with our Paris Office have the additional advantage of being able to cash their checks thereon at the branches of the leading French banks.

Regimental or company fund accounts may be opened with or transferred to our Paris Office, and are available in France the same as checking accounts here.

While in France you can cash your personal checks on your home bank, if your bank makes the necessary arrangements with us. "Service Checks," approved by the United States Government, are sold by this Company at concentration camps, and at all our offices. These checks may be readily cashed in France, England, and Italy, and are safer to carry, while fully as available as cash.

You can purchase from us travelers' checks, or travelers' letters of credit, available anywhere. Credits may be established abroad, through us, by relatives or friends in the United States, for the benefit of those already "over there."

MAIN OFFICE OF THE COMPANY 140 BROADWAY, NEW YORK CITY

The