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the worth and importance of his character: it might be visible, from what he could say, that no soldier entering a breach adventures more for honor, than the trader does for wealth to his country. In both cases, the adventurers have their own advantage; but I know no cases wherein everybody else is a sharer in the success.

It is objected by readers of history, that the battles in those narrations are scarce ever to be understood. This misfortune is to be ascribed to the ignorance of historians in the methods of drawing up, changing the forms of a battalia, and the enemy retreating from, as well as approaching to, the charge. But in the discourses from the correspondents whom I now invite, the danger will be of another kind; and it is necessary to caution them only against using terms of art, and describing things that are familiar to them in words that are unknown to their readers. I promise myself a great harvest of new circumstances, persons, and things, from this proposal; and a world which many think they are well acquainted with, dis covered as wholly new. This sort of intelligence will give a lively image of the chain and mutual dependence of human society, take off impertinent prejudices, enlarge the minds of those whose views are confined to their own circumstances; and, in short, if the knowing in several arts, professions, and trades, will exert themselves, it cannot but produce a new field of diversion and instruction, more agreeable than has yet appeared.—T.

No. 429.] SATURDAY, JULY 12, 1712.
-Populumque falsis dedocet uti
HOR. 2 Od. ii. 19.
From cheats of words the crowd she brings
To real estimates of things.-CREECH.


or poet."-I no sooner heard this critic talk of my works, but I minuted what he had said; and from that instant resolved to enlarge the plan of my speculations, by giving notice to all persons of all orders, and each sex, that if they are pleased to send me discourses, with their names and places of abode to them, so that I can be satisfied the writings are authentic, such their labors shall be faithfully inserted in this paper. It will be of much more consequence to a youth, in his apprenticeship, to know by what rules and arts such a one became sheriff of London, than to see the sign of one of his own quality with a lion's heart in each hand. The world, indeed, is enchanted with romantic and improbable achievements, when the plain path to respective greatness and success, in the way of life a man is in, is wholly overlooked. Is it possible that a young man at present could pass his time better than in reading the history of stocks, and knowing by what secret springs they have such sudden ascents and falls in the same day? Could he be better conducted in his way to wealth, which is the great article of life, than in a treatise dated from 'Change-alley by an able proficient there? Nothing certainly can be more useful, than to be well instructed in his hopes and fears; to be diffident when others exult; and with a secret joy buy when others think it their interest to sell. I invite all persons, who have anything to say for the profitable information of the public, to take their turns in my paper: they are welcome, from the late noble inventor of the longitude, to the humble author of strops for razors. If to carry ships in safety, to give help to people tossed in a troubled sea, without knowing to what shore they bear, what rocks to avoid, or what coast to pray for in their extremity, be a worthy labor, and an invention that deserves a statue; at the same time, he who has found means to let the instrument, which is to make your visage less horrid and your person more snug, easy in the operation, is worthy of some kind of good reception. If things of high moment meet with renown, those of little consideration, since of any consideration, are not to be despised. In order that no merit may lie hid, and no art unimproved, I repeat it, that I call artificers, as well as philosophers, to my assistance in the public service. It would be of great use if we had an exact history of the successes of every great shop within the city-walls, what tracts of and have been purchased by a constant attendance within a walk of thirty feet. If it could also be noted in the equipage of those who are ascended from the successful trade of their ancestors into figure and equipage, such accounts would quicken industry in the pursuit of such acquisitions, and discountenance luxury in the enjoyment of them. To diversify these kinds of informations, the industry of the female world is not to be unobserved. She to whose household virtues it is owing, that men do honor to her husband, should be recorded with veneration; she who has wasted his labors, with infamy. When we are come into domestic life in this manner, to awaken caution and attendance to the main point, it would not be amiss to give now and then a touch of tragedy, That she conceived it a kind of superiority, and describe that most dreadful of all human con- that one person should take upon him to comditions, the case of bankruptcy: how plenty, credit, cheerfulness, full hopes, and easy possessions, are 'Lastly, that she went into the infirmary, to in an instant turned into penury, faint aspects, avoid a particular person, who took upon him to diffidence, sorrow, and misery; how the man, who profess an admiration of her. with an open hand the day before could minister to the extremities of others, is shunned to-day by the friend of his bosom. It would be useful to show how just this is on the negligent, how lamentable on the industrious. A paper written by a merchant might give this island a true sense of


"Since I gave an account of an agreeable set of

company which were gone down into the country, stitution of an infirmary for those who should be I have received advices from thence, that the inout of humor has had very good effects. My letters mention particular circumstances of two or three persons, who had the good sense to retire of their own accord, and notified that they were withdrawn, with the reasons of it to the company, in their respective memorials.

