cribe the house and grounds of this statesman, communicate with his "fairy queen," as I have as represented in the drawing. The building no doubt he often called her. It was this. itself is of two storries, built in a queer Chinese The current of the river he found, by accidently fashion, or perhaps better described by saying dropping a piece of wood in it, would carry it is like that curious affair of red-brick highly any floating substance immediately beneath ornamented with gingerbread-work, on Front- the windows of his charmer. So scribbling a street, a few rods east of the old garrison,- note, he entrusted it to a little ark which like it, also, it has a verandah in front with a swept on as gallantly to its destination, as the terrace. About the house are growing beauti- Royal Mail Cunard line does itself to New York. ful and rare trees, the most conspicuous of Our heroine saw the tiny vessel floating on which are a willow in blossom, and the twen- towards her, and thinking it might be a toy ty-ounce pippin, specimens of which are likely some neighbor's child might have lost, hasto be found in Mr. Leslie's nursery garden tened down and grabbednear Toronto. Before the house runs a high wooden fence, zig-zag in shape, much like our common snake fences in the country. This fence was built by the statesman who, discovering that his daughter and late secretary cerresponded, and had occasional interviews, determined to exclude his daughter as much DOCTOR.-As she was a discreet damsel, she as possible from the presence of the profanum hid the letter in her bosom, and hurried to vulgus, and had the gate secured by one of her room to read in private. It was someHobb's patent locks, which he considered safer thing as follows:than Bramah's, for Bramah's had been picked lately by the Yankee. MAJOR. But, Doctor, it strikes me that you are romancing a great deal, or you can see further into a mile-stone than most men. How could you detect Hobb's on the gate.? MAJOR.-Oh, Doctor! Caught! "As towards thee my bark sails, so to thee my thoughts tend; and as the flowers fade and blossoms fall, so will your faithful lover droop and be seen no more. "P.S.-Let your thoughts float and I'll read your words in the stream!" DOCTOR-Prithee, Major, let me tell my This was too good a chance to be lost; so story my own way. The painting is an admi-seizing a pen, she replied by way of encourrable one, and you must suffer me to enlarge agement:-"Does a farmer allow his fruits to a little or you will not understand it. The be plucked by another? The fruit you most daughter, who was thus cut off, as it were, from the world, pined away; the bloom from her check had fled, and the sunken eye proclaimed the misery she was enduring. The statesman, who was in his way a kind and tender father, caused to be built a suit of apartments and a large banquet room to the left of his mansion, for his daughter's accomodation. The building jutted out over the water, which skirted his demesnes. Here the daughter moped in solitude, attended by an old duenna, who supplied the place of her maid and confidante. She was also told to prepare for marriage with an old but rich and powerful suitor who solicited the honor of her hand from her father, which honor on his part was willingly granted, for it secured him from further trouble on his daughter's part, and her a rich husband, alike honorable in years and fame. LAIRD.-The cruel beastie, to wed the tender plant to the vile old sinner. [The Major's eyes twinkled, but not with suppressed tears; there was a cunningness about them when he muttered, sotto voce, "I've seen the plate."] DOCTOR. The secretary, who from the opposite side of the river had watched the proceedings of the statesman, and had even seen our heroine at a window, looking out over the water, in the banquetting house, bethought himself of an expedient whereby he might prize is ripe. Take care lest another enjoys it;" and placing this precious epistle in the same conveyance, entrusted it the waters. Her lover's delight and fears were at the same time excited by this document, and he replied shortly that he would secure his own, or "perish in the attempt." Time, of course, is supposed to wave on, and the statesman gave a grand feast in honor of his daughter's nuptials with her suitor, which were to take place one summer's eve. The father at this feast got intoxicated, but her suitor was much worse. In the midst of the entertainment who should enter but the secretary in disguise. He made himself known to his faithful lady love, and they agreed to fly at once; she also gave him a ten-pound note presented her by her suitor as a bridal present; this he put in his pocket. They had barely left the house when the father, suspecting that all was not right, looked for his daughter, and saw her running across the lawn towards a bridge which spanned the river, followed by his late secretary. He pursued them. The three figures are admirably depicted crossing the bridge, foremost of them is the daughter, next the lover with her bundle, and last, the father with a whip, which the daughter knew would be well applied if taken. The countenances of these characters, which occupy the foreground in the painting, are masterpieces in themselves, an expression of love readers of the Anglo, whether they would be so apt to be sold. However, we must not neglect our sederunt. What is there to chat about? Have any of you dipped into the third part of Lord John Russell's " Memoirs, Journal, and Correspondence of Thomas Moore?” MAJOR.