Like Being Killed

Ilyana Meyerovich has never been very far from disaster and loss. A self-described "suicidal, strung-out, psychotic Jew under thirty," Ilyana retreats into her astonishing mind, prays to obscure Catholic saints, and seeks her equilibrium in six white lines laid out on the kitchen table of a squalid Lower East Side apartment. Masochism and nihilism form the twin poles of Ilyana's heroin-blurred existence, but this was not always so. When Susannah Lyons entered Ilyana's life via a "roommate-wanted ad," she quickly became the best thing in it. Susie's calm, centered presence and genuine affection tug Ilyana out of her depression, dark memories, and existential despair - but not far enough that Ilyana is willing or able to save Susie from her own innocence. Having had no precedent for genuine friendship, Ilyana can't help but destroy this one, betraying her sweet, naive friend in a way that nearly has fatal consequences for them both.