No. 521. October 28, 1712, in a Coffee-house I take to consist in leaning over a Table, Tuesday, with the Edge of it pressing hard upon your Stomach; for the more Pain the Narration is received with the more gracious is your bending over: Besides that, the Narrator thinks you forget your Pain by the Pleasure of hearing him, Fort Knock has occasioned several very perplexed and inelegant Heats and Animosities; and there was one t'other Day in a Coffee-house where I was, that took upon him to clear that Business to me, for he said he was there, I knew him to be that sort of Man that had not Strength of Capacity to be informed of any thing that depended merely upon his being an Eye-Witness, and therefore was fully satisfied he could give me no Information, for the very same Reason he believed he could, for he was there. However, I heard him with the same Greediness as Shakespear describes in the following Lines I saw a Smith stand on his Hammer, thus, I confess of late I have not been so much amazed at the Declaimers in Coffee-houses as I formerly was, being satisfied that they expect to be rewarded for their Vociferations. Of these Liars there are two Sorts. The Genius of the first consists in much Impudence and a strong Memory; the others have added to these Qualifi cations a good Understanding and smooth Language, These therefore have only certain Heads, which they are as eloquent upon as they can, and may be called Embellishers; the others repeat only what they hear from others as literally as their Parts or Zeal will permit, and are called Reciters. Here was a Fellow in Town some Years ago, who used to divert himself by telling a Lie at Charing Cross in the Morning at eight of the Clock, and then following it through all Parts of the Town till eight at Night; at which time he came to a Club of his Friends, and diverted them with an Account what Censure it had at Will's in Covent-garden, how dangerous it was believed to be at Child's, and what Inference they drew from it with Relation to Stocks at Jonathan's. I have had the Honour to travel with this Gentleman October 28, 1712. Gentleman I speak of in Search of one of his Falshoods; No. 521, and have been present when they have described the Tuesday, very Man they have spoken to, as him who first reported it, tall or short, black or fair, a Gentleman or a Raggamuffin, according as they liked the Intelligence. I have heard one of our ingenious Writers of News say, that when he has had a Customer come with an Advertisement of an Apprentice or a Wife run away, he has desired the Advertiser to compose himself a little, before he dictated the Description of the Offender: For when a Person is put into a publick Paper by a Man who is angry with him, the real Description of such Person is hid in the Deformity with which the angry Man described him; therefore this Fellow always made his Customers describe him as he would the Day before he offended, or else he was sure he would never find him out, These and many other Hints I could suggest to you for the Elucidation of all Factions; but I leave it to your own Sagacity to improve or neglect this Speculation. I am, Sír, Your most Obedient Humble Servant Postscript to the Spectator, Numb, 502. N. B. There are in the Play of the Self-Tormentor of Terence's, which is allowed a most excellent Comedy, several Incidents which would draw Tears from any Man of Sense, and not one which would move his Laughter, T No. 522, Wednesday, October 29, -Adjuro... nunquam eam me deserturum, ፡ Qui inter nos dissidium volunt: hanc nisi mors mi adimet nemo. I -Ter, SHOULD esteem my self a very happy Man, if my Speculations could in the least contribute to the rectify ing the Conduct of my Readers in one of the most important Affairs No. 522. day, 29, 1712, Affairs of Life, to wit, their Choice in Marriage. This State is the Foundation of Community, and the chief Band of Society; and I do not think I can be too frequent on Subjects which may give Light to my unmarried Readers, in a Particular which is so essential to their following Happiness or Misery, A virtuous Disposition, a good Understanding, an agreeable Person, and an easie Fortune, are the Things which should be chiefly regarded on this Occasion. Because my present View is to direct a young Lady, who, I think, is now in Doubt whom to take of many Lovers, I shall talk at this Time to my female Reader. The Advantages, as I was going to say, of Sense, Beauty and Riches, are what are certainly the chief Motives to a prudent young Woman of Fortune for changing her Condition; but as she is to have her Eye upon each of these, she is to ask her self whether the Man who has most of these Recommendations in the Lump is not the most desirable. He that has excellent Talents, with a moderate Estate, and an agreeable Person, is preferable to him who is only rich, if it were only that good Faculties may purchase Riches, but Riches cannot purchase worthy Endowments. I do not mean that Wit, and a Capacity to entertain, is what should be highly valued, except it is founded upon Good-nature and Humanity. There are many ingenious Men, whose Abilities do little else but make themselves and those about