The Memorial of Mrs. Mary Dainty, Spinster.

'Humbly Showeth,

That conscious of her own want of merit, accompanied with a vanity of being admired, she had gone into exile of her own accord.

She is sensible that a vain person is the most insufferable creature living in a well-bred assembly.

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That she desired, before she appeared in public again, she might have assurances, that though she might be thought handsome, there might not more address or compliment be paid to her than to the rest of the company.

mend another.

She therefore prayed, that to applaud out of due place might be declared an offense, and punished in the same manner with detraction, in that the latter did but report persons defective, and the former made them so.

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All which is submitted,' etc.

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"There appeared a delicacy and sincerity in this | That this custom of his makes him, by his memorial very uncommon, but my friend informs own confession, fit only for the infirmary, and me, that the allegations of it were groundless, in- therefore he has not waited for being sentenced somuch that this declaration of an aversion to to it. being praised, was understood to be no other than a secret trap to purchase it, for which reason it lies still on the table unanswered.

• The humble Memorial of the Lady Lydia Loller, 'Showeth,

That he is conscious there is nothing more improper than such a complaint in good company. in that they must pity, whether they think the lamenter ill or not; and that the complainant must make a silly figure, whether he is pitied or not.

Your petitioner humbly prays, that he may have time to know how he does, and he will make

That the Lady Lydia is a woman of quality; his appearance.' married to a private gentleman.

That she finds herself neither well nor ill.
That her husband is a clown.

That Lady Lydia cannot see company.
That she desires the infirmary may be her
apartment during her stay in the country.

That they would please to make merry with their equals.

"The valetudinarian was likewise easily excused; and this society, being resolved not only to make it their business to pass their time agreeably for the present season, but also to commence such habits in themselves as may be of use in their into a fancied or real incapacity to join with their future conduct in general, are very ready to give measures, in order to have no humorist, proud man, impertinent or sufficient fellow, break in upon their happiness. Great evils seldom happen to disturb company; but indulgence in particularities of humor is the seed of making half our The humble Memorial of Thomas Sudden, Esq. of time hang in suspense, or waste away under real the Inner Temple. discomposures.

That Mr. Loller might stay with them if he thought fit.'

"It was immediately resolved, that Lady Lydia

was still at London.

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That he stayed behind in Westminster-hall, when the late shake of the roof happened, only

because a counsel of the other side asserted it was coming down.

That he cannot for his life consent to any. thing.

'That he stays in the infirmary to forget himself. That as soon as he has forgot himself he will wait on the company.'

"His indisposition was allowed to be sufficient to require a cessation from company.

The Memorial of Frank Jolly. 'Showeth,

That he hath put himself into the infirmary, in regard he is sensible of a certain rustic mirth which renders him unfit for polite conversation. That he intends to prepare himself, by abstinence and thin diet, to be one of the company. That at present he comes into a room as if he were an express from abroad.

That he has chosen an apartment with a matted antechamber, to practice motion without being heard.

That he bows, talks, drinks, eats, and helps himself before a glass, to learn to act with moderation.

That by reason of his luxuriant health he is oppressive to persons of composed behavior.

That he is endeavoring to forget the word "pshaw, pshaw,"

That he is also weaning himself from his cane. That when he has learned to live without his said cane, he will wait on the company,' etc.

'The Memorial of John Rhubarb, Esq., 'Showeth,

"That your petitioner has retired to the infirmary, but that he is in perfect good health, except that he has by long use, and for want of discourse, contracted a habit of complaint that he is sick.

That he wants for nothing under the sun, but what to say, and therefore has fallen into this unhappy malady, of complaining that he is sick.

