Hence accusations, reproaches and restraint, on the one side produce disgust, resentment and alienation on the other, till mutual wretchedness ensue. Indeed, where interest alone, without this inequality of years, is the principal inducement, marriage is seldom happy. Esteem and love are independent of wealth and its appendages. They are not to be sold or bought. The conjugal relation is so near and interesting; the mind, as well as the person, is so intimately concerned in it, that something more substantial and engaging than gold is requisite to make it a blessing. Marriage, being the commencement of a domestick life, beside the many agreeable circumstances attending it, bas its peculiar cares and troubles, which require the solace of a companion actuated by better principles, and possessed of more amiable endowments than outward splendour and munificence can afford. In the hour of sickness and distress, riches, it is true, can bestow bodily comforts and cordials; but can they be made an equivalent for the tender sympathy, the endearing kindness, and the alleviating attention of a bosom friend, kindly assiduous to ease our pains, animate our prospects, and beguile the languid moments which elude all other consolations? The sorrows as well as the joys of a family state, are often such as none but a bosom friend can participate. The heart must be engaged before it can repose with ease and confidence. To a lady of sensibility, the confinement of the body, without the consent and union of according minds, must be a state of inexpressible wretched ness. Another situation not less to be deplored, is a connexion with the immoral and profane. How shocking must it be, to hear that sacred NAME, which you revere and love, constantly treated with levity and irreverence! And how painful the necessity of being constrained, for the sake of peace, to witness in silence, and without even the appearance of disapprobation, the most shameful outrages upon religion and virtue! May you never taste the bitterness of this evil! Intemperance is a vice, which one would imagine no lady would overlook in a suitor. But strange to tell! there are those, even among our own sex, who think and speak of inebriation in the other, at the jovial and well furnished board, as a mark of conviviality and good fellowship! What, then, is the distinguished badge of humanity? Can that reason, which alone raises us superiour to the brute crea tion, be wantonly sacrificed with impunity, yea, with reputation ? How degrading and how dreadful must this enormity appear to an interested, affectionate, and virtuous wife! What agonizing pangs of mortification and anguish must she endure when she meets him, in whose society she delights, whose return she has anticipated with impatience, and whose happiness and honour are the moving springs of her life, intoxicated with wine; the powers of his mind suspended by the poisonous cup, and every faculty absorbed in the deadly draught! What a perpetual source of dread and apprehension must hence arise; and how often must the blush of indignant virtue and wounded delicacy be called forth! The gamester is an equally dangerous companion. His family is robbed, not only of his company and his talents, but of that property, to the benefit of which they have an indisputable claim. His earnings are squandered among worthless and profligate associates abroad; while the faithful partner of his life, and perhaps, too, a rising offspring, languish at home for want of bread! How fatal is the tendency of such examples! How can that father inculcate the duties of piety, virtue and decency, who exhibits the reverse of each in his own conduct! And under what an unspeakable disadvantage must that mother labour, in the instruction and education of her children, whose admonitions, counsel, and directions are practically counteracted by him who ought to bear an equal share of the burden! The government and superintendance of a family are objects of such magnitude and importance, that the union and co-operation of its heads are indispensibly necessary. It is a little commonwealth; and if internal feuds and dissentions arise, anarchy and confusion must ensue. Domestick happiness is the foundation of every other species. At times, indeed, we may enjoy ourselves abroad, among our friends; but a good heart will return home, as to the seat of felicity. -Home is the resort Of love, of joy, of peace and plenty, where, Since so much, then, depends upon a judicious choice, how important is it, that you examine well before you decide; and that you dispense with no quality in the man to whom you shall give your hand, which is essential to the happiness of your life. For this purpose, consult your judgment, rather than your fancy; and suffer not superficial accomplishments, but solid merit, to preponderate. I have now endeavoured to point out the most apparent and threatening dangers to which you may be exposed. But though these are avoided, many unforeseen accidents will doubtless occur to cloud your sanguine hopes. These,. when there are no vices to produce them, may arise from follies, and from the indulgence of erroneous