-I have done more, oh son of Esculapius, I have positively devoured it! LAIRD.-Wonders will never cease! I would hae opined that ony thing coming frae the pen o' the wee Whig Lordie, would hae destroyed your digestion. MAJOR.-Silence, Laird, and jump not thus at conclusions, as if you were making a leap over one of the rail fences of Bonnie braes! I do not dislike Russell the less, but only love Anacreon Tom the more! blended with fear characterizes the faces of the lovers, while hate, mingled with rage, indicates the father. I will merely add that the lovers succeeded in escaping, but their troubles are not yet ended. To the extreme left of the picture at the foot of the bridge is delineated a humble cottage, where the loving pair resided for a few years in happiness and safety, living on money obtained by her taking in washing and sewing. At last they were discovered by the outraged father, who ordered the police to take them in custody for the theft of his money. But, happily, they succeeded in making their escape; and may be seen in the painting, sailing down the river in a small covered boat. They land on an island at some distance from their former home, represented also in the plate to the left; here the young couple resolve to spend the rest of their days in peace. The secretary for a sub-good sense to let Erin's sweetest warbler, have sistence devotes himself to agricultural pur- all the speaking to himself on this occasion, suits, and resolves to write a work on the and of a verity, he discourseth most appetizing potato rot. This book, though meriting great matter, though occasionally, over-strongly praise, unfortunately reveals to the statesman tainted with the mouldyness of liberalism. the locale of his son-in-law. He again orders the police after them, and they are surprised. In the scuffle which ensues the secretary is killed, and his wife in despair sets fire to the house and perishes in the flames. (The Laird heaves a deep-drawn sigh.) The gods, in pity for the misfortunes of the unhappy couple, change them into turtle doves, and they may be seen at the top of the plate billing and coo-ings? ing with each LAIRD (intensely indignant).—Hau'd, hau'd, hau'd, man; d'ye mean to run yer rigs, gammoning auld chiels sic as us wi' yer senseless stuff, telling sic a lang rigmarole about a common crockery plate, sic as Grizzy an' I have eaten aff these last fifty years? Ye ought to know better, ye young deevil, an' you a doctor, too! Ye are'na worthy o' a seat in oor Shanty. Major, let us vote him out. DOCTOR (interrupts)-What a horrid pun. DOCTOR.-Crab tree! I protest against these outbreaks of fossil Toryism at this board.— You are enough to drive a rational reformer like myself, into the embraces of red republicanism! LAIRD.-And a bonny armfu, the randy would get! But touching Tummas, will you favour us, Major, with some o' his sappy say MAJOR. With great pleasure. I shall read you off a bundle of amusing ana, worthy of John Wesley himself. NO ACCOUNTING FOR TASTES. "A cloddish beau, who could not speak a word of decent English, joined us, with a little footman in gaudy livery, of whom he seemed to be more careful than if it had been his wife; had him inside the coach, and brought him into the same room with us at supper,-a footman evidently a MAJOR.—No, no; I saw the joke, though|new circumstance to him. This dandy found me not at first, and considered it would have been unkind, especially as you were so earnest about it, to undeceive you. out by the name on my trunk, and my having said I lived some time in Leicestershire-proved to be the son of the extraordinary man alluded to by Southey in his Espriella letters, who had a museum of the ropes in which various malefactors had been hanged, all ticketted and hung in order round his room. If I recollect right, South LAIRD.-Ye are as bad as the Doctor, Major. I'll gang to Mrs. Grundy, and tell her yer tricks. (Exit Laird, who almost immediately returns, holding in his hands a "willowpattern plate.") Weel, weel (laughing), Doc-y says his own ought to have completed the coltor, I forgie ye. But tell me, noo, what made ye think o' sic a trick. lection. He was, notwithstanding this ferocious taste, a poor, weak, squeaking, unmanly mannered old creature; for I knew him a little." LEFT HANDED COMPLIMENT. DOCTOR.