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Among other things, it is carefully provided, that there may not be disagreeable familiarities, no one is to appear in the public rooms undressed, or enter abruptly into each other's apartment without intimation. Every one has hitherto been

so careful in his behavior, that there has but the infirmary, and that was for throwing away one offender, in ten days' time, been sent into his cards at whist.

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"He has offered his submission in the following terms:

The humble Petition of Jeoffrey Hotspur, Esq. Showeth,

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"T. D."

destitute of necessaries? Who can behold an to us, and eclipse the glory of all other charity. honest soldier, that bravely withstood the enemy, It is the utmost reproach to society, that there prostrate and in want among his friends? It should be a poor man unrelieved, or a poor rogue were endless to mention all the variety of wretch-unpunished. I hope you will think no part of edness, and the numberless poor that not only human life out of your consideration, but will, at singly, but in companies, implore your charity. your leisure, give us the history of plenty and Spectacles of this nature everywhere occur; and want, and the natural gradations toward them, it is unaccountable that, among the many la- calculated for the cities of London and Westmentable cries that infest this town, your comp-minster. troller-general should not take notice of the most "I am, Sir, your most humble Servant, shocking, viz: those of the needy and afflicted. I cannot but think he waved it merely out of good "MR. SPECTATOR, breeding, choosing rather to stifle his resentment "I beg you would be pleased to take notice of a than upbraid his countrymen with inhumanity very great indecency, which is extremely common, however, let not charity be sacrificed to popu- though, I think, never yet under your censure. It larity; and if his ears were deaf to their com-is, Sir, the strange freedom some ill-bred married plaints, let not your eyes overlook their persons. There are, I know, many impostors among them. Lameness and blindness are certainly very often acted; but can those who have their sight and limbs employ them better than in knowing whether they are counterfeited or not? I know not which of the two misapplies his senses most, he who pretends himself blind, to move compassion, or he who beholds a miserable object without pitying it. But in order to remove such impediments, I wish, Mr. Spectator, you would give us a discourse upon beggars, that we may not pass by true objects of charity, or give to impostors. I looked out of my window the other morning earlier than ordinary, and saw a blind beggar, an hour before the passage he stands in is frequented, with a needle and a thread thriftily mending his stockings. My astonishment was still greater, when I beheld a lame fellow, whose legs were too big to walk, within an hour after, bring him a pot of ale. I will not mention the shakings, distortions, and convulsions, which many of them practice to gain an alms; but sure I am they ought to be taken care of in this condition, either by the beadle or the magistrate. They, it seems, relieve their posts according to their talents. There is the voice of an old woman never begins to beg till nine in the evening; and then she is destitute of lodging, turned out for want of rent, and has the same ill fortune every night in the year. You should employ an officer to hear the distress of each beggar that is constant at a particular place, who is ever in the same tone, and succeeds because his audience is continually changing, though he does not alter his lamentation. If we have nothing else for our money, let us have more invention to be cheated with. All which is submitted to your spectatorial vigilance; and "I am, Sir,

people take in company; the unseasonable fondness of some husbands, and the ill-timed tenderness of some wives. They talk and act as if modesty was only fit for maids and bachelors, and that too before both. I was once, Mr. Spectator, where the fault I speak of was so very flagrant, that (being, you must know, a very bashful fellow, and several young ladies in the room) I protest was quite out of countenance. Lucina, it seems, was breeding; and she did nothing but entertain the company with a discourse upon the difficulty of reckoning to a day, and said she knew those who were certain to an hour; then fell a laughing at a silly, inexperienced creature, who was a month above her time. Upon her husband's coming in, she put several questions to him; which he not caring to resolve, 'Well,' cries Lucina, I shall have 'em all at night.'-But lest I should seem guilty of the very fault I write against, I shall only entreat Mr. Spectator to correct such misdemeanors.


"Your most humble Servant."