expectations. Little misunderstandings sometimes occasion disagreements which terminate in coldness and disaffection, and plant a root of bitterness which can hardly be eradicated. Let prudence, therefore, be your pole star, when you enter the marriage state. Watch with the greatest circumspection over yourself; and always exercise the tenderest affection, the most unwearied patience, and the most cheerful acquiescence in the treatment of your companion. Guard especially against being affected by those little inattentions and foibles, which too often give pain and umbrage without design; and produce those remonstrances, criminations, and retorts, which are the great inlets of strife, and bane of love. You must bear, with calmness, every thing that the sincerest desire of peace can dictate; and studiously avoid every expression, and even look, which may irritate and offend. Your own happiness, you will consider so intimately connected with that of your husband, as to be inseparable; and consequently, that all your hopes of comfort in this life, and perhaps, too, in the next, depends upon your conducting yourself with propriety and wisdom towards him. I take the liberty, through you, to convey my congratulations to Mrs. Farmington. May her change of condition be happy to the full extent of our most sanguine expectations, and benevolent wishes. I fully intended writing to her on the subject, but have unwarily bestowed so much time upon you, that for the present, I must forego the pleasure. Some things in this letter which you will doubtless communicate, are applicable to her case. These she will receive as friendly hints from me, and I am confident that her known discretion will continue to shed a benign and engaging influence upon her whole deportment, and render her uniformly respected and beloved. The bearer is waiting, and I can only add, that I remain, Your sincere and affectionate friend. THE NEW UNIVERSAL LETTER WRITER. PART III. LETTERS OF ADVICE, AFFECTION, &c. LETTER I. From a Merchant's Widow to a Lady, a distant Relation, in behalf of her two Orphans. Madam, WHEN you look at the subscription of this letter, I doubt not of your being much surprised with its contents, but it is more on account of your amiable character, than that I have the honour of being your relation, that I have presumed to trouble you with this. My late husband, who you know was reputed to be in affluent circumstances, has been dead six months; his whole accounts have been settled with his creditors, and because of many losses, and bad debts, there is not above one hundred pounds left for myself: I have a son just turned of fourteen, whom I want to bind apprentice to a reputable trade; and a daughter near seventeen, whose education has rendered her incapable of acting as a menial servant, although she would willingly be the companion of some young lady, where she might be treated with familiarity and tenderness. In circumstances so distressing, I have presumed to address myself to you: your long acquaintance with the world will enable you to direct me how to proceed, and I doubt not but your unbounded generosity will induce you to comply with a request dictated by the severity of afflic tion. Madam, LETTER II. The Lady's Answer. I KNOW not whether I am more affected with the modest representation of your affliction, or pleased that I have it in my power to assist you. You see, Madam, that all human expectations are in vain, and often attended with deception: when we think our circumstances are independent, there is generally some latent mischief hidden under the specious appearance; and this should teach us continually to look to that providence which superintends the affairs of this lower world, and orders all for the good of its creatures. With respect to your two children, I have proposed the following scheme for their benefit: Let the boy think of some trade, to which his inclinations lead him, and I will provide him with every necessary during his apprenticeship; and at the expiration of that term (if his behaviour is agreeable) advance something to set him up in business. As for the girl, let her be immediately sent to my house, where she shall be brought up along with my daughters, and every thing in my power done to serve her. I expect that, from time to time, you will communicate to me an account of your own circumstances, that I may be happy in alleviating every calamity. LETTER III. From the Son to his Mother, during his Apprenticeship. Honoured Mother, YOUR having retired into the country, has hindered me from writing to you so often as I could wish. Ever since I was bound to Mr. Anson, he has treated me with every sort of indulgence, and I have endeavoured to acquire the good will of all our customers. I know that you are so straitened in your own circumstances, as not to be able to afford me pocket-money; but I have the pleasure to inform you that Mrs. Howard has taken care in that particular, and generously supplied me from time to time. In every part of my conduct I shall endeavour to act consistently with the principles of virtue, and am, with the utmost respect and duty, Your affectionate son. |