-Well, Laird, the other day, as I was passing Pell's picture-shop, I saw in the window an engraving of this plate, which was "A good story in Mrs. C.'s "Memoirs" of presented and inscribed by Mr. Punch to his Stephen Kemble, who sleeping at an inn in a readers. This plate also called to my mind country town, was wakened about daybreak by a a tale which I had read many years back strange figure, a dwarf, standing by his bed in extraordinary attire. Kemble raised himself up somewhere, and I thought it would be an ex-in the bed, and questioned the figure, which said cellent joke if I could give you a free and easy"I am a dwarf, as you perceive; I am come to version of it, without your guessing my exhibit at the fair to-morrow, and I have mistaken object; that I succeeded I can see very well, the bed chamber; I suppose you are a giant but I question much, if it were related to the come for the same purpose." A LEGAL PUN. A DRAMATIC JOKE "Mentioned a tolerably fair punning jeu-d'es "A gentleman told a punning epigram of Jekyl's upon an old lady being brought forward as a wit-prit, written by one of his friends, upon an attempt aess to prove a tender made: "Garrow, forbear! that tough old jade Can never prove a tender maid." SHERIDAN'S ORATORY AND HABITS. "In speaking of Sheridan's eloquence, Lord H. said that the over-strained notions he had of perfection were very favourable to his style of oratory in giving it a certain elevation of tone and dignity of thought. Mr. Fox thought his Westminister Hall speech, trumpery, and used to say it spoiled the style of Burke, who was delighted with it. Certainly in the report I have read of it, it seems most trashy bombast. At Holland House, where he was often latterly, Lady H. told me he used to take a bottle of wine and a book up to bed with him always; the former alone intended for use. In the morning he breakfasted in bed, and had a little rum or brandy with his tea or coffee; made his appearance between one and two, and pretending important business, used to set out for town, but regularly stopped at the Adam and Eve public-house for a dram. There was indeed a long bill run up by him at the Adam and Eve, which Lord H. had to pay." THE WAVERLEY NOVELS. "Talked of the Scotch novels. When Wilkie, the painter, was taking his portraits of Scott's family, the eldest daughter said to him, "We don't know what to think of those novels. We have access to all papa's papers. He has no particular study; writes everything in the midst of us all; and yet we never have seen a single scrap of the MS. of any of these novels; but still we have one reason for thinking them his, and that is, that they are the only works published in Scothand of which copies are not presented to papa." The reason against is stronger than the reason for: Scott gave his honour to the Prince Regent they were not his; and Rogers heard him do the same to Sheridan, who asked him, with some degree of brusquerie, whether he was the author of them. All this rather confirms me in my first idea, that they are not Scott's." JOSEPH ADDISON. "Addison, according to the tradition of Holland House, used, when composing, to walk up and down the long gallery there, with a bottle of wine at each end of it, which he finished during the operation. THE "QUARTERLY AND "BLACKWOOD." "Made, while I walked, the following stanza of a song supposed to be sung by Murray to the tune of theChristening of Little Joey," at a grand literary dinner which he gives: "Beware, ye bards of each degree, From Wordsworth down to Packwood; I'll fib you in the "Quarterly," And ruffian you in "Blackwood!" "So tremble, bards of each degree," &c., &c. made by a Mr. Aikin to speak a prologue at a private play they had, in which he failed totally, and laid his failure upon the bad prompting of a Mr. Hardy, to whom he gave the manuscript for that purpose. I remember the following: "Aikin says Hardy prompts not loud enough; "Reminded me of the night she saw me as Mungo, at a masquerade at Lady Besborough's. Told her this was the last folly I had been guilty of in the masquerading way. Brought to my mind a pun I had made in her hearing that night. Lady Clare said, "I am always found out at a masquerade." "That shows," answered I, “you are not the clair-obscure." A BATCH OF CONUNDRUMS. "Some tolerable conundrums mentioned by the ladies:-"Why is the Prince of Homburg like a successful gamester?-Because he bas "Why doesn't U go out gained a great Bet." to dinner with the rest of the alphabet? Because it always comes after T." "What are the only two letters of the alphabet that have eyes? A and B, because A B C (see) D." I mentioned one or two of Beresford's (author of the "Miseries of Human Life,") most ludicrously far-fetched. Why is a man who bets on the letter O that it will beat P in a race to the end of the alphabet, like a man asking for one sort of tobacco, and getting some other?-Because it is wrong to back ་་ (tobacco.") "Why must a man who commits murder in Leicester Square, necessarily be acquitted?-Because he can prove an alley by (alibi.") "Breakfasted with Davies at seven. Walked to Jackson's house in Grosvenor Street; a very chaise at eight. The immense crowds of carriages, pedestrians, &c. all along the road-the respect paid to Jackson everywhere, highly comical. Ho sung some flash songs on the way, and I contrived to muster up one or two myself, much to Scrope Davie's surprise and diversion. scene of action beyond Crawley, thirty-two miles from town; the combatants Randall & Turner, the former an Irishman, which was lucky, as it neat establishment for a boxer. Were off in our The |