tress of the cabin, with—"If you please, madam, I like my coffee very sweet, and I'll thank you for a little more sugar." He was helped, but returned it with a similar request, even to the third time of asking; when the lady, "her eyes in a fine frenzy rolling," seized the delinquent sugar-dish, and stepping rapidly to Fred plumped it down before him on the table, and said, "There! take it all!" THE prospectus of the "Union Sosiety against profane language and the use of tobaco," in the Drawer for October, brought to my mind several "spells" I have encountered in my peregrinations; one or two of which I will relate: The late Doctor P-, for some years a Member of Congress from Ohio, was one of a large class of educated men with whom I have come in contact who could readily detect an error of orthography in print, but was unable to write correctly one word in five. On one occasion the Doctor sent a speech to the Globe office, written out by himself, to prevent misrepresentation by the reporters, and while it was being put in type he called in to assist in reading the proof-sheets. Before it was completed Harry W-r (a very modest but intelligent compositor) had occasion to call the Doctor's attention to a word which, he said, he couldn't "exactly comprehend." The Doctor glanced at the word, and then gave Harry a look of mingled incredulity and astonishment; and finally, as if desirous that the whole office should take cognizance of the compositor's stupidity, in a loud and distinct voice spelled and syllabled the word, thus: "p-r-u, pru, c-h-e, she pruche; it's the plainest word on the page!" The roar of laughter which at that point broke forth from every quarter of the room left the Doctor in doubt for a moment whether it was at his own or Harry's expense; but when it was succeeded by, "What's that, Doctor?-something good to eat ?" "No, it must mean something good to drink!" etc., he began to "see it." "Well!" he exclaimed, "if you are all so d-d smart, let us hear one of you spell it!" Harry modestly suggested that it should be spelled P-r-u-s-s-i-a, commencing with a capital P, and not with a small p, as the Doctor had written it. The Doctor "caved," and calling George (the office boy), gave him a silver dollar and told him to go into Powell's and get a bottle of whisky. "There!" exclaimed the individual who had suggested that it might be "something good to drink,” "I knew it was a beverage of some sort!" DOCTOR N, of North Carolina, represented his district in Congress some twenty years ago. He was in the habit every session of "getting up" an eight-page speech for the edification of his constitu ents. He usually employed some one to put them "in shape" before sending the manuscripts to the printer. If the Doctor ever had been on speaking terms with either Webster or Murray, it was pretty evident he had "cut their acquaintance" long since. On one occasion he took his speech to the printer in his "own handrite," as he expressed it, adding that he was a "powerful pore writer, but asiden from the handrite he reckoned they'd find it all correct." The foreman glanced at it, pronounced the writing plain enough (as it was), and gave the whole of the copy to one of the compositors. The first paragraph contained a large number of agricultural curiosities-such as "hey," "otes," "taters," "beens," "wheet," "korn," etc., etc.-which served to amuse without perplexing him. He could correct the or thography; but what license should he take with the grammar? That point he submitted to the foreman, who told him to "give it a free translation into English!" He did so-retaining the leading ideas, but so modifying the construction of the whole speech that the proof-reader found it impossible to read it by copy. After he had given it a silent reading, comparing it with the original to see "that the true intent and meaning thereof" had been retained, he inquired for "the man who set up Doctor N-'s speech," remarking: "Whoever did it has made quite a respectable speech out of very poor material; and I don't believe the Doctor will recognize it as his own." The Doctor called in to read the proof, and after he had perused the speech carefully, he exclaimed, "Well, I do declare it is astonishing to me how you printers can do these things without making mistakes! I don't find a single one in the whole of this yer speech. It is jest axactly as I rit it, word for word!" AN old gentleman named Gould having married a young lady of nineteen, thus addressed his friend, Doctor T-, at the wedding festival: "So you see, my dear Sir, though eighty years old, A girl of nineteen falls in love with old Gould." To which the Doctor replied: "A girl of nineteen may love Gould, it is true, But believe me, dear Sir, it is Gold without C." BARTY WILLARD, who formerly lived in the northern part of Vermont, was noted for his careless, vagabond habits, ready wit, and remarkable facility at extempore rhyming. Sitting one day in a village store, among a crowd of idlers, the merchant asked him why he always wore that shocking bad hat. Barty replied that it was simply because he was unable to buy a better. "Come, now," said the store-keeper, "make me a good rhyme on the old hat immediately, and I'll give you a new hat, the best one in the store." Instantly Barty threw the old one on the floor, and began: "Here lies my old hat, And pray what of that? You'll make me your debtor, The new hat was voted to be fairly won, and Barty bore it off in triumph, saying, "It's a poor head that can't take care of itself!" ALEXANDER, fourth Earl of Kellie, was rather a hard liver. He married Anne, daughter of the third Earl of Balcarras, and, in the first confidence of married love, intrusted to her keeping the key of the wine-cellar. Lady Kellie, on the first occasion that he invited his boon companions to dinner and drink, gave out as much wine as she thought good for them, and walked quietly up to Carnnee with the key of the wine-cellar in her pocket, to talk her four hours with the minister's wife. The party soon discussed the modicum she had left out for their consumption, and on his lordship sending for more he learned how matters stood. the cellar-door forced forthwith from its hinges, and desired the servants to take it to the manse, with his compliments to her ladyship, and, if she asked any questions, to say that "it was the cellar-door come to look for the key." He had NEW MONTHLY MAGAZINE. No CLXXXVIII-JANUARY, 1866.