"I was last Sunday highly transported at our parish church; the gentleman in the pulpit pleaded movingly in behalf of the poor children, and they for themselves much more forcibly by singing a hymn; and I had the happiness to be a contributor to this little religious institution of innocents, and I am sure I never disposed of my money more to my satisfaction and advantage. The inward joy I find in myself, and the good will I bear to mankind, make me heartily wish these pious works may be encouraged, that the present promoters may reap the delight, and posterity the benefit, of them. But while we are building this beautiful edifice, let not the old ruins remain in


For higher of the genial bed by far,
And with mysterious reverence, I deem.
"I am, Sir, your humble Servant,

No. 431.] TUESDAY, JULY 15, 1712.
Quid dulcius hominum generi a natura datum est, quam sui
What is there in nature so dear to man as his own children?

cuique liberi?-TULL.

I HAVE lately been casting in my thoughts the several unhappinesses of life, and comparing the infelicities of old age to those of infancy. The calamities of children are due to the negligence or misconduct of parents; those of age, to the past life which led to it. I have here the history of a boy and girl to their wedding day, and think I cannot give the reader a livelier image of the insipid way in which time uncultivated passes, than by entertaing him with their authentic epistles, expressing all that was remarkable in their lives, till the period of their life above-mentioned. The sentence at the head of this paper, which is only a warm interrogation, "What is there in nature so dear as a man's own children to him?" is all the reflection I shall at present make on those who are negligent or cruel in the education of them. "MR. SPECTATOR,

"I am now entering into my one-and-twentieth year, and do not know that I had one day's thorough satisfaction since I came to years of any reflection, till the time they say others lose their prospect. While we are culti-liberty-the day of iny marriage. I am son to a vating and improving this young, hopeful off gentleman of a very great estate, who resolved to spring, let not the ancient and helpless creatures keep me out of the vices of the age; and, in order be shamefully neglected. The crowds of poor, or to it, never let me see anything that he thought pretended poor, in every place, are a great reproach could give me the least pleasure. At ten years

view to sully

old I was put to a grammar-school, where my board, took me home with him. I had not been master received orders every post to use me very long at home, but one Sunday at church (I shall severely, and have no regard to my having a great never forget it) I saw a young neighboring genestate. At fifteen I was removed to the university, tleman that pleased me hugely; I liked him of where I lived, out of my father's great discretion, all men I ever saw in my life, and began to wish in scandalous poverty and want, till I was big I could be as pleasing to him. The very next enough to be married, and I was sent for to see day he came, with his father, a visiting to our the lady who sends you the underwritten. When house: we were left alone together, with direc we were put together, we both considered that we tions on both sides to be in love with one another, could not be worse than we were in taking one and in three weeks' time we were married. I reanother, and out of a desire of liberty, entered gained my former health and complexion, and am into wedlock. My father says I am now a man, now as happy as the day is long. Now, Mr. and may speak to him like another gentleman. Spec., I desire you would find out some name for "I am, Sir, your most humble Servant, these craving damsels, whether dignified or distinguished under some or all of the following denominations: to wit, Trash-eaters, Oatmealchewers, Pipe-champers, Chalk-lickers, Wax-nibblers, Coal-scranchers, Wall-peelers, or Graveldiggers; and, good Sir, do your utmost endeavor to prevent (by exposing) this unaccountable folly, so prevailing among the young ones of our sex, who may not meet with such sudden good luck, as, "Sir, your constant Reader,



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"and very humble Servant,


No. 432.] WEDNESDAY, JULY 16, 1712. -Inter strepit anser olores.-VIRG. Eel. ix. 36. He gabbles like a goose amid the swan-like choir.—DEYDEN. MR. SPECTATOR, Oxford, July 14. "ACCORDING to a late invitation in one of your papers to every man who pleases to write, I have the vice of being prejudiced. sent you the following short dissertation against

Your most humble Servant."