them uneasie: Such are those who are far gone in the Pleasures of the Town, who cannot support Life without quick_Sensations and gay Reflections, and are Strangers to Tranquility,_to_right Reason, and a calm Motion of Spirits without_Transport or Dejection. These ingenious Men, of all Men living, are most to be avoided by her who would be happy in an Husband, They are immediately sated with Possession, and must necessarily fly to new Acquisitions of Beauty, to pass away the whiling Moments and Intervals of Life; for with them every Hour is heavy that is not joyful. But there is a sort of Man of Wit and Sense, that can reflect upon his own Make, and that of his Partner, with the Eyes of Reason and Honour, and who believes he offends against both these, if he does not look upon the Woman (who chose him to be under his Protection in Sickness and and Health) with the utmost Gratitude, whether from No. 522. that Moment she is shining or defective in Person or Wednes Mind: I say there are those who think themselves bound day October to supply with Good-nature the Failings of those who love 29, 1712. them, and who always think those the Objects of Love and Pity, who came to their Arms the Objects of Joy and Admiration, When Of this latter sort is Lysander, a Man of Wit, Learning, Sobriety and Good-nature, of Birth and Estate below no Woman to accept, and of whom it might be said, should he succeed in his present Wishes, his Mistress raised his Fortune, but not that she made it, a Woman is deliberating with her self whom she shall chuse of many near each other in other Preten sions, certainly he of best Understanding is to be preferr'd. Life hangs heavily in the repeated Conver sation of one who has no Imagination to be fired at the several Occasions and Objects which come before him, or who cannot strike out of his Reflections new Paths of pleasing Discourse. Honest Will. Thrash and his Wife, though not married above four Months, have scarce had a Word to say to each other this Six Weeks; and one cannot form to ones self a sillier Picture, than those two Creatures in solemn Pomp and Plenty unable to enjoy their Fortunes, and at a full Stop among a Crowd of Servants, to whose Taste of Life they are beholden for the little Satisfactions by which they can be understood to be so much as barely in Being. The Hours of the Day, the Distinctions of Noon and Night, Dinner and Supper, are the greatest Notices they are capable of This is perhaps representing the Life of a very modest Woman, join'd to a dull Fellow, more insipid than it really deserves; but I am sure it is not to exalt the Commerce with an ingenious Companion too high, to say that every new Accident or Object which comes into such a Gentleman's Way, gives his Wife new Pleasures and Satisfactions. The Approba tion of his Words and Actions is a continual new Feast to her; nor can she enough applaud her good Fortune in having her Life varied every Hour; her Mind more improved, and her Heart more glad from every Circumstance day, October 29, 1712. No. 522. Circumstance which they meet with. He will lay out his Wednes Invention in forming new Pleasures and Amusements, and make the Fortune she has brought him subservient to the Honour and Reputation of her and hers, A Man of Sense who is thus obliged, is ever contriving the Happiness of her who did him so great a Distinction; while the Fool is ungrateful without Vice; and never returns a Favour because he is not sensible of it. I would, methinks, have so much to say for my self, that if I fell into the Hands of him who treated me ill, he should be sensible when he did so: His Conscience should be of my Side whatever became of his Inclination. I do not know but it is the insipid Choice which has been made by those who have the Care of young Women, that the Marriage State it self has been liable to so much Ridicule. But a well-chosen Love, moved by Passion on both Sides, and perfected by the Generosity of one Party, must be adorn'd with so many Handsome Incidents on the other Side, that every particular Couple would be an Example in many Circumstances to all the rest of the Species. I shall end the Chat upon this Subject with a Couple of Letters, one from a Lover who is very well acquainted with the way of bargaining on these Occasions; and the other from his Rival, who has a less Estate, but great Gallantry of Temper. As for my Man of Prudence, he makes Love, as he says, as if he were already a Father, and laying aside the Passion, comes to the Reason of the Thing. My Council has perused the Inventory of your Estate, and considered what Estate you have, which it seems is only yours, and to the Male Heirs of your Body; but, in Default of such Issue, to the right Heirs of your Uncle Edward for ever. Thus, Madam, I am advised you cannot (the Remainder not being in you) dock the Entail; by which means my Estate, which is Fee Simple, will come by the Settlement proposed to your Children begotten by me whether they are Males or Females; but my Children begotten upon you will not inherit your Lands, except I beget a Son. Now, Madam, since Things are so, you are a Woman of that Prudence, and understand the World so well |