-VOL. XXXII. Entered according to Act of Congress, in the year 1865, by Harper and Brothers, in the Clerk's Office of the District Court for the Southern District of New York. VOL. XXXII.-No. 188.-K IN NORTH THOMPSON RIVER, ROCKY MOUNTAINS. THE BRITISH ROUTE FOR A PACIFIC RAILROAD. an article published in this Magazine nine | nent of America-namely, the settlement of years ago (in October, 1856), some account Red River; a colony so far apart from the rest was given of the most northerly settlement of of the world that one only hears of it once in men of the Anglo-Saxon race on the conti- a generation; yet a settlement self-supporting, prosperous, increasing in numbers with little or no immigration, and enjoying a home where doctors starve, and the soil yields 50 @ 60 bushels of wheat to the acre. Since that article was written the discovery of gold in British Columbia, and the impending collapse of the Hudson's Bay Company, have suggested the scheme of a Northern Pacific Railway to be constructed wholly on British Territory. The notion is a favorite one with our Canadian neighbors. Canadian explorers have traced the course of the road. It would start from their new capital, Ottawa; run over the mountains and lakes to Fort Garry, on Red | River; thence along the Assiniboine to the Saskatchewan; along the Saskatchewan Valley to the Rocky Mountains; over them, and down the Thompson or Fraser to New Westminster, British Columbia. This is no mere newspaper scheme. Men of science and practical knowledge openly advocate its accomplishment. True, during the first and last two stages of the proposed route the railroad would run through mountains, lakes, morasses, and unpassable thickets-a country which experienced woodsmen and Indians can only traverse at the rate of two or three miles a day. But the word impossible has been struck out of the modern dictionary. Professor Hind, a learned Englishman, and Fellow of no end of Scientific Societies, has been over the ground and declares that the road can be built. It would probably cost a hundred million pounds sterling, and thirty years of time; and care would have to be taken to prevent the workmen perishing of cold and hunger during the winter season, when work would have to be suspended. Our Canadian neighbors, however, regard these matters as minutiæ. The line of road having been discovered, and the feasibility of its construction admitted by a learned Professor, it is held in Canada that nothing now remains for the British Government, if it values its transatlantic possessions, but to vote the hundred millions at once, and send out a few ship-loads of laborers to begin grading. It is remarked, with perfect accuracy, that the Pacific shore of America trends eastward from Vancouver's Island to California, and that the British port of Victoria is considerably nearer Hakodadi and Shanghai than San Francisco. If therefore the British American Railroad were built, and no other, all the trade of Asia would pass over it, beating the overland route via Suez to London by a fortnight. It is true that the operation of this road might be interfered with during seven months of the year by the snow, which falls to a depth of forty and sixty feet over a considerable part of the country through which the proposed line would run. But this again is a minor matter. The snowdrifts might be tunneled, or Brobdignagian snow-plows might be introduced, or some brother Professor of the learned Hind might be tempted to invent a chemical apparatus for melting the snow on the rails. Our Canadian friends are positive that if the British Government will only build the road, some contrivance will be devised to keep it open during win ter. We sincerely hope the British Government will respond favorably to the request of the colonists. The more railroads the better; and the longer they are the better still. Though this country is not "dismembered, and plunged into the vortex of never-ending civil war," as a colonial advocate of a British American Pacific Railroad eloquently urged, in support of his appeal to England to take the new route to Asia into her own hands, we are none the less anxious to see our neighbors on every side developing their resources, opening up new territory, and marking out new paths for trade. It is to the interest of every American to see every part of American soil producing food, and supporting industrious men. Two enterprising Englishmen, Lord Milton and Dr. Cheadle, have lately gone over the country through which the proposed British | American Pacific Railroad would pass. Both were men of extraordinary physical power, of resolute mind, of experience in woodcraft, and of shrewdness and courage. They started fully prepared for danger and hardship. There was no cockney snobbery about them. The Lord was as ready to cook, cut fuel, lead a horse, carry a load, or mend his moccasins as if he had been to the manner born. The Doctor, a man of gigantic strength, was equally indefatigable in body and imperturbable in temper. Both were essentially English in the resolute obstinacy with which they pursued their task in the teeth of the most formidable obstacles. They left England with the intention of traversing British America to the Pacific. That intention they fulfilled, at what cost of suffering and privation this article will endeavor briefly to show. One small inconsistency in starting may be forgiven them. Instead of undertaking to work their way through the trackless forests and mountains lying between Ottawa and the Red River settlement, they wisely pushed as far west as they could over our railroads and in our steamers, passing through Chicago, thence to La Crosse, thence up the Mississippi to St. Paul, and thence by stage to Georgetown, Minnesota. This was not exactly "exploring a track for a Pacific Railroad wholly on British soil;" but it saved 22° of travel through the wilderness, and placed the travelers in 97° west longitude without hardship or loss of time. From Georgetown a little stern-wheel steamer runs down the Red River to Fort Garry, but the steamer not being in port when our travelers wanted her, they chartered two bark canoes, and undertook the voyage in them. It was not a successful experiment. The travelers fell among storms, which are severe in that region, lost their food and part of their clothing; were repeatedly in danger of drowning; narrowly escaped the Sioux, who were just |