"I grew tall and wild at my mother's, who is a gay widow, and did not care for showing me, till about two years and a half ago; at which time my guardian uncle sent me to a boarding-school, with orders to contradict me in nothing, for I had been misused enough already. I had not been there above a month, when, being in the kitchen, I saw some oatmeal on the dresser; I put two or three corns in my mouth, liked it, stole a handful, went into my chamber, chewed it, and for two months after never failed taking toll of every pennyworth of oatmeal that came into the house; but one day playing with a tobacco-pipe between my teeth, it happened to break in my mouth, and the spitting out the pieces left such a delicious roughness on my tongue that I could not be satisfied till I had champed up the remaining part of the pipe. I forsook the oatmeal, and stuck to the pipes three months, in which time I had dispensed with thirty-seven foul pipes, all to the bowls: they belonged to an old gentleman, father to my go erness. He locked up the clean ones. I left off eating of pipes, and fell to licking of chalk. I was soon tired of this. I then nibbled all the red "Man is a sociable creature, and a lover of glory; wax off our last ball-tickets, and, three weeks after, whence it is, that when several persons are united the black wax from the burying tickets of the old in the same society, they are studious to lessen gentleman. Two months after this I lived upon the reputation of others, in order to raise their thunderbolts, a certain long, round, bluish stone own. The wise are content to guide the springs which I found among the gravel in our garden. Iin silence, and rejoice in secret at their regular was wonderfully delighted with this; but thun-progress. To prate and triumph is the part allotderbolts growing scarce, I fastened tooth and ted to the trifling and superficial. The geese nail upon our garden wall, which I stuck to almost a twelvemonth, and had, in that time, peeled and devoured half a foot toward our neighhor's yard. I now thought myself the happiest creature in the world; and I believe, in my conscience. I had eaten quite through, had I had it in my chamber; but now I became lazy and unwillg to stir, and was obliged to seek food nearer home. I then took a strange hankering to coals; I fell to seranching them, and had already consumed, I am certain, as much as would have dressed my wedding dinner, when my uncle came for me home. He was in the parlor with my gov. erness, when I was called down. I went in, fell on my knees, for he made me call him father, and "It is a matter of wonder to reflect how far when I expected the blessing I asked, the good men of weak understanding and strong fancy are gentleman, in a surprise, turns himself to my hurried by their prejudices, even to the beliergoverness, and asks whether this (pointing to me) ing that the whole body of the adverse party was his daughter ? This,' added he, is the are a band of villains and demons. Foreigners very picture of death. My child was a plump complain that the English are the proudest faced, hale, fresh-colored girl; but this looks as nation under heaven. Perhaps they too have if she were half starved, a mere skeleton.' My their share; but be that as it will, general charges governess, who is really a good woman, assured against bodies of men is the fault I am writing my father I had wanted for nothing; and withal against. It must be owned, to our shame, that told him I was continually eating some trash or our common people, and most who have not trav other, and that I was almost eaten up with the eled, have an irrational contempt for the language, green sickness, her orders being never to cross dress, customs, and even the shape and minds of me. But this magnified but little with my father, other nations. Some men, otherwise of sense, who presently, in a kind of p for my have wondered that a great genius should spring

were providentially ordained to save the Capitol Hence it is, that the invention of marks and devices to distinguish parties is owing to the beaux and belles of this island. Hats, moulded into different cocks and pinches, have long bid mutual defiance; patches have been set against patches in battle array; stocks have risen or fallen in proportion to head-dresses; and peace or war been expected, as the white or the red hood hath prevailed. These are the standard-bearers in our contending armies, the dwarfs and squires who carry the impresses of the giants or knights, not born to fight themselves, but to prepare the way for the ensuing combat.

out of Ireland; and think you mad in affirming has not spoke one word good or bad to me, or anythat fine odes have been written in Lapland.

"This spirit of rivalship, which heretofore reigned in the two universities, is extinct, and almost over betwixt college and college. In parishes and schools, the thirst of glory still obtains. At the seasons of football and cock-fighting, these little republicans reassume their national hatred to each other. My tenant in the country is verily persuaded, that the parish of the enemy hath not

one honest man in it.

body in the family, since Friday was seven-night.
What must a man do in that case? Your advice
would be a great obligation to, Sir, your most
humble Servant,
July 15, 1712.
"When you want a trifle to fill up a paper, in
inserting this you will lay an obligation on your
humble Servant,


"I always hated satires against woman, and satires against man: I am apt to suspect a stran-"DEar Olivia, ger who laughs at the religion of the faculty; my spleen rises at a dull rogue, who is severe upon mayors and aldermen; and was never better pleased than with a piece of justice executed upon the body of a Templar, who was very arch upon parsons. "The necessities of mankind require various employments; and whoever excels in his province is worthy of praise. All men are not educated after the same manner, nor have all the same talents. Those who are deficient deserve our compassion, and have a title to our assistance. All cannot be bred in the same place; but in all places there arise, at different times, such persons as do honor to their society, which may raise envy in little souls, but are admired and cherished by generous spirits.

"It is certainly a great happiness to be educated in societies of great and eminent men. Their instructions and examples are of extraordinary advantage. It is highly proper to instil such a reverence of the governing persons, and concern for the honor of the place, as may spur the growing members to worthy pursuits and honest emulation; but to swell young minds with vain thoughts of the dignity of their own brotherhood, by debaseing and vilifying all others, doth them a real injury. By this means I have found that their efforts have become languid, and their prattle irksome, as thinking it sufficient praise that they are children of so illustrious and ample a family. I should think it a surer as well as more generous method, to set before the eyes of youth such persons as have made a noble progress in fraternities less talk ed of; which seems tacitly to reproach their sloth, who loll so heavily in the seats of mighty improvement. Active spirits hereby would enlarge their notions; whereas, by a servile imitation of one, or perhaps two, admired men, in their own body, they can only gain a secondary and derivative kind of fame. These copiers of men, like those of authors or painters, run into affectations of some oddness, which perhaps was not disagreeable in the original, but sits ungracefully on the narrowsouled transcriber.

"By such early corrections of vanity, while boys are growing into men, they will gradually learn not to censure superficially; but imbibe those principles of general kindness and humanity which alone can make them easy to themselves, and beloved by others.

"Reflections of this nature have expunged all prejudices out of my heart; insomuch, that though am a firm Protestant, I hope to see the pope and cardinals without violent emotions; and though I am naturally grave, I expect to meet good company at Paris.

"I am, Sir, your obedient Servant." "MR. SPECTATOR,

"I find you are a general undertaker, and have by your correspondents or self, an insight into most things; which makes me apply myself to you at present, in the sorest calamity that ever befell man. My wife has taken something ill of me, and

"It is but this moment I have had the happiness of knowing to whom I am obliged for the present I received the second of April. I am heartily sorry it did not come to hand the day before; for I cannot but think it very hard upon people to lose their jest,that offer at one but once a year. I congratulate myself however upon the earnest given me of something further intended in my favor; for I am told, that the man who is thought worthy by a lady to make a fool of, stands fair enough in her opinion to become one day her husband. Till such time as I have the honor of being sworn, I take leave to subscribe myself, dear Olivia, your fool elect, "NICODEMUNCIO."


No. 433.] THURSDAY, JULY 17, 1712. Perlege Mæonio cantatas carmine ranas, Et frontem nugis solvere disce meis. MART. Epig. xiv. 183. To banish anxious thought, and quiet pain, Read Homer's frogs, or my more trifling strain. THE moral world, as consisting of males and females, is of a mixed nature, and filled with several customs, fashions, and ceremonies, which would have no place in it were there but one sex. Had our species no females in it, men would be quite different creatures from what they are at present; their endeavors to please the opposite sex polishes and refines them out of those manners which are most natural to them, and often sets them upon modeling themselves, not according to the plans which they approve in their own opinions, but according to those plans which they think are most agreeable to the female world. In a word, man would not only be an unhappy, but a rude unfinished creature, were he conversant with none but those of his own make.

Women, on the other side, are apt to form themselves in everything with regard to that other half of reasonable creatures with whom they are blended and confused; their thoughts are ever turned upon appearing amiable to the other sex; they talk, and move, and smile, with a design upon us; every feature of their faces, every part of their dress, is filled with snares and allurements. There would be no such animals as prudes or coquettes in the world, were there not such an animal as man. In short, it is the male that gives charms to womankind, that produces an air in their faces, a grace in their motions, a softness in their voices, and a delicacy in their complexions.

As this mutual regard between the two sexes tends to the improvement of each of them, we may observe that men are apt to degenerate into rough and brutal natures, who live as if there were no such things as women in the world; as, on the contrary, women who have an indifference or aversion for their counterparts in human nature, are generally sour and unamiable, sluttish and censorious.

I am led into this train of thoughts by a little manuscript which is lately fallen into my hands,

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